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Doc's Blog

Welcome to Diana 'The Doc' Thomas' official Blog ... A radio interviewer once referred to Diana as being a 'Celebrity Drag Racing Authority & Visionary'... Diana has indeed filled the shoes (or fire boots) as truly being America's foremost 'Celebrity Drag Racing Authority & Visionary'... Diana is known for being somewhat controversial at times... She speaks the TRUTH!!... Nobody else on the web possesses the ability to speak the Truth, and 'TELL IT LIKE IT REALLY IS' the way she does!!-- Diana tells it like it is about drag racing and other topical issues-- You've seen Diana 'The Doc' Thomas on our DVDs, with Bret Kepner on ESPN, and in all the major media-- Don't miss your opportunity to read her daily blog here at DRAG RACING UNDERGROUND... Diana's Blog gives you a daily does of TRUTH and REALITY with HEART... Diana's unique and refreshing perspective is unlike anything else on the web... We strongly recommend that you bookmark this page NOW!!-- Be sure YOU check in daily to experience & enjoy Diana's unique insight, worldly wisdom and perspective...

Today is "FEEDBACK FRIDAY", meaning I deal with emails that my assistant Stephanie and I receive from readers regarding our most recent blogs... Let's get right to your feedback... Yesterday's blog announcing that Drag Racing Underground officially proclaims November as being "NHRA RACERS APPRECIATION MONTH" resulted in lots of emails. Ralph from Ennis, TX wrote, "Kudos to Doc for recognizing how hard our racers work on the NHRA tour. I used to be a crew guy for many years. I agree with Doc that being a professional driver isn't always as glamorous as it appears." -- On the far other side of the opinion fence, "Angry Gary" from Monroe, MI scribes "Give me a break. Another fluff piece from Doc. Who does she think she's fooling? Those pampered NHRA pro racers have it made in the shade!"... Wednesday's TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER serial series resulted in lots of you writing in. Unni from all the way in Fauske, Norway said, "Thank God that Sebastian was able to transform into the Phantom Racer and get rid of that scary Mantis monster!"-- Once again Gary from Wellington, OH wrote in, "I'll bet that next year we see the Heavenly Drag Racing Association return to their strict no Halloween activities policy."... My blog summarizing my trip to Raceway Park last Sunday for THE DIGS AT E'TOWN's nostalgia "Monster Bash" and the No/Time Nationals prompted Paula from Elberon, NJ  to say, "The weather at The Digs could have been a little warmer, but my family still had a great time. Meeting Doc and having her sign my son's baseball cap was the icing on the cake. I love the nostalgia drag racing." -- Deano from Newark, NJ wrote, "Thanks to Doc for stopping by our pit at the No/Time Nationals. Her long support of us outlaw racers has always helped."...  Our so-called "SUNDAY FUNNIES THAT AREN'T NECESSARILY THAT FUNNY AT ALL" managed to get Ellen from Pembroke Pines, FL in a bit of an angry frenzy, she typed, "Why would Marvin have the gall to call Doc a dingbat on her own blog page? He's a very sick puppy and a cyber bully!"... My editorial addressing the issue of our veterans suffering with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) for my Veterans Day blog inspired so many of you to write in with your own personal heart wrenching stories. Simon from Warmego, KS wrote, "I served a couple tours of duty in the middle east with the Marines. PTSD is something that I now live with each day of my life. I can't tell you how much us military vets appreciate Doc bringing attention to our problem. We need much more help than we're getting from the ******** in Washington DC."... Thanks to all of you who wrote in with comments. Even though there's no way we have room to print all your emails, we want you to know that all your comments and suggestions are taken into consideration... Keep those emails comin' (by using the "Contact Us" link atop the page), whether you agree or disagree with mine, or any of our substitute guest bloggers' opinions, we're genuinely interested in your feedback... We just ask that you please keep your emails short and to the point, no rambling please, and please also include where you're from, we often find the location of where folks are writing us from to be sort of interesting. If you want to remain anonymous you can do that too (just write that you want to remain anonymous in the body of your email, and we won't disclose your identity in the event we choose to make a reference to your particular opinion)... Thanks...

 

 

It's "FEEDBACK FRIDAY" here at DRAG RACING UNDERGROUND. That means I print excerpts from some of the emails that you readers write in with. I always appreciate you folks who sit down at your keyboard and type me your thoughts and opinions.


With the grueling 2017 NHRA season finally wrapped up and logged in the history books, we decided that here at Drag Racing Underground, that we'd officially proclaim November as being "NHRA RACERS APPRECIATION MONTH". Let's face it, for all the racers who compete in NHRA's seasonal points championship, it ain't exactly a walk in the park, quite to the contrary, it's actually a long physically and emotionally demanding task that is far more taxing than most folks living "normal" lives could possibly ever comprehend. Put plainly, IT'S HARD, HARD WORK!!... Sure, you see all the NHRA racers smiling for the TV cameras, and doing their best to provide rational explanations for when things go terribly wrong -- You see the zillion dollar luxury trailers and accommodations, HOWEVER, when you get down to the brass tacks of it all, they're the racers who have to get suited up, and climb in the cockpit at the track, when the temperature's 99 degrees with 100% humidity, and do their best to completely concentrate and focus on going another tough round of nerving NHRA racing... You simply can't deny the fact that with all the glitz, glamour, and pageantry of NHRA racing, it's still a very, very, difficult job. It can often be a dastardly demanding occupation that requires plenty of the proverbial blood, sweat and tears... That all said, that's why we're officially proclaiming this month of November as "NHRA RACERS APPRECIATION MONTH"!!!... We salute all you racers who accept the challenge of competing on the extremely "labor intensive" NHRA tour... We know you give your soul and spirit to this rough and occasionally raucous NHRA racing arena, and for that, we appreciate your show of unwavering strength and genuine gusto... Now that the 2017 season's over, take a breather, hug your family, and pat yourself on the back for all you do to keep this NHRA drag racing train a rollin'... Below is posted a photographic image that yours truly snapped in the E'Town Raceway Park press suite of some locally-born NHRA racers who I know, and have great respect and genuine admiration for...

 

 

 


Break the conventional chains which bind you to the belief that the only things in this world that exist are those we're able to touch and see in daylight. Ever heard of quantum physics?- Many credible physicists and scientists from the world's most prestigious of learning institutions now believe that parallel universes exist all around us-- We are likely surrounded by spectacular space, time, energy, and matter anomalies that boggle the brain, proving that what was once thought to be fantasy and fiction, can now be believed as truth and fathomable fact... We offer you a slice of hard science, combined with sporadic sprinklings of paranormal phenomena, as we here at Drag Racing Underground, proudly present to you...TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER...Step out of the narrow-minded mist that encircles those who wear their stagnate skepticism like an outdated peach-colored leisure suit, and allow yourself the freedom to follow the adventures of drag racing's infinite and most indestructible spirit of the afterlife... Pull up a chair, toss your inhibitions aside, and ride along with one Sebastian Conrad, strong spirited eternal speed freak extraordinaire. 


Last week's episode told of how our favorite metaphysical/afterlife drag racing dream team are together at their Heavenly Drag Racing Association sanctioned residence racing compound. A pint-sized H.D.R.A. related intruder named Stosh, masqueraded (wearing a Halloween costume), disguised as the Darkside Drag Racing Association's notorious "Mantis", evil clutch and bottom-end guy, well known and feared throughout the many parallel universes of the drag racing afterlife. The costumed character removed a layer of synthetic skin, molded in the shape of a praying mantis insect's head, adhered to his real head, and exposed his small parrot bird's head. 'Mantis' continued to shed off armor-like 'body panels" of his 'costume', and squawked out loud, "I tricked you all!!! Trick or Treat!!! Trick or Treat!!! What do y'all think of my custom-made Halloween costume that fooled you all into thinking I was Mantis?!? HA!!! AIN'T THAT A HYSTERICAL RIOT?!? HEE!!! HEE!!!!"...

"Wait a minute!!!" squawked Peter The Parrot, "This little critter feller is my old best friend from back in the day Stosh!!!!! He's a bird buddy I once served with in the Heavenly Drag Racing Association's Junior Speed Scout training program for animals!!!"... "That's right, old pal!!" responds the bird that we were all tricked on this Halloween, into believing was "Mantis", the notorious clutch guy from the Darkside Drag Racing Association... "You sure had me fooled, Stosh!" blurts Fred The Wrench "Your elaborate costume was very convincing!!!"... Maria laughs out loud at the situation... "Hey, Stosh!" squawks an ecstatic Peter The Parrot, "I got some cheese and crackers hidden under my mattress, so as Fred don't steal the edible goodies from me -- I been saving 'em for a special occasion just like this one!!!!"... "Oh brother," sarcastically shrugs Fred The Wrench, "As if it don't get weird enough 'round here with just one pint-sized parrot on the premises, now we gots two of 'em?!?"...

Everyone shares Halloween candy corn that Stosh brought with him. Peter The Parrot flies to his quarters to fetch the cheese and crackers. This is our crews first time celebrating Halloween due to the Heavenly Drag Racing Association lifting its former strict restrictions on the practice. Maria grabs a sheet from the linen closet, cuts holes for eyes, puts it over her body and pretends to be a happy howling ghost!! Moments later, Peter The Parrot, flies back to the assembled group and squawks "LOOK AT DIS?!? ALL MY CHEESE AND CRACKERS GOT SMOOSHED UNDER MY MATTRESS!!!! FRED MUSTA SAT ON MY BED WHEN HE WAS RAIDING MY OLD DRAG RACING 'ZINE STASH!!!! FRED MUSTA BEEN READING MY DRAG MAGS AND SITTIN' RIGHT WHERE I HAD THESE MUNCHIE GOODIES STASHED UNDER MY MATTRESS AND SQUASHED 'EM!!!! HE MUSTA CRUSHED MY TREATS WITH HIS AMPLE FRUMPY BODY MASS!!!!"...

"Calm down!" says Fred The Wrench, "Yes, I did recently raid your stash of old drag racing magazines, and yes, I did sit on your bed for a spell, and read through some of 'em, and musta smooshed your hidden cheese n' crackers under your mattress on accident. But I'll make it up to you, little guy!"... "Oh yeah?!?" squawks Peter The Parrot "How you gonna do that, Freddy boy?!?"... Fred walks to the fridge and pulls out a deluxe party platter that he had been saving for the proverbial 'special occasion' as well... "Oh my," says Larry Lamb, "Fred's party platter surely makes up for those squashed crackers and cheese you had hidden under your mattress, Peter!"... "I propose a toast!" interjects a gleeful Stosh, "Here's to the beauty of six members of the Heavenly Drag Racing Association's afterlife racing operations, sharing a wholesome Halloween themed get-together of friends!!!"..."HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!" shouts the two parrots in collective unison ... Fred The Wrench proceeds to put on one of his favorite Fats Domino records and the party really starts hoppin'!!!...

BUT THEN!!!...  The needle on the Fats Domino record scratches its way across the disc as a result of a sudden seismic  shakeup of the surroundings!!... "OH NO!!!" shouts an aghast Maria... An eerie dark aura appears to rise up from the large party platter dish, and materialize in ghastly physical form!!!... "IT'S THE R-R-REAL MANTIS!!!" says Sebastian... "YEP!!! DAMN RIGHT IT'S ME -- THE REAL MANTIS!!! I'M CORROSIVELY CRASHING THIS LAME HALLOWEEN PARTY!!!" ghoulishly gurgles what is clearly visible as 'the real McCoy' of nefarious darkside clutch tuning creatures, "I WAS SCANNING MY SHORTWAVE CLAIRVOYANCE MONITOR AT MY DARKSIDE PAD, WHEN I SUCCESSFULLY BROKE YOUR TELEPATHIC BROADCAST SECURITY CODES, ENABLING ME TO WATCH THE PATHETIC PARTY HAPPENING HERE!!! -- YOU SEE, THIS MANTIS HEAD ON MY SHOULDERS IS NOT A HALLOWEEN COSTUME!!! THE MIND INSIDE THIS PRAYING MANTIS SHAPED HEAD IS TRUE INTERSPECIES METAPHYSICAL EVIL, SHIFTED INTO OVERDRIVE!!!! NOW I'M GOING TO TURN YOUR DOOFY, DO-GOODER, WHOLESOME HALLOWEEN PARTY INTO A SINISTER SUPERNATURAL NIGHTMARE SCENARIO, THAT YOU FEEBLE FOOLS COULD NEVER, EVER IMAGINE!!!!! HA!!! HA!!! HA!!! HA!!!"....

Sebastian immediately starts to spin at high RPMs in order to transform into 'Phantom Racer' mode... Mantis attempts to counteract and disrupt Sebastian's transformation actions by repeatedly chanting a morbid ancient mantis mantra, "STOP THE PHANTOM HERO IN HIS TRACKS AND SET HIS INNER CLOCK SEVERAL MINUTES BACK!!! STOP THE PHANTOM HERO IN HIS TRACKS AND SET HIS INNER CLOCK SEVERAL MINUTES BACK!!! STOP THE PHANTOM HERO IN HIS TRACKS AND SET HIS INNER CLOCK SEVERAL MINUTES BACK!!!"..."... Sebastian musters all the positive power he possibly can, shutting out Mantis' corrupting chanting, and successfully transforms into full 'Phantom' mode, then overwhelms Mantis with strength and finesse. Mantis tries desperately to fight back using freakish, freestyle sorcery moves, but can't break from Sebastian's mighty grip. Sebastian picks Mantis up over his head and throws him into a vat of corrosive tool cleaning liquid solution...

Mantis subsequently dissolves physically, though a weakened, translucent orb appears to materialize and escape from the toxic cleaning solution, and rapidly flies out one of the room's open skylights... "I guess that's all that is left of Mantis, for now anyways," says Sebastian, while standing tall in full 'Phantom Racer' hero regalia, "but don't think for one minute that Mantis is completely done for -- he'll travel in orb form back to his division of the Darkside Drag Racing Association's clutch experts enclave, and be reconstructed through the process of alchemy rehabilitation by their seasoned wizards of witchcraft."... "At least he's gone from here!!" says Maria, speaking with a sense of relief, as she removes her makeshift ghost sheet costume... "That was scary!" squawks Peter The Parrot... "Boy oh boy! I wanted to slug that Mantis creep right in his buggy kisser!" adds Fred The Wrench... "I believe that we best break this Halloween party up." says leader Larry Lamb with firm authority... "I'll transport back to my place." says Stosh "It was a fun party, for the short time that it lasted."... "Hey, it was good to see you again, buddy!" squawks Peter The Parrot "Don't be a stranger, come see us again!"... Stosh does his cute little bird waddle over to the metaphysical transport station, and fades away to back to where he came from... "Okay, everybody," orders Larry Lamb, "off to your quarters and get some sleep, I have a feeling that we'll be assigned another challenging mission from our superiors at the Heavenly Drag Racing Association sooner than later. Get your rest so you'll all be prepared for further drag racing afterlife do-gooder duty."...

 

Yes, my dear friends, this is the mysterious mind-bending-hereafter rebirth, and puzzling parallel universe relocation of the bewildering being, energy, and entity we call THE PHANTOM RACER...  Wow!! --  It's a good thing that Sebastian was able to successfully transform into 'Phantom Racer' mode, despite the evil chanting that Mantis was doing in an attempt to counteract the transformation process. Fortunately Sebastian was able to overpower the menacing Mantis from the darkside, throw him in a vat of toxic parts cleaning solution, reducing him to just a fleeing orb... It was nice for our gang to have Stosh The Parrot as a brief Halloween guest, and he was no worse for wear, and transported safely back to his Heavenly Drag Racing Association abode... Larry Lamb firmly orders everyone to bed, to rest up, and regain their strength and mindset for their next assigned mission from the H.D.R.A.... WHAT THE HECK IS GOING TO HAPPEN NEXT?!?!?... What's in store for our drag racing paranormal dream team as they continue to embark on unpredictable drag racing adventures throughout the parallel universes??... Can they all hold it together and successfully champion the powers of good??... Or will they fall victim to evil entities they cannot control???... These are just a few of the mind-twisting questions to be answered in future action-packed episodes of TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER!!... There's more paranormal mystical and maniacal drag race mayhem coming your way!!... You definitely do not want to miss it...

Stay tuned next Wednesday for a new chapter of the serial paranormal drama series we call TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER... Be sure that YOU follow the story of Sebastian Conrad... Bookmark this page and BE HERE every Wednesday!!... You can read prior episodes of TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER by simply clicking on the 'DOC'S BLOG' link that's conveniently located atop this page, and then scrolling to her Wednesday blog installments (because this series is published here each and every Wednesday). All characters appearing in this series are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely coincidental. TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER story and imagery are copyright 2017 DRAG RACING UNDERGROUND.


It's often said "the third time is a charm", and that's certainly the case regarding this past Sunday's rescheduled DIGS AT E'TOWN nostalgia drag racing series' "Monster Bash" 2017 season finale. The event was already "rained out" two weeks in a row, and fortunately, the third attempt at running the event on Sunday was FINALLY a success -- "Mother Nature" finally cooperated enough to make it happen. Yes, temps did border on the chilly side of the thermometer, however, with sunny skies and a far-better-than-expected turnout for mid-November, there was really nothing for anyone to fret about. It was great to see all the many racers and their teams, a wide variety of happy hot rodders, and heapings of ultra-enthused spectators at the final DIGS date of the season. A lot of credit has to go to Raceway Park's Walter Frey and John McCartney for all their work in making THE DIGS the old school drag racing smash it's become over time. I thoroughly enjoyed seeing lots of my old friends, as well being introduced to some new ones, many of whom told me that they read this blog with steadfast regularity, I can't begin to tell you how much that means to me. I'm certainly looking forward to THE DIGS returning to E'Town's 1/8th mile strip in 2018... I also had a chance this past Sunday to check in on the notorious "No/Time Nationals" that were going on at Raceway's 1/4 mile track. There was a healthy turnout of urban "No/Time" racers on the property. I love when the big clocks get shut off, and the N/T racers do drag racing the way it was done during the sport's infancy -- back when you had to guess and estimate what your opponent's performance would be, before the benefit of seeing what they can run on the electronic clocks at the end of the strip -- there's a certain kind of "romance" to No/Time racing that I really love... In closing, I just want to reiterate what a grand time I had this past Sunday at Old Bridge Township Raceway Park, getting to experience the old school DIGS and the "No/Time" scene made for many positive memories that I know will stay with me for the duration... What a groovy way for me to wind up my 2017 drag racing season...

 

 

Paul Cirillo's dragster & accompanying ancient Ford 'Model A' tow car in THE DIGS staging lanes last Sunday.


First of all, I want to say what a joy it was for me, to spend yesterday at Old Bridge Township Raceway Park, and experience THE DIGS "Monster Bash" at the 1/8th mile strip, and the "No/Time Nationals" at the 1/4 mile track -- I'll talk more about that in tomorrow's (Tuesday's) blog installment... Now let's get to the matter of this past weekend's NHRA Finals in Pomona, California, and those racers who triumphantly walked away as 2017 season champions... I have to acknowledge how proud that I am, along with all my fellow E'Town friends, that Raceway Park alumnus, Eddie Krawiec, clinched his fourth NHRA Pro Stock Motorcycle championship. We're all so darn proud of Eddie's accomplishments aboard his Screamin' Eagle, Vance & Hines Harley Davidson. And kudos to Eddie's teammate Andrew Hines for scoring his Pomona win... In the Top Fuel Dragster class, it was Brittany Force taking the Pomona victory, running consistent 3.6s, and she also managed to clinch the 2017 championship. With Brittany at the wheel, and Alan Johnson helping turn the wrenches, the Monster Energy drink team sure made some incredible history this year (editor's note: there's no doubt that Drag Racing Underground controversial race predictor Franky, of "Franky & Felicia" fame must be mighty happy, since we believe he's picked Brittany to win practically every single race this season, at least when he hasn't been suspended for his often, uh, "questionable" behavior)... Tommy Johnson Jr. won Funny Car at Pomona with his stellar Make-A-Wish flopper, finishing up a respectable 8th in 2017 points -- The overall Funny Car championship honors though, went to Force Racing team mighty member Robert Hight. This is Hight's 2nd NHRA Mello Yello Funny Car championship... In the Pro Stock car class, it was Bo Butner winning the last national event of the season AND taking the "factory hot rod" category's 2017 championship... Congratulations also go out to all the Sportsman teams that wound up at the top of the heap for this year's gearhead grappling... The 2017 NHRA season has been nothing short of an emotional roller coaster for lots of race teams -- the competition was always tough and requiring the best you can be... We now look forward to the grueling 2018 season next year, because we all know in our heart that those racers who rise to the challenge of NHRA Championship Drag Racing, are among motorsports' strongest and bravest -- We salute you all...

 

 


Today is the return of the "SUNDAY FUNNIES" feature here on the blog, though admittedly, the way in which blowhard Marvin conducts himself in life, and especially on the drag racing internet, the situation isn't necessarily that, ahem, funny at all-- As a matter of fact, Marvin's brand of belligerent behavior often has negative consequences for the collective drag racing scene... Marvin aggressively seeks out internet postings by women and young folk who he deems to be 'pesky' (because they don't fit in to his preferred ornery oriented demographic), and tries desperately to pick apart and dissect each and every single word they typed, often claiming the facts are wrong, even if he knows that they are really right-- Anything to create a confrontation laced with lewd language and 'f bombs' is merry sport for Marvin (using 'f bombs' sure makes Marvin feel more 'macho' and more like he's a 'big man')... When dorks like Marvin get behind their computer keyboard, and just type negativity with their fingers, it never results in anything positive for the drag racing community, because we don't need the blowhard brand of 'debby-downer' dingbat dissent that fools like Marvin dispense 24/7 on the internet. I do hope that some will take this lesson to heart, because it's a lesson that needs to be learned by those who constantly pollute the drag racing internet with endless oodles of mindless nagging negativity. Let's get smart in 2017. Let's work together to help make the drag racing internet a 'family friendly' place where more people can enjoy it and be enriched and enlightened by it. Let's put an end to Marvin's brand of blowhard bullying...

 

 

Marvin is a mess! The problem of blowhard bullies like him on the drag racing internet needs to be addressed!


As we live in a nation with a government that's fighting so darn hard to divide us as a nation over the issue of patriotism, truth be told, it's our own government and its own blowhard phonies, that are completely and shamelessly hypocritical when it comes to their own reverence and respect for our veterans of war. On this Veterans Day 2017, I want to bring attention to a matter that REALLY affects the spirit and mindset of those who've bravely served this country  -- I'm talking about the unsettling matter of how our government is NOT taking decent care of those veterans who return home from war with "Post Traumatic Stress Disorder" (PTSD). For my readers who are not at all aware of what PTSD actually is -- PTSD is a mentally debilitating affliction that so many of our veterans living among us are currently suffering with. After seeing all the bloodshed, all the gory, ghastly death, and legs getting blown off their fellow soldiers, a most painful stain is left embedded on their brains, leaving them with a mindset that makes their lives dreadfully difficult to live back here at home. PTSD is something they carry with them, causing intense pain, not only to themselves, but very often to their family members and loved ones as well. On this Veterans Day, I ask that we focus less on the hyped-up hoopla and hypocritical flag-waving fodder our blowhard politicians engage in, and focus more on demanding that our politicians make a concerted effort to put their money where their mouth is, and dedicate far more cash and resources to serving those who've served this nation, and are now experiencing the relentless pain of PTSD. Let's take our veterans suffering with PTSD far more seriously, and work much harder at giving them the clinical and psychological help they so rightfully deserve. THAT'S what's most important to me on this this Veterans Day... Make America's politicians show that they REALLY give a damn about those who've served, and not just on Veterans Day, but everyday of the year. Let's make Post Traumatic Stress Disorder a veterans topic that America no longer shamefully sweeps under the rug. Thank you to all reading this who've served...

 

 


Today is "FEEDBACK FRIDAY", meaning I deal with emails that my assistant Stephanie and I receive from readers regarding our most recent blogs... Let's get right to your feedback... Yesterday's blog, featuring the long awaited (or long dreaded, depending on your personal opinion) return of Franky & Felicia's picks for this weekend's Auto Club NHRA Finals, resulted in an onslaught of very varied opinions from droves of our readers. Hank from Joliet, IL sent us a long winded email, here's just an excerpt of his essay length writings, "It's about damn time you brought Franky and Felicia back with their NHRA predictions. Drag Racing Underground has been suspending Franky for more races than ever before. Just because Franky's a true blue American bad ass, doesn't mean you should keep suspending him from duty. The president of our great nation is the biggest and toughest bad ass this country has ever seen, and nobody suspends him from the job for it! Let the man be a real man. Stop punishing poor Franky for being what a real man is supposed to be!" --  Eugene from Chester, PA said, "Franky and Felicia are the only reason I read your drag racing blog page. Don't be putting Franky on suspension every single time he gets in a little tussle or arrested. John Wayne would have been proud to have Franky as his drinking buddy. I like the way he carries himself. I don't care if him and his lady friend Felicia hardly ever predict the correct winners, they make me laugh out loud." -- On the far opposite side of the opinion fence, Jeff from Gainesville, GA writes, "I was hoping that Franky's multiple suspensions would finally result in termination. When I saw Franky's and Felicia's return for the Pomona finals, I practically hurled my Waffle House breakfast. I'm sick of hearing about the Mets baseball team, Billy Joel, and all that other New York nonsense those two jerky punks say! Their knowledge of drag racing is a complete joke!" -- And Ellen from Montreal, Canada said, "Felicia really offended me when she called Guns N' Roses 'flaky hippies'! She's the flake! Her comparing of her own legs and ankles to Taylor Swift's was the most ridiculous thing she's ever done. I have just as hard of a time digesting Felicia's garbage as I do Franky's. Please don't bring them back to do the NHRA predictions next year! Throw them out!" -- (editor's note: all the dozens of emails received regarding Franky & Felicia will be taken under consideration by Drag Racing Underground management in regards to whether or not they're asked to return to these pages for the 2018 NHRA season)... Wednesday's TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER serial series resulted in lots of you writing in. Noemie from all the way in Antwerp, Belgium said, "The REAL Mantis materializing from the Halloween party platter sent chills up my spine! So scary for me to imagine! That gave me nightmares!"-- Once again Gary from Wellington, OH wrote in, "Last week I said that the series was getting a little lame. I completely change my opinion of this week's episode! There was lots of creepy paranormal stuff this time around. Keep it up!"... My blogs announcing that THE DIGS AT E'TOWN's "MONSTER BASH" nostalgia drag racing event, that was "rained out" for the second week in a row, and has now been rescheduled for this Sunday, November 12th, caused quite a few of you to write in. Tyler from Hazlet, NJ said, "Bummer that The Digs got rained out two weeks straight. I'm going to be there this Sunday to try again. I want to see one more Ida Gasser Shootout before winter!" -- Pat from Hollis, Queens wrote in, "I hope the weather is decent this weekend. I need my DIGS fix!"... Thanks to all of you who wrote in with comments. Even though there's no way we have room to print all your emails, we want you to know that all your comments and suggestions are taken into consideration... Keep those emails comin' (by using the "Contact Us" link atop the page), whether you agree or disagree with mine, or any of our substitute guest bloggers' opinions, we're genuinely interested in your feedback... We just ask that you please keep your emails short and to the point, no rambling please, and please also include where you're from, we often find the location of where folks are writing us from to be sort of interesting. If you want to remain anonymous you can do that too (just write that you want to remain anonymous in the body of your email, and we won't disclose your identity in the event we choose to make a reference to your particular opinion)... Thanks...

 

 

It's "FEEDBACK FRIDAY" here at DRAG RACING UNDERGROUND. That means I print excerpts from some of the emails that you readers write in with. I always appreciate you folks who sit down at your keyboard and type me your thoughts and opinions.



Please meet Drag Racing Underground's NHRA race-winner-predicting-duo from Queens, New York. We'd like to introduce Franky & Felicia. They're a couple of sweethearts who have a love for drag racing, and have asked that we give them a shot at making race predictions. They persistently insisted to us that they have what it takes to get the job done. We're continuing to bring them to you now for their third season!! They definitely were not without controversy during their first two seasons!!... Feel free to send us your opinion of them by using the "Contact Us" link at the top of this page... For those of you missing Mike & Barbara, we regret to report that they've been cancelled... Without further ado, we proudly present to you Franky & Felicia and their NHRA predictions...


Franky: Yo! Me and my hot little lady are stoked 'bout giving youse our picks for this weekend's last national event of NHRA's 2017 season. It's da AAA Auto Club Finals in Pomona, California.  Before we go any further, I'd be remiss if I didn't say sumpthin' 'bout me getting suspended from these picks for the last few weeks. I've been suspended so many times by Drag Racing Underground's ultra-uptight Stephanie this season, that I've lost track of the number. My most recent scuffle, during a Billy Joel karaoke Halloween party, where some wise-mouth twerp made a crack about how my Mets costume didn't fit right, really got me steamed, and spending time at the local police precinct. And prior to that, when me and my buds took the subway into the city to try to score tickets for Gun N' Roses, and a group of jerks from New Joisey started cracking wise about our Billy Joel fan shirts and caps we was wearin', well, that also propelled me into a scuffle, also resulting in me spending a night in a police precinct's drunk tank. Stephanie caught wind of the incidents and subsequently suspended me. What can I say?? -- When you're a tough guy like me, uh, stuff happens. Anyways, those were parts of longer stories that I ain't necessarily sure I wanna tell right now. I hear it's debatable whether or not Drag Racing Underground is gonna ask me and Felicia to continue our prognosticating duties next season, being that I'm always gettin' suspended. I would hope that some of you peoples will email them, and tell 'em how much it would suck if we get canned! We're the only thing on the entire drag racing internet with a pulse! Geeez! And mark my word, next year the Mets are going to the World Series! Anyways, pull up a chair and read what me and Felicia got to say to youse 'bout the NHRA Finals!

Felicia: Right on, Franky, you gorgeous hunk of a man! I thoughts you sez you wasn't gonna talk about anything related to the New Yawk Mets? You promised that you wasn't goin' to talk about The Mets as much this season, like ya did last season! Drag Racing Underground will be gettin' lots of emails again from all the people complaining about you talkin' 'bout the Mets on this DRAG RACING web page! And you need to take it down a notch with your temper problem. You're too sensitive! You've been gettin' suspended so much that we've missed predicting lots of races!  I told you not to bother with trying to score those stupid Guns N' Roses tickets at Madison Square Garden. We've seen Billy Joel over 15 times at the Garden, he's the only decent guy to play that place. Who needs those flaky Guns N' Roses hippies anyways?!? They ain't even from Long Island!! My Top Fuel pick for the NHRA Finals is Leah Pritchett. She won at Brainerd. She made it all the way to the semi-finals at Indy. She lost in the 2nd round at the Grove. She's been on a rocky road from her impressive season start, but at least she's ranked 5th among the top ten.  And like I've said many times before, she's got da best darn eyebrows of any of the other dames in the dragster class. I wish I could get my eyebrows to look like hers-- I really do wish dat. Watch Leah Pritchett and her Papa John's Pizza powered digger set this weekend on fire at the Pomona finals!

Franky: No way is Leah Pritchett gonna win at Pomona.  And I don't mean any offense to all the Leah Pritchett fans out there in cyberland, but give me a friggin' break. I know you think she's a shoo-in 'cause she's got those flashy eyebrows, but I ain't seein' dat happen, dollface. I'm going with Brittany Force and her Monster Energy dragster. I was jumping up and down when she finally won her first event of the year back at Epping. She blew the timing equipment up recording a unbelievable 332.75 mph pass at Brainerd. And I went completely bonkers when I was watching TV from the recreation room at the Atlantic City drunk tank, when she won at Maple Grove! I bet she wins this Sunday and scores the 20 points she needs to take the crown away from Steve Torrence. I still got a gripe with Torrence for wearing a Yankees cap to the Summernationals, instead of a proper Mets cap! I know that everyone is gonna send me wisecracking emails for picking Brittany again. So many clowns like calling me a "fanboy" for persistently  picking the highly funded Force girls, but who cares? I'm really feeling that Brittany and her crack crew are gonna dispense some serious whoop ass on the tough NHRA Finals field!

Felicia: That sounds corny, Franky. It don't sound like you, using that old tired 'whoop ass' expression?? I thinks maybe you're being coached what to say again by that cockeyed blowhard cousin Enzo of yours from Joisey?!?... I thinks your desire to pick Brittany Force is a form of blinded prognostication. I don't think she's going to be lucky this weekend. My pick for Funny Car at Pomona is Ron Capps. I predict that Capps is going to reclaim his points lead from Robert Hight and clinch another championship title. Capps is only a mere 15 points shy of Hight. His crew will have the NAPA  Auto Parts Charger dialed in just right! I gots that feeling in my belly that Capps and his NAPA teammates are gonna get the job done, unless of course, that feeling in my belly is from last night's funky onion dip at our Billy Joel Queens NY chapter fan club party??

Franky: Fugget about Ron "Flappin' Gums" Capps, he's not the racer I see making headlines this weekend. I respect the guy, BUT this season finale deal ain't gonna be his race by any stretch of your overactive imagination, my fragrant Felicia. My crystal ball is showing me images of Courtney Force appearing in the Auto Club Raceway Funny Car winner's circle. She's a skilled broad who always qualifies strong. She's got some kind of backing from that Taylor Swift country music chick happening for this race. Taylor Swift sure ain't no Billy Joel, but I kinda like her. Courtney's got ants in her firepants to score a victory this time! Sure, I'll get called a "fanboy" 'cause of me pickin' a celeb like Courtney, but I don't care. I gots thick skin just like my hero Billy Joel. I'm  predicting Courtney's bark to be just as vicious as her bite and that she'll be making some Funny Car history this weekend!

Felicia: Ya know, I hates to say dis, Franky, but I just don't thinks Courtney is going to be all that for this coming event. Sorry 'bout dat. And I ain't much of a Taylor Swift fan. I'm tired of hearing all my goilfriends at the beauty parlor talk about what great legs and ankles they think she's got. It's my opinion that my more thickish, tree-trunkish ankles are what guys REALLY like!... Ya know, I get a lot of flack from many of you readers about me always talkin' 'bout myself, likes I ain't supposed to talk about myself?!? Geeeez, what kinda fun can a gal have if she ain't talkin' 'bout herself?!? Many of you smarty pants complain about me to management, 'cause you thinks I'm nothin' but a crazy bird from Queens. Whatever... For this weekend's final race of the NHRA season, I'm picking Bo Butner for Pro Stock. He's more of a predictable and "sure thing" kind of pick than I usually make for the 'factory hot rod' class, but I'm trying a last ditch attempt at increasing my successful prediction ratio for the season. Bo is going to beat the pants off the rest of the field. I believe Butner and crew are gonna turn on the heavy, honeybuns!

Franky: I don't agree, sweetcakes. I thinks you're delusional with that Pro Stock pick. I realize that Bo Butner is one tough doorslammin' guy, and I know he's lookin' practically unstoppable, but I'm just not feelin' him as hitting a winning note at Pomona. And you're right, Felicia, I for one am hot for your thick ankles. I like Taylor Swift's singing, but you definitely got her beat in the ankles department. Once again, you can bet that I'm stickin' to my guns, staying loyal, and betting all my jollyrocks on Erica Enders. I'm still psyched about Erica's earlier season win at Epping. She proved that ya gotta believe! I still believe that she's developing her old winning swagger back.  Her reaction times are still fierce. I realize that she's ranked 6th in points with her Elite Motorsports Camaro, and there's no way she's taking the 2017 championship, but I assure you, as sure as I'm sittin' here, that next year she's finishing in the number one slot! And yeah, I can see all the hate mail coming my way now. All the haters who call me a "fanboy" because I still root for Erica, they gets me madder than Billy Joel driving his car through a Long Island pizzeria's window!! Erica Enders is a serious racer when she's out on the track, she sort of reminds me of how you get, Felicia, when you're playing dodge ball with those wise-cracking little kids down at the Queens Borough Youth Recreation Center. You get that really intense game face of yours going on just like Erica does when she's driving.

Felicia: I hopes we did good, honey.

Franky: We picked 'em babe. 'Cause we're a couple of classy winners who know how to pick da winners.

 

 


Break the conventional chains which bind you to the belief that the only things in this world that exist are those we're able to touch and see in daylight. Ever heard of quantum physics?- Many credible physicists and scientists from the world's most prestigious of learning institutions now believe that parallel universes exist all around us-- We are likely surrounded by spectacular space, time, energy, and matter anomalies that boggle the brain, proving that what was once thought to be fantasy and fiction, can now be believed as truth and fathomable fact... We offer you a slice of hard science, combined with sporadic sprinklings of paranormal phenomena, as we here at Drag Racing Underground, proudly present to you...TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER...Step out of the narrow-minded mist that encircles those who wear their stagnate skepticism like an outdated peach-colored leisure suit, and allow yourself the freedom to follow the adventures of drag racing's infinite and most indestructible spirit of the afterlife... Pull up a chair, toss your inhibitions aside, and ride along with one Sebastian Conrad, strong spirited eternal speed freak extraordinaire. 


Last week's episode told of how our favorite metaphysical/afterlife drag racing dream team are at their Heavenly Drag Racing Association sanctioned residence racing compound/headquarters. A pint-sized H.D.R.A. related intruder named Stosh, was caught by our crew, masquerading (wearing a costume in Halloween fashion), disguised as the Darkside Drag Racing Association's notorious "Mantis", evil clutch and bottom-end guy, well known and feared throughout the parallel universes of the drag racing afterlife. Leader Larry Lamb finished up an interrogation of the small scale creature, using the team's new 'Truth Or Lie Indicator Capsule'. Exhibiting his trademark distinguished composure, poised to start flapping his woolly mouth, to vocalize his final executive decision of what's to be done concerning the future and fate of the apparition perceived a 'Mantis', Larry's abruptly interrupted by giggling from the interrogated subject, while it removes a layer of synthetic skin, molded in the shape of a praying mantis insect's head, adhered to his real head, and exposes his small parrot bird's head. 'Mantis' continues to shed armor-like 'body panels" of his 'costume', and squawks out loud, "I tricked you all!!! Trick or Treat!!! Trick or Treat!!! What do y'all think of my custom-made Halloween costume that fooled you all into thinking I was Mantis?!? HA!!! AIN'T THAT A HYSTERICAL RIOT?!? HEE!!! HEE!!!!"...

"Wait a minute!!!" squawks Peter The Parrot, "This little creative critter feller is my old best friend from back in the day Stosh!!!!! He's a bird buddy I once served with in the Heavenly Drag Racing Association's Junior Speed Scout training program for animals!!!"... "That's right, old pal!!" responds the bird that we were all tricked on this Halloween, to believe was "Mantis", the notorious clutch guy from the Darkside Drag Racing Association... "You sure had me fooled, Stosh!" blurts Fred The Wrench "Your costume was very convincing!!!"... Maria laughs out loud at the situation... "How's this possible??" says Sebastian, "I remember being told that we're not supposed to engage in ANY Halloween activities, as per the Heavenly Drag Racing Association's longstanding linking of any and all Halloween related festivities to evil!?!"..."You haven't been checking your H.D.R.A. updates, Sebastian." exclaims Stosh "They're relaxing the rules for this year, as a trial experiment, to see whether it raises or declines the morale of our covert units during the Halloween season."... "Hey, Stosh!" squawks an ecstatic Peter The Parrot, "I got some cheese and crackers hidden under my mattress, so as Fred don't steal the edible goodies from me -- I been saving 'em for a special occasion just like this one!!!!"... "Oh brother," sarcastically shrugs Fred The Wrench, "As if it don't get weird enough 'round here with just one pint-sized parrot on the premises, now we gots two?!?"...

Everyone lightens up in mood, and shares Halloween candy corn that Stosh brought along with him. Peter The Parrot flies to his quarters to fetch the cheese and crackers. This is our crews first time celebrating Halloween. Maria grabs a sheet from the linen closet, cuts holes for eyes, puts it over her body and pretends to be a happy howling ghost!! Everyone proceeds to engage in fun Halloween frolic... Moments later, Peter The Parrot, flies back to the assembled group and squawks "LOOK AT DIS?!? ALL MY CHEESE AND CRACKERS GOT SMOOSHED UNDER MY MATTRESS!!!! FRED MUSTA SAT ON MY BED WHEN HE WAS RAIDING MY OLD DRAG RACING 'ZINE STASH!!!! FRED MUSTA BEEN READING MY DRAG MAGS AND SITTIN' RIGHT WHERE I HAD THESE MUNCHIE GOODIES STASHED UNDER MY MATTRESS AND SQUASHED 'EM!!!! HE MUSTA CRUSHED MY TREATS WITH HIS AMPLE FRUMPY BODY MASS!!!!"...

"Calm down!" says Fred The Wrench, "Yes, I did recently raid your stash of old drag racing magazines, and yes, I did sit on your bed for a spell, and read through some of 'em, and musta smooshed your hidden cheese n' crackers under your mattress on accident. But I'll make it up to you, little guy!"... "Oh yeah?!?" squawks Peter The Parrot "How you gonna do that, Freddy boy?!?!?"... Fred walks to the fridge and pulls out a deluxe party platter that he had been saving for the proverbial 'special occasion' as well... "Look at that!!" says Maria, seeing the platter through the holes she cut out of her makeshift ghost sheet costume... "Yeah, that's an appetizing spread!" adds Sebastian..."Oh my," concurs Larry Lamb, "Fred's party platter surely makes up for those squashed crackers and cheese you had under your mattress, Peter!"... "I guess so," Peter The Parrot says, now breaking into a bit of a smile with his parrot beak, "and heck, I got my old buddy Stosh with me, who is also a parrot and one of my dearest buddies from the past, PLUS, I got all you great friends with me, you all are pretty much like family to me. This whole wacky situation has turned into the BEST Halloween EVER!!!!"...

"I propose a toast!" interjects a gleeful Stosh, "Here's to the beauty of six members of the Heavenly Drag Racing Association's afterlife racing operations, sharing a wholesome Halloween themed get-together of friends!!!"... Everyone takes a sip of their respective drinks and enjoy each others company... "This lil' fellow Stosh masqueraded such an elaborate Halloween hoax!" say Larry Lamb... Peter The Parrot and Stosh The Parrot are cracking tasty party nuts with their beaks, laughing it up, catching up on old times... "HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!" shouts the two parrots in collective unison ... Fred The Wrench proceeds to put on one of his favorite Fats Domino records and the party really starts hoppin'!!!...

BUT THEN!!!...  The needle on the Fats Domino record scratches its way across the disc as a result of a sudden seismic  shakeup of the surroundings!!... "OH NO!!!" shouts an aghast Maria... An eerie dark aura appears to rise up from the large party platter dish, and materialize in ghastly physical form!!!... "IT'S THE R-R-REAL MANTIS!!!" says Sebastian... "YEP!!! DAMN RIGHT IT'S ME -- THE REAL MANTIS!!! I'M CORROSIVELY CRASHING THIS LAME HALLOWEEN PARTY!!!" ghoulishly gurgles what is clearly visible as 'the real McCoy' of nefarious darkside clutch tuning creatures, "I WAS SCANNING MY SHORTWAVE CLAIRVOYANCE MONITOR AT MY DARKSIDE DRAG RACING PAD, WHEN I SUCCESSFULLY BROKE YOUR TELEPATHIC BROADCAST SECURITY CODES, ENABLING ME TO WATCH THE PATHETIC PARTY HAPPENING HERE!!! -- YOU SEE, THIS MANTIS HEAD ON MY SHOULDERS IS NOT A HALLOWEEN COSTUME!!! THE MIND INSIDE THIS PRAYING MANTIS SHAPED HEAD IS TRUE INTERSPECIES METAPHYSICAL EVIL SHIFTED INTO OVERDRIVE!!!! NOW I'M GOING TO TURN YOUR DOOFY, DO-GOODER, WHOLESOME HALLOWEEN PARTY INTO A SINISTER SUPERNATURAL NIGHTMARE SCENARIO, THAT YOU FEEBLE FOOLS COULD NEVER, EVER IMAGINE!!!!! HA!!! HA!!! HA!!! HA!!!".... Sebastian immediately starts to spin at high RPMs in order to transform into 'The Phantom Racer' mode... Mantis attempts to counteract and disrupt Sebastian's actions by repeatedly chanting a morbid ancient mantis mantra, "STOP THE PHANTOM HERO IN HIS TRACKS AND SET HIS INNER CLOCK SEVERAL MINUTES BACK!!! STOP THE PHANTOM HERO IN HIS TRACKS AND SET HIS INNER CLOCK SEVERAL MINUTES BACK!!! STOP THE PHANTOM HERO IN HIS TRACKS AND SET HIS INNER CLOCK SEVERAL MINUTES BACK!!!"..."

 

Yes, my dear friends, this is the mysterious mind-bending-hereafter rebirth, and puzzling parallel universe relocation of the bewildering being, energy, and entity we call THE PHANTOM RACER...  Wow!! -- Just when guest Stosh, the parrot from the Heavenly Drag Racing Association finally shed his "Mantis" Halloween costume, so he could help get our wholesome Halloween party started, the REAL Mantis materializes from the party platter dish and creates SHEER TERROR!!!! Sebastian wastes no time in starting to transform into 'Phantom Racer' hero mode, BUT, Mantis quickly responds with an ancient evil chant to counteract Sebastian's transformation!!!! CAN SEBASTIAN MAKE IT COMPLETELY THROUGH HIS TRANSFORMATION TO REPEL MANTIS AND SAVE THE DAY?!?!? OR WILL MANTIS' CHANTING DISRUPT AND DEFEAT SEBASTIAN'S TRANSFORMATION BY SETTING OUR HERO'S INNER CLOCK SEVERAL MINUTES BACK?!?!?  WHAT THE HECK IS GOING TO HAPPEN NEXT?!?!?... What's in store for our drag racing paranormal dream team as they continue to embark on unpredictable drag racing adventures throughout the parallel universes??... Can they all hold it together and successfully champion the powers of good??... Or will they fall victim to evil entities they cannot control???... These are just a few of the mind-twisting questions to be answered in future action-packed episodes of TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER!!... There's more paranormal mystical and maniacal drag race mayhem coming your way!!... You definitely do not want to miss it...

Stay tuned next Wednesday for a new chapter of the serial paranormal drama series we call TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER... Be sure that YOU follow the story of Sebastian Conrad... Bookmark this page and BE HERE every Wednesday!!... You can read prior episodes of TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER by simply clicking on the 'DOC'S BLOG' link that's conveniently located atop this page, and then scrolling to her Wednesday blog installments (because this series is published here each and every Wednesday). All characters appearing in this series are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely coincidental. TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER story and imagery are copyright 2017 DRAG RACING UNDERGROUND.


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