TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER... CHRISTMAS IS COMING AND 'FRED THE WRENCH' IS HAVING CONVULSIONS?!?... WHAT'S WRONG?!?...

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Break the conventional chains which bind you to the belief that the only things in this world that exist are those we're able to touch and see in daylight. Ever heard of quantum physics?- Many credible physicists and scientists from the world's most prestigious of learning institutions now believe that parallel universes exist all around us-- We are likely surrounded by spectacular space, time, energy, and matter anomalies that boggle the brain, proving that what was once thought to be fantasy and fiction, can now be believed as truth and fathomable fact... We offer you a slice of hard science, combined with sporadic sprinklings of paranormal phenomena, as we here at Drag Racing Underground, proudly present to you...TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER...Step out of the narrow-minded mist that encircles those who wear their stagnate skepticism like an outdated peach-colored leisure suit, and allow yourself the freedom to follow the adventures of drag racing's infinite and most indestructible spirit of the afterlife... Pull up a chair, toss your inhibitions aside, and ride along with one Sebastian Conrad, strong spirited eternal speed freak extraordinaire. 


Last week's episode told of how our favorite metaphysical/afterlife drag racing dream team are together at their Heavenly Drag Racing Association sanctioned residence/racing compound. They enjoyed a festive Thanksgiving celebration. Through the technology of telepathic telekinesis teleportation, leader Larry Lamb ordered a hearty Thanksgiving dinner from the H.D.R.A.'s  five star culinary catering service. Maria whipped up her special recipe for homemade holistic cranberry sauce. Peter The Parrot initially took on the task of being responsible for dessert, making a jello cake from a jello mold he had stashed under his bed, a jello mold shaped like a big-block Chevy engine. Unfortunately, when Peter put it in the freezer to harden up, the cake's pineapple chunks exploded, and blew a jello gasket, which subsequently then threw out a jello rod, and cracked the whole warbling jello block!! Everyone couldn't help but to laugh at Peter's failed and completely collapsed, big-block Chevy engine jello cake... "Not to worry, Peter" said a calming Larry Lamb, "I ordered us a deluxe pumpkin pie, just in case your jello cake would have this sort of mishap."... Peter The Parrot took it all in stride, and sat himself with the group at the table... Our gang of drag racing afterlife do-gooders proceeded to have an enjoyable Thanksgiving dinner... Larry Lamb raised a glass and made a toast, "Here's to all of you, who are far more than just my trusty drag racing afterlife subordinates, who are also my dear friends, and my family."... Everyone joined in on the toast and shared a heartfelt moment of collective joy, appreciation and thankfulness...

It's now  the morning after Thanksgiving. The group all file into the kitchen for breakfast... "I'm still stuffed from yesterday's terrific Thanksgiving dinner!" says Maria as she rubs her belly and rolls her big brown eyes "That was quite a feast!"... "Yes it was," concurs Sebastian, "We're very lucky that Larry ordered such an elaborate dinner from the Heavenly Drag Racing Association's five star culinary catering service."... "Well, you all deserved a good meal for all the hard work you've been doing of late." says Larry Lamb "As your leader, I feel it my duty to show my appreciation for everyone's steadfast dedication to fighting the evil forces of the drag racing afterlife."... "Thanks, boss," chimes in Fred The Wrench as he stuffs a jelly donut in his mouth "It's not that often that we get to enjoy such a good meal, we're usually so busy that we just eat on the run."... "I'm sorry that my big-block Chevy mold jello cake didn't hold together for dinner." squawks Peter The Parrot "Next Thanksgiving I'll get it right."... "Ah," blurts Fred The Wrench, "I ain't ever been that big of a fan of jello anyways. The pumpkin pie that Larry ordered hit the spot for me."... "Of course you liked the pumpkin pie, Fred." squawks back Peter The Parrot, "You practically put a whole jumbo-sized can of whip cream on your single piece of pie!!"... "Heck, I'm sure that all the whip cream in all the zillions of parallel universes couldn't have made that stupid jello cake of yours even near edible, Peter!!" says a somewhat perturbed Fred The Wrench...

"Alright, alright," says Larry Lamb with authority towards Peter The Parrot and Fred The Wrench "enough bickering from you two, let's try to keep up that warm, harmonious feeling that we all shared on Thanksgiving."... Peter and Fred cool off... Maria's at the stove, making celestial tea, a black coffee for Fred, and a stack of pancakes... Larry Lamb reaches up to the cupboard and fetches a box of Lorna Doone shortbread cookies (regular readers of this series are well aware that Lorna Doone cookies are Larry's daily top choice for breakfast, much due to how he loves to dunk them in his celestial morning tea)... "So what's next on the agenda, boss?" inquires Sebastian to Larry Lamb... "Yeah," adds Maria as she's flipping pancakes "What do we have to do next?"... "Well," says Larry Lamb as he dunks his first Lorna Doone cookie in his tea "Now that Thanksgiving is behind us, we must already make plans for Christmas."... "Good lord!" shrugs a slightly confrontational Fred The Wrench, "I'm itching to get back out at the drag strip. First it was Halloween, then it was Thanksgiving, and NOW we're already supposed to be consumed with getting ready for Christmas?!?!"... "I'm afraid so," replies Larry Lamb... "Oh, don't be such a scrooge, Fred!!" squawks Peter The Parrot, "You sure liked it last year when I got you all those vintage drag racing magazines for Christmas!!"... "Yeah, I guess so," shrugs a still reluctant sounding Fred, "It's just, it's just, that sometimes I get a little depressed during the holidays."... "Why is that, Fred?" says Maria with a look of genuine concern...

Fred The Wrench hesitates, then appears as if he's starting to nervously twitch about and display very uncomfortable body language... "What's the matter, Fred??" states Larry Lamb... Fred continues to look as if he's on the border of breaking into some type of emotionally charged trauma... Sebastian gets up from the breakfast table and puts an arm around Fred, "What's eating at you, Fred? You're turning all pale and your bloodshot eyes are watering up??"... Then Fred drops like a rock from his chair, starts violently rolling on the floor, into intense physical convulsions... "WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH FRED?!?!" squawks Peter The Parrot in panic, as he flies up out of his specially designed kitchen highchair, that compensates for his short bird stature... All the group rise and run over to a frantically convulsing Fred, trying to aid in his now dramatic and seriously concerning behavior... Fred starts bawling like a baby... "THIS AIN'T LIKE FRED!!!" squawks Peter, "HE'S OUR BURLY BEAR TOUGH GUY OF THE TEAM!!! HE SEEMS TO BE HAVING SOME KIND OF NERVOUS BREAKDOWN OR SUMPTHIN!!!!"... Larry Lamb instructs Maria, "Go get me the first aid kit!!"... Sebastian switches into metaphysical metamorphosis mode, spinning at highly accelerating  RPMs, and transforming himself into emergency 'Phantom Racer' phase, in hopes that the added 'Phantom' power and energy might further facilitate in helping with Fred's alarming condition... "AAAAAAAAARH!!!!" screams a now incoherent Fred The Wrench, drooling all over his flannel shirt and worn dungaree overalls "I-I-I CAN'T TAKE IT!!!!!!! I CAN'T STAND IT!!!!! PLEASE DON'T LET CHRISTMAS COME AGAIN!!! DON'T LET CHRISTMAS EVER COME AGAIN!!! I CAN'T TAKE IT!!! I CAN'T TAKE IT!!!!"...

 

Yes, my dear friends, this is the mysterious mind-bending-hereafter rebirth, and puzzling parallel universe relocation of the bewildering being, energy, and entity we call THE PHANTOM RACER...  Our group just recently shared a wam, fuzzy and intimate Thanksgiving together, and all seemed just fine and dandy the morning after. HOWEVER, when Fred The Wrench was told by leader Larry Lamb that the next thing on the agenda is preparing for Christmas, he lost it!!!! FRED THE WRENCH IS NOW HAVING A FIT ON THE FLOOR, GOING INTO A SERIES OF VIOLENT CONVULSIONS!!!! AND HE'S SCREAMING FOR CHRISTMAS TO NEVER COME AGAIN?!?!?  WHAT COULD POSSIBLY BE THE PROBLEM WITH OUR USUALLY TOUGH AND UNEMOTIONAL FRED THE WRENCH?!?! WHERE IS THIS GOING?!?!? WHAT THE HECK IS GOING TO HAPPEN NEXT?!?!?... What's in store for our drag racing paranormal dream team as they continue to embark on unpredictable drag racing adventures throughout the parallel universes??... Can they all hold it together and successfully champion the powers of good??... Or will they fall victim to evil entities they cannot control???... These are just a few of the mind-twisting questions to be answered in future action-packed episodes of TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER!!... There's more paranormal mystical and maniacal drag race mayhem coming your way!!... You definitely do not want to miss it...

Stay tuned next Wednesday for a new chapter of the serial paranormal drama series we call TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER... Be sure that YOU follow the story of Sebastian Conrad... Bookmark this page and BE HERE every Wednesday!!... You can read prior episodes of TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER by simply clicking on the 'DOC'S BLOG' link that's conveniently located atop this page, and then scrolling to her Wednesday blog installments (because this series is published here each and every Wednesday). All characters appearing in this series are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely coincidental. TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER story and imagery are copyright 2017 DRAG RACING UNDERGROUND.