TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER... FINDING THE COMET'S NAVIGATION CONSOLE IN THE TIMING TOWER PAYS OFF AND SAVES EARTH?!?...

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Break the conventional chains which bind you to the belief that the only things in this world that exist are those we're able to touch and see in daylight. Ever heard of quantum physics?- Many credible physicists and scientists from the world's most prestigious of learning institutions now believe that parallel universes exist all around us-- We are likely surrounded by spectacular space, time, energy, and matter anomalies that boggle the brain, proving that what was once thought to be fantasy and fiction, can now be believed as truth and fathomable fact... We offer you a slice of hard science, combined with sporadic sprinklings of paranormal phenomena, as we here at Drag Racing Underground, proudly present to you...TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER...Step out of the narrow-minded mist that encircles those who wear their stagnate skepticism like an outdated peach-colored leisure suit, and allow yourself the freedom to follow the adventures of drag racing's infinite and most indestructible spirit of the afterlife... Pull up a chair, toss your inhibitions aside, and ride along with one Sebastian Conrad, strong spirited eternal speed freak extraordinaire. 


Last week's episode told of how our favorite metaphysical/afterlife drag racing dream team are engaged in their first mission of the New Year. The Heavenly Drag Racing Association assigned our crew a challenging mission, teleporting them to a comet being directed through space by sinister 'snow creatures' from the Darkside Drag Racing Association. It's a corrupted comet being navigated to eventually collide with planet earth and cause cataclysmic destruction. Our gang have just finished competing in a Top Fuel matchrace being held at the cold, creepy drag strip facility, located in the middle of the icy comet. In an exceptionally rare turn of events, our team were defeated in the deranged dragster duel. HOWEVER, the loss may be a blessing in disguise, due to their opponent, the demented snow creatures' driver, 'Freaky Frostbite', and his 'Below Zero Boys', now recklessly celebrating their victory by drinking themselves into a complete cockeyed inebriated state (DRUNK!). All the other 'snow creature' racers, crews, spectators and track workers are also consuming excessive amounts of alcohol. This could possibly make our crew's task of overtaking control of the 'snow creatures', and then redirecting the comet's projection, so that it DOESN'T collide with earth somewhat easier... It's a time-traveling, circa 1960 drag racing scene, in a twisted time-warped extraterrestrial environment of maniacal mayhem. Maria still maintains her theory that she can even further subdue the 'snow creatures' by using an ancient Mesopotamian chant to implement a form of metaphysical telekinesis generated suspended submission...

Fiendish 'Freaky Frostbite', his sleazy crew chief, 'Frigid Fug', and the rest of their  'Below Zero Boys' crew members are jumping up and down in gloating celebratory jubilation as a result of their digger win over Sebastian and our do-gooder crew... "We're gonna get our load on now!" gurgles Frigid Fug to his teammates "Iced shots and freezy beer floats for everyone!!"... "Listen up!" interjects the event director Rosco, "I know it's a tradition for all of us to party hearty after a big win, but remember, we're going to be plowing this comet into planet earth soon, so y'all better party and get drunk fast, 'cause we're all gonna be history once this comet hits and destroys earth!"... "Hmmm" discreetly murmurs leader Larry Lamb to Fred, Peter, Maria, and Sebastian aka 'The Phantom Racer', "Our losing this race may actually be a colossal-sized blessing in disguise, because if all these hideous snow creatures are now commencing to drink themselves cockeyed silly, that should make our task of overpowering them in order to divert the direction of this potentially cataclysmic comet a heck of a lot easier, than as opposed to if they were straight and sober."... "Agreed, boss." replies Maria "You've got a good point with that intellectually strategic slant on the situation."... Freaky Frostbite, Frigid Fug and the 'Below Zero Boys' break out boxes and boxes of booze. All the spectators and track workers also start rapidly consuming outrageous amounts of alcohol and are rapidly becoming inebriated...

Wow!" blurts Maria, "With all of these snowy goons getting drunk, they'll definitely be easier to overtake and put into a state of submission."... "Absolutely," concurs Sebastian, "We just lost THE BATTLE on the drag strip, BUT, with all these snow creatures celebrating their win, and getting their load on, we now have far more of an advantage at winning THE WAR!"... Loud music starts blaring over the P.A. system. Snow creatures are chugging iced shots and freezy beer floats at an accelerating pace. They're dancing and carrying on likes there's no tomorrow-- Well, actually, with all of them gruesomely anticipating that the comet their occupying is going to collide with Earth, they have every reason to indeed believe that there is NO TOMORROW for their own sinister species of afterlife delinquency... It's high time for our heavenly do-gooders to get busy and make a move to take on these snow-saturated drunks, and then somehow redirect the path of this comet to insure that there IS a TOMORROW for the innocent inhabitants (circa 1960 time warp) of planet earth!... "Hey, Maria!" squawks Peter The Parrot, "I think that rickety timing tower over there is the highest point of this comet's landscape, making it the best place for you to project one of your potent ancient Mesopotamian chants to disable the collective consciousness of the snow creatures!"... "Uh, yeah," adds Fred The Wrench "I'll function as an offensive guard to block any resistance from the snow creatures as we hustle over to the timing tower."... "That sounds like a plan!" replies Maria... And with that, our whole crew begins briskly walking to the timing tower, passing and bumping into droves of snow creatures, so drunk that they seem utterly unaware of even our gang's existence...

Upon arriving on the top floor of the rickety timing tower, all the track staff are gone, they're out partying among the other snow creatures in the pits and on the strip. Sebastian turns off the manic music that's playing over the PA system, and he hands a murky microphone over to Maria... Maria then rolls her glowing brown eyes back in a trance like manner, drawing divine metaphysical energy from a higher power, she then robustly dictates over the P.A. system an ancient Mesopotamian chant for the snow creatures to hear and absorb into their potently profoundly perverted psyche, "SNOW CREATURES OF DARKNESS AND WICKED SIN, I ORDER YOU FROZEN SOLID AND IMMOBILE LIKE TIN!!! I NOW RENDER YOU INCREASINGLY WEAK AND FEEBLE, SO WE CAN REDIRECT THIS COMET FROM PUMMELING EARTH'S INHERENTLY INNOCENT PEOPLE!!!!"...

All the snow creature freeze and are now suspended in a paralyzing form of overt extraterrestrial time warp... Sebastian frantically searches for some kind of device in the timing tower that controls the direction of the comet's path, "BINGO!!! I FOUND IT!!! THIS MUST BE IT!!!" Sebastian then points to a hidden console located in a desk drawer that's falsely labeled 'E.T. slips'...  "Let me see that!" says Larry Lamb with a glee of hope in his voice, "Aha, it appears this joy stick is what steers the comet's projectile."... "Ya better act mighty fast, boss!!" squawks Peter The Parrot, "It looks like we're only mere seconds away from plowing into planet earth!!!"... Larry navigates the joy stick-ish device so the comet takes an abrupt and drastic curve in direction, knocking everyone off their feet and sliding to one side of the crude timing tower floor, and also subsequently causing all the sinister snow creatures outside, to quickly drift and slide their snowy spirits entirely off the surface of the comet, floating away by the hundreds into the dark abyss of outer space!!!... The comet just barely misses colliding into planet earth by a waaay too close for comfort margin!!! Larry Lamb then struggles to get back up on his hooves, and reaches for the joy stick again, now successfully steering the comet to a more stable (and far less fatal) course of safe celestial travel. Our do-gooders are now able to finally catch their breath and gain a somewhat more relieved state of composure. They collectively shout together in joyful unison "YIIIPPEEE!!!! WE DID IT!!! WE DID IT!!! WE DID IT!!!! WE SAVED PLANET EARTH FROM COMPLETE AND UTTER ANNIHILATION AND OBLITERATION!!!!"...

 

Yes, my dear friends, this is the mysterious mind-bending-hereafter rebirth, and puzzling parallel universe relocation of the bewildering being, energy, and entity we call THE PHANTOM RACER...  In the grand scheme of this ongoing story, it's somewhat surprising, that the dragster pairing of Sebastian aka The Phantom Racer against Freaky Frostbite and his 'Below Zero Boys', resulted in an ultra-rare drag strip loss for our do-gooder team. HOWEVER, our crew's defeat did indeed turn out to be the proverbial "blessing in disguise."  Freaky Frostbite, his 'Below Zero Boys' and ALL the snow creatures celebrating their victory with reckless, massive consumption of alcohol, did indeed make our crew's objective of overpowering them, and preventing the sinister snow creatures from directing the comet into earth an easier task!!!!  THE SNOW GOONS WERE HURLED OFF THE COMET AND ARE NOW SUSPENDED IN DEEP SPACE AND THE DARK ABYSS!!! OUR DO-GOODERS GAINED CONTROL OF THE COMET'S NAVIGATION, DIVERTING IT FROM A PATH OF DOOM FOR EARTH!!!! NOW WE MUST ASK, WHAT THE HECK IS GOING TO HAPPEN NEXT IN THIS METAPHYSICAL SAGA?!?!?... What's in store for our drag racing paranormal dream team as they continue to embark on unpredictable drag racing adventures throughout the parallel universes??... Can they all hold it together and successfully champion the powers of good??... Or will they fall victim to evil entities they cannot control???... These are just a few of the mind-twisting questions to be answered in future action-packed episodes of TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER!!... There's more paranormal mystical and maniacal drag race mayhem coming your way!!... You definitely do not want to miss it...

Stay tuned next Wednesday for a new chapter of the serial paranormal drama series we call TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER... Be sure that YOU follow the story of Sebastian Conrad... Bookmark this page and BE HERE every Wednesday!!... You can read prior episodes of TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER by simply clicking on the 'DOC'S BLOG' link that's conveniently located atop this page, and then scrolling to her Wednesday blog installments (because this series is published here each and every Wednesday). All characters appearing in this series are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely coincidental. TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER story and imagery are copyright 2018 DRAG RACING UNDERGROUND.