732-750-0536

Doc's Blog

Welcome to Diana 'The Doc' Thomas' official Blog ... A radio interviewer once referred to Diana as being a 'Celebrity Drag Racing Authority & Visionary'... Diana has indeed filled the shoes (or fire boots) as truly being America's foremost 'Celebrity Drag Racing Authority & Visionary'... Diana is known for being somewhat controversial at times... She speaks the TRUTH!!... Nobody else on the web possesses the ability to speak the Truth, and 'TELL IT LIKE IT REALLY IS' the way she does!!-- Diana tells it like it is about drag racing and other topical issues-- You've seen Diana 'The Doc' Thomas on our DVDs, with Bret Kepner on ESPN, and in all the major media-- Don't miss your opportunity to read her daily blog here at DRAG RACING UNDERGROUND... Diana's Blog gives you a daily does of TRUTH and REALITY with HEART... Diana's unique and refreshing perspective is unlike anything else on the web... We strongly recommend that you bookmark this page NOW!!-- Be sure YOU check in daily to experience & enjoy Diana's unique insight, worldly wisdom and perspective...


Break the conventional chains which bind you to the belief that the only things in this world that exist are those we're able to touch and see in daylight. Ever heard of quantum physics?- Many credible physicists and scientists from the world's most prestigious of learning institutions now believe that parallel universes exist all around us-- We are likely surrounded by spectacular space, time, energy, and matter anomalies that boggle the brain, proving that what was once thought to be fantasy and fiction, can now be believed as truth and fathomable fact... We offer you a slice of hard science, combined with sporadic sprinklings of paranormal phenomena, as we here at Drag Racing Underground, proudly present to you...TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER...Step out of the narrow-minded mist that encircles those who wear their stagnate skepticism like an outdated peach-colored leisure suit, and allow yourself the freedom to follow the adventures of drag racing's infinite and most indestructible spirit of the afterlife... Pull up a chair, toss your inhibitions aside, and ride along with one Sebastian Conrad, strong spirited eternal speed freak extraordinaire. 


Last week's episode told of how our favorite metaphysical/afterlife drag racing dream team are together at their Heavenly Drag Racing Association sanctioned residence/racing compound. They enjoyed a festive Thanksgiving celebration. Through the technology of telepathic telekinesis teleportation, leader Larry Lamb ordered a hearty Thanksgiving dinner from the H.D.R.A.'s  five star culinary catering service. Maria whipped up her special recipe for homemade holistic cranberry sauce. Peter The Parrot initially took on the task of being responsible for dessert, making a jello cake from a jello mold he had stashed under his bed, a jello mold shaped like a big-block Chevy engine. Unfortunately, when Peter put it in the freezer to harden up, the cake's pineapple chunks exploded, and blew a jello gasket, which subsequently then threw out a jello rod, and cracked the whole warbling jello block!! Everyone couldn't help but to laugh at Peter's failed and completely collapsed, big-block Chevy engine jello cake... "Not to worry, Peter" said a calming Larry Lamb, "I ordered us a deluxe pumpkin pie, just in case your jello cake would have this sort of mishap."... Peter The Parrot took it all in stride, and sat himself with the group at the table... Our gang of drag racing afterlife do-gooders proceeded to have an enjoyable Thanksgiving dinner... Larry Lamb raised a glass and made a toast, "Here's to all of you, who are far more than just my trusty drag racing afterlife subordinates, who are also my dear friends, and my family."... Everyone joined in on the toast and shared a heartfelt moment of collective joy, appreciation and thankfulness...

It's now  the morning after Thanksgiving. The group all file into the kitchen for breakfast... "I'm still stuffed from yesterday's terrific Thanksgiving dinner!" says Maria as she rubs her belly and rolls her big brown eyes "That was quite a feast!"... "Yes it was," concurs Sebastian, "We're very lucky that Larry ordered such an elaborate dinner from the Heavenly Drag Racing Association's five star culinary catering service."... "Well, you all deserved a good meal for all the hard work you've been doing of late." says Larry Lamb "As your leader, I feel it my duty to show my appreciation for everyone's steadfast dedication to fighting the evil forces of the drag racing afterlife."... "Thanks, boss," chimes in Fred The Wrench as he stuffs a jelly donut in his mouth "It's not that often that we get to enjoy such a good meal, we're usually so busy that we just eat on the run."... "I'm sorry that my big-block Chevy mold jello cake didn't hold together for dinner." squawks Peter The Parrot "Next Thanksgiving I'll get it right."... "Ah," blurts Fred The Wrench, "I ain't ever been that big of a fan of jello anyways. The pumpkin pie that Larry ordered hit the spot for me."... "Of course you liked the pumpkin pie, Fred." squawks back Peter The Parrot, "You practically put a whole jumbo-sized can of whip cream on your single piece of pie!!"... "Heck, I'm sure that all the whip cream in all the zillions of parallel universes couldn't have made that stupid jello cake of yours even near edible, Peter!!" says a somewhat perturbed Fred The Wrench...

"Alright, alright," says Larry Lamb with authority towards Peter The Parrot and Fred The Wrench "enough bickering from you two, let's try to keep up that warm, harmonious feeling that we all shared on Thanksgiving."... Peter and Fred cool off... Maria's at the stove, making celestial tea, a black coffee for Fred, and a stack of pancakes... Larry Lamb reaches up to the cupboard and fetches a box of Lorna Doone shortbread cookies (regular readers of this series are well aware that Lorna Doone cookies are Larry's daily top choice for breakfast, much due to how he loves to dunk them in his celestial morning tea)... "So what's next on the agenda, boss?" inquires Sebastian to Larry Lamb... "Yeah," adds Maria as she's flipping pancakes "What do we have to do next?"... "Well," says Larry Lamb as he dunks his first Lorna Doone cookie in his tea "Now that Thanksgiving is behind us, we must already make plans for Christmas."... "Good lord!" shrugs a slightly confrontational Fred The Wrench, "I'm itching to get back out at the drag strip. First it was Halloween, then it was Thanksgiving, and NOW we're already supposed to be consumed with getting ready for Christmas?!?!"... "I'm afraid so," replies Larry Lamb... "Oh, don't be such a scrooge, Fred!!" squawks Peter The Parrot, "You sure liked it last year when I got you all those vintage drag racing magazines for Christmas!!"... "Yeah, I guess so," shrugs a still reluctant sounding Fred, "It's just, it's just, that sometimes I get a little depressed during the holidays."... "Why is that, Fred?" says Maria with a look of genuine concern...

Fred The Wrench hesitates, then appears as if he's starting to nervously twitch about and display very uncomfortable body language... "What's the matter, Fred??" states Larry Lamb... Fred continues to look as if he's on the border of breaking into some type of emotionally charged trauma... Sebastian gets up from the breakfast table and puts an arm around Fred, "What's eating at you, Fred? You're turning all pale and your bloodshot eyes are watering up??"... Then Fred drops like a rock from his chair, starts violently rolling on the floor, into intense physical convulsions... "WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH FRED?!?!" squawks Peter The Parrot in panic, as he flies up out of his specially designed kitchen highchair, that compensates for his short bird stature... All the group rise and run over to a frantically convulsing Fred, trying to aid in his now dramatic and seriously concerning behavior... Fred starts bawling like a baby... "THIS AIN'T LIKE FRED!!!" squawks Peter, "HE'S OUR BURLY BEAR TOUGH GUY OF THE TEAM!!! HE SEEMS TO BE HAVING SOME KIND OF NERVOUS BREAKDOWN OR SUMPTHIN!!!!"... Larry Lamb instructs Maria, "Go get me the first aid kit!!"... Sebastian switches into metaphysical metamorphosis mode, spinning at highly accelerating  RPMs, and transforming himself into emergency 'Phantom Racer' phase, in hopes that the added 'Phantom' power and energy might further facilitate in helping with Fred's alarming condition... "AAAAAAAAARH!!!!" screams a now incoherent Fred The Wrench, drooling all over his flannel shirt and worn dungaree overalls "I-I-I CAN'T TAKE IT!!!!!!! I CAN'T STAND IT!!!!! PLEASE DON'T LET CHRISTMAS COME AGAIN!!! DON'T LET CHRISTMAS EVER COME AGAIN!!! I CAN'T TAKE IT!!! I CAN'T TAKE IT!!!!"...

 

Yes, my dear friends, this is the mysterious mind-bending-hereafter rebirth, and puzzling parallel universe relocation of the bewildering being, energy, and entity we call THE PHANTOM RACER...  Our group just recently shared a wam, fuzzy and intimate Thanksgiving together, and all seemed just fine and dandy the morning after. HOWEVER, when Fred The Wrench was told by leader Larry Lamb that the next thing on the agenda is preparing for Christmas, he lost it!!!! FRED THE WRENCH IS NOW HAVING A FIT ON THE FLOOR, GOING INTO A SERIES OF VIOLENT CONVULSIONS!!!! AND HE'S SCREAMING FOR CHRISTMAS TO NEVER COME AGAIN?!?!?  WHAT COULD POSSIBLY BE THE PROBLEM WITH OUR USUALLY TOUGH AND UNEMOTIONAL FRED THE WRENCH?!?! WHERE IS THIS GOING?!?!? WHAT THE HECK IS GOING TO HAPPEN NEXT?!?!?... What's in store for our drag racing paranormal dream team as they continue to embark on unpredictable drag racing adventures throughout the parallel universes??... Can they all hold it together and successfully champion the powers of good??... Or will they fall victim to evil entities they cannot control???... These are just a few of the mind-twisting questions to be answered in future action-packed episodes of TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER!!... There's more paranormal mystical and maniacal drag race mayhem coming your way!!... You definitely do not want to miss it...

Stay tuned next Wednesday for a new chapter of the serial paranormal drama series we call TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER... Be sure that YOU follow the story of Sebastian Conrad... Bookmark this page and BE HERE every Wednesday!!... You can read prior episodes of TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER by simply clicking on the 'DOC'S BLOG' link that's conveniently located atop this page, and then scrolling to her Wednesday blog installments (because this series is published here each and every Wednesday). All characters appearing in this series are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely coincidental. TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER story and imagery are copyright 2017 DRAG RACING UNDERGROUND.


Today's blog is aimed at helping those of my many readers who actually race on the drag strip... Many drag racing "experts" seem to be in complete agreement with yours truly, that most drag races are won or lost on the starting line, more specifically speaking, as a result of racers quick reactions (or lack of) to the illuminating bulbs on the christmas tree... Your ability to execute a better "reaction time" on the tree, a quicker reaction time than your opponent in the other lane, has a significant bearing as to whether or not you'll be the racer who is handed the winning timeslip -- That's why, as we now enter drag racing's so-called "off season" (in most parts of the country and world), I urge all my racing readers to get more acquainted with some sort of electronic practice tree device. "Practice Trees" come in a variety of forms, from conservatively priced hand-held sized models, to the more pricey full-sized practice trees... No matter where your preference or budget leans, I strongly suggest that you get your hands on some type of practice tree, and spend some of your leisure time, possibly even making a daily routine of it, practicing the sharpening of your reaction time skills. You'll thank me for pushing you in this direction once racing season starts again, and you're able to activate the winlight more than you did last season... Check with your local speed shop or mail order racing merchandise dealer, and find a practice tree that suits your need and buy it... If you already have a practice tree stashed away in your closet, find it, take it out, dust it off and get busy...  Like I said earlier, most drag races are won or lost on the starting line, by who is able to react faster on the christmas tree (and doing so without triggering the dreaded red bulb), so do yourself a big favor, and make friends with a practice tree this winter...  It's an easy thing to do, and it can pay off in winning drag racing dividends...

 

 


On this Monday morning, let's dedicate some time to addressing the unfair and unbalanced mess that is today's mainstream sports media. How come every major television broadcast and cable network is repeatedly screaming at the top of their lungs about the story of Danica Patrick's recent  announcement to retire from roundy-roundy racing, yet, when Brittany Force just recently became the first woman to win the NHRA Top Fuel championship in decades, you hardly heard them whisper a gosh, darn peep about that?? What is it going to take for drag racing to once again receive the attention it deserves from the mainstream sports media?? Back in the 1960s it was commonplace to hear and see drag racing related news reports and updates over the most popular of radio and television airwaves, why can't the mainstream media return to providing us with that same level of coverage?? I mean, c'mon, drag racing's ratings on Fox Sports cable network are through the roof, so it's obvious that there's a healthy slice of the population that are interested in our sport -- so why doesn't the rest of the mainstream media get the memo (as they say), and start making drag racing a more prominent part of their sports reporting?? I know that some mainstream media execs and middle-management people read this blog regularly (because they write me), so I'm imploring all you media people, to please stop just feeding your own personal interest in drag racing by reading my blog, and stand up tall at your next board meeting, and say, "From now on, we're going to give drag racing the coverage it deserves!!" -- DO IT!!... And I can guarantee you that YOUR ratings will go up too, just like they are for FOX SPORTS... The general public are hungry for drag racing coverage, so give it to them!! Give the people what they want!!-- THAT'S your job... I graciously thank you in advance...

 

 

Today I call for the mainstream sports media to show more respect and produce more coverage for drag racing...


Today is the return of the "SUNDAY FUNNIES" feature here on the blog, though admittedly, the way in which blowhard Marvin conducts himself in life, and especially on the drag racing internet, the situation isn't necessarily that, ahem, funny at all-- As a matter of fact, Marvin's brand of belligerent behavior often has negative consequences for the collective drag racing scene... Marvin aggressively seeks out internet postings by women and young folk who he deems to be 'pesky' (because they don't fit in to his preferred ornery oriented demographic), and tries desperately to pick apart and dissect each and every single word they typed, often claiming the facts are wrong, even if he knows that they are really right-- Anything to create a confrontation laced with lewd language and 'f bombs' is merry sport for Marvin (using 'f bombs' sure makes Marvin feel more 'macho' and more like he's a 'big man')... When dorks like Marvin get behind their computer keyboard, and just type negativity with their fingers, it never results in anything positive for the drag racing community, because we don't need the blowhard brand of 'debby-downer' dingbat dissent that fools like Marvin dispense 24/7 on the internet. I do hope that some will take this lesson to heart, because it's a lesson that needs to be learned by those who constantly pollute the drag racing internet with endless oodles of mindless nagging negativity. Let's get smart in 2017. Let's work together to help make the drag racing internet a 'family friendly' place where more people can enjoy it and be enriched and enlightened by it. Let's put an end to Marvin's brand of blowhard bullying...

 

 

Marvin is a mess! The problem of blowhard bullies like him on the drag racing internet needs to be addressed!


With the grueling 2017 NHRA season finally wrapped up and logged in the history books, we made the decision here at Drag Racing Underground, that we'd officially proclaim November as being "NHRA RACERS APPRECIATION MONTH". Let's face it, for all the racers who compete in NHRA's seasonal points championship, it ain't exactly "a walk in the park", quite to the contrary, it's actually a long, physically and emotionally demanding task that is far more taxing than most folks living "normal" lives could possibly imagine. Put plainly, IT'S HARD, HARD WORK!!... Sure, you see all the NHRA racers smiling for the television cameras, and doing their best to provide rational explanations for when things go terribly wrong -- You see the zillion dollar luxury trailers and accommodations, HOWEVER, when you get down to the brass tacks of it all, they're the racers who have to get suited up, and climb in the cockpit at the track, when the temperature's 99 degrees with 100% humidity, and do their best to concentrate on going another tough round of nerving NHRA racing... You simply can't deny the fact that with all the glitz, glamour, and pageantry of NHRA racing, it's still a very difficult job. It can often be a dastardly demanding occupation that requires plenty of the proverbial "blood, sweat and tears"... That all said, that's why we're officially proclaiming this month of November as "NHRA RACERS APPRECIATION MONTH"!!!... We salute all you racers who accept the challenge of competing on the extremely "labor intensive" NHRA tour... We know you give your soul and spirit to this rough and occasionally raucous NHRA racing arena, and for that, we appreciate your show of unwavering strength and genuine gusto... Now that the 2017 season's finally over, take a breather, hug your family, and pat yourself on the back for all you do to keep this NHRA drag racing train a rollin'... Below is posted a photographic image that yours truly snapped at Old Bridge Township Raceway Park's prestigious Summernationals event, of veteran NHRA Top Fuel competitor Clay Millican. For the 2017 points battle, Clay finished a respectable 6th among the top ten in the nitro digger field. I have great respect and genuine admiration for Clay Millican and ALL the drivers who muster the strength to go drag racing on the grueling NHRA tour... We genuinely salute each and every single one of you...

 

 

Veteran NHRA Top Fuel dragster racer Clay Millican looking energized and upbeat in the Englishtown pits.


Today is "FEEDBACK FRIDAY", meaning I deal with emails that my assistant Stephanie and I receive from readers regarding our most recent blogs... Let's get right to your feedback... My Thanksgiving blog expressing my genuine appreciation, and gracious thanks for all that's good in my life resulted in lots of emails. Anne from La Habre Heights, Ca wrote, "Seeing you playing your bass guitar gave me goosebumps. I'm waiting for a new Big Stick album forever. I've been a fan since college. I'm glad Big Stick is coming out with vinyl in 2018!" -- On the far other side of the opinion fence, Ray from Jackson, GA scribes "I don't read the Drag Racing Underground blog page to find out about music. Please don't disappoint me again. I hate all music."... Wednesday's TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER serial series resulted in lots of you writing in. Brianna from all the way in Tandragee, Ireland said, "Your Thanksgiving story was so enjoyable. My husband and I want to know where we can find a big block chevy shaped jello mold like Peter the Parrot's? "-- Once again Gary from Wellington, OH wrote in, "The Thanksgiving episode was kind of sappy. It was minus the usual metaphysical terror that I've come to like most about the series."... My blog titled 'WOULDN'T IT BE GROOVY IF DRAG RACING CARS HAD NAMES AGAIN?' prompted Danny from Henderson, NV  to say, "It sucks that cars don't have cool names anymore. The need for sponsor signage has changed everything." -- on the other side of the opinion fence, Chad from Myerstown, PA wrote, "Tell Doc to wake up and stop living in the past. I think giving cars names is dumb."...  The return of guest blogger Mary Murray, and her piece directed at the Force Racing Team naysayers got Rosalie from Thebes, IL to write, "I'm with Mary and her drag racing wisdom. The Force racers are the best. I'm a big believer in papa John, Courtney, and little Brittany!" -- Shawn from Delta, Co expressed a much different view, "Tell Mary to stick a sock in it. She's just a clueless feminist Force groupie."...  Our so-called "SUNDAY FUNNIES THAT AREN'T NECESSARILY THAT FUNNY AT ALL" managed to get Cynthia from Enville, TN in a bit of an angry frenzy, she typed, "I resent Marvin for not taking sexual harassment seriously. If he had any smarts of his own, he would know better and keep his mouth shut. Thank you to Drag Racing Underground for leading the fight against bigots and cyber bullies like Marvin."... Thanks to all of you who wrote in with comments. Even though there's no way we have room to print all your emails, we want you to know that all your comments and suggestions are taken into consideration... Keep those emails comin' (by using the "Contact Us" link atop the page), whether you agree or disagree with mine, or any of our substitute guest bloggers' opinions, we're genuinely interested in your feedback... We just ask that you please keep your emails short and to the point, no rambling please, and please also include where you're from, we often find the location of where folks are writing us from to be sort of interesting. If you want to remain anonymous you can do that too (just write that you want to remain anonymous in the body of your email, and we won't disclose your identity in the event we choose to make a reference to your particular opinion)... Thanks...

 

 

It's "FEEDBACK FRIDAY" here at DRAG RACING UNDERGROUND. That means I print excerpts from some of the emails that you readers write in with. I always appreciate you folks who sit down at your keyboard and type me your thoughts and opinions.


I would like to wish each and every single one of you reading this blog today a Happy Thanksgiving. I'm so appreciative for all my many friends in the drag racing community. I adore all my extended family from Old Bridge Township Raceway Park. Kudos to my Drag Racing Underground cohorts, including "Big Jim" Sorensen, Mike Muchacho, Gerard, Linda, my assistant and occasional blog substitute Stephanie, and our most downright reluctant member of the team John Gill... I feel compelled to thank all my friends who've helped my Big Stick music thing FINALLY wrap up the recording, mixing and mastering of our way-overdue album. We've recently secured a great record deal from a prestigious label in the United Kingdom -- plans are for a Spring 2018 UK, European & Asian album release -- and yes, it WILL be available on vinyl. Thanks to the following music folks for contributing their skills and talents to the album: Fred Schneider from the B52s, Groovie Mann & Buzz McCoy from TKK, Johnny Kelly from Type O Negative/Danzig, Jerry A from Poison Idea, Paula Henderson, Tom Timko, Dave Smoota Smith, Alicia Rau, Satoru Ohashi, John Thompson, Shawn Banks, Mark B. Lopez, Eric Rachel, and all the others too numerous to mention. Keep in mind that you can listen to the entire Big Stick back catalog on Spotify, iTunes, and most of the other popular cyber download places... In closing, please consider, if you're able to, the thought of reaching out to someone who might be less fortunate than yourself on this Thanksgiving Day. It's my opinion that the holidays should bring out the very best in all of us. Showing love, compassion and kindness on this day will surely fill your heart with joy and satisfaction. Happy Thanksgiving wishes to one and all... Be good and gracious to each other...

 

 

Yours truly in the studio. I'm thankful the Big Stick LP is FINALLY finished & will be released in 2018.


Break the conventional chains which bind you to the belief that the only things in this world that exist are those we're able to touch and see in daylight. Ever heard of quantum physics?- Many credible physicists and scientists from the world's most prestigious of learning institutions now believe that parallel universes exist all around us-- We are likely surrounded by spectacular space, time, energy, and matter anomalies that boggle the brain, proving that what was once thought to be fantasy and fiction, can now be believed as truth and fathomable fact... We offer you a slice of hard science, combined with sporadic sprinklings of paranormal phenomena, as we here at Drag Racing Underground, proudly present to you...TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER...Step out of the narrow-minded mist that encircles those who wear their stagnate skepticism like an outdated peach-colored leisure suit, and allow yourself the freedom to follow the adventures of drag racing's infinite and most indestructible spirit of the afterlife... Pull up a chair, toss your inhibitions aside, and ride along with one Sebastian Conrad, strong spirited eternal speed freak extraordinaire. 


Last week's episode told of how our favorite metaphysical/afterlife drag racing dream team are all together at their Heavenly Drag Racing Association sanctioned residence/racing compound. They recently went through a trying time related to what was originally a happy-spirited , seasonal Halloween party, that eventually went way-sinister, scary and completely sour. However, thanks to the heroic efforts of Sebastian, successfully transforming himself into 'Phantom Racer' mode, they managed to get a handle on the unsettling situation, and survive it. The turbulent happenings of that event makes it questionable as to whether or not the Heavenly Drag Racing  Association will allow any Halloween type of activities to take place next year. This was the first year ever, that the H.D.R.A. permitted their afterlife members to celebrate what was supposed to be a 'trial period' of  'wholesome Halloween fun', but with that all turning so gruesomely corrupt, due to an abrupt infiltration by an operative from the Darkside Drag Racing Association, it's anyone's guess, if there will ever be permission granted by the H.D.R.A. to initiate Halloween themed fun and folly again... When all the proverbial dust settled, and the compound was safely secured, team leader, Larry Lamb, ordered everyone to their respective quarters to rest up for the night, and recharge their batteries (figuratively speaking).

The next morning everyone files into the compound's kitchen for coffee... "Holy Gooey Gummy Bears!" squawks Peter The Parrot looking at the kitchen calendar, "Just when Halloween wraps up, it's already Thanksgiving!"... "Yep," replies Maria as she rubs her eyes and shuffles to the coffee brewer, "Today IS Thanksgiving! What does everyone want to eat later for Thanksgiving dinner??"... "Uh," blurts Fred The Wrench with a hint of cynical sarcasm, "Aren't ya supposed to eat turkey for Thanksgiving? That seems like the natural choice in my humble opinion."... "Hold it right there, Freddy-boy!!" interjects a clearly offended Peter The Parrot, "No way are we going to eat a BIRD for Thanksgiving!! NO WAY, BUB!!!"... "Well, then," comes back Fred The Wrench, as he stuffs a donut in his mouth, "what would YOU suggest we eat for Thanksgiving dinner, Peter???"... "I can whip up my special jello cake" squawks back Peter The Parrot... "Jello cake??" questions Sebastian... "Yeah!" squawks Peter The Parrot, "I've got a jello cake mold stashed under my bed that's shaped like a Chevy big block engine, and you can put all kinds of cool ingredients in the jello mold to make it festive and fun to eat!"... "Oh brother," shrugs Fred The Wrench, "besides the fact you can make it in the shape of a Chevy big block, which is kinda cool, there ain't much else that makes that idea sound appetizing to me."

Larry Lamb reaches up and grabs a fresh box of Lorna-Doone shortbread cookies from the kitchen cupboard (regular readers of this series are well aware that Lorna-Doones are Larry's favorite brand of cookie, and he often enjoys a few for breakfast, especially due to the tasty shortbread treat's dunk-a-bility). Maria has some pancakes in the skillet for her and Sebastian... Larry Lamb seats himself at the table, and dunks his first Lorna Doone cookie, looks at his subordinates, and says, "I can understand Peter's objection to serving a bird for Thanksgiving. I mean, with me being a lamb, I certainly would be aghast at the idea of eating lamb shanks for Thanksgiving, so it all makes sense to me."... "Ok, boss," replies Fred The Wrench, "but who wants to eat jello for Thanksgiving?!?"... "Listen up, Fred!" squawks Peter The Parrot, "I can put stuff in the jello cake to make it more appetizing to your Thanksgiving sensibilities!"... "Oh, yeah??" say Fred, "Like what?? -- Like what do you think you could possibly put in your jello cake to make me want to eat it on Thanksgiving?!?"...

Peter The Parrot pauses for a moment, looking like he's in deep thought, and replies, "I'll tell ya what ingredients I can put in my jello cake to make it more appetizing for ya, Fred! I can put in cabbage, radishes, oregano, tomatoes, sesame seeds, noodles, asparagus tips, raisins, soy sauce, mushrooms, dijon mustard, zucchini, peppers, horseradish, onion soup mix, clam juice, spinach, uh, how does ALL THAT sound, Freddy-boy??"... "DISGUSTING!!!"  says Fred The Wrench as he cringes at the thought of Peter's crass culinary concoction "I DON'T CARE IF YOU HAVE A BIG-BLOCK CHEVY ENGINE SHAPED JELLO CAKE MOLD OR NOT -- YOUR DUMB, BIRD-BRAINED IDEA DEFINITELY DOES NOT APPEAL TO ME ONE SINGLE BIT, PETER!!!"...

Larry Lamb interjects, "Listen, I have an idea. Through the magic of telepathic telekinesis, I'll order our Thanksgiving dinner from the Heavenly Drag Racing Association's five-star culinary serving station, we'll order a generous platter that doesn't feature any bird or lamb, and then have it materialize at our teleportation chamber just in time for Thanksgiving dinner."... "No offense, Peter" says Maria, "but the boss' idea is the best idea I've heard so far for planning our Thanksgiving dinner."... "I agree," chimes in, Sebastian, "and I'll tell you what, Peter, you can still make your big block Chevy molded jello cake for desert, but just put fruity ingredients in it, the kind of stuff that's supposed to be in a jello cake!"... "Yeah," concurs Fred The Wrench, "Don't be puttin' any onion soup mix, cabbage or horseradish in your jello cake, Peter! That's gross!!"... "Alright, alright" squawks Peter The Parrot, "I'll create a more standard jello cake that we can all have for dessert."

Hours pass by, and it's finally time for Thanksgiving dinner. Larry Lamb places his order telepathically with the Heavenly Drag Racing Association's five-star culinary serving station, and in the blink of an eye, it metaphysically materializes at the teleportation chamber ... "Mmmmm" says Fred The Wrench as he catches a whiff of the festive Thanksgiving platter, "it sure smells good!"... "It sure does!" adds Maria, "I made some homemade holistic cranberry sauce that we can have with it."... Larry Lamb carries the platter over to the compound's formal dining room, and Larry, Maria, Fred The Wrench, and Sebastian seat themselves at the table... "Hey!" exclaims Maria, "Where's Peter?!?"... Then to everyone's surprise, Peter The Parrot walks into the dining room, with what looks like a cracked and broken up, big-block Chevy molded jello cake.. "WHAT HAPPENED, PETER???" asks a befuddled Sebastian "WHAT THE HECK HAPPENED TO YOUR BIG-BLOCK CHEVY ENGINE SHAPED JELLO CAKE?!?"... "Yeah," adds Maria, "it looks like a complete mess!!!"... "Evidently," squawks Peter The Parrot, "when I put it in the freezer to harden up, the pineapple chunks must have exploded and BLOWN A GASKET, THREW OUT A ROD AND CRACKED THE WHOLE BLOCK!!!"... Everyone takes a brief pause and then laugh out loud at Peter's failed and collapsed big-block Chevy engine jello cake... "Not to worry, Peter" says a calming Larry Lamb, "I ordered a deluxe pumpkin pie, just in case your jello cake would have this sort of mishap."... Peter The Parrot takes it all in stride and seats himself with the group... Our gang of drag racing afterlife do-gooders proceed to have an enjoyable and intimate Thanksgiving dinner... Larry Lamb raises a glass and makes a toast, "Here's to all of you, who are far more than just my trusty drag racing afterlife subordinates, who are also my dear friends, and my family."... Everyone joins in on the toast and share a heartfelt moment of collective joy, appreciation and thankfulness...

 

Yes, my dear friends, this is the mysterious mind-bending-hereafter rebirth, and puzzling parallel universe relocation of the bewildering being, energy, and entity we call THE PHANTOM RACER...  Despite Peter The Parrot's big-block Chevy molded jello cake dessert imploding, exploding, and collapsing into inedible jello cake carnage, our gang got past that mishap, and were able to share a warm and heartfelt Thanksgiving meal. It was a good thing that leader Larry Lamb had the foresight to add a pumpkin pie to his order from the Heavenly Drag Racing Association's five-star culinary serving station, so our do-gooders still had something sweet for dessert.  Yes, all is warm, cozy and joyful on this Thanksgiving Day -- BUT AS WE ALL WELL KNOW, JUST WHEN YOU THINK OUR GANG IS HAVING A BREAK FROM THE UNPREDICTABLE MISCHIEF THAT COMES FROM THE DASTARDLY DARKSIDE DRAG RACING ASSOCIATION, SOMETHING CREEPY ALWAYS LURKS JUST 'ROUND THE CORNER, AND SPOILS THE SANE SERENITY!!!! WHAT THE HECK IS GOING TO HAPPEN NEXT?!?!?... What's in store for our drag racing paranormal dream team as they continue to embark on unpredictable drag racing adventures throughout the parallel universes??... Can they all hold it together and successfully champion the powers of good??... Or will they fall victim to evil entities they cannot control???... These are just a few of the mind-twisting questions to be answered in future action-packed episodes of TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER!!... There's more paranormal mystical and maniacal drag race mayhem coming your way!!... You definitely do not want to miss it...

Stay tuned next Wednesday for a new chapter of the serial paranormal drama series we call TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER... Be sure that YOU follow the story of Sebastian Conrad... Bookmark this page and BE HERE every Wednesday!!... You can read prior episodes of TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER by simply clicking on the 'DOC'S BLOG' link that's conveniently located atop this page, and then scrolling to her Wednesday blog installments (because this series is published here each and every Wednesday). All characters appearing in this series are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely coincidental. TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER story and imagery are copyright 2017 DRAG RACING UNDERGROUND.


Today I'm going out on a limb, addressing a subject and point of view that lots of people in the drag racing business and community will most likely (secretly) agree with me on, however, admittedly, I'm pretty darn sure that my words typed here, that I'm dictating over the telephone to my trusty assistant Stephanie, will have zero to little affect on the overall situation... Well, anyways, whatever, for what it's worth, here it goes... I genuinely long for the days when the sport and culture of drag racing was far less inhibited and uptight, back when there was no hesitation whatsoever for a racer to give their race car a name. You know what I'm talking about, when you see photos of race cars from the 1960s and 1970s, most of 'em have a catchy name painted on the side panels, a unique identity, maybe even a cleverly designed and painted cartoonish caricature to correspond with the car's name... I firmly believe it was that particular aspect of drag racing that was greatly responsible for attracting so much of America's youth to subsequently fall in love with, and follow the sport of drag racing -- People like that sort of catchy creativity, or at least they, uh, used to, I think... And yes, I understand that racing today requires so much money, that racers have to dedicate practically all the space on their car's body to providing signage for their sponsors, because quite frankly, if it wasn't for their sponsors, there's no way in heck they could afford to campaign a race car -- yeah, I get that argument... But gee whiz, golly gooey gummy bears, wouldn't it be nice if the practice of giving cars a name could come back and become the norm again?? I know, I know, I'm only dreaming, and I'll probably get a handful of nasty emails from the usual internet snerts telling me to "shut the **** up" and stop "rocking the boat"... Oh well... Below is a photograph of the Black & Linblad "Green Hornet" Mustang. This is an example of what I'm longing for, cars with groovy names. This is a prime sample of drag racing's more colorful, less uptight and inhibited past...

 

 

There's just something so darn cool about a drag racing car with a name. Here's a groovy blast from the past.


The management of Drag Racing Underground presents guest blogger Mary Murray. She's an opinionated woman from the northwest. Truth is that Doc is mighty busy of late with her Big Stick music duties and her sculpture pursuits, so we figure giving Mary a crack as a substitute blogger might be a good idea. Being that Drag Racing Underground is known as the strongest advocate for free speech among drag racing web sites, we're willing to give this outspoken lady a guest spot when Doc is too busy to blog. Please keep in mind that the thoughts and opinions expressed by Mary Murray with her MARY's MOUTHPIECE blog submissions do not necessarily reflect those of Drag Racing Underground. Without further ado, we give you Mary Murray...


HEY YOU GUYS!!! Wake up and smell the coffee! Drink the coffee and then have another cup on me. I'm Mary. I going to put my cards right on the table. I am happy as a kitty in a yarn warehouse to be able to communicate with you once again on the drag racing web page best known for insightful thought and unrestricted freedom of expression. My last appearance here caused what I've been told to be an "unprecedented amount of negative emails" sent to the Drag Racing Underground bosses. And I was told that many of the emails were of an "extremely severely angry nature"... Yes, I understand that when I express my opinions, they don't always jive with everyone else, but that's just how this bold lady rolls-- Anyways-- Today I want to share with you, all my unbridled joy for my hunk of a hero John Force's Racing Team. So many cynical, self-absorbed, know-it-all, wisecrackers are reported to write in to Drag Racing Underground continuously mocking me, and insisting that John Force and his team of racers are "all washed up", and should retire from drag racing and be "put out to pasture"-- HA!! I say!! That's phooey dooey huey balderdash!! 'Cause it just so happens that John "Brute" Force, even in his current elderly years, managed to finish a respectable 7th among the top ten Funny Car stars for NHRA's 2017 season... And oh, team member, and president of John Force Racing, Robert Hight, finished NUMBER ONE in the 2017 Funny Car points race, with his Auto Club of Southern California Chevrolet Camaro SS!! This is Hight's 2nd Mello Yello Funny Car championship!!... Courtney Force, one of John's three lovely daughters, finished an impressive third in the 2017 NHRA Funny Car points with her Advance Auto Parts Camaro. AND, let's not forget, the "baby" of John's three girls, Brittany Force, scored her very first NHRA Top Fuel Championship this season!!! That's right, Brittany, with the help of master mechanical whiz, Alan Johnson, and her crack Monster Energy drink crew, pulled out the top seat from under the butt of Steve Torrence, and made drag racing history. Brittany's the first woman to win an NHRA Top Fuel championship in decades!!!  Not too shabby, all you snooty smartypants naysayers!!! That sure doesn't sound like a team of "washed up" racers to me! John Force and his team still have the proverbial "right stuff" to go rounds and make it to the winner's circle -- even to the top of the heap championship spot in the case of Robert Hight and Brittany!!!... I want to end this here blog with a very special message for everyone. We all love cheap clothes and electronics bargains, but can we all please join the fight against overseas child slavery, and do our part to eliminate child slave labor in our lifetime. Thank you...