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Doc's Blog

Welcome to Diana 'The Doc' Thomas' official Blog ... A radio interviewer once referred to Diana as being a 'Celebrity Drag Racing Authority & Visionary'... Diana has indeed filled the shoes (or fire boots) as truly being America's foremost 'Celebrity Drag Racing Authority & Visionary'... Diana is known for being somewhat controversial at times... She writes the truth... Diana tells it like it is about drag racing and other topical issues-- You've seen Diana 'The Doc' Thomas on our DVDs, with Bret Kepner on ESPN, and in all the major media... Don't miss your opportunity to read her daily blog right here at DRAG RACING UNDERGROUND... Diana's blog gives you a daily dose of truth and reality with heart... Diana's unique and refreshing perspective is unlike anything else on the drag racing web... We strongly recommend that you bookmark this page now... Be sure you check in daily to experience & enjoy Diana's unique insight, worldly wisdom and perspective...

Today is "FEEDBACK FRIDAY", meaning I deal with emails that my assistant Stephanie and I receive from readers regarding our most recent blogs... Let's get right to your feedback... Yesterday's blog titled 'DIGS AT E'TOWN SEASON DEBUT RESCHEDULED FROM SUN MAY 15TH TO SUN JULY 3RD' resulted in Tyler from Hazlet, NJ writing, "Thanks so much for the heads up about the date change. You can bet that I'll be there with my classic '49  heavy Chevy coupe!"... Wednesday's TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER serial series resulted in lots of you writing in. Bertrand  from all the way in Le Chalon, France said, "I fear the amendment will not be enough to rescue Fred The Wrench from serving evil."-- Once again Gary from Wellington, OH wrote in, "I believe that the Straw Structured Spirits of Soul Revival have a nasty trick up their sleeve!"-- Thanks to all of you Phantom Racer fans who wrote in this week... Our 'DRAG RACING UNDERGROUND'S PRESIDENTIAL BURNDOWN INDIANA PRIMARY POLL INSTALLMENT' caused Denise from Bronx, NY to comment "I'm happy that Hillary's the candidate leading the race!"-- Someone who signed their email "Sandbaggers for Trump" wrote, "Hillary might have a slight lead now, but by November she'll be in Trump's dust!"...  My blog titled 'COURTNEY FORCE SPRINGNATIONALS WIN FURTHER PROVES DRAG RACING'S GENDER EQUALITY FACTOR' stirred Michael from Fargo, OK to say, "Stuff it, Doc! Courtney's win doesn't say **** about gender equality, it just shows that the race teams with the most cars in the field usually win."... My blog titled 'PLEASE VISIT MENTAL HEALTH AWARENESS DRAG RACING ON FACEBOOK' caused Beatrice from Scottsdale, AZ to type "Thanks for acknowledging the mental health issues affecting us in the drag racing community."... My blog wishing longtime friend Kim Gordon of Sonic Youth a happy birthday resulted in Olivia from Basildon, England to write, "I saw you and Big Stick play with Sonic Youth at the University of London. It's so sweet and darling of you wish Kim Gordon a happy birthday on your interesting drag racing blog page!"... Thanks to all of you who wrote in with comments. Even though there's no way we have room to print all your emails, we want you to know that all your comments and suggestions are taken into consideration... Keep those emails comin' (by using the "Contact Us" link atop the page), whether you agree or disagree with mine, or any of our substitute guest bloggers' opinions, we're genuinely interested in your feedback... We just ask that you please keep your emails short and to the point, no rambling please, and please also include where you're from, we often find the location of where folks are writing us from to be sort of interesting. If you want to remain anonymous you can do that too (just write that you want to remain anonymous in the body of your email, and we won't disclose your identity in the event we choose to make a reference to your particular opinion)... Thanks...

 

 

It's "FEEDBACK FRIDAY" here at DRAG RACING UNDERGROUND. That means I print excerpts from some of the emails that you readers write in with. I always appreciate you folks who sit down at your keyboard and type me your thoughts and opinions.


 I'm glad to report the 2016 schedule for Old Bridge Township Raceway Park's "DIGS AT E'TOWN" racing series. For those of you not aware, THE DIGS is Raceway Park's nostalgia and traditional drag racing series that happens at the facility's 1/8th mile strip. It's a nostalgia drag racing scene that's warm and embracing of everybody. It's a nostalgia scene that's not as "full of itself" or as "stuffy" as some of the other nostalgia drag racing scenes we see these days. Women, kids, curious novice nostalgia fans, everyone's warmly welcome. Drag Cars, Gassers, Muscle Cars, Street Freaks, Vintage Motorcycles, etc, thru 1979 make up the machinery you see parked in the pits and storming the strip. Free tech card with paid admission for all pre-1965 Hot Rods, Customs and Domestic Bikes. Helmets and seatbelts required. This season will feature the IDA AUTOMOTIVE GASSER SHOOTOUT (I love the Gassers!!). There's groovy tunes and an eclectic, easy-going social environment. Special thanks to sponsors like Blacey's U-Pick Auto Parts and Auto Sales of Wrightstown, NJ, Vintage Variety Shop of Atlantic Highlands, NJ, and Pep Boys Speed Shop. The originally advertised first date of the series (Sunday May 15) has been changed to Sunday July 3rd (please make a note of that!),  the second date of the series is Sunday August 28 for Hot Fun Sunday, and the third date of the series is Sunday October 30 for the Monster Bash event. Adult admission $12, Kids 6-12 $6, Kids 5 and under FREE. Gates Open 9am-4pm. Enter at the airport gate #4. I love this special old school and traditional drag racing series. And I hope that I'll be seeing you there for this exciting 2016 season!! For more info visit www.racewaypark.com




Break the conventional chains which bind you to the belief that the only things in this world that exist are those we're able to touch and see in daylight. Ever heard of quantum physics?-- Many credible physicists and scientists from the world's most prestigious of learning institutions now believe that parallel universes exist all around us-- We are likely surrounded by spectacular space, time, energy, and matter anomalies that boggle the brain, proving that what was once thought to be fantasy and fiction, can now be believed as truth and fathomable fact ... We offer you a slice of hard science, combined with sporadic sprinklings of paranormal phenomena, as we here at Drag Racing Underground, proudly present to you... TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER... Step out of the narrow-minded mist that encircles those who wear their stagnate skepticism like an outdated peach-colored leisure suit, and allow yourself the freedom to follow the adventures of drag racing's infinite and most indestructible spirit... Pull up a chair, toss your inhibitions aside, and ride along with one Sebastian Conrad, strong spirited eternal speed freak extraordinaire.

 

Last week's episode told of how our favorite metaphysical/afterlife drag racing dream team are in attendance at the opulent Heavenly Drag Racing Association's Morale-Boosting Ball... Fred The Wrench fainted from being overwhelmed, when learning that the Heavenly Drag Racing Association were planning all sorts of hype and hoopla dedicated to his honor at this evening's prestigious event... Fred's bodily form and spirit went completely limp and lifeless!!... "I DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO LOSE YOUR LIFE AND SPIRIT-FORCE AFTER YOUR SOUL HAS ALREADY BEEN ADMITTED INTO THE AFTERLIFE?!?!?" shouted a panicking Maria... "THIS IS A VERY RARE OCCURRENCE IN THE AFTERLIFE, MARIA!!" said a distressed Larry Lamb... "WE CAN'T LOSE FRED!!" blurted Sebastian... Peter The Parrot squawked, "I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT TO DO TO BRING FRED BACK!!! IT'S A FORM OF HUNGARIAN SORCERY THAT DATES BACK TO THE DARK AGES!!!"... Larry gave Peter a discerning stare and shouted, "AS MUCH AS I HATE TO SEE THE USE OF SORCERY THAT ORIGINATES FROM A LESS THAN HEAVENLY PAGE OF METAPHYSICAL HISTORY, THIS IS INDEED AN EMERGENCY!!! GO AHEAD, PETER, YOU HAVE MY PERMISSION TO USE ANY MEANS NECESSARY TO SAVE OUR FRED!!!"... "THANKS, BOSS!!!" squawked Peter The Parrot, as he then flew to the ballroom's orchestra pit, and snapped up a scholarly appearing flutist spirit named Blaze Benton. Peter quickly returned with the flute player at the scene of Fred's stagnate bodily form lying motionless on the ballroom floor.

 

Peter yells to the flutist "BLAZE, PLAY THE HYMN OF THE BUZZARDS FROM THE ANCIENT HUNGARIAN MYSTICAL MOUNTAINS!!! PLAY IT WITH AN EERIE ZEST TO SUMMON THE STRAW STRUCTURED SPIRITS OF SOUL REVIVAL!!!"... Blaze plays the haunting melodies of the ancient ages... Peter The Parrot grabs Sebastian's drag racing respirator mask and puts it on (only Peter's feet are now visible as the mask almost completely covers him)-- Peter performs a dance in cryptic circular patterns around Fred's bodily form, causing a small funnel cloud to metaphysically sprout from Fred's bellybutton... Onlookers gasp in amazement!!!... The mask then mystically lifts off of Peter, floats up in the air, then situates itself onto Fred's bulbous head and dissolves... Then a supernatural assembly of four 'Straw Structured Spirits of Soul Revival', materialize from the funnel cloud... Their straw bodies possess human form, however, there's no facial features to speak of. The straw spirits summoned from a dark dimension pick up Fred's limp bodily form, standing it upright-- then take turns dancing with it, in step with the ancient Hungarian mystical music... Maria gleefully shouts "FRED'S OPENING HIS EYES!!!"... "YOU'RE RIGHT, MARIA!!" exclaims Larry Lamb "FRED'S RETURNING TO THE AFTERLIFE!!!"... Then Fred snaps out of his lifeless state of unconsciousness, and returns to his usual boisterous self "GET THESE CREEPY STRAW CHARACTERS THE HECK AWAY FROM ME!!!!!"...

 

The straw beings then take on an aggressive stance... One of them speaks in a wicked tongue, with the words emanating from its abdomen, not a mouth orifice like a human, "WE SAVED FRED THE WRENCH, SO THAT LEGALLY ENTITLES US TO NOW TAKE HIM WITH US, AND HAVE HIM SERVE AS A CREW CHIEF ON OUR DARKSIDE DRAG RACING TEAM!!!"... "WHHAAATTT?!?!?!" shouts a rattled Fred The Wrench... Larry Lamb quickly pulls from his pocket, and reads from his copy of the official AFTERLIFE DRAG RACING AUTHORITY rules and regulations book, checking if what the sinister straw being is fiercely insisting is true or not... Larry speaks aloud while reading from the book "According to the rules, when a do-gooder's soul is revived by a straw structured spirit from the darkside, it is the law, that the revived spirit must then serve a substantial period of service, as a subordinate of the straw structured spirits' racing operation."-- tears rolls down Larry's woolly face... Fred turns pale in disbelief... Maria tries to be consoling by saying, "We'll figure something out."... "I'M AFRAID NOT!!!!" replies the scary straw structured spirit "YOUR TOP MECHANIC IS COMING WITH US TO SERVE THE DARKSIDE OF THE DRAG RACING AFTERLIFE!!!!"... "OH NO HE ISN'T!!!!" frantically shouts out Sebastian aka The Phantom Racer "THERE'S A LOOPHOLE IS THIS RIDICULOUS RULING, AND I KNOW WHAT IT IS!!!-- IF YOU READ THE RECENT AMENDMENT TO THE RULING, IN THE REVISED CHAPTER FOUR OF THE RULE BOOK, IT CLEARLY STATES THAT IT IS POSSIBLE THAT A MAJORITY VOTE OF THE HEAVENLY DRAG RACING ASSOCIATION'S BOARD OF TRUSTEES CAN NULL, VOID, AND OVERTURN IT, PROVIDING THE VOTES ARE CAST IN A TIMELY FASHION FOLLOWING THE SOUL'S REVIVAL-- AND SINCE EVERY DISTINGUISHED MEMBER OF THE BOARD IS HERE IN ATTENDANCE AT TONIGHT'S BALL, WE CAN HAVE A VOTE AND PREVENT FRED FROM HAVING TO SERVE THE WICKED DARKSIDE OF THE DRAG RACING AFTERLIFE!!!!"... "JOLLY GOOD SHOW, SEBASTIAN!!!" shouts an elated Larry Lamb, "LET'S GET ALL THE BOARD MEMBERS TOGETHER AND TAKE A VOTE!!!"... The evil straw structured beings retaliate to Sebastian's revelation, brutally grabbing hold of Fred The Wrench, the spokesman of the sinister spirits shouts "FRED IS OURS-- HE'S COMING WITH US-- JUST TRY STOPPING US AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS TO YOU ALL!!!"...

 

Yes, my dear friends, this is the mysterious mind-bending-hereafter rebirth, and puzzling parallel universe relocation of the bewildering being, energy, and entity we call THE PHANTOM RACER... Evidently Sebastian did indeed reveal a legal loophole in the regulation stating that Fred The Wrench must now serve on the evil side of the drag racing afterlife!! According to a recent amendment, a majority vote among the Heavenly Drag Racing Association's board of trustees can overturn, and avoid Fred from having to leave with the sinister straw structured spirits!!-- And fortunately, with all the members of the board present at this HDRA ballroom event, it should be relatively easy to take a vote and spare Fred from having to be taken away by the wicked straw structured spirits... BUT-- It appears that the straw structured spirits have brutally grabbed hold of Fred, and are determined to take him away, issuing a threat if anyone tries to stop them!!! They don't seem to care at all about the legality of the amendment-- They want Fred and seem willing to do anything necessary to have him serve their darkside drag racing team!!!! WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN NEXT?!?... What's in store for our drag racing paranormal dream team as they continue to embark on unpredictable drag racing adventures throughout the parallel universes??... Can they all hold it together and successfully champion the powers of good??... Or will they fall victim to evil entities they cannot control???... These are just a few of the mind-twisting questions to be answered in future action-packed episodes of TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER!!... There's more paranormal mystical and maniacal drag race mayhem coming your way!!... You definitely do not want to miss it...

 

Stay tuned next Wednesday for a new chapter of the serial paranormal drama series we call TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER... Be sure that YOU follow the story of Sebastian Conrad... Bookmark this page and BE HERE every Wednesday!!... You can read prior episodes of TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER by simply clicking on the 'DOC'S BLOG' link that's conveniently located atop this page, and then scrolling to her Wednesday blog installments (because this series is published here each and every Wednesday). All characters appearing in this series are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely coincidental. TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER story and imagery are copyright 2016 DRAG RACING UNDERGROUND.


When it comes to mixing politics with drag racing, I'm a firm believer that it's like mixing oil with water... I believe they don't mix together at all... However, that said, today is indeed another crucial primary voting day (The Indiana Midwestern "Hoosiers" Primary), therefore, my Drag Racing Underground geeky tech team of brainy M.I.T. graduates, just conducted their sixth political email poll, contacting a number of our longtime customers residing in these United States, inquiring as to who they believe to be most capable of occupying the White House once Barack Obama turns over the keys. Approx 35% of those contacted did not respond, either because they have no interest whatsoever in who our next president will be, or possibly because they believe it's none of our friggin' business to know who they'd vote for... My ultra-high-IQ Drag Racing Underground associates refer to this thingy as our official "PRESIDENTIAL BURNDOWN " poll series (hence the photo of Benny The Human Bomb's burning stunt car), and they believe it's most likely a relatively accurate assessment of how much of the "mainstream drag racing community" would vote if the election were to take place today... We do notice a somewhat significant shift in racing folks' opinions compared to some of our previous polls conducted in prior weeks and months. Maybe that's due to the candidates' performances during recent televised debates and town hall meetings, or maybe the recent spike of shouting, pointing, and violent shenanigans? I really have no idea of what influenced the changes in the drag racing population's presidential preferences... Whatever...  Please let it be known that this particular poll does not necessarily reflect the opinion(s) of Drag Racing Underground and/or its management. And let it also be known that this poll is the sole property of Drag Racing Underground, and it's not to be used by any other media without the written consent of Drag Racing Underground. Without any further ado, here it is... The official Drag Racing Underground "PRESIDENTIAL BURNDOWN - INDIANA PRIMARY" edition of our popular political polling series...

 

 

Please keep in mind that this poll does not necessarily reflect the views of Drag Racing Underground.


Congratulations to Courtney Force on her first Funny Car victory of the season at this past weekend's NHRA SpringNationals in Houston, Texas. It's the 5th consecutive NHRA event that's featured a female winner. Force recorded a 3.91/327mph pass in her Traxxas Chevrolet Camaro SS to beat No. 1 qualifier Tim Wilkerson's 3.94/323mph runner-up effort. Courtney also defeated Bob Bode, Ron Capps, and Tommy Johnson Jr. in earlier rounds of stiff competition. According to NHRA, with Force's recent victory, the NHRA Mello Yello Series has now seen four different female winners in the nitro categories so far this season, the most in a single season in NHRA history, further proving what I've been publicly saying for several years, that there is no other motorsport that offers the kind of "gender equality" that we're now seeing as practically being commonplace as today's NHRA drag racing.

 

 

Congratulations to Courtney Force on this past weekend's NHRA SpringNationals Funny Car victory in Texas.


Please visit MENTAL HEALTH AWARENESS DRAG RACING on facebook...

Posted by: lovely

Tagged in: Untagged 

A couple months ago we introduced an important public service campaign here at Drag Racing Underground. We proclaimed March as officially being MENTAL HEALTH MONTH for the drag racing community. It's a campaign that we've wanted to initiate for a long time. We reached out to those in the drag racing community who are dealing with issues related to mental health. Lots of people responded and wrote us, praising the efforts of our campaign. We heard from some good folks who have a facebook page called MENTAL HEALTH AWARENESS DRAG RACING. I strongly suggest that you take a moment and look up the MENTAL HEALTH AWARENESS DRAG RACING facebook page and see what they're all about. They encourage the display of green ribbons to get people talking openly about mental health matters. Below is a photograph posted featuring the MENTAL HEALTH AWARENESS DRAG RACING little 3200 pound, 4 cylinder wagon in the Sonoma Raceway staging lanes. This cool car that races in Sonoma's competitive Street Class Index category with its green ribbons is a definite winner in my book. We all need to show supportive concern for those individuals facing mental health related issues, and we also need to be supportive of their family members. Collectively moving towards understanding and properly treating mental illness can only strengthen the collective spirit and relationship bonds of the drag racing community. There needs to be an ongoing dialogue about this subject in our drag racing community. Please visit MENTAL HEALTH AWARENESS DRAG RACING on facebook and have yourself a look...

 

 

MENTAL HEALTH AWARENESS DRAG RACING is a nifty facebook page I suggest you visit and have a look at.


HAPPY BIRTHDAY, KIM!

Posted by: lovely

Tagged in: Untagged 

Today I'd like to express Happy Birthday wishes to old friend Kim Gordon of Sonic Youth fame. Both Kim and I are bass guitar playing ladies and we go back a long time. I have fond memories of shopping Kensington Market in London when we first met. We (Big Stick) did a series of concerts with Sonic Youth here in the U.S. and overseas as well. Kim's a rockin' gal with a superb fashion sense (hence the Big Stick t-shirt she's wearing in this photo). Happy Birthday, Kim! Best wishes for many more...

 

Happy Birthday Wishes, Kim Gordon!


Today is "FEEDBACK FRIDAY", meaning I deal with emails that my assistant Stephanie and I receive from readers regarding our most recent blogs... Let's get right to your feedback... Yesterday's blog featuring Franky's & Felicia's predictions for this weekend's NHRA SpringNationals in Houston, TX, caused Craig from Otsego, MI to say, "Hooray for Felicia picking John Hale to win Funny Car. He's my favorite underdog."--- On the other side of the opinion fence, Jamie from Stockton, CA wrote, "Those two clowns are supposed to be talking about drag racing! Tell that Franky jerk to shut the **** up about Matt Harvey and the Mets!"... Wednesday's TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER serial series resulted in lots of you writing in. Myrniana from all the way in Fez, Morocco said, "When Larry Lamb cried for poor Fred The Wrench I cried too."-- Once again Gary from Wellington, OH wrote in, "Sebastian better know a loophole to get Fred out of serving as a crewchief for the drag racing afterlife's darkside!"-- Thanks to all of you Phantom Racer fans who wrote in this week... My blog making readers aware of Rocky Pirrone Racing's open house event on Saturday May 7th in Philly, PA caused Bob from Clifton Heights, PA to say, "Thanks for the heads up about Rocky's open house. I'm a fan of his old Gassers."... My blog titled 'YOU CAN BE HAPPY AT THE DRAG STRIP, GET OUT TO THE DRAGS' resulted in Lorie from Hagerstown, IN to comment, "Doc is right on the money. Going to the drag races always lifts my spirits higher!"... My blog titled 'A MESSAGE OF APPRECIATION FOR THE MEN & WOMEN OF AMERICA'S HARDWORKING DRAG RACING CREWS' prompted Stacy from Altadena, CA, to write. "My stepson works the NHRA tour for a professional team. Thank you so much for encouraging people to appreciate the difficult work the crew members do. Doc is truly a godsend for drag racing."... Thanks to all of you who wrote in with comments. Even though there's no way we have room to print all your emails, we want you to know that all your comments and suggestions are taken into consideration... Keep those emails comin' (by using the "Contact Us" link atop the page), whether you agree or disagree with mine, or any of our substitute guest bloggers' opinions, we're genuinely interested in your feedback... We just ask that you please keep your emails short and to the point, no rambling please, and please also include where you're from, we often find the location of where folks are writing us from to be sort of interesting. If you want to remain anonymous you can do that too (just write that you want to remain anonymous in the body of your email, and we won't disclose your identity in the event we choose to make a reference to your particular opinion)... Thanks...

 

 

It's "FEEDBACK FRIDAY" here at DRAG RACING UNDERGROUND. That means I print excerpts from some of the emails that you readers write in with. I always appreciate you folks who sit down at your keyboard and type me your thoughts and opinions.


Please meet Drag Racing Underground's NHRA race-winner-predicting-duo from Queens, New York. We'd like to introduce Franky & Felicia. They're a couple of sweethearts who have a love for drag racing, and have asked that we give them a shot at making race predictions. They persistently insisted to us that they have what it takes to get the job done. We're continuing to bring them to you now for their second season!! They definitely were not without controversy during their first season!!... Feel free to send us your opinion of them by using the 'Contact Us' link at the top of this page... Without further ado, we proudly present to you Franky & Felicia and their NHRA predictions...


Franky: Yo! Me and my hot little lady are stoked 'bout giving youse our picks for this weekend's NHRA SpringNationals happening at Royal Purple Raceway in Houston, Texas... After last night's huge Billy Joel karaoke party at our local Queen's pub, we're both a little hungover, but we still feel like we can come up with our predictions for the SpringNationals. I admit that I'm feeling pretty good 'bout the NY Mets beating the Reds last night. Matt Harvey is gettin' more focused with his pitching game. I still wanna believe they're gonna be goin' to the World Series again this year. Anyways, whatever, whatever. Pull up a chair and read what me and Felicia got to say to youse 'bout the NHRA drag racing this weekend!

Felicia: Right on, Franky, you gorgeous hunk of a man! I thoughts you sez you wasn't gonna talk about the New York Mets? I know you promised that you wasn't going to talk about The Mets as much this season, like ya did last season! Drag Racing Underground will be gettin' lots of emails again from all the people complaining about you talkin' 'bout the Mets on this DRAG RACING web page! Last night's Billy Joel karaoke party was busting, baby! I must have sang "Just The Way You Are" a dozen times once them extra sweet strawberry wine coolers kicked in! My Top Fuel pick for Houston this weekend is Leah Pritchett. I predicted that she was gonna win Phoenix, and she did! So, I must be gettin' better at this predicting business. I say the gal with the million dollar, hottie Hollywood eyebrows is gonna win again. Thankfully the Quaker State Motor Oil people are making it possible for her to reunite with her former Bob Vandergriff teammates and compete at this weekend's SpringNationals!! I gotta tell ya, I'm still pretty darn upset about Bob Vanfergriff's racing operation imploding and disappearing from the NHRA tour!!

Franky: No way is that broad and her hot eyebrows gonna win in Houston. And I don't mean any offense to all the Pritchett fans out there in cyberland, but give me a friggin' break, I thinks the current instability of her racing situation ain't gonna work in her favor this weekend. I appreciate Quaker State for coming up with the cash to get her back together with her ex-Vandergriff team, and giving her a ride, but I just ain't feelin' that Leah will be makin' it to the winner's circle. I'm going with the blonde bombshell who won last week at zMAK, I'm picking Brittany Force to embrace her new found momentum and put a major hurtin' on the competition-- I thinks there's gonna be some Monster Energy magic going on in Houston. Brittany is gonna dispense some whoop ass on the Top Fuel field!

Felicia: That sounds corny, Franky.  It don't sound like you, using that old tired 'whoop ass' expression?? I thinks maybe you're being coached what to say again by that cockeyed blowhard cousin Enzo of yours from Jersey?!? Gee whiz... I thinks your deep admiration for Brittany's golden locks are blinding your prognostication skills from making a better prediction this week. I don't see Brittany scoring a win in Houston. However, if she does win, I'll treat you to a case of that Monster Energy drink from the local C-Town supermarket. How's that suit ya?!? My Funny Car pick is for John Hale. I see him as a racer who is ready to pounce on the flopper field. The so-called experts tell me that me picking Hale is a real "crap shoot", 'cause the snooty crowd say his odds are deeply debatable, but I strongly disagree with them snooty jerks. I gots that feeling in my belly that John Hale piloting Big Jim Dunn's Oberto Beef Jerky Charger is gonna do it, unless of course, that feeling in my belly is from last night's funky onion dip at our Billy Joel karaoke party??

Franky: Fugget about Hale, he's not the racer I see making headlines in Houston. I respect the guy, but the SpringNationals event ain't gonna be his race by any stretch of your overactive imagination, my fragrant Felicia. I'm picking Alexis DeJoria. I'm really peed off, 'cause I pick her to win a lot, and then when I DIDN'T pick Alexis to win at the Vegas race, the broad goes rounds and takes home the Wally and the whole freakin' caboose!!---  What's up wit that?!?-- So now I'm gonna bank on her making it to the top of the heap in Houston. Her Tequila Partron team got their groove on. I know I'm going to hear crap from all the playa-haters emailing me, 'cause I'm pickin' Alexis to win. I get called a "fanboy" 'cause of my support for the fast females. But I don't care. I gots thick skin just like my hero Billy Joel. I'm predicting Alexis to make some  history this weekend!

Felicia: Ya know, I hates to say dis, Franky, but I just don't thinks Alexis DeJoria is gonna make any history in Houston. Sorry 'bout dat... Ya know, I get a lot of flack from many of you readers about me always talkin' 'bout myself, likes I ain't supposed to talk about myself?!? Geeeez, what kinda fun can a gal have if she ain't talkin' 'bout herself?!?  Many of you smarty pants complain about me to management, 'cause you thinks I'm nothin' but a crazy bird from Queens. Whatever... So anyways, now I'm gonna go out on somewhat of a limb and once again predict that fellow New Yawker, Vincent Nobile, will be making round wins and victory a reality in Pro Stock at Houston. This Dix Hills, NY, based racer is going to have all his ducks in a row and make waves among the cream of the crop of the factory hot rods. The Nobile team got one of the slickest Pro Stocks at the strip. Nobile is gonna turn on the heavy, honeybuns!

Franky: I don't agree, sweetcakes. I thinks you're delusional with that Pro Stock pick. I realize that Vincent Nobile is one tough doorslammin' guy, but I'm just not feelin' him as hitting a winning note at the SpringNats. Once again, just like most of last season, I'll bet all my jollyrocks on Erica Enders. I know that she ain't exactly setting the world on fire so far this season, but she'll get back on her game. She's all heart, did you see how she went to visit those kids at the Levine Children's Hospital when she was racing in Charlotte??-- That's one classy gal. Erica's the reigning champion. She's got it all in my opinion. And yeah, I can see all the hate mail coming my way now. All the haters who call me a "fanboy" because I root for Erica, they gets me madder than Billy Joel driving his car through a Long Island pizzeria's window!! Erica's the undisputed queen of the christmas tree. Her reaction times were making the rest of the racers last season look like sleeping, snoring  Rip Van Winkles. Erica Enders is a serious racer when she's out on the track, she sort of reminds me of how you get, Felicia, when you're playing Yahtzee with the senior citizens down at the borough recreation center. You get that really intense game face of yours going on just like Erica does when she's driving.

 

Felicia: I hopes we did good, honey.

 

Franky: We picked 'em, babe. 'Cause we're a couple of classy winners who know how to pick da winners.

 


Break the conventional chains which bind you to the belief that the only things in this world that exist are those we're able to touch and see in daylight. Ever heard of quantum physics?-- Many credible physicists and scientists from the world's most prestigious of learning institutions now believe that parallel universes exist all around us-- We are likely surrounded by spectacular space, time, energy, and matter anomalies that boggle the brain, proving that what was once thought to be fantasy and fiction, can now be believed as truth and fathomable fact ... We offer you a slice of hard science, combined with sporadic sprinklings of paranormal phenomena, as we here at Drag Racing Underground, proudly present to you... TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER... Step out of the narrow-minded mist that encircles those who wear their stagnate skepticism like an outdated peach-colored leisure suit, and allow yourself the freedom to follow the adventures of drag racing's infinite and most indestructible spirit... Pull up a chair, toss your inhibitions aside, and ride along with one Sebastian Conrad, strong spirited eternal speed freak extraordinaire.

 

Last week's episode told of how our favorite metaphysical/afterlife drag racing dream team are in attendance at the opulent Heavenly Drag Racing Association's Morale-Boosting Ball... Fred The Wrench fainted from being overwhelmed, when he learned that the Heavenly Drag Racing Association were planning all sorts of hype and hoopla dedicated to his honor at this evening's prestigious gala event... Fred's bodily form and spirit went completely limp and lifeless!!... "I DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO LOSE YOUR LIFE AND SPIRIT FORCE AFTER YOUR SOUL HAS ALREADY BEEN ADMITTED INTO THE AFTERLIFE?!?!?" shouted a panicking Maria... "THIS IS A VERY RARE OCCURRENCE IN THE AFTERLIFE, MARIA!!" said a distressed Larry Lamb... "WE CAN'T LOSE FRED!!" blurted Sebastian... Peter The Parrot squawked, "I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT TO DO TO BRING FRED BACK!!! IT'S A FORM OF HUNGARIAN SORCERY THAT DATES BACK TO THE DARK AGES!!!!"... Larry gave Peter a discerning stare and shouted, "AS MUCH AS I HATE TO SEE THE USE OF SORCERY THAT ORIGINATES FROM A LESS THAN HEAVENLY PAGE OF METAPHYSICAL HISTORY, THIS IS INDEED AN EMERGENCY!!! GO AHEAD, PETER, YOU HAVE MY PERMISSION TO USE ANY MEANS NECESSARY TO SAVE OUR FRED!!!"... "THANKS, BOSS!!!" squawked Peter The Parrot, as he then flew to the ballroom's orchestra pit, and snapped up a scholarly appearing flutist spirit named Blaze Benton. Peter quickly returned with the flute player at the scene of Fred's stagnate bodily form lying flat on the floor.

 

"CLEAR THE AREA!!!" Peter yells, then he turns to the flutist and says. "BLAZE, PLAY THE HYMN OF THE BUZZARDS FROM THE ANCIENT HUNGARIAN MYSTICAL MOUNTAINS!!! PLAY IT WITH AN EERIE ZEST TO SUMMON THE STRAW STRUCTURED SPIRITS OF SOUL REVIVAL!!!"... Blaze starts playing the haunting melodies of the ancient ages... Peter The Parrot says to Sebastian  "GIVE ME YOUR DRAG RACING RESPIRATOR MASK!!!"... Sebastian obliges, handing Peter the mask... Peter puts the ill fitting mask over his small parrot head (only Peter's feet are now visible as the mask almost completely covers him)-- Peter begins performing an oddball dance in cryptic circular patterns around Fred-- this causes a small funnel cloud to metaphysically form from Fred's bellybutton... Onlookers gasp!!!... The mask then mystically lifts off of Peter, floats up in the air, then eerily situates itself onto Fred's large, bulbous head and dissolves... Then a supernatural assembly of four 'Straw Structured Spirits of Soul Revival', materialize from the funnel cloud. Their straw bodies possess a human form, however, there's no facial features to speak of. The straw spirits summoned from a dark dimension proceed to pick up Fred's limp bodily form, and stand it upright-- then they take turns dancing with it in step with the ancient Hungarian mystical melodies... Maria gleefully shouts "FRED'S SHOULDERS ARE STARTING TO TWITCH-- HE'S OPENING HIS EYES!!!"... "YOU'RE RIGHT, MARIA!!" exclaims Larry Lamb, "FRED'S RETURNING TO THE AFTERLIFE!!!!!!"...

 

Then Fred The Wrench completely snaps out of his lifeless state of unconsciousness, and returns to his usual boisterous self, yelling out loud  "GET THESE CREEPY STRAW CHARACTERS THE HECK AWAY FROM ME!!!!"... The ballroom lighting director switches the hall's lights to bright white... The straw beings are now clearly visible and have taken on an aggressive stance... One of them speaks in a garbled, wicked tongue, without the use of what would be considered a conventional looking mouth, it seems as if the voice is emanating from its abdomen!?!-- The creature then forcefully commands-- "WE SAVED FRED THE WRENCH, SO THAT ENTITLES US TO NOW TAKE HIM AWAY WITH US, AND HAVE HIM SERVE AS A CREW CHIEF ON ONE OF OUR DARKSIDE DRAGSTER RACING TEAMS!!!"... "WHHHAAATTT?!?!?!" shouts a rattled Fred The Wrench... Larry Lamb immediately reaches for his official AFTERLIFE DRAG RACING AUTHORITY rules and regulations book, to check if what the sinister straw being is saying is true or not... Larry turns to the chapter dealing with 'dormant soul & spirit revival' guidelines, his telling lamb eyes read every word with anxiety laced anticipation, he speaks aloud and the room goes quiet, "According to regulation 4:113A, when a do-gooder spirit and/or soul is revived by a straw structured spirit from the darkside, it is the law, that the revived spirit must then serve a substantial period of service as a subordinate of the straw structured spirit's racing operation."... For the first time ever, we see a tear roll down Larry's distinguished woolly face... Fred The Wrench turns pale with disbelief... Peter The Parrot mumbles  "I-I-I don't think I could take losing my best buddy." as he too breaks into tears... Maria tries to console Peter by saying, "There, there, Peter-- We'll figure something out."... "I'M AFRAID NOT!!!!" shouts the scary straw structured spirit "YOUR TOP HALL-OF-FAMER MECHANIC IS COMING WITH US TO SERVE THE EVIL N' DARKSIDE OF THE DRAG RACING AFTERLIFE!!!!"... "OH NO HE ISN'T!!!!" frantically shouts out Sebastian aka The Phantom Racer "THERE IS INDEED A LOOPHOLE IS THIS RIDICULOUS RULING, AND I KNOW WHAT IT IS, AND HOW TO LEGALLY INITIATE IT WITHIN THE COSMIC BOUNDS OF OUR ESTABLISHED AFTERLIFE DRAG RACING RULES AND REGULATIONS!!! I KNOW HOW TO OVERRULE THIS TERRIBLE TRAVESTY WHILE DOING SO COMPLETELY LEGIT AND LEGALLY!!!!!"....

 

Yes, my dear friends, this is the mysterious mind-bending-hereafter rebirth, and puzzling parallel universe relocation of the bewildering being, energy, and entity we call THE PHANTOM RACER... Is there really a loophole in the regulation stating that Fred The Wrench must now serve on the evil side of the drag racing afterlife?!? Sebastian claims that he has knowledge of a way to avoid Fred having to leave with the sinister straw structured spirits!!! But does Sebastian REALLY have a solution to this problem that appears downright iron-clad in the print of the AFTERLIFE DRAG RACING REGULATIONS RULEBOOK?!?! Is this REAL?!?!-- Is this a bluff?!?!... Is this just some sort of desperate hair-brained scheme for Sebastian to buy time?!?! What do YOU think?!?! Good golly Miss Molly!!!-- If Fred is going to have to switch teams to the darkside, this is a consequence that's practically incomprehensible for fans of this popular serial series!!!!! WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN NEXT?!?... What's in store for our drag racing paranormal dream team as they continue to embark on unpredictable drag racing adventures throughout the parallel universes??... Can they all hold it together and successfully champion the powers of good??... Or will they fall victim to evil entities they cannot control???... These are just a few of the mind-twisting questions to be answered in future action-packed episodes of TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER!!... There's more paranormal mystical and maniacal drag race mayhem coming your way!!... You definitely do not want to miss it...

 

Stay tuned next Wednesday for a new chapter of the serial paranormal drama series we call TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER... Be sure that YOU follow the story of Sebastian Conrad... Bookmark this page and BE HERE every Wednesday!!... You can read prior episodes of TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER by simply clicking on the 'DOC'S BLOG' link that's conveniently located atop this page, and then scrolling to her Wednesday blog installments (because this series is published here each and every Wednesday). All characters appearing in this series are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely coincidental. TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER story and imagery are copyright 2016 DRAG RACING UNDERGROUND.


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