TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER RETURNS!!... IT'S HARD TO WIN A ROUND WHEN A CRAB'S PINCHING YOUR NOSE?!?...

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Break the conventional chains which bind you to the belief that the only things in this world that exist are those we're able to touch and see in daylight. Ever heard of quantum physics?-- Many credible physicists and scientists from the world's most prestigious of learning institutions now believe that parallel universes exist all around us-- We are likely surrounded by spectacular space, time, energy, and matter anomalies that boggle the brain, proving that what was once thought to be fantasy and fiction, can now be believed as truth and fathomable fact ... We offer you a slice of hard science, combined with sporadic sprinklings of paranormal phenomena, as we here at Drag Racing Underground, proudly present to you... TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER... Step out of the narrow-minded mist that encircles those who wear their stagnate skepticism like an outdated peach-colored leisure suit, and allow yourself the freedom to follow the adventures of drag racing's infinite and most indestructible spirit... Pull up a chair, toss your inhibitions aside, and ride along with one Sebastian Conrad, strong spirited eternal speed freak extraordinaire.

Last week's episode told of how our favorite metaphysical/afterlife drag racing dream team were on a covert celestial assignment for the Heavenly Drag Racing Association. They teleported to a Super Stock event situated in a 1960s time warp, snooping to investigate and bust a drag strip in an alternative universe, allegedly functioning as a corrupt front for a sinister seafood poaching operation. It's a twisted strip existing in a New England based wormhole, hovering in an obscure parallel portal of the drag racing afterlife. Our crew brought along a '64 aluminum hemi-powered Plymouth Belvedere during teleportation. There's a strong scent of burning rubber mixed with funky seafood.... There is indeed something 'fishy' going on here that needs to be assessed and justifiably addressed by our upstanding do-gooders!!!...

Our gang are in a heated Super Stock competition with a character who calls himself Clawhammer Curtis-- he's a lewd and lanky man, with only one tooth and one lazy eye positioned on his forehead--he's driving a sweet and sinister Cobra Jet Ford, equipped with all the best parts available from the celestial speed shops. Clawhammer rolls into the burnout box. Sebastian secures his helmet and gets situated in the cockpit. Clawhammer gives a powerful stab to his Cobra and smokes the tires. Sebastian kicks into full-blown 'Phantom mode', and blitzes his Belvedere through the burnout box with loads of torque. Both racers stage their respective hot rods. As Sebastian lines up in the beams, he's distracted by an irritating pinching sensation on his shoulder. Sebastian takes a second to glance down at his shoulder, and sees a large crab fiercely pinching him with aggressive tenacity!!... "WH-WHAT THE ____?!?" Sebastian shouts out to himself in irritating agony, as he tries desperately to still drive his Super Stocker with skilled chops...

Clawhammer looks over at Sebastian in the opposing lane and giggles in ghastly gurgling fashion, as he sees the crab that he sneakingly planted in Sebastian's car, performing its appointed duty, of distracting Sebastian from focusing his attention on the christmas tree bulbs. Lights on the tree flash green, and Clawhammer gets a healthy holeshot over Sebastian, due to the covertly-operating crab breaking Sebastian's concentration with every painful pinch... "OH NO, WE BETTER NOT LOSE TO THAT CLAWHAMMER JERK!!!" shouts Fred The Wrench, watching from the line as Clawhammer pulls a substantial lead... "WHAT A DIRTY TRICK!!!" squawks Peter The Parrot "I SAW THAT CRAB CRAWL UP ON SEBASTIAN' AND DISTRACT HIM!!!"...

Sebastian then gets what feels like a divine burst of additional horsepower, that must have been sent from the 'Heavenly Hemi Gods' of the universally sanctioned drag racing afterlife. Sebastian manages to accelerate within striking distance of Clawhammer. HOWEVER, the pesky crab then plants itself on Sebastian's nose and pinches with hellish agitation! BOTH RACERS ARE RAPIDLY MOVING TOWARDS THE FINISHLINE!!!-- THIS DRAG STRIP DUEL IS WAAAY TOO CLOSE FOR COMFORT!!!-- IT'S A REAL NAIL BITER OF A CELESTIAL SUPER STOCK DRAG RACE!!!!!... Clawhammer's Cobra gets a case of mechanical gremlins in the last gasp to the finishline. Sebastian kicks his Belvedere in high gear and squeezes out a narrow, only-inches victory!!!... "Thank heaven Sebastian pulled out that win!!" says Maria with enthusiasm... "Dear, me." interjects leader Larry Lamb "That was indeed too close and nerving of a round. As soon as Sebastian gets out of the car, we're all going to have to collectively arrest Clawhammer and his cronies, who are obviously using this strip as a front for an illegal seafood poaching operation!"... Peter The Parrot squawks, "I can't wait to bust these lowlifes!"... "IT WILL BE MY PLEASURE TO BRING THAT WISECRACKING CLAWHAMMER PUNK TO JUSTICE!!!" exclaims Fred The Wrench... Our gang then arrive on the big end to meet with Sebastian, and prepare to start moving the wheels of heavenly drag racing afterlife justice in rapid motion, to bust up the strip's illegal seafood poaching operation... HOW WILL THIS PLAY OUT?!?... WILL CLAWHAMMER AND HIS CRONIES RESIST THE HAND OF JUSTICE?!? HMM, MOST LIKELY-- WE GET THE FEELING THAT THIS AIN'T GOIN' DOWN WITHOUT A FIGHT!!!!...

 

 Yes, my dear friends, this is the mysterious mind-bending-hereafter rebirth, and puzzling parallel universe relocation of the bewildering being, energy, and entity we call THE PHANTOM RACER... Looks like even with Clawhammer Curtis' nasty trick of sneaking a creepy crab into the cockpit of Sebastian's car, it appears some divine drag strip intervention gave Sebastian just enough of a horsepower advantage to eek out a slim win-- but hey-- a win is still a win!!!-- BUT--  what may be even a TOUGHER feat than the recent tight drag duel, is what it's going to take to bust  Clawhammer's and his cronies' illegal seafood poaching operation that's using this wormhole of  New England drag strip as a front!!!...  WILL OUR DO-GOODERS BE ABLE TO ROUND UP THE BAD GUYS AND PUT A FINAL END TO THE SHADY SEAFOOD POACHING OPERATION?!?  WHAT THE HECK IS GOING TO HAPPEN NEXT?!?!?... What's in store for our drag racing paranormal dream team as they continue to embark on unpredictable drag racing adventures throughout the parallel universes??... Can they all hold it together and successfully champion the powers of good??... Or will they fall victim to evil entities they cannot control???... These are just a few of the mind-twisting questions to be answered in future action-packed episodes of TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER!!... There's more paranormal mystical and maniacal drag race mayhem coming your way!!... You definitely do not want to miss it...

Stay tuned next Wednesday for a new chapter of the serial paranormal drama series we call TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER... Be sure that YOU follow the story of Sebastian Conrad... Bookmark this page and BE HERE every Wednesday!!... You can read prior episodes of TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER by simply clicking on the 'DOC'S BLOG' link that's conveniently located atop this page, and then scrolling to her Wednesday blog installments (because this series is published here each and every Wednesday). All characters appearing in this series are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely coincidental. TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER story and imagery are copyright 2017 DRAG RACING UNDERGROUND.