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Doc's Blog

Welcome to Diana 'The Doc' Thomas' official Blog ... A radio interviewer once referred to Diana as being a 'Celebrity Drag Racing Authority & Visionary'... Diana has indeed filled the shoes (or fire boots) as truly being America's foremost 'Celebrity Drag Racing Authority & Visionary'... Diana is known for being somewhat controversial at times... She speaks the TRUTH!!... Nobody else on the web possesses the ability to speak the Truth, and 'TELL IT LIKE IT REALLY IS' the way she does!!-- Diana tells it like it is about drag racing and other topical issues-- You've seen Diana 'The Doc' Thomas on our DVDs, with Bret Kepner on ESPN, and in all the major media-- Don't miss your opportunity to read her daily blog here at DRAG RACING UNDERGROUND... Diana's Blog gives you a daily does of TRUTH and REALITY with HEART... Diana's unique and refreshing perspective is unlike anything else on the web... We strongly recommend that you bookmark this page NOW!!-- Be sure YOU check in daily to experience & enjoy Diana's unique insight, worldly wisdom and perspective...

 

Please meet Drag Racing Underground's NHRA race-winner-predicting-duo from Queens, New York. We'd like to introduce Franky & Felicia. They're a couple of sweethearts who have a love for drag racing, and have asked that we give them a shot at making race predictions. They persistently insisted to us that they have what it takes to get the job done. We're continuing to bring them to you now for their third season!! They definitely were not without controversy during their first two seasons!!... Feel free to send us your opinion of them by using the "Contact Us" link at the top of this page... For those of you missing Mike & Barbara, we regret to report that they've been cancelled... Without further ado, we proudly present to you Franky & Felicia and their NHRA predictions...


Franky: Yo! Me and my hot little lady are stoked 'bout giving youse our picks for this weekend's AAA Insurance NHRA Midwest Nationals at Gateway Motorsports Park in Madison, Illinois. Before we go any further, I'd be remiss if I didn't say sumpthin' 'bout me getting suspended from these picks for last week's Maple Grove race. Yes, it's true that me and some of my buddies from the Queens chapter of the Billy Joel/Mets coalition went AWOL, and took a bus to Atlantic City. And yes, it's true that I lost a lot of money within the first five minutes of throwing dice at the craps table. And yes, then I got picked up by the cops for loitering outside a gentlemens club. But the reason why I was standing outside the go-go bar for a long duration of time was because one of the dancers did a back flip off the stage, and landed hard on my lap, hurting me severely, and I was trying to walk off the pain in the parking lot. I think the cops put the cuffs on me and busted me because I was wearing my METS cap, and they were probably Phillies fans, like most of those people in south jersey are. Anyways, that's part of a longer story that I ain't necessarily sure I wanna tell right now. But I'm glad to be back and have my suspension lifted by Drag Racing Underground's ultra uptight Stephanie. Anyways, pull up a chair and read what me and Felicia got to say to youse 'bout the Midwest Nationals!

Felicia: Right on, Franky, you gorgeous hunk of a man! I thoughts you sez you wasn't gonna talk about anything related to the New Yawk Mets? You promised that you wasn't goin' to talk about The Mets as much this season, like ya did last season! Drag Racing Underground will be gettin' lots of emails again from all the people complaining about you talkin' 'bout the Mets on this DRAG RACING web page! And you need to stop taking those crazy bus trips to Atlantic City with your drinking buddies. You always lose all your money and get in trouble, and I don't like you spending your time in those stupid gentlemens clubs neither! My Top Fuel pick for the Midwest Nationals is Leah Pritchett. She won a few weeks ago at Brainerd. She made it all the way to the semi-finals at Indy. She lost in the 2nd round at the Grove last week to Steve Torrence. She's been on a rocky road from her impressive season start, but I think she's gonna get her groove back again.  And like I've said many times before, she's got da best darn eyebrows of any of the other dames in the dragster class. I wish I could get my eyebrows to look like hers-- I really do wish dat. Watch Leah Pritchett and her Papa John's Pizza powered digger set this weekend on fire at Gateway Motorsports Park!

Franky: No way is Leah Pritchett gonna win at Gateway.  And I don't mean any offense to all the Leah Pritchett fans out there in cyberland, but give me a friggin' break. I know you think she's a shoo-in 'cause she's got those flashy eyebrows, but I ain't seein' dat happen, dollface. I'm going with Brittany Force and her Monster Energy dragster. I was jumping up and down when she finally won her first event of the year back at Epping. And she blew the timing equipment up recording a unbelievable 332.75 mph pass at Brainerd. And I went completely bonkers when I was watching TV from the recreation room at the Atlantic City drunk tank, and she won at Maple Grove! She beat heavyweights like Tony Schumacher and Antron Brown! Plus she scored top speed of the event! I know that everyone is gonna send me wisecracking emails for picking Brittany again. So many clowns like calling me a "fanboy" for persistently  picking the highly funded Force girls, but who cares? I'm really feeling that Brittany and her crack crew are gonna dispense some serious whoop ass on the tough Midwest Nationals field!

Felicia: That sounds corny, Franky. It don't sound like you, using that old tired 'whoop ass' expression?? I thinks maybe you're being coached what to say again by that cockeyed blowhard cousin Enzo of yours from Jersey?!?... I thinks your desire to pick Brittany Force is a form of blinded prognostication. I don't think she's going to keep up her momentum from the Grove. My pick for Funny Car at the Midwest Nationals is Ron Capps. He came back in a big way at Maple Grove. It was his 7th win of the season and the 57th of his career. Capps reclaimed the points lead and has his NAPA  Auto Parts Charger dialed in just right! I gots that feeling in my belly that Capps and his NAPA teammates are gonna get the job done, unless of course, that feeling in my belly is from last night's funky onion dip at our Billy Joel Queens NY chapter fan club party??

Franky: Fugget about Ron "Flappin' Gums" Capps, he's not the racer I see making headlines this weekend. I respect the guy, BUT this Midwest deal ain't gonna be his race by any stretch of your overactive imagination, my fragrant Felicia. My crystal ball is showing me images of Courtney Force appearing in the Gateway Motorsports Park Funny Car winner's circle. She's a skilled broad who always qualifies strong. Courtney made it all the way to runner-up last week at the Grove!  THIS WEEK she's going to the winner's circle! Courtney's got ants in her firepants to score a victory this time! Sure, I'll get called a "fanboy" 'cause of me pickin' a celeb like Courtney, but I don't care. I gots thick skin just like my hero Billy Joel. I'm  predicting Courtney's bark to be just as vicious as her bite and that she'll be making some Funny Car history this weekend!

Felicia: Ya know, I hates to say dis, Franky, but I just don't thinks Courtney is going to be all that for this coming Midwest Nationals event. Sorry 'bout dat, even though I admire her for handling a nitro car wit da best of 'em, I don't see her winning at Gateway. And I thinks you got that whole bite and bark thing backwards... Ya know, I get a lot of flack from many of you readers about me always talkin' 'bout myself, likes I ain't supposed to talk about myself?!? Geeeez, what kinda fun can a gal have if she ain't talkin' 'bout herself?!? Many of you smarty pants complain about me to management, 'cause you thinks I'm nothin' but a crazy bird from Queens. Whatever... For this weekend's race, I won't be predicting that Vincent Nobile will be winning Pro Stock, like I often have been lately, 'cause I heard that for some reason, he'll be sitting this race out -- So I gots to pick somebody else. I'm picking Bo Butner. He's more of a predictable and "sure thing" kind of pick, but so what, I'm entitled to make a more conservative choice every now and then. HA! Bo beat the pants off the field at Maple Grove last week. He was also the number #1 qualifier and reclaimed the points lead . I believe Butner and crew are gonna turn on the heavy, honeybuns!

Franky: I don't agree, sweetcakes. I thinks you're delusional with that Pro Stock pick. I realize that Bo Butner is one tough doorslammin' guy, and I know he's lookin' practically unstoppable, but I'm just not feelin' him as hitting a winning note at Gateway. Once again, you can bet that I'm stickin' to my guns, staying loyal, and betting all my jollyrocks on Erica Enders. I'm still psyched about Erica's earlier season win at Epping. She proved that ya gotta believe! I still believe that she's developing her old winning swagger back at the wheel of her Chevy Camaro.  Her reaction times are still fierce. She got a great holeshot on Bo Butner in the 2nd round last week at the Grove, but she just couldn't hold on to the lead, but I know she's going to bring down the house this weekend at Gateway!  And yeah, I can see all the hate mail coming my way now. All the haters who call me a "fanboy" because I still root for Erica, they gets me madder than Billy Joel driving his car through a Long Island pizzeria's window!! Erica Enders is a serious racer when she's out on the track, she sort of reminds me of how you get, Felicia, when you're playing Jenga with those wise-cracking little kids down at the Queens Borough Youth Recreation Center. You get that really intense game face of yours going on just like Erica does when she's driving.

Felicia: I hopes we did good, honey.

Franky: We picked 'em babe. 'Cause we're a couple of classy winners who know how to pick da winners.

 

 


Break the conventional chains which bind you to the belief that the only things in this world that exist are those we're able to touch and see in daylight. Ever heard of quantum physics?- Many credible physicists and scientists from the world's most prestigious of learning institutions now believe that parallel universes exist all around us-- We are likely surrounded by spectacular space, time, energy, and matter anomalies that boggle the brain, proving that what was once thought to be fantasy and fiction, can now be believed as truth and fathomable fact... We offer you a slice of hard science, combined with sporadic sprinklings of paranormal phenomena, as we here at Drag Racing Underground, proudly present to you...TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER...Step out of the narrow-minded mist that encircles those who wear their stagnate skepticism like an outdated peach-colored leisure suit, and allow yourself the freedom to follow the adventures of drag racing's infinite and most indestructible spirit of the afterlife... Pull up a chair, toss your inhibitions aside, and ride along with one Sebastian Conrad, strong spirited eternal speed freak extraordinaire. 


Last week's episode told of how our favorite metaphysical/afterlife drag racing dream team were finally home at their racing compound/headquarters, after being assigned by the Heavenly Drag Racing Association on yet another mission of hot-rod motoring mayhem. Our group just finished up a meeting at the kitchen table, where leader Larry Lamb firmly stated that he wants his subordinates to work on improving their tactical supernatural skills, including their skills of telepathy, clairvoyance, alchemy manipulation and psychic telekinesis -- these are the special skills that Larry insisted need to be cleverly combined with their basic drag racing skills, in order to insure that they're prepared for ANYTHING the deranged darkside of the drag racing afterlife throw their way. Then, Larry Lamb switched disciplinary gears to a more relaxed and casual mode, congratulating Maria on being a winner in her very first bout of on-track drag racing competition, during their recent covert assignment at a Darkside Drag Racing Association sanctioned sand dragster event. Maria triumphantly defeated former champion beatnik chick  'Dastardly Darla' in a grueling 'ladies only' sand digger duel... 

"Well, I'm gonna change out of this beatnik bikini, wash up, and make some notes in my diary." says Maria as she breaks from a long group hug the crew were engaging in, and starts walking to her quarters... Only moments later, the guys hear Maria scream out loud "AAAAARRRRH!!! THERE'S SOMETHING FROM THE DARKSIDE UNDER MY BED!!!! IT'S WEARING A FIRE SUIT AND AN OLD SCHOOL DRAG RACING RESPIRATOR MASK!!!!--- IT'S A GRUESOME MINIATURE-SIZED LIFE FORM, ER, OR, AN AFTERLIFE FORM THAT I'VE NEVER, EVER SEEN BEFORE!!!!!"... All the guys are rattled by Maria's cry for help, as well as a hideous gurgling sound that's obviously emanating from the unwelcome intruder!! They drop what they're doing and proceed to make a mad dash to Maria's quarters.... "OH NO!!!" exclaims Larry Lamb when seeing the scaled-down beast "SOMEONE HURRY AND GET ME MY STRONGEST DEFENSIVE FAIRY DUST!!!”... With Larry's abrupt order, Peter The Parrot takes to flight, right to the compound's emergency metaphysical arsenal storage cabinet. He grabs a packet of premium defensive fairy dust in his beak, and flies directly back to Larry Lamb at the scene of the creepy commotion. Larry frantically pulls the packet of fairy dust from Peter's beak, opens it up, and liberally commences sprinkling it on the impending threatening gear-headed ghoul!!!...

The small but sinister appearing creature loses its aggressive angst and power as the defensive fairy dust starts to affect its psyche. In a matter of seconds, the eerie apparition is stunned and far more complacent, though it's oozing some kind of foul, bubbling ectoplasm from beneath its respirator mask. Sebastian grabs the top of the mask and yanks it off the intruder's head... "I recognize that little twerp!!" blurts Fred The Wrench "His name is Mantis!! He's a clutch ghoul and bottom-end guy for the darkside's Funny Car fleet!! We go way back!! I've competed against his teams, and we've been wrenching rivals for a long, long time!!"... "THAT'S RIGHT, FREDDY-BOY!!" gurgles Mantis, with the sound of supernatural sorcery in his delivery "I CAME HERE JUST WANTING TO BORROW SOME TOOLS!!! THAT'S ALL!!!"... "Yeah, right!" replies Fred "Don't think any of us believe that crock! You broke into our compound and are here for some kind of trouble, AND you practically scared our dear Maria out of her skin!!!"... "That he did!!" concurs Maria,"And you know what, Mantis is sure an appropriate name for this little creep, because his head sure looks like a praying mantis to me!!"... "YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT?!?!" Mantis shouts at Maria... "Maybe I do," comes back Maria in a sharp tone, "Don't praying mantises eat each other's heads or something sick like that??"... "ONLY THE FEMALES DO THAT!!!" gurgles Mantis, "I'M A GUY!!!!"... "Ahem," interjects Larry Lamb, clearing this throat to command attention, "So, what are we to do with this oddball intruder from the drag racing afterlife's darkside?? He's definitely some strange mix of insipid interspecies creation!!! I don't trust him one bit!!!"...

 

Yes, my dear friends, this is the mysterious mind-bending-hereafter rebirth, and puzzling parallel universe relocation of the bewildering being, energy, and entity we call THE PHANTOM RACER...  Hmm, so, what WILL our do-gooder, heavenly drag racing team do with this darkside wrenching apparition?!?!? What should they do with this pint-sized sinister intruder with a head that looks much like that of a praying mantis??? This grotesque, gurgling ghoul has obviously covertly invaded our crew's space, and let's face it, we don't REALLY know why 'Mantis' broke into the compound, and why he was hiding under Maria's bed?!?!?... Fred The Wrench and the rest of the gang certainly aren't buying his "I just wanted to borrow some tools" excuse... WHAT THE HECK IS GOING TO HAPPEN NEXT?!?!?... What's in store for our drag racing paranormal dream team as they continue to embark on unpredictable drag racing adventures throughout the parallel universes??... Can they all hold it together and successfully champion the powers of good??... Or will they fall victim to evil entities they cannot control???... These are just a few of the mind-twisting questions to be answered in future action-packed episodes of TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER!!... There's more paranormal mystical and maniacal drag race mayhem coming your way!!... You definitely do not want to miss it...

Stay tuned next Wednesday for a new chapter of the serial paranormal drama series we call TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER... Be sure that YOU follow the story of Sebastian Conrad... Bookmark this page and BE HERE every Wednesday!!... You can read prior episodes of TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER by simply clicking on the 'DOC'S BLOG' link that's conveniently located atop this page, and then scrolling to her Wednesday blog installments (because this series is published here each and every Wednesday). All characters appearing in this series are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely coincidental. TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER story and imagery are copyright 2017 DRAG RACING UNDERGROUND.


I've been asked to give a promotional push for a nostalgia oriented shindig that's happening on the west coast this weekend. It's called the NITRO REVIVAL ("And Reunion of, by and for Racers"). Steve Gibbs, a gentleman who spent a good part of his life serving with the National Hot Rod Association is the founding father and organizer behind it all, and he's a fellow with a genuinely stellar reputation as being a loyal friend to the old school drag racing community for many years. The exciting event takes place on Saturday, September 30th at Barona Drag Strip in scenic Lakeside, California. This is the very first (inaugural) debut of the race, so it'd sure be nice if lots of folks would show up and provide their support. And wouldn't you like to be able to say that you attended the first one? -- Of course you would!!... I had my trusty assistant Stephanie place a poster for the event with more details below. I strongly encourage you to consider this gala gearhead gathering that's just days away... BE THERE!!!...

 


Today we congratulate the winners of this past weekend's Dodge NHRA Nationals at Maple Grove Raceway in Mohnton, PA... Hip hip hooray for Ron Capps on scoring the Funny Car "Wally" trophy at the Grove. It's his 7th victory of the 2017 season and the 57th of his career. Capps drove his NAPA Auto Parts Charger R/T to defeat a tough Courtney Force in the final. He retook the points lead in the Countdown to the Championship battle... Whether Drag Racing Underground's NHRA winner predictor, the infamous Franky, of "Franky & Felicia" fame is still AWOL in Atlantic City or back home in Queens, he must be mighty darn happy about Brittany Force taking the Top Fuel win. Brittany piloted her Monster Energy drink dragster to beat Steve Torrence in the final. And the win was certainly no fluke, 'cause she beat other heavyweights like Wayne Newby, Tony Schumacher and reigning world champion Antron Brown in earlier rounds. Maple Grove proved to be Brittany's second win of the season, her first win since Epping back in June... No #1 Pro Stock qualifier Bo Butner made it all the way to the winner's circle. He beat Greg Anderson in the final with his Jim Butner's Auto Chevy Camaro, reclaiming the lead in the Countdown to the Championship points standings. This marked Butner's 4th career victory -- he's making quite a name for himself among the "Factory Hot Rod" contingent... In the two-wheeling Pro Stock Motorcycle category, Old Bridge Township Raceway Park alumnus Eddie Krawiec made it three consecutive wins in a row by clinching victory at the Grove. This was Eddie's 5th win of the season aboard his Screamin' Eagle Vance & Hines Harley Davidson. He's making history and lots of us locals proud... Next on the grueling NHRA tour is the AAA Insurance NHRA Midwest Nationals at Gateway Motorsports Park in St. Louis on Sept 29th - Oct 1st... BE THERE!!...

 

 

Congrats to Brittany Force and all the winners this past weekend at Maple Grove Raceway


Being that today is in fact Sunday, we present our regularly scheduled "THE SUNDAY FUNNIES THAT AREN'T NECESSARILY THAT FUNNY AT ALL" feature, to help in eliminating the sic and grotesque epidemic of drag racing internet trolling and bullying...

Today is the return of the "SUNDAY FUNNIES" feature here on the blog, though admittedly, the way in which blowhard Marvin conducts himself in life, and especially on the drag racing internet, the situation isn't necessarily that, ahem, funny at all-- As a matter of fact, Marvin's brand of belligerent behavior often has negative consequences for the collective drag racing scene... Marvin aggressively seeks out internet postings by women and young folk who he deems to be 'pesky' (because they don't fit in to his preferred ornery oriented demographic), and tries desperately to pick apart and dissect each and every single word they typed, often claiming the facts are wrong, even if he knows that they are really right-- Anything to create a confrontation laced with lewd language and 'f bombs' is merry sport for Marvin (using 'f bombs' sure makes Marvin feel more 'macho' and more like he's a 'big man')... When dorks like Marvin get behind their computer keyboard, and just type negativity with their fingers, it never results in anything positive for the drag racing community, because we don't need the blowhard brand of 'debby-downer' dingbat dissent that fools like Marvin dispense 24/7 on the internet. I do hope that some will take this lesson to heart, because it's a lesson that needs to be learned by those who constantly pollute the drag racing internet with endless oodles of mindless nagging negativity. Let's get smart in 2017. Let's work together to help make the drag racing internet a 'family friendly' place where more people can enjoy it and be enriched and enlightened by it. Let's put an end to Marvin's brand of blowhard bullying...

 

 

Marvin is a mess! The problem of blowhard bullies like him on the drag racing internet needs to be addressed!


Today we're putting the subject of drag racing on the back burner, because I firmly believe that on this day, the blog should be solely dedicated to saluting and thanking the countless number of emergency service workers who are currently saving lives throughout all the different locations that have recently been ravaged by natural disasters... I'm talking about the emergency medical technicians, first responders, fire fighters, doctors, nurses, K-9 rescue and recovery units, law enforcement, civilian volunteers and all those who are giving so selflessly of themselves to help those in desperate need. Texas and Florida got hit by hurricanes Harvey and Irma, Mexico got shaken by a major earthquake, Puerto Rico and neighboring islands got slammed by Hurricane Maria -- and what all these different natural disasters have in common, is that all of them are seeing the call for help and rescue being answered by people so strongly dedicated to aiding their fellow man. When I turn on the TV, and see victims of all these disasters being pulled from the rubble or flooding and then airlifted by helicopters to safety, it gives me a fresh and completely renewed hope in humanity. Our thoughts and prayers are with all the unfortunate victims of these disasters and all those individuals who are working so diligently to rescue them. These are the tough times when heroes make a difference.

 

 

Today we salute the emergency service workers making a difference throughout all the disaster zones.


Today is "FEEDBACK FRIDAY", meaning I deal with emails that my assistant Stephanie and I receive from readers regarding our most recent blogs... Let's get right to your feedback... Yesterday's blog announcing that Franky's & Felicia's winner picks for this weekend's Dodge NHRA Nationals at Maple Grove were cancelled, due to Franky getting suspended yet again for questionable behavior resulted in lots of emails of many varied opinions. Rudy  from Malaga, CA wrote, "Just because a guy wants to be guy, and go gambling in Atlantic City, and then go broke at the craps table, and then get busted for loitering in front of a go go bar is no reason to suspend him from doing drag racing picks! Drag Racing Underground is becoming way too uptight and needs to get a sense of humor!" -- On the far other side of the opinion fence, Barbara from Harlan, KY scribes "I feel sorry for Felicia. Even if her and Franky do share an interest in drag racing, sometimes you have to draw the line. Why does she put up with a deadbeat boyfriend like him? She could do so much better for herself."... Wednesday's TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER serial series resulted in lots of you writing in. Gita from all the way in Opolskie, Poland said, "Maria finding a ghoul from the drag racing afterlife under her bed gave me the creepy jeepies!"-- Once again Gary from Wellington, OH wrote in, "The crew needs to make their compound more secure. This isn't the first time a apparition sneaked in while they were away on assignment."... My blog congratulating the winners of the NHRA Carolina Nationals prompted Sienna from Garfield, NJ to say, "I love the photo that Doc took of Pro Stock Motorcycle champ Eddie Krawiec. She takes the best pictures!"...  Our so-called "SUNDAY FUNNIES THAT AREN'T NECESSARILY THAT FUNNY AT ALL" managed to get Beth from Everett, MA in a bit of an angry frenzy, she typed, "Jerks like Marvin better watch their step. Now America's tough first lady Melania Trump is coming after all the cyber bullies!"...  Substitute Stephanie's Snapshot of the Day featuring John Gill (Drag Racing Underground's most reluctant member) looking for a place to hang up a NY TIMES feature about Raceway Park  caused our friend Rhonda from Laurel Hallow, NY to write, "I saw the NY TIMES article and John Gill's part in it. The TIMES did a great job of showing Englishtown's Wednesday Nights. Me and my husband miss seeing John at the track. He always treated us so good when we first started racing."... Thanks to all of you who wrote in with comments. Even though there's no way we have room to print all your emails, we want you to know that all your comments and suggestions are taken into consideration... Keep those emails comin' (by using the "Contact Us" link atop the page), whether you agree or disagree with mine, or any of our substitute guest bloggers' opinions, we're genuinely interested in your feedback... We just ask that you please keep your emails short and to the point, no rambling please, and please also include where you're from, we often find the location of where folks are writing us from to be sort of interesting. If you want to remain anonymous you can do that too (just write that you want to remain anonymous in the body of your email, and we won't disclose your identity in the event we choose to make a reference to your particular opinion)... Thanks...

 

 

It's "FEEDBACK FRIDAY" here at DRAG RACING UNDERGROUND. That means I print excerpts from some of the emails that you readers write in with. I always appreciate you folks who sit down at your keyboard and type me your thoughts and opinions.


We originally planned for our controversial NHRA winner pickers Franky & Felicia to provide their picks today for this weekend's Dodge Nationals at Maple Grove Raceway. However, Drag Racing Underground's Stephanie, who coordinates the publishing of the picks with Franky & Felicia, has received word that Franky went AWOL yesterday. Evidently, after "having a few" with some of his "buddies" from the Queens, NY chapter of what's called "The Billy Joel/METS Coalition" (a fan club that combines its members' love for Billy Joel and the NY METS), it's  said that Franky and some of his  inebriated cohorts from the club hopped a bus from Queens en route to Atlantic City, NJ, where they all embarked on a reckless, drunken, gambling junket. Reports are coming in that Franky lost his shirt (money), after only ten minutes of rolling dice at the craps table, and then was later that evening  picked up in a neighboring municipality on a "loitering" charge outside a "gentlemens' club"... Details are sketchy at best, but this recent development does once again put Franky on temporary suspension from his assigned prognosticating duties here at Drag Racing Underground. Felicia was not available for comment. Hopefully this matter involving Franky's questionable behavior will be straightened out soon, so that  both Franky & Felicia can return to these pages in time for them to provide us with their predictions for next weekend's scheduled AAA Insurance NHRA Midwest Nationals. We sincerely apologize for any inconvenience this has caused our regular readers...




Break the conventional chains which bind you to the belief that the only things in this world that exist are those we're able to touch and see in daylight. Ever heard of quantum physics?- Many credible physicists and scientists from the world's most prestigious of learning institutions now believe that parallel universes exist all around us-- We are likely surrounded by spectacular space, time, energy, and matter anomalies that boggle the brain, proving that what was once thought to be fantasy and fiction, can now be believed as truth and fathomable fact... We offer you a slice of hard science, combined with sporadic sprinklings of paranormal phenomena, as we here at Drag Racing Underground, proudly present to you...TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER...Step out of the narrow-minded mist that encircles those who wear their stagnate skepticism like an outdated peach-colored leisure suit, and allow yourself the freedom to follow the adventures of drag racing's infinite and most indestructible spirit of the afterlife... Pull up a chair, toss your inhibitions aside, and ride along with one Sebastian Conrad, strong spirited eternal speed freak extraordinaire. 


Last week's episode told of how our favorite metaphysical/afterlife drag racing dream team were finally home at their racing compound/headquarters, after being assigned by the Heavenly Drag Racing Association on yet another mission of mayhem. Our group are assembled at the kitchen table. They always have a meeting after returning home from their assignments. It's a time to reflect and review strategies. Leader Larry Lamb, Sebastian and Maria are sipping cups of Maria's special celestial blend tea concoction, while Fred The French chugs his usual tall cup of black coffee. Larry Lamb dips a Lorna Doone shortbread cookie (his favorite cookie treat) in his tea, exhales a bit, and speaks in firm tone to his subordinates "We're extremely lucky that I was able to get us out of that darkside sand dragster, beatnik beach party imprisonment. If we don't start working smarter, next time we might not be so lucky. We must all remember, that no matter how determined we are to gather valuable opposition intelligence on the darkside ghouls of the drag racing afterlife, we still have to know our limits, and how far we should go in our pursuit, and most importantly, know when it's time to be content with what we've achieved, and then discreetly split the scene -- before it's too late to safely do so, and we then find ourselves in a difficult bind like we just did with those brash beatniks!"...

Larry Lamb continues laying down the law to his crew "I also want you all to work on improving your tactical supernatural skills. I'm talking about your skills of telepathy, clairvoyance, alchemy manipulation and psychic telekinesis -- they are skills all worth practicing and sharpening up on --  those are the skills that need to be cleverly combined with our basic drag racing skills, to insure that we're prepared for ANYTHING the darkside of the drag racing afterlife throw our way. As the Heavenly Drag Racing Association continues to assign us tougher and more challenging assignments, you're all going to need to be far tighter on your game. This noble duty of ours is not going to be get any easier, the level of difficulty is most likely going to dramatically increase as we find that the Halloween season is almost upon us. And one more thing, before we all kick back and get into a more relaxing mode," adds Larry "I do want to congratulate Maria on being a winner in her very first bout of on-track drag racing competition!"... 

"I'm very proud of Maria." says Fred The Wrench "I know that when Maria first brought up the idea of her doing any driving, er, I took kind of a bigoted attitude towards the idea. 'Cause where I come from, back in the old school generation, we didn't think it's a woman's place to be in the cockpit of a race car. But now, now I get it, and I see how that was so wrong for me to act dat way -- Uh, Maria showed me that she's got darn good driving chops."... Maria gets emotional after Fred's words, with a tear of weird happiness rolling down her cheek "You know, I can't tell you how much that means to me, to hear you say that, Fred. We sure had our spats in the past over the issues of women driving a race car, but now I see that you've really grown emotionally as a man"... Fred The Wrench blurts "We've come a long way as a drag racing team, as friends and as some kind of supernatural surrogate family unit."... "Oh, Fred." sighs Maria, "You're making me cry more tears of emotional joy."... "Oh brother!!" squawks Peter The Parrot "This is sure gettin' sappy!!"... Everyone laughs and rises up from their seats for a group hug... It seems like all is well and our gang are on their way to bonding even tighter as a team...

"Well, I'm gonna change out of this beatnik bikini, wash up and make some notes in my diary." says Maria as she breaks free of the crew's long group hug and starts walking to her quarters... "I gots to check to see what sort of mail we got while we was gone," squawks Peter The Parrot, "I know Fred is waiting for some old HOT ROD magazines from one of his drag racing afterlife memorabilia collectors clubs."... "Yeah," concurs Fred, "I just love reading the old magazines from my younger years, from back long ago, when I was a living mortal mechanic man on planet earth.".... "I'm going to spend a little time working with my practice tree," says Sebastian, "I've got to keep my reaction time skills sharp. After Maria's big driving debut, I've got to work even harder to keep my driving job! HA!"... "Oh, I assure you that your driving job is secure, Sebastian," replies Larry Lamb, "Even though Maria proved that she's certainly no slouch in the cockpit, you're still our first string driving talent, chum.".... "I HEARD THAT!" shouts Maria jokingly from her quarters in an adjoining room of the compound, "These virtual metaphysical walls are definitely acoustically challenged!"... Everyone gets a giggle out of Maria's wisecracking... Then all of a sudden Maria screams out loud "AAAAARRRRH!!! THERE'S SOMETHING FROM THE DARKSIDE UNDER MY BED!!!! IT'S WEARING A FIRE SUIT AND RESPIRATOR MASK--- B-B-BUT IT'S A GRUESOME LIFE FORM, OR, OR AN AFTERLIFE FORM, THAT I-I-I'VE NEVER SEEN BEFORE!!!!!".... All the guys hear Maria's cry for help and a hideous gurgling sound obviously coming from the unwelcome intruder! They drop what they're doing and proceed to make a mad dash to Maria's quarters.... "OH NO!!!!!" exclaims Larry Lamb when seeing the beast "SOMEONE RUN AND GET ME MY STRONGEST DEFENSIVE FAIRY DUST -- RIGHT NOW!!!!"

 

Yes, my dear friends, this is the mysterious mind-bending-hereafter rebirth, and puzzling parallel universe relocation of the bewildering being, energy, and entity we call THE PHANTOM RACER...  Just when everything seemed relatively fine and dandy. And everyone appeared relaxed and at ease with each other, Maria goes to her quarters in order to change out of her beatnik bikini and make some diary notes, only to find a ghastly creature of the drag racing afterlife hiding under her bed!!!! The gurgling beast is wearing a drag racing fire suit and respirator mask!!!! When Larry Lamb and the guys arrive on the scene, Larry calls urgently for someone to fetch his most powerful defensive fairy dust-- WILL THE FAIRY DUST  PRODUCE ENOUGH DEFENSIVE POWER TO RID THE PREMISES OF THE BEAST?!?!... WHAT THE HECK IS GOING TO HAPPEN NEXT?!?!?... What's in store for our drag racing paranormal dream team as they continue to embark on unpredictable drag racing adventures throughout the parallel universes??... Can they all hold it together and successfully champion the powers of good??... Or will they fall victim to evil entities they cannot control???... These are just a few of the mind-twisting questions to be answered in future action-packed episodes of TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER!!... There's more paranormal mystical and maniacal drag race mayhem coming your way!!... You definitely do not want to miss it...

Stay tuned next Wednesday for a new chapter of the serial paranormal drama series we call TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER... Be sure that YOU follow the story of Sebastian Conrad... Bookmark this page and BE HERE every Wednesday!!... You can read prior episodes of TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER by simply clicking on the 'DOC'S BLOG' link that's conveniently located atop this page, and then scrolling to her Wednesday blog installments (because this series is published here each and every Wednesday). All characters appearing in this series are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely coincidental. TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER story and imagery are copyright 2017 DRAG RACING UNDERGROUND.


Here at Drag Racing Underground, we're officially proclaiming that September is Sportsman Racing Appreciation Month... That's right, anyone who really knows their drag racing, are well aware that it's the Sportsman Racers who serve as the so-called "backbone of the sport". There are more than 200 different classes of vehicles featured in NHRA competition, and the mass majority of 'em are Sportsman classes. There's a whole lot of Sportsman classes to discover, including Stock, Super Stock, Super Street, Comp, Super Comp, Alcohol Diggers n' Floppers, and Top Sportsman among several others... Besides Sportsman Racing being a big part of national events, it's also makes up the thick of the sanctioning body's divisional racing series. Next time you go to the drags, take a walk through the pits and peruse all the many Sportsman Racing teams, appreciate all the effort they put into their strong competitive spirit -- It's a part of the drag racing world that often gets overlooked by many who don't take the time to explore it, however, Sportsman Racing is a facet of the drag racing world that's certainly worthy of all our appreciation.

 

 

Drag Racing Underground is officially proclaiming that September is "Sportsman Racing Appreciation Month".