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Doc's Blog

Welcome to Diana 'The Doc' Thomas' official Blog ... A radio interviewer once referred to Diana as being a 'Celebrity Drag Racing Authority & Visionary'... Diana has indeed filled the shoes (or fire boots) as truly being America's foremost 'Celebrity Drag Racing Authority & Visionary'... Diana is known for being somewhat controversial at times... She writes the truth... Diana tells it like it is about drag racing and other topical issues-- You've seen Diana 'The Doc' Thomas on our DVDs, with Bret Kepner on ESPN, and in all the major media... Don't miss your opportunity to read her daily blog right here at DRAG RACING UNDERGROUND... Diana's blog gives you a daily dose of truth and reality with heart... Diana's unique and refreshing perspective is unlike anything else on the drag racing web... We strongly recommend that you bookmark this page now... Be sure you check in daily to experience & enjoy Diana's unique insight, worldly wisdom and perspective...

Today is "FEEDBACK FRIDAY", meaning I deal with emails that my assistant Stephanie and I receive from readers regarding our most recent blogs... Let's get right to your feedback... We've received a heaping number of emails regarding Franky's & Felicia's NHRA national event picks and predictions. There's no way we have the space to post all your comments and opinions, but here's a few that stood out. Jason from Warren, OH wrote, "I used to live in Queens, NY before my engineering career forced me to move to Ohio. Franky & Felicia take me back home with the way they talk and their mannerisms. And some of their predictions make be laugh."--  Rosalie from Cabo Rojo, PR said, "I envy the way Franky & Felicia are so in love and also share a love for drag racing. They have it all."--- On a much different side of the opinion fence, Truman from Aztalan, WI says, "Franky & Felicia are the most asinine people I've ever seen. Their predictions are based on pure stupidity. Why does Franky keep calling Greg Anderson "Fancy Pants", and why should we care if Franky is going to get a tattoo of Felicia on his backside? I don't get it!"... Wednesday's TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER serial series resulted in lots of you writing in. Cristobal from all the way in Tumbes, Puru said, "I'm so happy that the paranormal drag racing heroes finally have the chance to relax together at home!"--- Once again Gary from Wellington, OH wrote in, "I had an uncle who used to drink like Fred The Wrench. My aunt told me that he also would drool all over his pillow when sleeping."-- Thanks to all of you Phantom Racer fans who wrote in this week... My blog raving about E'Town's 50th anniversary NIGHT OF THRILLS and their 36th annual OLD TIME DRAGS event resulted in many emails. Frank from Cape May, NJ said, "I made the long drive to the Night of Thrills with my family. I'm glad that I did. My kids are still buzzing about the great time they had!"-- Rory from East Brunswick, NJ chimed in, "The OLD TIME DRAGS was definitely the best one yet. The Funny Cars and Gassers were my favorite. I took a date to the drags for the first time in years. She never went to Raceway Park before and she loved it."-- I always encourage people to take a date to the drags, Rory... Thanks to all of you who wrote in with comments. Even though there's no way we have room to print all your emails, we want you to know that all your comments and suggestions are taken into consideration... Keep those emails comin' (by using the "Contact Us" link atop the page), whether you agree or disagree with mine, or any of our substitute guest bloggers' opinions, we're genuinely interested in your feedback... We just ask that you please keep your emails short and to the point, no rambling please, and please also include where you're from, we often find the location of where folks are writing us from to be sort of interesting. If you want to remain anonymous you can do that too (just write that you want to remain anonymous in the body of your email, and we won't disclose your identity in the event we choose to make a reference to your particular opinion)... Thanks...

 

 

It's "FEEDBACK FRIDAY" here at DRAG RACING UNDERGROUND. That means I print excerpts from some of the emails that you readers write in with. I always appreciate you folks who sit down at your keyboard and type me your thoughts and opinions.

Illustration courtesy of Drag Racing Underground's own John Gill. Copyright 2015.


FRANKY & FELICIA GIVE YOU THEIR NHRA SONOMA NATIONALS PICKS...

Posted by: lovely

Tagged in: Untagged 

Drag Racing Underground's psychic-hipster-sibling-duo tipsters, Zagar & Juniper, have been suspended from their NHRA prediction duties for an extended duration of time, due to behavioral issues with their parents. And now we're sorry to report that the kids' parents have decided to pull Juniper & Zagar permanently from making picks. We wish them the best of luck in the future... That said, we'd like to introduce Franky & Felicia. They're a couple of sweethearts from Rego Park, Queens, NY, who have a love for drag racing and have asked that we give them a shot at making race predictions. They persistently insisted to us that they have what it takes to get the job done. We are trying them out strictly on a trial basis. Feel free to send us your opinion of them by using the 'Contact Us' link at the top of this page... Without further ado, we proudly present to you Franky & Felicia...


Franky: Yo! Me and my hot little lady are stoked 'bout giving youse our picks for this weekend's 28th annual NHRA Sonoma Nationals, in Sonoma, Calfornia. I've been told by sophisticated types that Sonoma is considered to be 'wine country' or sumpthin' like that. I don't know if that means the place is full of whining crybabies, or if they are referring to the fact that the wine you drink at your in-laws during Thanksgiving and Christmas is made there?? I'm just yankin' yer chain, bub! I know it's where they grow grapes and make drinkin' wine. Ya see, me and Felicia like to gulp down pineapple wine coolers, so I guess they ain't made in Sonoma. Pull up a chair, pour yourself a big glass of wine, or pop open a wine cooler like I'm doin' right now, and read what me and Felicia got to say to youse 'bout the drag racing in California this weekend!

Felicia: Right on, Franky, you gorgeous hunk of a man! Thanks for that educational introduction about wine making. I had no idea that wine comes from grapes, I thought it comes from factories. A gal can learn an awful lot listening to a smart guy like you. You are a walking encyclopedia of important knowledge things.  My Top Fuel pick is Doug Kalitta. He looks extra intense when he wears his super-duper "Mr. Scientist" glasses. He's won at Sonoma multiple times before in the past. Kalitta's gonna be the "Mac Daddy" of them all in his Mac Tools nitro burning dragster.

Franky: No way is Doug Kalitta, or his "Mr. Scientist" glasses going to the winner's circle, as much as I respect him and his team, I thinks they won't make it past the second round.  My pick is Clay Millican, because he comes across to me as a guy with a big mouth. He speaks up, he ain't one of those reserved kind of guys like Doug Kalitta. I like Millican 'cause he gets excited when things go his way. The Parts Plus/Great Clips dragster is going to get some lucky breaks and then pull off a win. And I tell ya, I recently got my hair cut at a Great Clips franchise place, and the chick who did my hair was able to give me that feathered look that makes me look so freakin' hot.

Felicia: Yeah, it's that feathered hair look of yours that turned me on the first time I saw you singing in a Queens karaoke bar. I'll have to try gettin' my hair cut at Great Cuts too. Since they support drag racing we should be supporting them.  Don't cha think?? My Funny Car pick is for Ron Capps. He's due for a win. His car has been producing boss numbers. The NAPA Toyota will go all the way.  Capp's got 10,000 horses and knows how to ride 'em! I think he's gonna squash the Funny Car field.

Franky: Fugget about Ron Capps. I think Alexis DeJoria got this one. She seems like a real cool chick, and I think she likes bold guys like me, I mean, if she's married to Jesse James, he's a lot like me. We're both magnetic macho men who are good with our hands. I'm also into how she's all inked up. I think I'm gonna start gettin' some ink. Maybe I'll get your pretty face, Felicia, tattooed on my backside, and have the artist make you look like a half woman, half cat creature, or sumpthin' really hot like that. Alexis is driving her Patron Tequila Camry. The car is gonna be tuned just right for the Sonoma strip. 'Nuff said.

Felicia: My Pro Stock pick is Vincent Nobile. I know he's a bit of a long shot, and I'm making a slightly radical choice by picking him, but I like the way he and his family come from  Dix Hills, New Yoik. That was one of my old stomping grounds when I was still in high school. I used to drive all around there with my girlfriends in my IROC Camaro, listening to the Backstreet Boys turned up all the waaaay on the cassette player! And hey, Vincent Nobile drives a Camaro, so maybe I gots sumpthin' special here with this Pro Stock pick?!? Vincent Nobile and the Mountainview Tire team are gonna turn on the heavy, honeybuns!

Franky: I don't agree, sweetcakes. I'll bet all my jollyrocks on Jeg Coughlin Jr.. He's going to make his triumphant return to Pro Stock racing at this Sonoma event. I thinks he's gonna make a comeback that's going to show the competition that he means bizzness! I'll even go so far to predict that he puts Mr. Greg Anderson fancy pants on the trailer in an early round. The JEG'S name is once again going to be a threat among the so-called factory hot rods. Coughlin is a serious racer when he's out on the track, he sort of reminds me of how you get, Felicia, when you're playing Parcheesi down at the borough recreation center. You get that really intense game face of yours going on just like Jeggie does when he's driving.

Felicia: I hopes we did good, honey.

 

Franky: We picked 'em, babe.  'Cause we're a couple of classy winners who know how to pick da winners.



Break the conventional chains which bind you to the belief that the only things in this world that exist are those we're able to touch and see in daylight. Ever heard of quantum physics?-- Many credible physicists and scientists from the world's most prestigious of learning institutions now believe that parallel universes exist all around us-- We are likely surrounded by spectacular space, time, energy, and matter anomalies that boggle the brain, proving that what was once thought to be fantasy and fiction, can now be believed as truth and fathomable fact ... We offer you a slice of hard science, combined with sporadic sprinklings of paranormal phenomena, as we here at Drag Racing Underground, proudly present to you... TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER... Step out of the narrow-minded mist that encircles those who wear their stagnate skepticism like an outdated peach-colored leisure suit, and allow yourself the freedom to follow the adventures of drag racing's infinite and most indestructible spirit... Pull up a chair, toss your inhibitions aside, and ride along with one Sebastian Conrad, strong spirited eternal speed freak extraordinaire.

 

Last week's episode told of how our favorite metaphysical/afterlife drag racing dream team managed to thwart a diabolical scheme. The year was 1959, the location was a makeshift drag strip situated at Park's Airfield in Maplewood, Illinois. It involved an evil entity named Mr. Fugg, a lizard spirit from the darkside, disguised as a distinguished philanthropist. The creepy character was dressed in a tacky silver tuxedo and top hat, and specialized in a belligerent form of black magic, linked to the ancient saboteur sorcery sciences. Mr. Fugg gained the trust of the rural locals, convincing them that he was intent on doing them the favor of taking their children away for an extended stay at a Summer Camp for kids, where they'd be schooled in drag racing and proper table manners for no charge whatsoever. However, Fugg's real agenda was to take the children away and steal their eternal souls for his own selfish extended longevity! Just as Fugg had all the kiddies aboard a bus, and was accelerating his way to the drag strip's exit gate, Sebastian hopped in his dragster, and caught up with the bus and courageously cut Fugg off. Leader Larry Lamb advised the crowd that they and their children were under Fugg's sinister spell, and Larry proceeded to sprinkle them with fairy dust, to release them from Fugg's hypnotizing grip. Fortunately Fugg was then vaporized by our do-gooders, and the kids were free to return to the loving arms of their parents. After receiving thanks for their rescue work, our metaphysical heroes retreated to a blind spot behind the track's food stand, and teleported back to their heavenly headquarters.

 

"It sure is good to be home." says Maria, as she kicks off her shoes, seated at the kitchen table back at the crew's heavenly headquarters, "That Frederick Fugg character almost got away with kidnapping those kids and stealing their souls!"... "Yes, Maria," replies Larry Lamb as he exhales a deep sigh of relief, "thanks to Sebastian's quick thinking, and driving the dragster to catch Fugg and the bus, what seemed like a dreadfully dire situation, turned out to have a happy ending."... "I'm sorry that the dragster's front-end and engine got smashed by Fugg's bus when I cut him off." mutters Sebastian... "Oh, don't you fret about that at all, my good boy!" Larry Lamb says in a jovial manner, "We've got more than enough dragsters and different flavors of various drag racing machinery stocked in our many garages!"... "Yeah," adds Fred The Wrench, "and to be honest, I never liked that red, small-block digger much anyways, it was never consistent enough to win any rounds or races."... "At least it was fast enough to catch Fugg's bus and cut him off!" squawks Peter The Parrot, "And the roll cage was tough enough to prevent Sebastian from getting crushed by the bus!!"... "You've got a point there, my buddy bird friend." chuckles Fred The Wrench, "I guess when you really get down to it, that dragster served us well because it helped save all those kids back in Illinois."... "That's right," chimes in Maria, "If it wasn't for that dragster, those kids would now be in a state of suspended animation, with their souls in the possession of that frightening Fugg of a freak!"... "Well," says Larry Lamb, "I don't think we'll be having any further trouble from that lizard fiend, at least not for another five or six hundred years, he'll be vaporized into the abyss for long, long duration of time."

 

"Would anyone like coffee?" says Maria as she walks to the kitchen counter, and gets busy brewing a pot of java... "Oh, could you please make mine tea, dear?" says Larry Lamb, "I've been in such a tea and crumpet mood of late."... "Sure, boss." replies Maria, as she rolls her eyes to the other members of the team, "I'll boil you water for tea."... "Uh, I saw that, Maria." says Larry... "Saw what?" Maria replies... "Ahem, I saw you roll your eyes when I asked for tea and crumpets." Larry Lamb says... "Uh, oh" says Fred The Wrench in a sarcastic tone, as he grabs a concealed bottle of hooch from his sock, "Maria's in trouble with the boss man, boss lamb now!!"... "Am I?? says Maria as she pretty pouts in Larry's direction, "Am I in trouble now, boss??"... "Oh, of course not," replies Larry Lamb in a glib tongue, "I know that I'm somewhat of an off-the-beaten-path kind of lamb."... "You're a little more classy than the rest of us, boss." squawks Peter The Parrot, "But we wouldn't trade you for any other boss in the entire infinite drag racing afterlife realm!!"... "I'll second that!!" says Maria... "Me too!!" adds Sebastian, "Larry has always been a fair and nurturing supernatural superior for me!!"... "Uh, while we're all sucking up to the boss," says Fred The Wrench with a slightly intoxicated slur in his speech, "Do you think I could have a new pillow for my bunk, boss??"... "Why, Fred?, inquires Larry Lamb, "I thought I just issued everyone new pillows last month??"... "Yeah, I know" replies Fred, "But I already needs a new one."... "Do you mind me asking why you seem to need new pillows with such frequency, Fred??" states a curious Larry Lamb... "Uh, well, uh, well, uh..." reluctantly grumbles Fred The Wrench... "HEY!! I KNOW WHY FRED ALWAYS NEEDS NEW PILLOWS, BOSS!!" squawks a boisterous Peter The Parrot, "'CAUSE I'VE BEEN BUNKING IN THE SAME ROOM WITH FRED FOR MONTHS!!!"... "Well then, do tell, Peter." says a perplexed Larry Lamb... "IT'S BECAUSE FRED GOES TO BED DRUNK AND DROOLS A RAGING RUNNING RIVER ALL OVER HIS PILLOWS EVERY SINGLE NIGHT!!!" squawks back Peter The Parrot, "FRED WEARS OUT HIS PILLOWS QUICKER THAN THE BEAN BANDITS USED TO WEAR OUT SLICKS ON THEIR DRAGSTERS!!!"... Fred blushes with embarrassment... "Oh, alright." says Larry Lamb with a smile on his woolly face, "I'll order you a brand new pillow, Fred!!"... Everyone collectively laughs and enjoys a rare departure from their usual stressful metaphysical drag racing duties... Maria merrily pours Larry Lamb's tea, and then coffee for the others and herself... "I propose a toast!!" says Sebastian, "Here's to our eternal friendship!!"... The camaraderie between all our gang is one of mutual endearment... It's such a sweet and memorable moment in the afterlife... For now...

 

 

Yes, my dear friends, this is the mysterious mind-bending-hereafter rebirth, and puzzling parallel universe relocation of the bewildering being, energy, and entity we call THE PHANTOM RACER... Fortunately our team of do-gooders successfully thwarted Mr. Fugg's plan to kidnap a busload of youngins, under the phony guise of taking them to summer camp... Now all our crew are back at their heavenly headquarters, relaxing in the kitchen and enjoying each others company... It's a rare moment, with our heroes not being severely stressed out, they're just kicking back and catching their breath... But we all know that times like these usually don't last very long!!... How soon until another dark and dangerous assignment comes to them from the heavenly higher-ups?!?... What's going to happen next?!?... What's in store for our drag racing paranormal dream team as they continue to embark on unpredictable drag racing adventures throughout the parallel universes??... Can they all hold it together and successfully champion the powers of good??... Or will they fall victim to evil entities they cannot control???... These are just a few of the mind-twisting questions to be answered in future action-packed episodes of TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER!!... There's more paranormal mystical and maniacal drag race mayhem coming your way!!... You definitely do not want to miss it...

 

Stay tuned next Wednesday for a new chapter of the serial paranormal drama series we call TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER... Be sure that YOU follow the story of Sebastian Conrad... Bookmark this page and BE HERE every Wednesday!!... You can read prior episodes of TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER by simply clicking on the 'DOC'S BLOG' link that's conveniently located atop this page, and then scrolling to her Wednesday blog installments (because this series is published here each and every Wednesday). All characters appearing in this series are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely coincidental. TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER story and imagery are copyright 2015 DRAG RACING UNDERGROUND.


ALL GM SHOW COMES TO E'TOWN SUNDAY AUGUST 2ND!!...

Posted by: lovely

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GM fans have been waiting for an unmuffled Sunday at Old Bridge Township Raceway Park in Englishtown, New Jersey, for a long time. Well wait no more!!... Sunday, August 2nd will be the track's official ALL GM SHOW & GO event!! Hundreds of GM show cars, Chevy Corvettes (the East Coast Corvette Show is a big part of this shindig), Pontiacs, Buicks, Oldsmobiles, and Cadillacs will be on hand showing off in the pits and storming on the drag strip. There will be GM eliminators on this date for both unmuffled and muffled racing! Vendors will be on the grounds will all sorts of cool stuff. You just know that there's going to be a whole bunch of surprises for the GM gearhead inclined!! Gates open 9am. For more information please visit racewaypark.com

 

Classy Camaros, Corvettes and all kinds of grand GM machinery will be at E'Town come Sunday August 2nd!!


It was a pretty darn eventful weekend the last two days at Old Bridge Township Raceway Park. Saturday night was the PC Richard & Son NIGHT OF THRILLS, celebrating E'Town's 50th anniversary. And Sunday was the big 36th annual OLD TIME DRAGS nostalgia shindig. I managed to attend both great events. The NIGHT OF THRILLS had more incredible 1/4 mile motorsport booked-in entertainment than you would think is humanly possible! What a spectacular way to celebrate my favorite strip's 50th birthday. Congrats to the Napp family and all the Raceway Park crew for enduring and thriving through five decades!... The OLD TIME DRAGS event drew in a sizable crowd and car count. I was amazed by how packed the pits were with old school oriented drag racing machinery! So much eye candy for drag fans of all generations. And the on-track racing was a blast. The East Coast Gassers, North East Timing Organization, Bunny and the Boys, Rocky Pirrone & Company's multiple entries, the "Jungle" floppers, and ALL the classic hot rodders in attendance made for a first rate show and go. I had to leave before Sunday's racing was completed, because I was booked for a Big Stick recording session in the later afternoon, but I still managed to get my fill of enjoying the "time-traveling" experience of the OLD TIME DRAGS... I'd like to thank all of you blog readers and lurkers who approached me on both days, and took the time to introduce yourselves to me (no matter how busy I looked), it was a pleasure to make so many new acquaintances, and of course it was nice to see so many of my old friends as well. For those of my buddies who I didn't get a chance to see, my apologies, there was just so much to do... Thanks to all the racers, crew members, sponsors, fans, and Raceway Park staff for putting on such a memorable weekend of fast family fun!!... 

 

 

This past weekend Old Bridge Township Raceway Park in Englishtown, NJ, was the darn grooviest place to be!


TODAY SUNDAY JULY 26TH E'TOWN'S OLD TIME DRAGS EVENT!!...

Posted by: lovely

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First of all, I want to say what a pleasure it was to meet so many of you fine folks who read this blog last night at Raceway Park's 50th anniversary NIGHT OF THRILLS. I appreciate all of you who took the time to introduce yourself to me. The place was packed to the max!! What a great night we all had!!... Now I'd like to give everyone who reads this blog early in the morning, a heads-up about TODAY'S July 26th edition of E'Town's OLD TIME DRAGS event. There's going to be Funny Cars, Dragsters, Altereds, Gassers, Stockers, Classic American Muscle, Rat Rods, and just about every form of nostalgia themed drag racing machinery you can possibly imagine at the track today!!... Bring the whole family out to Englishtown, New Jersey!!... Hope to see you there!! For more information and details please visit racewaypark.com

 


I'd like to give you a heads-up about E'Town's big 50th Anniversary shindig happening TONIGHT Saturday night July 25th. It's the P.C. Richard & Son NIGHT OF THRILLS, that is also doubling as a celebration of Raceway Park being part of drag racing history for half a century! There's gonna be nefarious Nitro Funny Cars (I'm certainly looking forward to seeing Rocky Pirrone's team with the "FRANTIC FORD" and "SUPER CAMARO" floppers!!), there's also going to be fire breathing Nitro Dragsters, high flying Monster Trucks, and all sorts of speedy surprises! Pit Party starts at 4pm and the feature show begins at 7pm. This all happens tonight, the night before E'Town's big OLD TIME DRAGS nostalgia event, which takes place tomorrow Sunday July 26th (Gates 8am, Time Trials 10am, Show Starts 1pm for tomorrow's OLD TIME DRAGS) . I strongly recommend BOTH of these events as fast family fun for everyone!... Make it a weekend at the drags!!... Hope to see you there!! For more information and details about any of these events please visit racewaypark.com

 

 

There's going to be some "Jungle Jim" fever going on at Raceway Park's spectacular 50th anniversary tonight!!


THIS SUNDAY JULY 26TH BE AT E'TOWN'S OLD TIME DRAGS!!!...

Posted by: lovely

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I realize that many of you today were probably looking forward to reading our regular "FEEDBACK FRIDAY" feature, however, we decided to pre-empt it this week, in order to dedicate today's blog to further promoting E'Town's OLD TIME DRAGS event coming up this Sunday July 26th... I assure you that our "FEEDBACK FRIDAY" feature will indeed return to this page next Friday...

 

I want to make all my readers aware that coming up in only a couple of days is the 36th Annual OLD TIME DRAGS AND ROD RUN on Sunday July 26th at Old Bridge Township Raceway Park...  This is the longest running old school oriented drag racing event in the entire land! There will be a wide variety of classic drag racing machinery in the pits and storming the strip. Diggers, Funny Cars, Altereds, Gassers, Stockers, etc, etc... The East Coast Gassers club will be in the house! The North East Timing Organization will have their members strutting their stuff! Legendary display cars will be on exhibit. Memorabilia and vendors will be all over the place. Hot Rod legend Bob Ida will be searching the car show to award "IDA'S TOP TEN". The regional Fairlane club will be in attendance. This event is open to all 1972 or older vehicles. It's fast family fun for everyone! Gates open 8am, Time Trials 10am, and the big show starts 1pm... Make plans NOW to BE THERE!!!... THIS SUNDAY!!!...

 

 


E'TOWN'S OLD TIME DRAGS EVENT IS THIS SAT JULY 26TH!!... BE THERE!!...

Posted by: lovely

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I realize that many of you today were probably looking forward to reading Franky's & Felicia's tipster picks for this weekend's NHRA Mopar Mile High Nationals, however, we decided to pre-empt their picks this week, in order to dedicate today's blog to further promoting E'Town's OLD TIME DRAGS event coming up this Sunday... I assure you that Franky & Felicia will indeed return with their tipster predictions for future events on the NHRA national tour schedule...

 

Just want to give everyone a heads-up. I really do want to make my readers well aware that coming up soon on the calendar is the 36th Annual OLD TIME DRAGS AND ROD RUN on Sunday July 26th at Old Bridge Township Raceway Park. (That's why I keep posting this same message for days as this event rapidly approaches)...  This is the longest running old school oriented drag racing event in the entire land! There will be a wide variety of classic drag racing machinery in the pits and storming the strip. Diggers, Funny Cars, Altereds, Gassers, Stockers, etc, etc... The East Coast Gassers club will be in the house! The North East Timing Organization will have their members strutting their stuff! Legendary display cars will be on exhibit. Memorabilia and vendors will be all over the place. Hot Rod legend Bob Ida will be searching the car show to award "IDA'S TOP TEN". The regional Fairlane club will be in attendance. This event is open to all 1972 or older vehicles. It's fast family fun for everyone! Gates open 8am, Time Trials 10am, and the big show starts 1pm... Make plans NOW to BE THERE!!!...

 

 


Break the conventional chains which bind you to the belief that the only things in this world that exist are those we're able to touch and see in daylight. Ever heard of quantum physics?-- Many credible physicists and scientists from the world's most prestigious of learning institutions now believe that parallel universes exist all around us-- We are likely surrounded by spectacular space, time, energy, and matter anomalies that boggle the brain, proving that what was once thought to be fantasy and fiction, can now be believed as truth and fathomable fact ... We offer you a slice of hard science, combined with sporadic sprinklings of paranormal phenomena, as we here at Drag Racing Underground, proudly present to you... TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER... Step out of the narrow-minded mist that encircles those who wear their stagnate skepticism like an outdated peach-colored leisure suit, and allow yourself the freedom to follow the adventures of drag racing's infinite and most indestructible spirit... Pull up a chair, toss your inhibitions aside, and ride along with one Sebastian Conrad, strong spirited eternal speed freak extraordinaire.

 

Last week's episode told of how our favorite metaphysical/afterlife drag racing dream team were engaged in an urgent assignment. The year is 1959, the location is a makeshift drag strip situated at Park's Airfield in Maplewood, Illinois. This mission is more dangerous than most, because the heavenly higher-ups had very little information to provide when briefing our team for the job. The only interstellar intelligence available was that there's a spirit from the darkside, disguised as a distinguished philanthropist, planning to unleash some sort of unknown terrible plan... While in the track's rest room, after transforming into the Phantom Racer inside a vacant bathroom stall, Sebastian encountered a trollish man, dressed in a tacky silver tuxedo and top hat. The small scale of a man cracked a cryptic smile, and gave Sebastian an eerie wink of the eye... Sebastian abruptly left the men's room, and wasted no time in returning to his do-gooder associates outside in the pit area, to inform them that he believes he's encountered the disguised villain whose evil plan they're supposed to thwart. After Sebastian fills them in on his observation, our crew redirect their focus towards the direction of the men's room, as a small, awkward and freakish figure steps out, arrogantly strutting along with a cane, attempting to appear distinguished and debonair.

 

"Oh my!!" muttered leader Larry Lamb, "Even with that gaudy silver tuxedo and tacky top hat, I can detect who that creepy character is. He's a night lizard spirit. His name is Mr. Frederick Fugg. His specialty is a belligerent form of black magic, linked to the ancient saboteur sorcery sciences. Mr. Fugg is most likely playing a game of deception. He's probably convinced the locals that he's some kind of big shot, earning their trust, only to set them up for disaster."... Our crew then witness Fugg step up to a podium situated next to the track's food stand... "Testing 1-2-3, is this thing on??" says Fugg, gurgling his words as he adjusts the microphone to his stubby stature... "Yes, we can hear you, sir!" replies the enthused track manager, dressed in black slacks, discount dress shirt and a multi-colored striped clip-on tie, "You have our complete and undivided attention, you distinguished drag racing dignitary!!"... "Good," says Mr. Fugg as his voice echoes over the rural drag strip's P.A. system, "As you already know, I'm Mr. Fugg, the friendly philanthropist. I'm here to do you all the favor of taking your children away for an extended stay at my brand new Summer Camp for kids! There they will learn about drag racing and good table manners. It'll cost you nothing, all expenses are being absorbed by yours truly!!"

 

The crowd appears hypnotized, hanging on every word that comes out of Fugg's corrupt mouth, and they applaud at the end of each and every sentence he speaks... "This is weird!" says Maria, "It's apparent that Fugg has cast a spell on these people!" ... "Yes, Fugg has definitely cast a spell on them!" Larry states with urgency, while still maintaining a reserved tone, "Fugg's convinced these folks to give him their children, believing that he'll be taking them to some kind of drag racing and table manners camp for kids, when in actuality, he'll be taking them away to steal their eternal souls!"... "Look over there, next to the souvenir stand, there's a big bus idling, ready to take the children away!" exclaims Sebastian with anxiety... Dozens of innocent children are seen waiting in a long line alongside a sparkling school bus. Fugg steps down from the podium, and waddles over to the bus as the crowd break into more roaring applause. Fugg then steps up into the driver's seat of the bus, motioning for all the children to come aboard. All the kids appear just as hypnotized and under Fugg's spell of sorcery as their parents. The youngins get seated, and look out the bus windows with emotionless dilated eyes, waving blank-stared goodbyes to their parents... Fugg steps on the accelerator, and the bus bolts towards the drag strip's exit gate... "I CAN'T LET THIS HAPPEN!!!" says Sebastian, and he dashes toward the team's dragster, hops in the cockpit, fires it up, and peels out in desperate pursuit of the bus!!...

 

Peter The Parrot takes to flight, following Sebastian and the dragster... The crowd are baffled by Sebastian's actions... Sebastian pushes the digger to its limit, and gains on the speeding bus, then he drives in front of it, cutting it off, and forcing Fugg to slam his brakes and stop the bus in a huge, blinding cloud of dirt and debris... "THE BUS HAS HIT SEBASTIAN AND THE DIGGER!!!" shouts out a frazzled Maria... "WHAT DID HE DO THAT FOR!?!?" yells the onlooking parents angrily questioning Sebastian's actions, "OUR KIDS WERE ON THEIR WAY TO CAMP!!!"... "NO THEY WEREN'T!!!" shouts back Larry Lamb, "YOU AND ALL YOUR CHILDREN ARE UNDER MR. FUGG'S SPELL!!! HE WANT'S YOUR KIDS SO HE CAN STEAL THEIR SOULS!!!... Then Larry pulls out a sizable sack of fairy dust from his woolly pocket, and throws it high into the sky so that it falls on the crowd... In a matter of seconds the crowd snaps out of their hypnotized state and start running with concern towards the bus... "IS SEBASTIAN ALRIGHT?!?" Maria yells, as she hustles her way towards the confusing scene... "YEAH!!," squawks back Peter The Parrot in reply, "BUT THE DRAGSTER IS TOAST!!!"... The front-end and motor of the digger are crushed under the bus, but the cockpit section and Sebastian appear unharmed... Mr. Fugg waddles down the steps of the bus and attempts to make a getaway on foot... Larry Lamb hooves it to the bus, gets inside, and sprinkles more of his fairy dust on the children, releasing them from their hypnotized, spellbound state of mind... Sebastian pulls himself out of the mangled dragster and makes a dash to catch the furiously fleeing Mr. Fugg!!...

 

Fugg sees Sebastian approaching closer and aims a death-ray from his top hat in Sebastian's direction!!... A GIANT EXPLOSION ERUPTS!!!... THE SOUND OF A MAMMOTH-SIZED ELECTRICAL CHARGE IS HEARD!!!... "OH NOOOOO!!!" shrieks Maria with despair!!... Fortunately Mr. Fugg's lousy aim was off by several yards, and he missed hitting Sebastian with the death ray!!... Peter The Parrot flies over Fugg's head, grabs Fugg's death-ray top hat by its brim with his clawed talons. A winded Fred The Wrench finally catches up to the commotion and tackles Fugg down to the ground... Sebastian then proceeds to pull off what's obviously a mask of distinguished disguise from Fugg's head, revealing the real head of a night lizard spirit from the darkside... The surrounding crowd's jaws drop in amazement... "Ahem," says Larry Lamb to the baffled crowd, "As you can all clearly see now, this Mr. Frederick Fugg character intended nothing but harm for your children. He was indeed intent on taking your kids away, but not to a pleasant camp to educate them about drag racing and table manners, but instead, to steal their eternal souls, to give himself extended life!!"... "Listen," says the track's manager, "I don't know who you or your friends are, or where in this universe y'all came from, but we are mighty appreciative of what y'all did for us!"... "Well," replies a humble Larry Lamb, "it's just what we do, my dear sir."... And with those modest closing words, Larry, Sebastian, Maria, Fred The Wrench, and Peter The Parrot proceed to sprint away to a blind spot located behind the track's food stand, where they quickly huddle together, and teleport back to heavenly headquarters... The track manager and the crowd then briskly walk to the spot behind the food stand, only to find their heroes have completely vanished. "WHERE'D THEY GO?!?!" says the track manager... "Uh, I guess they was some kind of guardian angels or sumpthin' like that?!?" blurts a lean lady as she firmly clutches on to her rescued children... "THEY DISAPPEARED!!!" adds the track manager, "AND THEY MADE THAT PHONY MR. FREDERICK FUGG EVAPORATE INTO THIN AIR!!"... The town sheriff then steps up and says, "We best keep this incident our own little secret, or we're gonna be the laughing stock of the entire county. Nobody would believe what happened here today anyways.".... The crowd collectively nod their heads in agreement and look up to the skies... A young boy holding his father's hand, wearing a beanie cap with a plastic propeller atop, takes a lollipop out of his mouth and says, "I thinks them peoples, and that bird, and that lamb-looking man came down from the heavens to save us simple folk from evil."....

 

 

Yes, my dear friends, this is the mysterious mind-bending-hereafter rebirth, and puzzling parallel universe relocation of the bewildering being, energy, and entity we call THE PHANTOM RACER... It does appear that "them peoples, and that bird, and that lamb-looking man" as the small child referred to them, did indeed come down from the heavens to save those innocent children in rural Maplewood, Illinois, from the forces of evil... Our team of do-gooders successfully thwarted Mr. Frederick Fugg's plan to kidnap a busload of youngins, under the phony guise of taking them to summer camp, while he was really just planning to steal the kids and their precious eternal souls... That was a genuine edge-of-your-seat tale of terror!!... Fortunately it ended well!!... What's going to happen next?!?... What's in store for our drag racing paranormal dream team as they continue to embark on unpredictable drag racing adventures throughout the parallel universes??... Can they all hold it together and successfully champion the powers of good??... Or will they fall victim to evil entities they cannot control???... These are just a few of the mind-twisting questions to be answered in future action-packed episodes of TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER!!... There's more paranormal mystical and maniacal drag race mayhem coming your way!!... You definitely do not want to miss it...

 

Stay tuned next Wednesday for a new chapter of the serial paranormal drama series we call TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER... Be sure that YOU follow the story of Sebastian Conrad... Bookmark this page and BE HERE every Wednesday!!... You can read prior episodes of TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER by simply clicking on the 'DOC'S BLOG' link that's conveniently located atop this page, and then scrolling to her Wednesday blog installments (because this series is published here each and every Wednesday). All characters appearing in this series are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely coincidental. TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER story and imagery are copyright 2015 DRAG RACING UNDERGROUND.


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