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Doc's Blog

Welcome to Diana 'The Doc' Thomas' official Blog ... A radio interviewer once referred to Diana as being a 'Celebrity Drag Racing Authority & Visionary'... Diana has indeed filled the shoes (or fire boots) as truly being America's foremost 'Celebrity Drag Racing Authority & Visionary'... Diana is known for being somewhat controversial at times... She speaks the TRUTH!!... Nobody else on the web possesses the ability to speak the Truth, and 'TELL IT LIKE IT REALLY IS' the way she does!!-- Diana tells it like it is about drag racing and other topical issues-- You've seen Diana 'The Doc' Thomas on our DVDs, with Bret Kepner on ESPN, and in all the major media-- Don't miss your opportunity to read her daily blog here at DRAG RACING UNDERGROUND... Diana's Blog gives you a daily does of TRUTH and REALITY with HEART... Diana's unique and refreshing perspective is unlike anything else on the web... We strongly recommend that you bookmark this page NOW!!-- Be sure YOU check in daily to experience & enjoy Diana's unique insight, worldly wisdom and perspective...

APOLOGIES TO OUR READERS...

Posted by: lovely

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We apologize for no blog today... Rather important and pressing Big Stick related music business abruptly came up (from overseas), and there was too short notice to get Stephanie or someone else to substitute (especially with the holiday thing going on)... We apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused our loyal readership...


Believe it or not, the month of December is finally upon us, and quite frankly, we're in the thick tail-end of it now... Therefore, it's once again worth bringing to everyone's attention, that we here at Drag Racing Underground have officially proclaimed December as being  "DOORSLAMMER APPRECIATION MONTH"... It's no secret that the Dragsters and Funny Cars get a heck of a lot of starstruck attention in the sport of drag racing. However, those of us who are really in the know, often refer to the door cars as the "silent majority" among the novice fan population -- You see, the truth is, there really are droves more cars with doors competing on the drag strips of the world, than there are floppers and diggers. It is the doorslammers that make up the backbone of straightline accelerating racing -- There's the street cars, bracket cars, stock & super stockers, comp cars, top sportsman, pro stockers, pro mods, and many other different variations of classes that feature vehicles with working doors. So this December, let's not overlook the doorslammer racers and cars who fill up the pits and storm down the strip. We sincerely honor and salute the wide array of race machinery with doors and those racers and teams who vigorously campaign them.

 

 

Veteran doorslammer dignitary Greg Anderson and his Summit Racing Equipment Pro Stock Chevy Camaro.


Break the conventional chains which bind you to the belief that the only things in this world that exist are those we're able to touch and see in daylight. Ever heard of quantum physics?- Many credible physicists and scientists from the world's most prestigious of learning institutions now believe that parallel universes exist all around us-- We are likely surrounded by spectacular space, time, energy, and matter anomalies that boggle the brain, proving that what was once thought to be fantasy and fiction, can now be believed as truth and fathomable fact... We offer you a slice of hard science, combined with sporadic sprinklings of paranormal phenomena, as we here at Drag Racing Underground, proudly present to you...TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER...Step out of the narrow-minded mist that encircles those who wear their stagnate skepticism like an outdated peach-colored leisure suit, and allow yourself the freedom to follow the adventures of drag racing's infinite and most indestructible spirit of the afterlife... Pull up a chair, toss your inhibitions aside, and ride along with one Sebastian Conrad, strong spirited eternal speed freak extraordinaire. 


Last week's episode told of how our favorite metaphysical/afterlife drag racing dream team were together for Christmas at their Heavenly Drag Racing Association sanctioned residence/racing compound. Fred The Wrench was saved from traumatic, emotional distress by Maria, when she came up with an ancient Mesopotamian metaphysical chant, to turn a frumpy, overly-anxious, fearful Fred, into a delicate, relaxed, peace-of-mind, blessed butterfly, by freeing him of an agonizing childhood memory, a memory of when on one Christmas morning, his father, who was also a mechanic, discovered that his son, Fred, lost his favorite pair of pliers, and then as punishment, he took a young Fred's one and only Christmas present, a 'Visible V8' model kit, and threw it into the blazing family fireplace -- a horrible experience that Fred was never really able to emotionally shake free of until the recent Christmas butterfly metamorphosis was performed by Maria... After the metamorphosis successfully cleansed Fred of his childhood Christmas trauma, Maria then went on to deliver another ancient Mesopotamian chant, that successfully transferred Fred back to his old human bodily-formed self. With Fred now free of his childhood induced, mentally debilitating pain, our crew went on to have a festive, glorious Christmas celebration together. Leader Larry Lamb put on his Bing Crosby Christmas records on the crew's vintage Zenith console stereo (Bing Crosby is Larry's favorite classic crooner, due to his smooth style and vocal delivery), and everyone also exchanged modest Christmas presents among themselves, and enjoyed wholesome seasonal merriment...

Some days have past since Christmas, and our gang are casually hanging out in the hot rod shop... "So," says Larry Lamb "Another year is soon coming to a close, and a new year is fast approaching, it is time, in the name of positive self improvement, a thing that we should always strive for, that we all make a commitment to making our New Year's resolutions."... "Uh, okay, boss." squawks Peter The Parrot "I'll go first. Um, my New Year's resolution is to try to become more organized. As Fred's assistant, I think I could do a better job of keeping the shop more clean, and making sure everything is in its proper place and easily accessible."... "That's sounds like a dandy resolution, Peter." replies Larry, "It's also a sound idea to improve the organization of the shop, for when we get called for an emergency assignment, and we don't have time much to search for all the necessary items needed to complete the mission."... "I guess I'll make my New Year's resolution" blurts Fred The Wrench, "I think I'll spend more time reading the telepathic technical bulletins that come in from the Heavenly Drag Racing Association's mechanical educational bureau. There's always new tips on tuning and mechanical stuff in those bulletins, and even though I ain't much of a reading sort of guy, I really should make an effort to keep on top of that stuff, so we're better prepared when facing the darkside forces of the drag racing afterlife on the drag strip."... "Bravo!"  exclaims Larry Lamb, "I'm very proud of you, Fred, for your admirable resolution."...

"For the new year," chimes in Maria, "I'm going to explore more in the way of heavenly generated mysticism, channeling, alchemy, psychic ability, numerology, clairvoyance, subconscious regeneration, ESP, you know, all the sort of skills that come in handy when we're in a fix."... "Wow," replies Larry Lamb, that's quite a list of supernatural skill sets, but you're right, Maria. So often in our work, it's not just the nuts and bolts drag racing that counts, we also need those kind of metaphysical advantages that you seem to have such a knack for."... "I'll say," adds Fred The Wrench, "If it wasn't for Maria's ability to perform her ancient Mesopotamian metaphysical chants, I would have been plagued with my Christmas childhood anxiety for all eternity. She's a godsend in my opinion."... "So, what about you, Sebastian?" inquires Larry Lamb, "What's YOUR resolution for the new year?"... "The same thing it's been for the last few years, chief," respectfully responds Sebastian, "I'm going to dedicate at least an hour a day, when I have the time, to sharpening my reaction time skills with my practice tree, I'd still like to shave a little more off my reaction times, that's always a plus when I'm facing some of the slicker shoes from the darkside of the drag racing afterlife."... "Yes, that's true, Sebastian." concurs Larry Lamb, "while you're certainly no slouch on the tree, it can't hurt to try to even be a little quicker off the bulbs."...

"What about YOU, boss??" squawks Peter The Parrot to leader Larry Lamb "Don't YOU have a New Year's resolution??"... "Well," replies Larry, "Actually, I do, though it's not really drag racing related. What I'd like to do for the new year is spend more time building my expertise in the game of chess."... "Chess??" blurts out Fred The Wrench, "I'm more of a checkers kind of guy."... "Yes, I know, Fred." says Larry Lamb, "and there's nothing wrong with playing a fun game of checkers, however, when I was knee high to a grasshopper, during my mortal childhood in merry ole' England, I played chess with a sense of noble chivalry, especially among my peers at our distinguished school of intellectually gifted child lambs, yes, I was quite a stellar and formidable lamby lad on the chess board."... Fred The Wrench rolls his eyes a bit... "I saw that, Fred." snaps Larry Lamb... "Uh, I'm sorry, boss." replies Fred, "It's just I guess I ain'ts nearly as sophisticated as you are. And to be honest, I sometimes wonder how an uppity spirit like you ever got interested in this low-brow drag racing stuff??"... Well, first of all" says Larry, "I do appreciate your honesty, I respect that. As far as how such an 'uppity spirit' as you referred to me, became interested in what's often perceived as a low-brow motorsport activity goes, I was once grazing with my other 'uppity' lamb friends in a scenic green meadow adjacent to Santa Pod Raceway, in my hometown of beautiful Befordshire, England, and I heard the sound of the cars storming down the strip, I hooved it over to the fence on the top-end of the track, and watched in amazement at the accelerating action, and I immediately became hooked for life, and obviously the afterlife as well.'... "Really??" squawked Peter The Parrot... "Yes, indeed," replied Larry Lamb, "I recall saying to my other lamb chums at the time, this drag racing sport is baaaa baaaaa baaaad to the bone!"... All the crew chuckle at their leader Larry Lamb's colorfully clever comment and give each other a warm and harmonious group hug. We hope only the very best for our gearhead gang of the drag racing afterlife for the coming year...

 

Yes, my dear friends, this is the mysterious mind-bending-hereafter rebirth, and puzzling parallel universe relocation of the bewildering being, energy, and entity we call THE PHANTOM RACER...  Well, this was certainly a rather insightful episode. Getting to learn all our crew's New Year's resolution made for compelling and captivating reading. And it was sure a treat the way leader Larry Lamb disclosed how he originally became hooked on the sport of drag racing. His story was both educational and entertaining. It's just dandy how all the gang are having the opportunity to spend some peaceful quality time together at their compound, sharing their thoughts and resolutions... HOWEVER, AS WE ALL KNOW, THE GOOD AND PEACEFUL TIMES DON'T USUALLY LAST VERY LONG 'ROUND THESE PARTS, ESPECIALLY WHEN THE EVIL FORCES OF THE DRAG RACING AFTERLIFE ARE ALWAYS LURKING IN THE SHADOWS!!!! WHERE IS THIS GOING?!?! WHAT THE HECK IS GOING TO HAPPEN NEXT?!?!?... What's in store for our drag racing paranormal dream team as they continue to embark on unpredictable drag racing adventures throughout the parallel universes??... Can they all hold it together and successfully champion the powers of good??... Or will they fall victim to evil entities they cannot control???... These are just a few of the mind-twisting questions to be answered in future action-packed episodes of TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER!!... There's more paranormal mystical and maniacal drag race mayhem coming your way!!... You definitely do not want to miss it...

Stay tuned next Wednesday for a new chapter of the serial paranormal drama series we call TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER... Be sure that YOU follow the story of Sebastian Conrad... Bookmark this page and BE HERE every Wednesday!!... You can read prior episodes of TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER by simply clicking on the 'DOC'S BLOG' link that's conveniently located atop this page, and then scrolling to her Wednesday blog installments (because this series is published here each and every Wednesday). All characters appearing in this series are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely coincidental. TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER story and imagery are copyright 2017 DRAG RACING UNDERGROUND.


Fantastic folklore tells a tale of a parallel universe in deep space, where time-traveling children and Santa Clause, exist together in a state of suspended animation. In this particular case, we see a young child who already dresses themself in helmet, respirator mask and firesuit, telling Santa how desperately they desire to be a "drag racer" for Christmas. Santa stares at the child with his compassionate blue eyes, and cleverly contemplates a celestial strategy to make the child's wish come true on Christmas morning... Warm tidings of "The Day After" Christmas joy to you from me... I sincerely hope that all (or at least some ) of your holiday wishes are coming true... I'd like to personally thank Drag Racing Underground's most reluctant of associates, John Gill, for being generous enough to finally agree after endless requesting and borderline begging, to provide us with, and permit both my assistant Stephanie and I,  the go-ahead to publish his enchanting, paranormal themed illustration on this page today (he's most definitely not an easy one to convince to do anything drag racing related lately, lol)... Anyways... Enjoy this holiday season, appreciating all that is good in your life, and if possible, please do what you can to help someone who may be less fortunate than yourself, to be able to experience the comfort and joy of the season... Oh, and thanks again to an extremely reluctant John Gill for allowing us the privilege to print his radical drag racing themed rendering for our many readers today...

 

 

 

 

 

 


MY CHRISTMAS MESSAGE TO YOU...

Posted by: lovely

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Tidings of Christmas joy to you from yours truly... I sincerely hope that all (or at least some ) of your holiday wishes come true for you on this particular Christmas day... I am very grateful this Christmas for several reason -- of course one of the biggest reasons for me being thankful, is that Big Stick scored an incredible record deal that will now result in the new Big Stick album FINALLY coming out in the Spring of 2018 (and yes, it will be available on vinyl!-- and yes, there will be at least one new song on it of a drag racing related nature!)-- And do keep in mind that you can still download the entire Big Stick music back catalog on iTunes, Spotify, Apple and most of the other popular cyber downloading outlets... I posted a special Christmas photo below of yours truly in the Big Stick recording studio, holding on to one of my cherished motorsport journalism awards... Enjoy this day, appreciating all that is good in your life, and if possible, please do what you can to make someone who may be less fortunate than yourself experience the joy of the season... Please be kind to each other and know the value of the gifts of love and friendship that  we're blessed with-- because those are truly the most important and most valuable gifts that we possess...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


(Today, being Sunday, we'd usually be running our critically acclaimed "The Sunday Funnies That Aren't Necessary That Funny At All' anti-cyber-bullying campaign, featuring blowhard know-it-all, Marvin, however, we decided to bump Marvin this Sunday, and give our sweet and trusty Substitute Stephanie the opportunity to spread some Christmas Eve cheer. The much despised Marvin will most likely return to this page next Sunday.)

Hi! Substitute Stephanie here, as you probably are already well aware, I'm Doc's longtime trusty assistant. I'm the gal who often helps Doc out with this blog, usually with my 'Substitute Stephanie's Snapshot of the Day' feature, while Doc's busy with her Big Stick music stuff, sculpturing and her other artistic pursuits. Today I'm filling in for her, because Doc's busy with some last minute Christmas shopping and her usual seasonal volunteer work for poor and disadvantaged children... Below is my all-time favorite photograph of Doc and me together. I'm standing on the left, Doc's on the right, and for this Christmas Eve blog, we've added some spectacular Santa hats to our standard drag strip wardrobe... Merry Christmas, or merry whatever this season means to you, and may it be an enjoyable and safe holiday for you and your family... And like Doc always tells me 'Try to be thankful for all the good that we have in this world'... Sincerely Yours, Drag Racing Underground's Sweet Blogger Substitute Stephanie!

 

 

That's me Stephanie on the left, and my great leader and friend Doc on the right hamming it up for the holidays


A CHILDHOOD CHRISTMASSY DRAWING BY YOURS TRULY... AS A GIFT TO YOU...

Posted by: lovely

Tagged in: Untagged 

I do sincerely hope you're not getting too stressed or overwhelmed as Christmas day is now rapidly approaching. In an attempt to offer up some form of soothing visual comfort, I posted a Christmassy type of drawing that I did many moons ago, when I was only ten years old. Santa and a reindeer are the obvious subject matter of this cheerful rendering. It was done using color pencils. Even at a young age, I admit that the "artistic bug" took a strong hold of me, and I was very occupied with creating ample amounts of artwork (as well as music with a simple folk guitar). Anyways, I hope you're dealing with this holiday season in a relatively positive manner, I certainly do understand that all the glitz and glamour of December is often accompanied by some seasonal stress. And I do hope that you are making an effort to reach out to those who may not be quite as fortunate as yourself, in order to spread some friendly holiday cheer and encouragement. We're all in this together. I wish only the best for all my friends in the drag racing community. You're the best gosh, darn friends that this gearhead gal could ever ask for...

 

 

 

Christmassy styled color pencil drawing by yours truly from when I was a little kid. Santa and a reindeer.



Today is "FEEDBACK FRIDAY", meaning I deal with emails that my assistant Stephanie and I receive from readers regarding our most recent blogs... Let's get right to your feedback... Yesterday's blog featuring my short essay titled "THE HOLIDAY SEASON HELPS US REFLECT ON AND APPRECIATE ALL OUR DRAG RACING FRIENDSHIPS" resulted in lots of emails. 'Fast Dart Darlene' (as she likes to call herself) from Mooresville, NC wrote, "I believe that most of the friends I now spend time with during the holidays come from relationships made through my drag racing hobby. There's a lot of good people in the sport who have become my closest and best friends."...  Wednesday's TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER serial series resulted in lots of you writing in. Imogen from all the way in Edinburgh, UK said, "The angels singing combined with the Hemi engines cackling during Fred The Wrench's transformation was so dramatic. It was a fine Phantom Christmas tale for me."-- Once again Gary from Wellington, OH wrote in, "I thought the last episode was a little too sappy for my taste. I would have preferred more ghouls and scary stuff."... My blog encouraging all my racing readers to spend some time sharpening their reaction skills with a practice tree device over the winter off-season prompted emails from all over the map. Jerry from Kent, WA wrote, "Doc sounds like my wife, nagging me to use the practice tree she bought me last Christmas, so I can finally start winning some grocery money at the drag strip. LOL!" -- Matty from Freehold, NJ wrote "I try to spend at least fifteen minutes a day with my practice tree. Doc always gives the best advice for us racers."... My blog expressing concern for my friends in Southern California who are dealing with the dangerous wildfires got Harriet from Santa Barbara, CA  to write, "Doc is a blessing with her thoughts and prayers. She knows how to make me feel better."... Our so-called "SUNDAY FUNNIES THAT AREN'T NECESSARILY THAT FUNNY AT ALL" managed to get Catherine from Montgomery, TX in a bit of an angry frenzy, she typed, "The only thing Marvin deserves for Christmas is a bag of coal smashed over his head by all the women he cyber bullies!"... My blog paying respects to the recently departed Bob Glidden stirred up lots of emotionally charged responses from plenty of readers. Michael from Whiteland, IN said, "I grew up with Bob Glidden. Thanks for Doc's thoughtful tribute. I'll be a Ford blue oval guy just like Bob until the day I'm dead and buried too."... Thanks to all of you who wrote in with comments. Even though there's no way we have room to print all your emails, we want you to know that all your comments and suggestions are taken into consideration... Keep those emails comin' (by using the "Contact Us" link atop the page), whether you agree or disagree with mine, or any of our substitute guest bloggers' opinions, we're genuinely interested in your feedback... We just ask that you please keep your emails short and to the point, no rambling please, and please also include where you're from, we often find the location of where folks are writing us from to be sort of interesting. If you want to remain anonymous you can do that too (just write that you want to remain anonymous in the body of your email, and we won't disclose your identity in the event we choose to make a reference to your particular opinion)... Thanks...

 

 

It's "FEEDBACK FRIDAY" here at DRAG RACING UNDERGROUND. That means I print excerpts from some of the emails that you readers write in with. I always appreciate you folks who sit down at your keyboard and type me your thoughts and opinions.


As the holidays are upon on, I'd like to take a moment to acknowledge how much I appreciate all the friendships I've made because of my longtime involvement in drag racing. Yes, I love the cars, I love the racing, the sport as a whole, however, the one thing that I've grown to appreciate the most over the years, is the number of people that I see at the track, who show their endearing friendship for me when we cross paths-- THAT'S what I am most grateful for... And of course I appreciate all of you who I've never met in person, but send me such lovely emails, showing me how you genuinely feel about me -- THAT'S like a million dollars to me... Let's all be grateful for the friendships this drag racing stuff has brought into our lives -- It's a blessing...

 

 


Break the conventional chains which bind you to the belief that the only things in this world that exist are those we're able to touch and see in daylight. Ever heard of quantum physics?- Many credible physicists and scientists from the world's most prestigious of learning institutions now believe that parallel universes exist all around us-- We are likely surrounded by spectacular space, time, energy, and matter anomalies that boggle the brain, proving that what was once thought to be fantasy and fiction, can now be believed as truth and fathomable fact... We offer you a slice of hard science, combined with sporadic sprinklings of paranormal phenomena, as we here at Drag Racing Underground, proudly present to you...TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER...Step out of the narrow-minded mist that encircles those who wear their stagnate skepticism like an outdated peach-colored leisure suit, and allow yourself the freedom to follow the adventures of drag racing's infinite and most indestructible spirit of the afterlife... Pull up a chair, toss your inhibitions aside, and ride along with one Sebastian Conrad, strong spirited eternal speed freak extraordinaire. 


Last week's episode told of how our favorite metaphysical/afterlife drag racing dream team are together on Christmas Eve at their Heavenly Drag Racing Association sanctioned residence/racing compound. Fred The Wrench went into extreme convulsions after hearing leader Larry Lamb announce that the next matter of business on the team's agenda is preparing for Christmas... "AAAAARH!!!!" screamed out  Fred The Wrench "I-I-I CAN'T TAKE IT!!!! PLEASE DON'T LET CHRISTMAS COME AGAIN!!! CAN'T WE JUST GO TO THE DRAGS AND FORGET ABOUT CHRISTMAS?!?!... Fred  twisted his ample body into contortions and continued in a rage of sobbing anguish  "WHEN I WAS JUST SEVEN YEARS OLD BACK ON EARTH, IT WAS CHRISTMAS MORNING, MY FATHER, WHO WAS ALSO A MASTER MECHANIC, DISCOVERED THAT I LOST HIS FAVORITE PAIR OF PLIERS, WHEN ME AND MY FRIENDS BUILT A TREE HOUSE IN THE SUMMER--  MY DAD GREW FURIOUS, AND TOOK MY ONLY CHRISTMAS PRESENT, A 1/4 SCALE 'VISIBLE V8' MODEL KIT THAT I WANTED MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE IN THE WORLD, AND THREW IT IN OUR BURNING FIREPLACE AS PUNISHMENT FOR ME LOSING HIS PLIERS!!! THE VISIBLE V8 KIT WENT UP IN FLAMES AS I TEARFULLY WATCHED --  IT WAS THE WORST CHRISTMAS OF MY MORTAL LIFE!!!!! I'VE NEVER GOTTEN OVER THAT DAY -- NOW WHEN CHRISTMAS ROLLS AROUND EACH YEAR, EVEN HERE IN THE AFTERLIFE, ALL THAT MENTAL MISERY COMES BACK TO ME!!!!"...

"How do we make Fred's convulsions stop?!?" squawks Peter The Parrot... Maria replies  "I'm going to have to try using an ancient Mesopotamian metaphysical remedy for extreme mental duress that's called 'Butterfly Metamorphosis Therapy."... "YOU'RE GOING TO TRY TO TURN OUR FRUMPY FRED INTO A DELICATE BUTTERFLY?!?" squawks a befuddled Peter... "Yes, Peter," replies Maria, "though it does come with risk, if it doesn't work just right, we could completely lose Fred for all eternity."..."That's a risk we'll have to take." states Larry Lamb with stern authority... Maria says, "I will repeat a sacred chant, that will hopefully turn Fred first into an egg, then a larva, then a pupa, and then, God willing, into a beautiful butterfly, free of all mental trauma and stress, and full of only tranquil and healing peace of mind."... Maria begins to repeat the ancient metaphysical chant, "FOR OUR DEAREST FRIEND FRED, FOR THE UPCOMING CHRISTMAS DAY, LET HIS CHILDHOOD ANGUISH BE SENT FAR, FAR AWAY -- TRANSFORM HIS BODY, SPIRIT AND SOUL, INTO THE FOUR STAGES OF BUTTERFLY METAMORPHOSIS, LEAVING HIS CHILDHOOD GRIEF OUT TO THE COLD!!!!"(Maria repeats this chant at a louder and progressively faster pitch, multiple times, in a desperate attempt to eventually release Fred The Wrench from his gut-wrenching, emotionally-scarred, childhood induced, mentally debilitating pain!!!)...

After the tenth time of Maria repeating the chant, Fred's convulsions finally subside, and he lies on the floor completely motionless. A bright magenta beam of light flashes and engulfs Fred's human bodily form. Then the sound of a sweet chorus of angels, along with an echoing sound of distant nitro cackling, fills up the room. Fred then begins to shrink in size, and within seconds, he morphs into a small chrome-plated egg. Then, with another flash of bright magenta light, Fred then morphs into a larva. Then another flash of light appears, turning the larva into a pupa (or chrysalis as some people like to call it)..."There's only one more stage of metaphysical metamorphosis to go," says Maria with reserved optimism "and then Fred with be a stress-free butterfly!!"... "Will he be a big butterfly, since Fred was a big guy??" inquires Peter The Parrot... "No, Peter" replies Maria, "Fred will be made the normal size of a common butterfly."... "That's weird!!!" squawks Peter "I mean, I just can't imagine Fred being smaller than me!!!"...

THEN, the most intense of electrified magenta light fills the room in the wee hours of the night! The sound of a chorus of angels reaches a sustaining hum, and a distant echo of what sounds like a dozen nitro engines, cackling in perfectly-tuned harmony, blends in with the angels' soothing tones! KAAAABOOOM!!!! Fred The Wrench miraculously morphs from the pupa stage into a small, delicate and peaceful purple butterfly, and flies up onto one of the team's spare Chevy big blocks shelved in the shop! Everyone goes silent in awe, then they hear a high pitched voice come from the butterfly's tiny mouth "W-W-What is this?? I'm a butterfly?? H-H-How did this happen?? W-W-What happened to my body?? H-H-How come I sound different???...

Maria walks up to Fred The Wrench, who is now in blessed butterfly form, and says in a soft and loving manner "I used an ancient Mesopotamian metaphysical chant to bring you some much needed peace of mind for the Christmas, Fred."... Then there's a slight pause, and Fred in butterfly form replies, "This is all about me losing my dad's pliers when I was a kid, ain't it? A-A-And him then chucking my Visible V8 model kit Christmas present into the fireplace, ain't it?? I-I-I'm okay with that now, it doesn't seem to bother me anymore."...Maria looks at Fred in his butterfly form and smiles, as tears of joy roll down her cheeks... Peter The Parrot then discreetly squawks to himself, under his breath, out the side of his beak, so that the others can't hear him, "I still hope that we can eventually transform Fred back to being the old Fred we used to know, the big burly, overeating, cumbersome, wisecracking wrench of a man we all knew and loved. That's my only Christmas wish. That's my one and only true Christmas wish that this hot-rodding bird is so desperately, desperately praying for."... Christmas morning breaks and Fred The Wrench flaps his butterfly wings and says, "Now that I'm cured of my childhood Christmas trauma, could I please return to my frumpy, burly-guy, human bodily self???"... Sebastian looks at Maria and asks, "So what's the procedure for bringing Fred back to his old self??... "This is very risky," replies Maria, "it too requires an ancient Mesopotamian metaphysical chant, though if it doesn't work, not only will Fred remain a butterfly, but he will also lose all his valuable mechanical knowledge and know how!!'...

Maria musters all the metaphysical courage she possibly can and begins the chanting "THANK YOU SPIRITS FOR REMOVING FRED'S CHILDHOOD PAIN, BUT AS A DELICATE BUTTERFLY, HE DOES NOT WISH TO REMAIN, PLEASE TRANSFER HIM BACK TO HIS FRUMPY HUMAN PROPORTIONS AND FORM, WITH PEACE IN HIS HEART AND RETURN TO THE NORM!!!" (after the fifteenth repeating of the chant, what sounds like thousands of angels in a collective chorus, harking back to the dawn of creation, along with the sound of hundreds of nitro hemis cackling through the heavens, an all-encompassing  flash of magenta light blinds everyone for a few seconds)... Christmas morning has broken, and all the metaphysical dust has settled. All rub their eyes and try to get their visual bearings back... "IT'S FRED!!! IT'S THE OLD FRED!!! THE FAT, FRUMPY, SLOPPY FRED AGAIN!!!!" squawks an ecstatic  Peter The Parrot as Fred The Wrench stands before them, returned to human bodily form "MY CHRISTMAS WISH CAME TRUE!!! FRED HAS RETURNED TO BEING FRED!!!!"... Sebastian and Maria give Fred The Wrench a big hug. Even the usually reserved Larry Lamb can barely contain his excitement, and joins in for a group hug. Peter The Parrot scoots up on Fred's shoulder and gives him a big kiss with his beak... "THIS IS THE BEST CHRISTMAS EVER!!!" blurts Fred The Wrench "I'M CURED OF MY CHILDHOOD CHRISTMAS TRAUMA, AND I'M SURROUNDED BY MY LOVING DRAG RACING AFTERLIFE FAMILY!!!! YOU JUST CAN'T BEAT THIS!!!!"... Our group go on to spend the rest of the day celebrating the holiday in festive fashion, with magnificently-motivated-motorhead-merriment... Larry Lamb hooves it over to the crew's vintage Zenith console stereo, and puts on a cherished Christmas record by his favorite recording vocalist, Bing Crosby, (Larry likes the more traditional smooth crooners of popular music), and he then proceeds to hand out hefty Christmas presents to all his subordinates...


Yes, my dear friends, this is the mysterious mind-bending-hereafter rebirth, and puzzling parallel universe relocation of the bewildering being, energy, and entity we call THE PHANTOM RACER...  Well, it's good news that Maria's chanting did indeed successfully morph Fred The Wrench, from a violently convulsing, emotional wreck of a man, into a peaceful butterfly, and then, back to his old self, completely free of the trauma he had bottled up inside from when he was just a child on earth, and his father threw his 'Visible V8' Christmas present into the fireplace, as punishment for Fred losing his dad's favorite pair of pliers. THIS IS DEFINITELY A CHRISTMAS TALE WITH AN ENCHANTING ENDING!!! HOWEVER, AS WE ALL KNOW, THE GOOD TIMES DON'T USUALLY LAST VERY LONG 'ROUND THESE PARTS, ESPECIALLY WHEN THE EVIL FORCES OF THE DRAG RACING AFTERLIFE ARE ALWAYS SOMEHOW  LURKING IN THE SHADOWS!!!! WHERE IS THIS GOING?!?! WHAT THE HECK IS GOING TO HAPPEN NEXT?!?!?... What's in store for our drag racing paranormal dream team as they continue to embark on unpredictable drag racing adventures throughout the parallel universes??... Can they all hold it together and successfully champion the powers of good??... Or will they fall victim to evil entities they cannot control???... These are just a few of the mind-twisting questions to be answered in future action-packed episodes of TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER!!... There's more paranormal mystical and maniacal drag race mayhem coming your way!!... You definitely do not want to miss it...

Stay tuned next Wednesday for a new chapter of the serial paranormal drama series we call TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER... Be sure that YOU follow the story of Sebastian Conrad... Bookmark this page and BE HERE every Wednesday!!... You can read prior episodes of TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER by simply clicking on the 'DOC'S BLOG' link that's conveniently located atop this page, and then scrolling to her Wednesday blog installments (because this series is published here each and every Wednesday). All characters appearing in this series are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely coincidental. TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER story and imagery are copyright 2017 DRAG RACING UNDERGROUND.