TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER... OUR HEAVENLY DO-GOODER AFTERLIFE DRAG RACING CREW ENSLAVED BY DERANGED DARKSIDE BEATNIKS?!?...

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Break the conventional chains which bind you to the belief that the only things in this world that exist are those we're able to touch and see in daylight. Ever heard of quantum physics?- Many credible physicists and scientists from the world's most prestigious of learning institutions now believe that parallel universes exist all around us-- We are likely surrounded by spectacular space, time, energy, and matter anomalies that boggle the brain, proving that what was once thought to be fantasy and fiction, can now be believed as truth and fathomable fact... We offer you a slice of hard science, combined with sporadic sprinklings of paranormal phenomena, as we here at Drag Racing Underground, proudly present to you...TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER...Step out of the narrow-minded mist that encircles those who wear their stagnate skepticism like an outdated peach-colored leisure suit, and allow yourself the freedom to follow the adventures of drag racing's infinite and most indestructible spirit of the afterlife... Pull up a chair, toss your inhibitions aside, and ride along with one Sebastian Conrad, strong spirited eternal speed freak extraordinaire. 


Last week's episode told of how our favorite metaphysical/afterlife drag racing dream team were assigned by the Heavenly Drag Racing Association for a revolutionary mission  -- one that finally facilitated Maria's many requests to the H.D.R.A. administration, to give her the opportunity to drive a race car in competition. This mission required that the team compete in the Darkside Drag Racing Association's 'Planet X Program' -- a program featuring ONLY female drivers -- Nasty gals from the darkside of the drag racing afterlife, who race and behave in fiendish fashion. It's a beach dragster bikini league that subscribes to a sleazy, beatnik "beach party" culture of hedonistic depravity, while serving as one of the darkside afterlife's toughest of sand digger drag racing sanctioned competitions. Maria was fortunate enough to put current sand digger champ 'Dastardly Darla' on the trailer in a 'too-close-for-comfort' sand dragster duel, however, she now finds herself in a tricky situation, as the race's 'after party' has kicked into a beatnik affair of hyper-sleazy metaphysically accelerating degenerating activity, resulting in downright uncomfortable social consequences for our do-gooder team!!!...

Beatnik music plays loudly over the track's public address system -- A race 'after party' that feeds entirely on depraved debauchery has ensued!!! This deranged darkside shindig has become difficult for our morally and ethically upstanding crew to endure!!  'Dastardly Darla' and all the darkside girls are dancing in their skimpy bikinis in a lewd  manner to the blaring manic beatnik beat. All the gruesome darkside guys are panting heavily while lustfully watching the women dance about in shameful, gyrating fashion. A bikini wearing Maria bravely decides that for the sake of the mission, she'll keep up her 'low-life lady' masquerade, and join in on the sleazy, hedonistic dancing like all the other gals. Sticking around to endure this depraved dance party, gives our do-gooder crew a far better chance of further infiltrating this unruly gang, and gaining valuable opposition intelligence...

"This beach party is turning treacherous!!" says Sebastian... "You're right!!" replies Fred The Wrench... "Hmm," adds leader Larry Lamb, as he looks wary while rubbing his woolly chin "We're certainly learning an awful lot about the ways of these darkside hoodlums, and that's great for our opposition intelligence gathering, however, I am concerned whether or not we can convincingly stay in low-life character, and keep up with this ongoing creepy low-life masquerade??"...  The beatnik drumbeat increases in tempo. The dancing accelerates in gyrating speed, to the point where it's a surreal beatnik mind-trip of manic metaphysical proportion!!! ..."This is gettin' downright scary!!" squawks Peter The Parrot "The girls are all gyrating into a warp-speed metaphysical blur of apocalyptic meltdown frenzy!!!"... 

All the gruesome beatnik guys are occasionally rotating their heads at sinister speed, as they continuously pant and drool like dogs in heat at the dancing women!! The beatnik music has morphed into a potent pulsating hum, sounding like thousands of un-grounded amplifiers!!!  It's a frantic warp-speed fandango!!! Sand from the beach is rising into the air and spiraling like volatile Kansas twisters!!! Some of the beatnik guys, including 'Dastardly Darla's' mechanic Slitzy, take notice that our crew of fellows, Larry, Sebastian, Fred and Peter, are the ONLY guys on the beach who AREN'T drooling, panting and spinning their heads in lewd lust for the dancing women like the rest of the beatniks at the party are...

Slitzy approaches our crew in tattered shorts, along with several other hedonistic hoodlums with attitude, and speaks up "Hey!! What's up wit you lame-oh cats?!? Why ain't you diggin' all the chick-a-dees dancing at warp speed?!? Are you a bunch of squares or sumpthin'?!?"... Then another one of the hoodlums, named Stosh, wipes green, slimy drool from his face and says to our crew, "We know that youse are not like us!!! As a matter of fact, we thinks you're all phony imposters from the Heavenly Drag Racing Association, and youse are all here for some kind of ulterior undercover motive that ain'ts on the low-fife level!!! You're just spying on us Darkside Drag Racing Association hoodlums!!!".. Then suddenly all the bikini wearing beatnik girls, and Maria too, stop gyrating and dancing, and are standing on what remains of the beach sand after all the commotion. Maria can clearly see that something's going down and it's NOT good... not good at all!!!...

Slitzy walks up to Maria and says, "You ain't fooling us, chick-a-dee, not anymore anyways. Maybe you did a good job of pretending to be a sleaze for a while, but we're on to all of you now!!! When we saw that your boys weren't diggin' on the ghoulish groovy-girl hedonistic dance scene like we all do, we figured it out!!!  And now you're all going to be our prisoners!!! You do-gooders are going to have to toil as our enslaved servants for all eternity!!!! YA DIG?!?!"... Maria can't help but to look severely aghast... Then 'Dastardly Darla' gets right up in Maria's face, and aggressively shoves Maria's bare shoulders and shouts "I"M GONNA ENJOY THIS!!! I'M GONNA MAKE YOU AND YOUR CREW OF DOPEY HEAVENLY DO-GOODERS SQUIRM AND SUFFER UNDER ME AND MY BOYS' GREASY SLEAZY THUMBS!!! NOW YOU'RE STUCK WITH US, BABYCAKES!!!"

Slitzy looks Fred The Wrench in the eyes and dictates, "To start your eternal service to our every need, this chunky-monkey mechanic guy is gonna teach us all his tricks, all the knowledge he has, that enabled him to tune their sand digger to beat ours!!!"... Fred musters up all his available courage and replies, "Like heck I will, you low-life bum!!"... With that, Slitzy punches Fred across the lip and causes him to lose balance and fall on the beach... "HEY, WAIT A MINUTE!!!" shouts Sebastian, "NOBODY ROUGHS-UP OUR FRED THE WRENCH AROUND LIKE THAT, BUSTER!!!"... Then sleazeball Stosh walks up to Sebastian and says in a snide manner, "Oh really? Are you the group's hero-boy or sumpthin'? I'll show you what we do to hero-boys like you!!"... Stosh wrestles Sebastian to the ground and they roll around, throwing punches and fighting with fervor... "I don't like this one bit!" squawks Peter The Parrot... "Me neither" chimes in Maria... Even crew leader Larry Lamb's woolly face appears consumed with worry and despair, as he tries desperately to think of someway out of this mess... THIS IS THE MOST DIRE SITUATION WE'VE EVER SEEN OUR CREW GET CAUGHT UP IN!!! IS THERE A WAY OUT OF HERE FOR OUR DO-GOODERS, OR ARE THEY NOW DOOMED TO AN ETERNAL PAINFUL PRISON SENTENCE OF SERVING DRAG RACING'S DERANGED DARKSIDE OF THE BEATNIK SAND DRAGSTER AFTERLIFE?!? THIS SURE AIN'T THE PROVERBIAL SUMMER OF LOVE FOR OUR HEROIC METAPHYSICAL GEARHEAD CREW!!! THIS IS NOW A SUMMER OF SWEATING UNDER THE WRATH OF EVIL!!!...

 

Yes, my dear friends, this is the mysterious mind-bending-hereafter rebirth, and puzzling parallel universe relocation of the bewildering being, energy, and entity we call THE PHANTOM RACER...  Looks like the sleazy sand dragster race 'after party' of hedonistic depravity has came to an abrupt halt, as the low-life beatniks of the Darkside Drag Racing Association's sanctioned scene, have realized that our crew aren't part of their group, but are really do-gooders sent on an intelligence gathering assignment from the Heavenly Drag Racing Association!!!  And now the creeps, including 'Dastardly Darla' and her mechanic Slitzy, and buddy sleazeball Stosh are claiming our gang as prisoners, damning them to be their enslaved servants for all eternity!!!! CAN SEBASTIAN BEAT SLEAZEBALL STOSH AS THEY RUMBLE IN THE SAND?!? WILL FRED THE WRENCH REALLY BE FORCED TO TEACH THESE LOW-LIFES ALL HIS ENGINE TUNING TIPS?!? WHAT THE HECK IS GOING TO HAPPEN NEXT?!?!?... What's in store for our drag racing paranormal dream team as they continue to embark on unpredictable drag racing adventures throughout the parallel universes??... Can they all hold it together and successfully champion the powers of good??... Or will they fall victim to evil entities they cannot control???... These are just a few of the mind-twisting questions to be answered in future action-packed episodes of TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER!!... There's more paranormal mystical and maniacal drag race mayhem coming your way!!... You definitely do not want to miss it...

Stay tuned next Wednesday for a new chapter of the serial paranormal drama series we call TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER... Be sure that YOU follow the story of Sebastian Conrad... Bookmark this page and BE HERE every Wednesday!!... You can read prior episodes of TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER by simply clicking on the 'DOC'S BLOG' link that's conveniently located atop this page, and then scrolling to her Wednesday blog installments (because this series is published here each and every Wednesday). All characters appearing in this series are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely coincidental. TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER story and imagery are copyright 2017 DRAG RACING UNDERGROUND.