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Doc's Blog

Welcome to Diana 'The Doc' Thomas' official Blog ... A radio interviewer once referred to Diana as being a 'Celebrity Drag Racing Authority & Visionary'... Diana has indeed filled the shoes (or fire boots) as truly being America's foremost 'Celebrity Drag Racing Authority & Visionary'... Diana is known for being somewhat controversial at times... She writes the truth... Diana tells it like it is about drag racing and other topical issues-- You've seen Diana 'The Doc' Thomas on our DVDs, with Bret Kepner on ESPN, and in all the major media... Don't miss your opportunity to read her daily blog right here at DRAG RACING UNDERGROUND... Diana's blog gives you a daily dose of truth and reality with heart... Diana's unique and refreshing perspective is unlike anything else on the drag racing web... We strongly recommend that you bookmark this page now... Be sure you check in daily to experience & enjoy Diana's unique insight, worldly wisdom and perspective...

Today is "FEEDBACK FRIDAY", meaning I deal with emails that my assistant Stephanie and I receive from readers regarding our most recent blogs... Let's get right to your feedback... Yesterday's blog featuring Franky's & Felicia's predictions for this weekend's NHRA 4WIDE NATIONALS in North Carolina prompted lots of responses. Doris from Greenville, NC said, "I can appreciate Franky's joke about how us lazy rednecks here in North Carolina don't like making the effort to use our turn signals! Franky is ******* funny! I'm glad him and his old lady are back!"-- On the other side of the opinion fence, Oscar from Jupiter FL writes, "I don't care about Franky's problems over METS injuries or Felicia's opinion of Leah Pritchett's eyebrows. Those two dweebs need to be gone from drag racing for good!"... Wednesday's TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER serial series resulted in lots of you writing in. Plutca from all the way in New Guinea said, "Just when the team thinks they will enjoy relaxing recreation, they get spooked by evil spirits!"-- Once again Gary from Wellington, OH wrote in, "Next time I order a crated engine for delivery, I'll be sure to make certain there isn't a ghoul from the drag racing darkside hidden as a stowaway in the crate! I hope Sebastian can overcome this creep!"-- Thanks to all of you Phantom Racer fans who wrote in this week... Our blog proclaiming that APRIL IS AERODYNAMICS APPRECIATION MONTH made Brant from Camerillo, CA  say, "I understand Doc's position on recognizing the science and application of aerodynamics in drag racing. But when the extreme aerodynamics makes the cars look like jellybeans, not so much!"-- Aaron from Hyattsville, MD chimed in, "Thanks to Doc for bringing mass awareness to aerodynamics."... Our so-called "SUNDAY FUNNIES THAT AREN'T NECESSARILY THAT FUNNY AT ALL" managed to get Theresa from Neptune, NJ in a bit of an angry frenzy, she typed, "Marvin sucks! I hate that scum of a man!"... My blog titled 'WHY EARTH DAY SHOULD MATTER FOR THE DRAG RACING COMMUNITY' prompted Sherman from Ada, OH to say, "Some of my drag racing friends think Earth Day is rubbish, but I do agree with Doc that it's important to not destroy our planet."... Thanks to all of you who wrote in with comments. Even though there's no way we have room to print all your emails, we want you to know that all your comments and suggestions are taken into consideration... Keep those emails comin' (by using the "Contact Us" link atop the page), whether you agree or disagree with mine, or any of our substitute guest bloggers' opinions, we're genuinely interested in your feedback... We just ask that you please keep your emails short and to the point, no rambling please, and please also include where you're from, we often find the location of where folks are writing us from to be sort of interesting. If you want to remain anonymous you can do that too (just write that you want to remain anonymous in the body of your email, and we won't disclose your identity in the event we choose to make a reference to your particular opinion)... Thanks...

 

 

It's "FEEDBACK FRIDAY" here at DRAG RACING UNDERGROUND. That means I print excerpts from some of the emails that you readers write in with. I always appreciate you folks who sit down at your keyboard and type me your thoughts and opinions.


 

 Please meet Drag Racing Underground's NHRA race-winner-predicting-duo from Queens, New York. We'd like to introduce Franky & Felicia. They're a couple of sweethearts who have a love for drag racing, and have asked that we give them a shot at making race predictions. They persistently insisted to us that they have what it takes to get the job done. We're continuing to bring them to you now for their third season!! They definitely were not without controversy during their first two seasons!!... Feel free to send us your opinion of them by using the "Contact Us" link at the top of this page... For those of you missing Mike & Barbara, we regret to report that they've been cancelled... Without further ado, we proudly present to you Franky & Felicia and their NHRA predictions...


Franky: Yo! Me and my hot little lady are stoked 'bout giving youse our picks for this weekend's NHRA  4WIDE NATIONALS happening at zMAX Dragway in Concord, North Carolina, one of my favorite states outside of New Yawk. I've only been to North Carolina once in my life, when I was in my early teens, and my family went out there for my cousin Bud's 5th grade graduation. My whole family loved the way it's easier to drive if you wanna be lazy, 'cause ya don't have to use dem damn pesky turn signals if ya don't want to... I ain't one to gloat, but I'm glad Mike & Barbara got the shaft. Mike and Barbara were snooty posers in my opinion. I sure didn't like the way they thought they were so much better than Felicia and me, with their so-called "scientific" formula of predicting winners. And I sure don't appreciate the way they made fun of my METS, or love of Billy Joel and performing Billy Joel karaoke at the bars. I know that Felicia and me occasionally get put on  probation with the Drag Racing Underground brass, 'cause of some of the, uh, "off color" remarks as they call 'em, that we make from time from time, and yeah, we've gone through several friggin' suspensions over the last two years. But I still don't see why some people have such a freakin' problem with the way we express ourselves?? I thought this was supposed to be a free country?? Whatever, whatever. And yeah, as most of you have probably already guessed, I'm still very upset about so many of my NY METS players having injuries and gettin' benched. That really hurts me. I'm always on an emotional roller coaster as I follow the drama of my favorite baseball team in all da world. Anyways, whatever, whatever. Pull up a chair and read what me and Felicia got to say to youse 'bout the NHRA drag racing in North Carolina this weekend!

Felicia: Right on, Franky, you gorgeous hunk of a man! I thoughts you sez you wasn't gonna talk about the New Yawk Mets? I know you promised that you wasn't going to talk about The Mets as much this season, like ya did last season! Drag Racing Underground will be gettin' lots of emails again from all the people complaining about you talkin' 'bout the Mets on this DRAG RACING web page! And I thinks you're right to be dissing Mike & Barbara. I heard they made jokes to the Drag Racing Underground bosses about our Queens New Yawk accents too. The nerve of them hooty tooty snobs. I'm happy that Drag Racing Underground dropped the idea of alternating from race to race between using us and them snooty highfalutin creeps. My Top Fuel pick for the 4WIDE NATIONALS is Leah Pritchett. Winning three events so far this season is sending a message that she's top dog of the nitro dragsters. And her enchanting eyebrows are still the best of all the racin' womens. I went to the beauty parlor with a pic of Leah, showed it to my girl, and told her THAT'S what I want MY eyebrows to look like-- My girl told me that she couldn't give me eyebrows like Leah Pritchett's, 'cause she says that Leah is super gifted in the eyebrow department and I aint's.

Franky: No way is Leah Pritchett gonna win in Concord, North Carolina this weekend. And I don't mean any offense to all the Leah Pritchett fans out there in cyberland, but give me a friggin' break. I know you think she's got the most gorgeous eyebrows in drag racing, but no way will lady luck be on her side for a fourth weekend this early in the season. I'm going with Brittany Force and her team's Monster Energy dragster. I know that everyone is gonna send me wisecracking emails for picking Brittany. So many clowns like calling me a "fanboy" for frequently picking the highly funded Force girls, but who cares? I'm really feeling that Brittany and her crack crew are gonna dispense some serious whoop ass on the 4WIDE field!

Felicia: That sounds corny, Franky. It don't sound like you, using that old tired 'whoop ass' expression?? I thinks maybe you're being coached what to say again by that cockeyed blowhard cousin Enzo of yours from Jersey?!? Gee whiz... I thinks your desire to pick Brittany Force 'cause of what da people are calling your "fanboy tendencies" is slightly blinding your prognostication skills from making a better prediction this week. I know Brittany can be a blast when she's all dialed in, but I still don't think she'll win the 4WIDE, if she does win, I'll buy you a case of that energy drink stuff she's sellin' on the sides of her digger. How's that suit ya, Franky?!? Once again, just like last week, my Funny Car pick is for Ron Capps. I think I got my first winning pick of the season last week, predicting Capps winning at the SpringNationals! So not only has "Flappin' Gums" Capps finally clinched a championship last year, but it also looks like he could very well wiggle his way to winning the championship this season too. I gots that feeling in my belly that Capps and the NAPA crew are gonna get the job done, unless of course, that feeling in my belly is from last night's funky onion dip at our Billy Joel Queens NY chapter fan club party??

Franky: Fugget about Ron "Flappin' Gums" Capps, he's not the racer I see making headlines this weekend. I respect the guy, but the 4WIDE Nationals ain't gonna be his race by any stretch of your overactive imagination, my fragrant Felicia. My crystal ball is doing what it so often does, it's zooming in on the face of that super cute Courtney Force again. She's gonna unleash on the competition and give 'em a pounding with her Advance Auto Parts backed Camaro SS! Don't forget that she's the winningest female flopper pilot in NHRA history. When she keeps her car straight and hard, she has the potential to go rounds and make it all the way to the winners' circle! And don't be surprised if you see her put Capps on the trailer early on Sunday. Sure, I get called a "fanboy" 'cause of my frequent support for the super-funded Force sisters. But I don't care. I gots thick skin just like my hero Billy Joel. I'm  predicting Courtney's' bark to be just as vicious as her bite and that she'll be making some Funny Car history this weekend!

Felicia: Ya know, I hates to say dis, Franky, but I just don't thinks Courtney is going to be all that for this coming 4WIDE event. Sorry 'bout dat-- And I thinks you got that whole bite and bark thing backwards... Ya know, I get a lot of flack from many of you readers about me always talkin' 'bout myself, likes I ain't supposed to talk about myself?!? Geeeez, what kinda fun can a gal have if she ain't talkin' 'bout herself?!? Many of you smarty pants complain about me to management, 'cause you thinks I'm nothin' but a crazy bird from Queens. Whatever... For this weekend's race of the early NHRA  2017 season, I'm making me a Pro Stock pick that I've made in the past, only when I did so in the past, the driver never won, but now, with Bo Butner finally coming through with his first NHRA win in Texas last week, maybe he's right where he and his team need to be to repeat the winning process for two in a row. You're darn straight that my bet's on team Butner! I think Bo and his crew are gonna be unstoppable in Texas. I believe they're gonna turn on the heavy, honeybuns!

Franky: I don't agree, sweetcakes. I thinks you're delusional with that Pro Stock pick. I realize that Bo Butner is one tough doorslammin' guy, but I'm just not feelin' him as hitting a winning note at the 4WIDE NATIONALS. Once again, I'm stickin' to my guns, staying loyal, and betting all my jollyrocks on Erica Enders. I know that she wasn't exactly setting the world on fire last season, but I still gots to believe that she's gonna be able to get her old winning swagger back at the wheel of her fast Chevy Camaro brand of 'factory hot rod'-- It's so much better than the Slowpar Mopar she was campaigning last year.  And yeah, I can see all the hate mail coming my way now. All the haters who call me a "fanboy" because I still root for Erica, they gets me madder than Billy Joel driving his car through a Long Island pizzeria's window!! Erica Enders is a serious racer when she's out on the track, she sort of reminds me of how you get, Felicia, when you're playing checkers with those wise-cracking kids down at the Queens Borough Youth Recreation Center. You get that really intense game face of yours going on just like Erica does when she's driving.

Felicia: I hopes we did good, honey.

Franky: We picked 'em, babe. 'Cause we're a couple of classy winners who know how to pick da winners.

 

 


Break the conventional chains which bind you to the belief that the only things in this world that exist are those we're able to touch and see in daylight. Ever heard of quantum physics?- Many credible physicists and scientists from the world's most prestigious of learning institutions now believe that parallel universes exist all around us-- We are likely surrounded by spectacular space, time, energy, and matter anomalies that boggle the brain, proving that what was once thought to be fantasy and fiction, can now be believed as truth and fathomable fact...  We offer you a slice of hard science, combined with sporadic sprinklings of paranormal phenomena, as we here at Drag Racing Underground, proudly present to you... TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER... Step out of the narrow-minded mist that encircles those who wear their stagnate skepticism like an outdated peach-colored leisure suit, and allow yourself the freedom to follow the adventures of drag racing's infinite and most indestructible spirit of the afterlife... Pull up a chair, toss your inhibitions aside, and ride along with one Sebastian Conrad, strong spirited eternal speed freak extraordinaire. 


Last week's episode told of how our favorite metaphysical/afterlife drag racing dream team successfully completed another covert celestial assignment for the Heavenly Drag Racing Association. They teleported to a Super Stock event situated in a 1960s time warp, to bust a drag strip in an alternative universe, that was functioning as a corrupt front for an illegal seafood poaching operation. Our crew got the job done thanks to Sebastian driving their '64 Plymouth Belvedere to victory over "Clawhammer Curtis", and his slick Jet Ford Cobra. Then when our gang went to put the cuffs on "Clawhammer" and his poaching cronies, Clawhammer and his crew metaphysically morphed into crabs... "Ya see," said  Clawhammer, now speaking as a small crawling crab, "Me and my boys are the lost souls of seafood poaching seasons past. We were once illegally poached seafood ourselves, and when we were mercilessly boiled alive in a big pot, during a teen bonfire on the beach, our spirits escaped the pain and became the racing men of the afterlife that you saw us as just before."... Larry Lamb interjected with empathy  "I'm sure the court of the Heavenly Drag Racing Association will take all your hardship and suffering into consideration when deciding your detention sentences."...

Clawhammer twitched his crab claws, then proclaimed "I want Fred The Wrench to have my Cobra as a gift. I won't be needing it in my current physical state and where I'm going. And even though I ribbed Fred pretty badly before, I could tell that he's a guy who has his heart in the right place with this drag racing stuff. I want Fred to have my prized Cobra car."... "I-I-I don't know what to say," responded a somber Fred The Wrench, "Truth is, Ford Cobras have long been one of my all-time favorite Ford muscle cars-- but hey, uh, why don't we just consider it a gift on loan while you do your time, Clawhammer-- I'll do some modifications to it while yer in da joint, so that when you get out, I'll give it back to you with even more heaping horsepower and torrid torque!!"... "Thanks, Fred!" Clawhammer responds, "I believe when I'm released, the authorities will permit me to live the rest of eternity in a more human like form again."...  It's an awkward situation, when the so-called good guys and the so-called bad guys have more of a blur between them and their ethical convictions than a clear black and white line... Larry Lamb teleportated Clawhammer and his crony crabs to central booking at the Heavenly Drag Racing Association... Then Larry Lamb activated teleportation for our crew and their Belvedere, as well as their newly acquired Jet Ford Cobra to back home at base headquarters...

As our group and their cars materialize in the teleportation receiving area at their home base, they notice a sinister shadowy figure going through Larry Lamb's desk... Sebastian immediately takes action, running and jumping the dark figure... "WHERE THE HECK DID IT GO?!?" shouts Sebastian as the eerie entity vanishes from visual sight... "Oh dear," sighs Larry Lamb while then checking his desk, "It looks like the creature swiped my recent 'goals and aspirations report' that I prepared for our superiors at the Heavenly Drag Racing Association. As an agent from the darkside, as I'm sure that creature most certainly is, we can count on those creeps now having a clear outline of our present and future objectives if that information falls into their hands--This is NOT good!!"... "What a lousy welcoming home moment for us!!" squawks Peter The Parrot... "Darn, just when we was lookin' forward to relaxin a little bit!" blurts Fred The Wrench "I'll betcha that creepy spirit must have been a stowaway with that crated Chevy big block motor over there, the one that got delivered here while we was gone on assignment!! I ordered it from a questionable speed shop operation that's been recently rumored to harbor some spirits from the darkside in their shipping department. I should have known better than to purchase any speed goodies from them!!!"...

"Aw, c'mon guys," says Maria in an obvious attempt of try to comfort her cohorts, "I'll make us some of my soothing celestial tea-- and a strong black coffee for Fred, 'cause we all know that Fred doesn't like tea."... Our do-gooders then walk into the kitchen lounge, and sit down, as Maria begins brewing tea and coffee at the counter... Larry reaches for some Lorna Doone cookies for dunking in his tea, and speaks with steadfast seriousness, "I'll bet you that whatever that dark shadow creature actually is, he, she, or it, is probably still here hiding somewhere."... THEN A LOUD AND GHASTLY HOWL REVERBERATES FROM THE ADJOINING DYNO ROOM!!!... "WWWHAT IS IT?!?!?" screams Maria as she nervously spills a tray of hot tea all over Larry's prized Lorna Doone cookies... "THIS IS SERIOUS!!!" shouts an unsettled Sebastian as everyone stares at the ghoulish entity, "THIS IS EASILY THE MOST VICIOUS BEAST TO EVER INVADE OUR HEADQUARTER BASE!!!!"... "HE JUST SLIPPED LARRY'S REPORT PAPERS INTO A SEETHING SLIT LOCATED ON THE TOP OF HIS HORRIFYING HEAD!!!" squawks a petrified Peter The Parrot... "NOW ALL YOUR PLANS TO FIGHT MY ASSOCIATES OF THE DARKSIDE ARE ENTERED INTO MY BRAIN'S ORIFICE!!!!-- AND I WILL NOW RETURN TO MY LEWD LEADERS,  AND PLOT THE DEMISE OF YOU GEEKY GEARHEAD DO-GOODERS!!!" shouts the imposing creature with incredibly amplified vocal ambiguity!!!... "YOU ARE NOT  ESCAPING HERE WITH ALL THAT VALUABLE INFORMATION!!!" responds Sebastian as he metaphysically morphs into 'Phantom' mode, "I'LL STOP YOU IF IT'S THE LAST THING I EVER DO!!!!"....

 

 Yes, my dear friends, this is the mysterious mind-bending-hereafter rebirth, and puzzling parallel universe relocation of the bewildering being, energy, and entity we call THE PHANTOM RACER... Just when our gang thought returning home after a tough mission would result in some peaceful rest and relaxation time, they find an eerie entity from the darkside invading their space!! Fred The Wrench seems to believe the creepy creature arrived as a stowaway in a crated motor package that was delivered while our crew were gone working in the field. And the fact that the sinister being swiped Larry Lamb's newest 'goals and aspirations report', means that if that information gets in the hands of the drag racing afterlife's darkside, there's going to be plenty of of trouble for our group!!! CAN THE CREATURE BE STOPPED?!?!? THIS IS SO DARN DANGEROUS OF A SITUATION THAT WE FEAR IF SEBASTIAN DOES TRY HIS BEST TO STOP THE ENTITY, IT COULD INDEED BE "THE LAST THING HE'LL EVER DO"!!!!...  WHAT THE HECK IS GOING TO HAPPEN NEXT?!?!?... What's in store for our drag racing paranormal dream team as they continue to embark on unpredictable drag racing adventures throughout the parallel universes??... Can they all hold it together and successfully champion the powers of good??... Or will they fall victim to evil entities they cannot control???... These are just a few of the mind-twisting questions to be answered in future action-packed episodes of TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER!!... There's more paranormal mystical and maniacal drag race mayhem coming your way!!... You definitely do not want to miss it...

Stay tuned next Wednesday for a new chapter of the serial paranormal drama series we call TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER... Be sure that YOU follow the story of Sebastian Conrad... Bookmark this page and BE HERE every Wednesday!!... You can read prior episodes of TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER by simply clicking on the 'DOC'S BLOG' link that's conveniently located atop this page, and then scrolling to her Wednesday blog installments (because this series is published here each and every Wednesday). All characters appearing in this series are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely coincidental. TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER story and imagery are copyright 2017 DRAG RACING UNDERGROUND.


Today we're glad to present our newest educational media campaign... Drag Racing Underground officially announces that APRIL IS AERODYNAMICS APPRECIATION MONTH... That's right, we're promoting this campaign to encourage today's youth to appreciate the science of aerodynamics and how same science applies to the sport of drag racing... Aerodynamics is the study of the motion of air around a solid object, particularly its interaction with same solid object (such as a race car when storming down the drag strip). Aerodynamics is also the study concerning the forces of drag and lift in conjunction with performance. We hope that youngins will find the study and applications of aerodynamics to be interesting and enlightening, and that it will also encourage them to seek lifetime careers related to the critical science. I am aware that there's a growing movement in America that says "Science is our Enemy" or something stupid and ridiculous like that, however, nothing could be further from the truth-- science is our friend and is needed to make our world a better place...  Below is a photo from a few seasons back at Old Bridge Township Raceway Park's NHRA Summernationals event. We see Chip King's turbocharged Hemi-powered '69 Dodge Daytona. There's no denying that aerodynamics play a major role in the performance of this streamlined Pro Modified hot rod...

 

 

Drag Racing Underground announces our APRIL IS AERODYNAMICS APPRECIATION MONTH campaign


Don't have much time to blab on the blog today due to some pressing Big Stick related work I've got to tend to, however, I do want to take a brief moment to congratulate Leah Pritchett and her Papa John's Pizza team on their third Top Fuel victory of the 2017 season at this past weekend's NHRA SpringNationals at Royal Purple Raceway in Baytown, Texas. Evidently the lady with "the most enchanting eyebrows in drag racing" is really on her game now that she has substantial financial backing and resources. And Leah definitely proves the point that Shirley Muldowney said to me several years ago, "There IS a place for women in this sport". It's also worth noting that Leah in now ranked No#1 in the NHRA Top Fuel points standings. Congrats also go to Ron Capps who dominated the nitro Funny Car contingent with his NAPA sponsored flopper. As you probably already know, Capps was the 2016 NHRA F/C champ, hmm, maybe he's got a reasonable chance of repeating his championship this 2017 season??... And of course congrats go to Bo Butner on clinching his very first ever NHRA national event Pro Stock victory, according to Drag Racing Underground's own "controversial" NHRA prognosticator Felicia, it will not be his last-- Felicia's been singing the praises of Bo's Pro Stock winning potential for the last year or so... And congrats to ALL the racers who walked away in the various Sportsman classes with "Wallys" at the SpringNationals...

 

 

Controversial NHRA prognosticator Felicia says Leah's got the "most enchanting eyebrows in drag racing", Leah's now also a 3 time winner so far this 2017 season after this past weekend's SpringNationals victory. And she's rated No.#1 in the Top Fuel field.


THE "SUNDAY FUNNIES" THAT AREN'T NECESSARILY THAT FUNNY AT ALL...

Posted by: lovely

Tagged in: Untagged 

Being that today is in fact Sunday, we present our regularly scheduled "THE SUNDAY FUNNIES THAT AREN'T NECESSARILY THAT FUNNY AT ALL" feature, to help in eliminating the sic and grotesque epidemic of drag racing internet trolling and bullying...

Today is the return of the "SUNDAY FUNNIES" feature here on the blog, though admittedly, the way in which blowhard Marvin conducts himself in life, and especially on the drag racing internet, the situation isn't necessarily that, ahem, funny at all-- As a matter of fact, Marvin's brand of belligerent behavior often has negative consequences for the collective drag racing scene... Marvin aggressively seeks out internet postings by women and young folk who he deems to be 'pesky' (because they don't fit in to his preferred ornery oriented demographic), and tries desperately to pick apart and dissect each and every single word they typed, often claiming the facts are wrong, even if he knows that they are really right-- Anything to create a confrontation laced with lewd language and 'f bombs' is merry sport for Marvin (using 'f bombs' sure makes Marvin feel more 'macho' and more like he's a 'big man')... When dorks like Marvin get behind their computer keyboard, and just type negativity with their fingers, it never results in anything positive for the drag racing community, because we don't need the blowhard brand of 'debby-downer' dingbat dissent, that fools like Marvin dispense 24/7 on the internet. I do hope that some will take this lesson to heart, because it's a lesson that needs to be learned by those who constantly pollute the drag racing internet with endless oodles of mindless nagging negativity. Let's get smart in 2017. Let's work together to help make the drag racing internet a 'family friendly' place where more people can enjoy it and be enriched and enlightened by it. Let's put an end to Marvin's brand of blowhard bullying...

 

Marvin is a mess! The problem of blowhard bullies like him on the drag racing internet needs to be addressed!

 


WHY EARTH DAY SHOULD MATTER FOR THE DRAG RACING COMMUNITY...

Posted by: lovely

Tagged in: Untagged 

Look, I ain't stupid, I realize that a large portion of the drag racing community couldn't give a rat's behind about Earth Day... Yes, I am aware that many people involved with this drag racing scene are now what's referred to as the "alt-right" faction of the political and socio-economic  American demographic, I get that, I think.... And I also understand that there's a rapidly growing movement in America associated with the so-called "alt-right" to NOT care about deregulating pesticides sprayed on our food that destroy our kids' brains at a young age, or pollutants that make freshwater rivers and streams undrinkable and kill the fish and natural sea life-- I guess this movement has something to do with people who want to be considered "macho" or something like that, and somehow it's now believed that destroying our natural resources and wildlife makes you "tough" or something backward-cockeyed like that... Whatever... Well, whatever the case, I still know some people like myself, in the drag racing community, who DO believe that it's worth saving our earth for ourselves and future generations. There are still some of my drag racing friends who think it's a good idea to not poison our natural resources and cause death among wild life-- And with today actually being Earth Day, I hope that I can reach some of those folks who are now insisting it's in our nation's better interest to kill the planet as opposed to respecting it-- I'd like to reach out to all those who are now of the belief and political persuasion that "science is just stupid garbage made up by geeks", and I'd like to try to ask those kind of folks to give some thought to the whole earth issue and how science actually can make sense if you bother to do the objective research-- and maybe, just maybe, try to understand that we really do need our planet to be in better health than it is now-- we really do need our earth to not be a sickened and toxic place-- we need our earth to be healthier so we as people can be healthier... Please consider what I said here... Earth Day isn't just a "stupid hippie day" like some drag racing folks on the internet proclaim, it's a day where we should recognize the need to protect our planet and make the necessary steps to keep it inhabitable-- Let's do what's right for the kids and people of tomorrow... If we screw this planet up to a point that's beyond repair, we're going to be awfully sorry and unfortunate suckers...

 

 

For Earth Day... A lovely duck of the earth at Thompson Park, only about a 10 minute drive from Raceway Park


 

Today is "FEEDBACK FRIDAY", meaning I deal with emails that my assistant Stephanie and I receive from readers regarding our most recent blogs... Let's get right to your feedback... Yesterday's blog featuring Franky's & Felicia's triumphant return, predicting the winners for this weekend's NHRA SpringNationals in Texas prompted lots of responses. Jamey from Seminole, FL said, "I'm glad that Franky & Felicia are back. I get a good laugh out of their whack New York attitudes. They're a lot more fun than that boring and stuck up Mike & Barbara couple who were temporarily replacing them! I'm an Erica Enders and Courtney Force fan just like Franky."-- On the other side of the opinion fence, Dan from Siloam Springs, AR writes, "I'm done reading about the NY METS and Billy Joel karaoke bars. Bringing back Franky & Felicia was a huge mistake. Their racing predictions suck every time you print their New Yorker garbage!"... Wednesday's TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER serial series return resulted in lots of you writing in. Juliet from all the way in Bolzano, Italy said, "Larry Lamb was sweet for saying  the poachers deserve some leniency because they were once poached seafood themselves. Larry is a kind and understanding lamb man."-- Once again Gary from Wellington, OH wrote in, "Kudos to Clawhammer for putting his Cobra Jet Ford Super Stocker in Fred The Wrench's hands while he serves his time in Heavenly Drag Racing Association lock up."-- Thanks to all of you Phantom Racer fans who wrote in this week... Our blog proclaiming an official "CUTE CAMARO DAY" got Jason from Park Hill, OK to say, "My old Camaro looks a lot like the one in your photo, minus about 30k in speed shop modifications but I'm slowly getting there! It should be complete next year!"... My blog featuring a photo of Carol "Bunny" Burkett and yours truly resulted in Teddy from North Brunswick, NJ  saying, "Bunny Burkett is my idea of the perfect Easter bunny! I love the photo of Bunny and Doc!"... Our so-called "SUNDAY FUNNIES THAT AREN'T NECESSARILY THAT FUNNY AT ALL" managed to get Doris from Buff City, TN in a bit of an angry frenzy, she typed, "Marvin and the loser men who are members of the Misogynist Hot Rod Association can get bent! That's the sickest idea I've ever heard in my life!"... My blog wishing all a Happy Easter & Passover, with a photo of my sculpture bunny work caused Renee  from Woodburn, OR, to write, "Doc's sculpture work is so very beautiful. I want an example of her creations. Please tell me how I can purchase one for my home art collection."... Thanks to all of you who wrote in with comments. Even though there's no way we have room to print all your emails, we want you to know that all your comments and suggestions are taken into consideration... Keep those emails comin' (by using the "Contact Us" link atop the page), whether you agree or disagree with mine, or any of our substitute guest bloggers' opinions, we're genuinely interested in your feedback... We just ask that you please keep your emails short and to the point, no rambling please, and please also include where you're from, we often find the location of where folks are writing us from to be sort of interesting. If you want to remain anonymous you can do that too (just write that you want to remain anonymous in the body of your email, and we won't disclose your identity in the event we choose to make a reference to your particular opinion)... Thanks...

 

 

It's "FEEDBACK FRIDAY" here at DRAG RACING UNDERGROUND. That means I print excerpts from some of the emails that you readers write in with. I always appreciate you folks who sit down at your keyboard and type me your thoughts and opinions.


FRANKY & FELICIA PICK THE NHRA SPRINGNATIONALS WINNERS...

Posted by: lovely

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 Please meet Drag Racing Underground's NHRA race-winner-predicting-duo from Queens, New York. We'd like to introduce Franky & Felicia. They're a couple of sweethearts who have a love for drag racing, and have asked that we give them a shot at making race predictions. They persistently insisted to us that they have what it takes to get the job done. We're continuing to bring them to you now for their third season!! They definitely were not without controversy during their first two seasons!!... Feel free to send us your opinion of them by using the "Contact Us" link at the top of this page... For those of you missing Mike & Barbara, we regret to report that they've been cancelled... Without further ado, we proudly present to you Franky & Felicia and their NHRA predictions...


Franky: Yo! Me and my hot little lady are stoked 'bout giving youse our picks for this weekend's NHRA  SpringNationals happening at Royal Purple Raceway in Baytown, Texas, my favorite state outside of New Yawk. I've only been to Texas once in my life, when I was in my early teens, and my family went out there for my cousin Marky's first and last rodeo appearance. I ain't one to gloat, but I'm glad Mike & Barbara got the shaft.  Mike and Barbara were snooty posers in my opinion. I sure didn't like the way they thought they were so much better than Felicia and me with their so-called "scientific" formula of predicting winners. And I sure don't appreciate the way they made fun of my NY METS, or love of Billy Joel and performing Billy Joel karaoke at our local Queens tavern. I know that Felicia and me occasionally get put on  probation with the Drag Racing Underground brass, 'cause of some of the, uh, "off color" remarks as they call 'em, that we make from time from time, and yeah, we've gone through several friggin' suspensions over the last two years. But I still don't see why some people have such a freakin' problem with the way we express ourselves?? I thought this was supposed to be a free country?? Whatever, whatever.  And yeah, as most of you have probably already guessed, I'm still very upset about the New Yawk Mets loss to the Marlins. That really hurt me. I'm always on an emotional roller coaster as I follow the drama of my favorite baseball team in all da world. Anyways, whatever, whatever. Pull up a chair and read what me and Felicia got to say to youse 'bout the NHRA drag racing in Texas this weekend!

Felicia: Right on, Franky, you gorgeous hunk of a man! I thoughts you sez you wasn't gonna talk about the New Yawk Mets? I know you promised that you wasn't going to talk about The Mets as much this season, like ya did last season! Drag Racing Underground will be gettin' lots of emails again from all the people complaining about you talkin' 'bout the Mets on this DRAG RACING web page! And I thinks you're right to be dissing Mike & Barbara. I heard they made jokes to the Drag Racing Underground bosses about our Queens New Yawk accents too. The nerve of them hooty tooty snobs. I'm happy that Drag Racing Underground dropped the idea of alternating from race to race between using us and them snooty highfalutin creeps. My Top Fuel pick for the SpringNationals is Antron Brown. He secured his third Top Fuel World Championship title last season. And I like the guy 'cause he's originally one of dem Joisey boys!

Franky: No way is Antron Brown gonna win in Baytown, Texas this weekend. And I don't mean any offense to all the Antron Brown fans out there in cyberland, but give me a friggin' break.  I'm going with Doug Kalitta and his team's Mac Tools dragster. He's got the goods to make it two SpringNationals wins in a row. Doug dominated this race in 2016 and expect the same for 2017.  I'm  predicting that Doug Kalitta and his crew are gonna dispense some serious whoop ass on the Baytown field!

Felicia: That sounds corny, Franky. It don't sound like you, using that old tired 'whoop ass' expression?? I thinks maybe you're being coached what to say again by that cockeyed blowhard cousin Enzo of yours from Jersey?!? Gee whiz... I thinks your desire to pick Doug Kalitta 'cause he won this race last season is slightly blinding your prognostication skills from making a better prediction this week. I know Doug's fierce out of the gate, and plays tough, however, I don't thinks he'll win the SringNats, if he does win, I'll buy you one of those Texas bucking bull video simulators like they got in the corner bodega. How's that suit ya, Franky?!? My Funny Car pick is for Ron Capps. Ron "Flappin' Gums" Capps finally won a championship in 2016. I thinks he's gonna also wiggle his way to winning the 2017 championship. I gots that feeling in my belly that Capps and the NAPA crew are gonna get the job done, unless of course, that feeling in my belly is from last night's funky onion dip at our Billy Joel Queens NY chapter fan club party??

Franky: Fugget about Ron "Flappin' Gums" Capps, he's not the racer I see making headlines this weekend. I respect the guy, but the SpringNats ain't gonna be his race by any stretch of your overactive imagination, my fragrant Felicia. My crystal ball is zooming in on the face of that super cute Courtney Force again. She's gonna unleash on the competition and give 'em a pounding with her Advance Auto Parts backed Camaro SS! Don't forget that she's the winningest female flopper pilot in NHRA history. When she keeps her car straight and hard, she has the potential to go rounds and make it all the way to the winners' circle. ALSO let's not discount the fact that she won this race last year! Sure, I get called a "fanboy" 'cause of my support for the super-funded Force sisters. But I don't care. I gots thick skin just like my hero Billy Joel. I'm  predicting Courtney's' bark to be just as vicious as her bite and that she'll be making some Funny Car history this weekend!

Felicia: Ya know, I hates to say dis, Franky, but I just don't thinks Courtney is going to be all that for this coming Texas event. Sorry 'bout dat-- And I thinks you got that whole bite and bark thing backwards... Ya know, I get a lot of flack from many of you readers about me always talkin' 'bout myself, likes I ain't supposed to talk about myself?!? Geeeez, what kinda fun can a gal have if she ain't talkin' 'bout herself?!? Many of you smarty pants complain about me to management, 'cause you thinks I'm nothin' but a crazy bird from Queens. Whatever... For this weekend's race of the early  NHRA  2017 season, I'm making me a smart, safe and sane pick in Pro Stock. I say that Greg Anderson at the wheel of his Summit Racing Equipment sponsored Camaro is destined to close the doorslammin' deal this Sunday. Greg Anderson has shown the world that he knows how to give the rest of the fast factory hot rods a hard time. And much like you, Franky, on this one I'm the one going with a racer who won this event last season.  I thinks Greg and his team are gonna be unstoppable in Texas. I believe that Anderson and his Camaro are gonna turn on the heavy, honeybuns!

Franky: I don't agree, sweetcakes. I thinks you're delusional with that Pro Stock pick. I realize that Greg Anderson is one tough doorslammin' guy, but I'm just not feelin' him as hitting a winning note in Baytown. Once again, I'm stickin' to my guns, staying loyal, and betting all my jollyrocks on Erica Enders. I know that she wasn't exactly setting the world on fire last season, but I still gots to believe that she's gonna be able to get her old winning swagger back at the wheel of her fast Chevy Camaro brand of 'factory hot rod'-- It's so much better than the Slowpar Mopar she was campaigning last year.  And yeah, I can see all the hate mail coming my way now. All the haters who call me a "fanboy" because I still root for Erica, they gets me madder than Billy Joel driving his car through a Long Island pizzeria's window!! Erica Enders is a serious racer when she's out on the track, she sort of reminds me of how you get, Felicia, when you're playing Candyland with those wise-cracking kids you're mentoring down at the Queens Borough Youth Recreation Center. You get that really intense game face of yours going on just like Erica does when she's driving.

Felicia: I hopes we did good, honey, and that Drag Racing Underground never brings snooty Mike & Barbara back.

Franky: We picked 'em, babe. 'Cause we're a couple of classy winners who know how to pick da winners.

 

 


Break the conventional chains which bind you to the belief that the only things in this world that exist are those we're able to touch and see in daylight. Ever heard of quantum physics?-- Many credible physicists and scientists from the world's most prestigious of learning institutions now believe that parallel universes exist all around us-- We are likely surrounded by spectacular space, time, energy, and matter anomalies that boggle the brain, proving that what was once thought to be fantasy and fiction, can now be believed as truth and fathomable fact ... We offer you a slice of hard science, combined with sporadic sprinklings of paranormal phenomena, as we here at Drag Racing Underground, proudly present to you... TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER... Step out of the narrow-minded mist that encircles those who wear their stagnate skepticism like an outdated peach-colored leisure suit, and allow yourself the freedom to follow the adventures of drag racing's infinite and most indestructible spirit... Pull up a chair, toss your inhibitions aside, and ride along with one Sebastian Conrad, strong spirited eternal speed freak extraordinaire.

Last week's episode told of how our favorite metaphysical/afterlife drag racing dream team were on a covert celestial assignment for the Heavenly Drag Racing Association. They teleported to a Super Stock event situated in a 1960s time warp, snooping to investigate and bust a drag strip in an alternative universe, allegedly functioning as a corrupt front for a sinister seafood poaching operation. It's a twisted drag strip existing in a New England based wormhole, adjacent to an obscure portal of the drag racing afterlife. Our crew brought along a potent  '64 aluminum hemi-powered Plymouth Belvedere for competition.  There's a strong funky scent of burning rubber mixed with seafood that permeates through the air... There is indeed something 'fishy' going on here that's in need of being justifiably addressed by our upstanding heroic do-gooders...

Fortunately our gang were victorious in a heated Super Stock battle against a character who calls himself "Clawhammer Curtis"-- a lewd speaking and lanky standing man, with only one tooth and one lazy eye positioned on his forehead-- Clawhammer drove his sinister Cobra Jet Ford... Here's a brief recap of the race-- While driving his Belvedere, Sebastian was distracted by a pinching sensation, that turned out to be a large crab fiercely pinching him with aggressive tenacity... Clawhammer looked over at Sebastian in the opposing lane and giggled with ghastly gurgling, as he saw the crab that he sneakingly planted in Sebastian's car, performing its appointed duty, of distracting Sebastian from being able to focus his attention on the racing. This resulted in Clawhammer getting a healthy holeshot over Sebastian, due to the covertly-operating crab breaking Sebastian's concentration with every painful pinch. Then Sebastian was a recipient of what felt like a divine burst of additional horsepower sent from the 'Heavenly Hemi Gods'. Sebastian managed to accelerate within striking distance of Clawhammer-- HOWEVER, the pesky crab then continued pinching Sebastian with hellish agitation! BOTH RACERS WERE RAPIDLY MOVING TOWARDS THE FINISHLINE!!!-- A DRAG STRIP DUEL WAAAY TOO CLOSE FOR COMFORT!!!-- A REAL NAIL BITER OF A  SUPER STOCK DRAG RACE!!!!!. Then Clawhammer's Cobra got a case of mechanical gremlins in the last gasp to the finishline. Sebastian kicked his Belvedere in high gear and squeezed out a narrow, only-inches victory to activate the win light!!!...

"Thank heaven Sebastian pulled out that win!!" shouts Maria with enthusiasm... "Dear, me." interjects leader Larry Lamb "That was indeed too close and nerving of a round. We're all going to have to arrest Clawhammer and his cronies for using this strip as a front for an illegal seafood poaching operation!"... Peter The Parrot squawked, "I can't wait to bust these lowlifes!"... "IT WILL BE MY PLEASURE TO BRING THAT WISECRACKING CLAWHAMMER PUNK TO JUSTICE!!!" exclaims Fred The Wrench... Our gang arrive at the big end to meet with Sebastian, and prepare to start moving the wheels of heavenly drag racing afterlife justice in motion, to bust Clawhammer and the strip's illegal seafood poaching operation..."Alright!" yells Sebastian at Clawhammer as both racers step outside of their respective rides and remove their helmets, "We're on to you and your crooked cohorts!! We know that this drag strip is a front for a slimy illegal seafood poaching operation!! I want you and all your crew guys to lay face down on the ground with your hands over your heads!!"... "Whatever you say, pal." says Clawhammer with a wisecracking, though defeated sounding snicker in his tone... As Clawhammer and his four crews guys, who apparently are criminal associates in the operation get down to lay on the ground, they all metaphysically morph into crabs themselves!!!... "WHAAT THE ____?!?" exclaims Fred The Wrench as he witnesses the men turn into crabs now crawling on the pavement... "This simply can't be happening!!" says an aghast  Maria... "Oh, but it IS happening, sweetcakes!!" says the crawling crab that used to be the man called Clawhammer. "Ya see, me and my boys are the lost souls of seafood poaching seasons past. We were once illegally poached seafood ourselves, and when we were mercilessly boiled alive in a big pot, during a group of college kids' bonfire barbecue on the beach, our spirits escaped the pain and became the racing men of the afterlife that you saw us as just before."

"Oh, I get it." responds a now somewhat sympathetic Larry Lamb, "I'm sure the court of the Heavenly Drag Racing Association will take all your suffering and hardship into consideration when deciding your detention sentences and future fate."... "This is one of the oddest cases we've ever encountered!!" squawks a befuddled Peter The Parrot... Clawhammer now in crab form, twitches his crab claws while looking up from the ground at our group and proclaims "I would like Fred The Wrench to have my Cobra as a gift. I won't be needing it my current physical state and where I'm going. And even though I ribbed Fred pretty badly before, I could tell that he's a geezer guy who really has his heart rock solid  in this drag racing stuff. I want Fred to have my prized Cobra car."... "I-I-I don't know what to say," responds a now somber Fred The Wrench, "Truth is, Ford Cobras have long been a favorite muscle car with me. I really do appreciate the gift-- but hey, uh, why don't we just consider it a gift on loan while you do your time, Clawhammer--I'll do some modifications to it while yer in the joint, so that when you get out, I'll give it back to you, with even more horsepower and torque!"... "Thanks, Fred!" Clawhammer says with a little optimism in his crabby, mutated vocal delivery, "When I get out, I'm sure the authorities will allow me to live out the rest of eternity in a more human like form! Giving me the Cobra back, modified with your expert touch, Fred, gives me something to look forward to for when I'm released and free!"...  It's an awkward situation, when the so-called good guys and the so-called bad guys have more of a blur between them and their ethical convictions than a clear black and white line... Larry Lamb then activates a remote teleportation device that causes Clawhammer and his crony crabs to dissolve from this location and materialize at central booking of the Heavenly Drag Racing Association's law enforcement division... Then Larry Lamb activates teleportation for our crew and their Belvedere to return back to home base headquarters...

 

 Yes, my dear friends, this is the mysterious mind-bending-hereafter rebirth, and puzzling parallel universe relocation of the bewildering being, energy, and entity we call THE PHANTOM RACER... This sure was an episode with emotionally twisting drama related to metaphysical morality! Maybe Clawhammer and his cronies aren't so evil after all, being that they were once illegally poached seafood themselves, simple crabs from a New England shoreline, thrown in a boiling pot of water and spiritually transformed into poachers themselves with human form... Fred's and Clawhammer's unexpected touching exchange at the conclusion was a real tearjerker. Sometimes odd things like this happen in the unpredictable environment of the drag racing afterlife. Larry Lamb believes the Heavenly Drag Racing Association court will show leniency and mercy towards the unfortunate offenders. Our gang have wrapped things up, and teleported back to their home headquarters base, awaiting their next challenging assignment... WHAT THE HECK IS GOING TO HAPPEN NEXT?!?!?... WHAT THE HECK COULD POSSIBLY HAPPEN NEXT?!?!?... What's in store for our drag racing paranormal dream team as they continue to embark on unpredictable drag racing adventures throughout the parallel universes??... Can they all hold it together and successfully champion the powers of good??... Or will they fall victim to evil entities they cannot control???... These are just a few of the mind-twisting questions to be answered in future action-packed episodes of TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER!!... There's more paranormal mystical and maniacal drag race mayhem coming your way!!... You definitely do not want to miss it...

Stay tuned next Wednesday for a new chapter of the serial paranormal drama series we call TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER... Be sure that YOU follow the story of Sebastian Conrad... Bookmark this page and BE HERE every Wednesday!!... You can read prior episodes of TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER by simply clicking on the 'DOC'S BLOG' link that's conveniently located atop this page, and then scrolling to her Wednesday blog installments (because this series is published here each and every Wednesday). All characters appearing in this series are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely coincidental. TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER story and imagery are copyright 2017 DRAG RACING UNDERGROUND.