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Doc's Blog

Welcome to Diana 'The Doc' Thomas' official Blog ... A radio interviewer once referred to Diana as being a 'Celebrity Drag Racing Authority & Visionary'... Diana has indeed filled the shoes (or fire boots) as truly being America's foremost 'Celebrity Drag Racing Authority & Visionary'... Diana is known for being somewhat controversial at times... She writes the truth... Diana tells it like it is about drag racing and other topical issues-- You've seen Diana 'The Doc' Thomas on our DVDs, with Bret Kepner on ESPN, and in all the major media... Don't miss your opportunity to read her daily blog right here at DRAG RACING UNDERGROUND... Diana's blog gives you a daily dose of truth and reality with heart... Diana's unique and refreshing perspective is unlike anything else on the drag racing web... We strongly recommend that you bookmark this page now... Be sure you check in daily to experience & enjoy Diana's unique insight, worldly wisdom and perspective...

A MESSAGE FOR OUR VALUED DRAG RACING UNDERGROUND CUSTOMERS...

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First of all, best of Christmas and Chanukah wishes to all of you valued and loyal Drag Racing Underground customers who read this blog with regularity. I can't begin to tell you how much we appreciate your support. Just like every holiday season, we're pretty darn busy picking, packing and shipping out orders. A lot of you have been asking if there's any  "new product" from us, and I'd like to address that particular issue in today's blog... You see, we've been working the last couple of years on completing a new BIG STICK album (the music thing that I do with former Drag Racing Underground guy John Gill). I've been spending countless hours in the recording studio and doing all sorts of duties related to gettin' the record done. This music work has made it virtually impossible to also perform all the time consuming labor necessary to produce any new Drag Racing Underground product. Although we haven't released any new Drag Racing Underground DVDs in a while, we certainly have enough different DVDs in our online catalog, so that you can usually find one, or two, or a few that you don't already have in your collection, or that the person you're buying for doesn't already own either. So when you peruse our DVD catalog please keep that in mind and be thankful for that... There will definitely be a BIG STICK music release in the coming year (2015). Those of you who are into my music thing, I believe you're going to be quite happy with the upcoming release, and yes, there's going to be a couple of new drag racing related songs on it. And as always, you can find all of BIG STICK's back music catalog on iTunes, Spotify and all the other cyber online music outlets... Thanks to all of you customers who are keeping all of Santa's elves who are packing up our orders here at Drag Racing Underground so very busy this holiday season. We genuinely appreciate your appreciation of us...




Today I explain how the BIG STICK music thing that I do with former DRAG RACING UNDERGROUND guy John Gill has affected DRU's recent product output. And I express my appreciation for all you valued DRU customers. Thank You So Very Much!

Oh, I should mention that there will be a couple of drag racing related songs on the upcoming BIG STICK release...

Break the conventional chains which bind you to the belief that the only things in this world that exist are those we're able to touch and see in daylight. Ever heard of quantum physics?-- Many credible physicists and scientists from the world's most prestigious of learning institutions now believe that parallel universes exist all around us-- We are likely surrounded by spectacular space, time, energy, and matter anomalies that boggle the brain, proving that what was once thought to be fantasy and fiction, can now be believed as truth and fathomable fact ... We offer you a slice of hard science, combined with sporadic sprinklings of paranormal phenomena, as we here at Drag Racing Underground, proudly present to you... TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER... Step out of the narrow-minded mist that encircles those who wear their stagnate skepticism like an outdated peach-colored leisure suit, and allow yourself the freedom to follow the adventures of drag racing's infinite and most indestructible spirit... Pull up a chair, toss your inhibitions aside, and ride along with one Sebastian Conrad, strong spirited eternal speed freak extraordinaire.

 

Last week's episode told of how our favorite metaphysical/afterlife drag racing dream team were competing with their 'White Tornado' dragster at Hawaii Raceway Park (circa 1965). They've were hoodwinked into a matchrace against a driver who was calling himself 'Hawaiian Hal', but after our do-gooders accepted his racing challenge, he gruesomely exposed himself as the ancient spirit from the darkside known as 'Hawaiian Hal From Hades', with his infamously fierce, black, flamed digger. It was our team's first assignment with Maria working as Sebastian's back-up girl. Hal and his cohorts mustered menacing metaphysical skills, summoning the fiery powers from the Hawaiian islands' most volatile of volcanoes. Hal and his boys exhibited their ability to activate boiling-molten-lava to ooze out of their eye sockets (yuck!). Subsequently, some of their oozing lava leaked onto one of Hal's racing slicks, burning a hole in the tire right after the dragster launched about 100ft past the startingline. The slick collapsed, propelling Hal's dragster into a turbulent twist, the car then crossed over into Sebastian's lane, hitting the 'White Tornado', and sending it too, with Sebastian at the wheel, into a violent twisting performance, suspended at warp speed in a wicked wormhole. Evidently, Hal's team, like many other teams who come from the darkside, were running an experimental biphasic-wave-generating crankshaft, which is responsible for the race between Sebastian and Hal From Hades' spiraling (literally) out of control after Hal's slick blew out..  

 

Leader Larry Lamb conjures a chant to free Sebastian from his tricky racing predicament-- That's the good news-- The bad news is that the biphasic-crankshaft experimentation, sonically influenced this matchracing mishap, to result in all matter and energy within the surrounding perimeter to become completely invisible! The landscape, cars, drag strip, afterlife race fans seated in the grandstands, and everything in the immediate area is now invisible!...  "We've been wiped into a  wormhole," says Larry Lamb, "This unsettling state of limbo generated by Hawaiian Hal's crankshaft experimentation has TORQUED EVERYTHING into a dimension that permits us to speak, but we can no longer see ourselves nor each other."... "All this fancy metaphysical mumbo-jumbo is fascinating," interjects a restless Maria Conrad. "BUT CAN WE PLEASE SPLIT FROM THIS FREAKY DIMENSION?!?"... "Oh my-- I must get us AND all the spectators of the afterlife back do being visible mass again, and the drag strip must also be restored back to visibility." Larry says in his most serious of tone... "I CAN'T FIND MY HAIR BRUSH!!!! I CAN'T SEE ANYTHING!!!" shouts Maria Conrad... Larry pulls a small amulet looking gadget out from his wooly pocket, he closes his eyes, blows on it, and then chants out loud "TAKE AWAY THE SINISTER BLINDING LIGHT THAT KEEPS US INVISIBLE WITHIN THIS WORMHOLE FRIGHT!!"... In a blink, all is once again restored to as it was prior to when the wormhole wreaked havoc. The exotic Hawaiian island is visible again. All the innocent spectators of the afterlife are also seen again sitting in the grandstands. Our crew are assembled together in the track's pagoda-styled timing tower. Hawaiian Hal Form Hades and his team are also now visible downtrack, furiously arguing over who dripped lava onto their digger's slick, and who should be blamed for their biphasic crankshaft experiment going horribly wrong...

 

"Listen up!" Larry says, "Christmas is almost upon us, and we have a new and very important assignment."... "Where we goin', boss??" asks Fred The Wrench... "We are going to time-travel to the future, to spend Christmas in Colorado, the year will be a distant 3025."... "I've never traveled THAT FAR into the distant future!!" squawks Peter The Parrot... "Are we going racing??" questions Sebastian... "It's more of an exhibition sort of parallel universe drag strip booking," replies Larry, "we're visiting a cryptic, rogue community of children who've endured events of such brutal hardship that it's misplaced their very souls."... "I guess we're in for yet another creepy challenge of our own psyche and sanity." shrugs Maria... "Well, that IS our job." Sebastian says, "We're often the ONLY HOPE in the afterlife for some of these troubled spirits we're assigned to help."... "Yes, Sebastian is right about that, Maria." interjects Larry Lamb, "In this case, we will be responsible for getting the children's misplaced souls put back intact, by us entertaining them with an exciting jet dragster exhibition."... "Sure," blurts Fred The Wrench, "Jet cars have a way of making kids of all ages find happiness."... A cheerful Hawaiian afterlife track employee in the pagoda timing tower approaches our crew, and offers everyone a frosty pineapple smoothie... "Wow," says Maria, "I'll have one!"... Larry speaks to the track worker, "Thanks, but no thanks. We have to leave."... "Figures we'd have to leave just before refreshments are served" says Maria, rolling her eyes, "Can I take one with me??"... "I'm afraid not, Maria," says Larry, "unfortunately chilled liquids do not time-travel very well."... Larry then reaches for yet another gadget from his arsenal of compact metaphysical components stuffed into his wooly suit. He flips a switch, turns a knob, and our gang of do-gooders fade from Hawaii Raceway Park, and are now being metaphysically teleported to the mountains of Colorado...

 

Our crew materialize on a stretch of plateau located atop of a snow-dusted mountain in Colorado. They're at a rundown, abandoned looking 1/8th mile drag strip, populated with droves of downtrodden children, who are shuffling aimlessly about. Corroded Christmas ornaments are dangling from a tiny makeshift timing tower, a tower made of tied-together milk crates, with a simplistic, unpainted, rotting plywood structure that's barely holding together... "This is extremely depressing" Maria whispers to her cohorts... "Well, it's our job to lift up these poor, soulless children's depressed demeanor, and get their souls to somehow return back to them." Larry Lamb commands... The team's Jet Dragster materializes just a few yards away from where they're standing. It's a sleek, chromed jet digger that Larry Lamb ordered with his metaphysical gadget before departing from Hawaii... The children are taking notice of the shiny jet car, a very faint gleam appears in some of their weary eyes... "Hopefully we can help these kids out of their emotionally sad, sad slump." Larry says... "There's hundreds of 'em!" Maria blurts with concern... "You know, for us being so far into the future, this place is sure dark and dreary, it definitely isn't what I'd call a 'bright future'." chimes in Sebastian... "It looks like we're the ONLY race team booked for this gig?!?" squawks Peter The Parrot... "Yes, we are the only team," Larry says, "Actually, we're the only race team to visit this place in many years."... All the children are now aware of the heavenly racing team's presence, they meekly walk towards the team, their clothes all tattered and torn, their frowning faces filthy and unwashed... One tiny, curly-haired lad, holding himself up with a crooked walking stick, apprehensively approaches front and center. "A-A-Are you s-s-s-spirits here to h-h-help us kids??" says the child as he fights off a nasty croup-sounding cough... A tear falls from Maria's eyes, running down her cheek. She wipes away the tear, and tries her hardest to stand tall and strong, she then shouts loudly, so all the children can hear her speak with an elevated level of confidence and clarity. "YES, WE'RE HERE TO HELP ALL YOU CHILDREN-- TO GIVE YOU A CHRISTMAS THAT WILL BRING YOUR MISPLACED SOULS BACK TO YOU!!!"... Larry, Fred, Peter, and especially Sebastian appear genuinely surprised, and outright jaw-dropping awestruck, to see Maria taking on a resilient role of pure love, empathy, compassion and charity-- Maria's spoken words are already bringing a glowing (literally) warmth to this eerie environment... The young struggling boy, who only stands as high as Maria's waist, gives her a soft, fragile hug, she hears his weakened bones crackling, she then gently kneels down to tenderly embrace him...

 

 

 

Yes, my dear friends, this is the mysterious mind-bending-hereafter rebirth, and puzzling parallel universe relocation of the bewildering being, energy, and entity we call THE PHANTOM RACER... It seems as if Maria Conrad is finally coming into her own as a member of our heavenly drag racing team... Her past uncertainty and fears are no longer the prominent path of her afterlife spirit direction-- Maria's now showing herself to be a warm, loving, and concerned spirit with ample empathy and compassion compounded with admirable strength! Maria's taking on a role of remarkable resilience that we simply haven't seen from her before!... Our do-gooder crew are going to put on a Jet Dragster exhibition for these critically compromised children who are in such dire need of having their morale lifted, so that hopefully their misplaced souls will be able to return to their bodily forms. This looks to be shaping up into a Christmas tale of extreme emotional sensitivity... What's going to happen next?!?... What's in store for our drag racing paranormal dream team as they continue to embark on unpredictable drag racing adventures throughout the parallel universes??... Can they all hold it together and successfully champion the powers of good??... Or will they fall victim to evil entities they cannot control???... These are just a few of the mind-twisting questions to be answered in future action-packed episodes of TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER!!... There's more paranormal mystical and maniacal drag race mayhem coming your way!!... You definitely do not want to miss it...

 

Stay tuned next Wednesday for a new chapter of the serial paranormal drama series we call TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER... Be sure that YOU follow the story of Sebastian Conrad... Bookmark this page and BE HERE every Wednesday!!... You can read prior episodes of TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER by simply clicking on the 'DOC'S BLOG' link that's conveniently located atop this page, and then scrolling to her Wednesday blog installments (because this series is published here each and every Wednesday). TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER story and imagery are copyright 2014 DRAG RACING UNDERGROUND.


IMPORTANT MESSAGE FOR DRAG RACING UNDERGROUND HOLIDAY SHOPPERS...

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I've been asked by Drag Racing Underground administrator "Big Jim" Sorenson to inform you that today is the final day to order our DVDs with a reasonable chance of reaching their destination in time for Christmas gift giving. We've been swamped with orders for the last few weeks, and we do want our customers to know that time is running out for those looking to receive their packages by December 25th. I just want to make this all clear to you folks today. We certainly appreciate all of you who've been ordering our DVDs. You people sure know your drag racing--  And you also obviously know who produces the most entertaining and enlightening drag racing oriented DVDs on the planet! Thank you so much for your support... I've also been asked to inform you that tomorrow will commence a special 2-part holiday episode of our TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER paranormal drag racing serial series!! Stay tuned!!



Drag Racing Underground has asked some of their guest bloggers to do a special "ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS" kind of essay. I'm not really what most people would consider to be a regular blogger, I'm more of a teen drag racing psychic, but I still have been asked by management to share my most desired wish for this holiday season. My brother Zagar and I have a popular NHRA racing predictions and tipster feature that's run regularly here on Doc's blog page. I am honored that I've been invited to be part of this "ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS" holiday-season-guest-blogger series! I am one psyched-up psychic for being allowed to participate in this big Christmas Cyber-Journalistic Jubilee!... As most of you who read my brother's and mine's NHRA psychic race predictions are well aware, my brother Zagar frequently falls in and out of trouble, occasionally being either suspended from his drag racing psychic predictions duties, or put on strict probation, due to his tendency to relapse into a state of overly emotional behavior. Yes, Zagar's the one who became so excited when Eric Enders won the 2014 Pro Stock Championship, that he jumped up and down on our parent's couch until he crashed his head straight through a suspended ceiling tile in our TV room. Fortunately Zagar didn't sustain any serious injuries as a result of this latest incident, but it just goes to show that Zagar has to learn to be more relaxed and far less hyper with his emotions. He's a very "excitable teen" as his therapist calls him. All I want for Christmas is for my dear brother to be able to maintain a more positive and constructive emotional attitude and balance for the coming New Year. Zagar's an incredible drag racing psychic, after all, he's the one who mystically and miraculously predicted Erica Enders' success this past season. He's got the potential to go far in the drag racing psychic realm if he can learn to control his emotions a little bit, and not be so impulsively erratic with his behavioral biorhythms.  A lot of you racers, owners and crew members from the top professional teams have swamped Zagar with messages of love and encouragement over this past season, I want to thank you all for that. It really helps when his many readers and fans give him positive vibes.  ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS is my brother to improve his overall emotional outlook and attitude for the upcoming New Year!

 

 

Drag Racing Underground's teen psychic sensation Juniper participates in our special "ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS" guest blogger series. She expresses her holiday wish and desire for her psychic sibling Zagar to have a better handle on his emotional outlook for the upcoming New Year. We all share in that very same wish for her gifted psychic brother Zagar.


For today's blog, I want to divert your attention for just a brief moment from the hustle and bustle of holiday shopping, and all the things that usually occupy our minds this particular time of year, and remind you that once the weather warms up and racing season starts, that you please attempt to make an effort to get out to your local track and show your support for the old school drag scene. I realize that a number of people like "talking" about the old days with their friends, or on the internet, but when it comes to actually lifting their bodies up from behind their computer keyboard, and going out to their local strip to support the scene, well, that's where so many people fall short... I can assure you that no matter how big or small your local track's nostalgia oriented event(s) may be, they're still worth attending and checking out. There's always some kind of surprise when old school drag racing machinery assembles at a drag strip. So please, when "Old Man Winter" is done with his seasonal snow dusting and cold chilling ways, I ask that you please warm-up to the nostalgia drag racing activities your local track schedules for this upcoming Spring and Summer, and get out to the strip and experience the old school drag racing scene in person...

 

When this chilly Winter is finally over, and Spring and Summer comes into season, please get out to your local strip and show your support for the old school drag racing scene. I guarantee you'll be darn glad that you did. Bring your friends and family too!

From the Drag Racing Underground video and image archives. Now the largest in the world.

 


BULLYING... IF YOU SEE SOMETHING, SAY SOMETHING...

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As I've previously told you here on this page, many of my local and regional readers have written in, asking that I please address the unsettling matter of the Sayreville, New Jersey, High School bullying story. And as promised, I will offer my insight and opinion regarding this sick story that's made national headlines. As a matter of fact, that's exactly what I'm going to do today...

It would happen in a locker room of the Sayreville High School, when an upperclassmen football player would let out an eerie "wolf-like howl", then the lights would abruptly shut off. In darkness, a freshman player would be held down by multiple upperclassmen, and then brutally bullied and assaulted. I've was told by parents during my recent investigative trip to nearby Sayreville, that bullying incidences like this would happen at a level in which many players knew about. It's no secret that psychological professionals have proven that "bullies" are insecure individuals with flawed emotional and self-esteem issues. However, that doesn't make bullying okay. The long-running problem with our nation's creepy culture of bullying is that not enough witnesses and bystanders are willing to "grow a pair" and publicly speak up against it. The expression "If you see something, say something" should not only pertain to terrorist activity, it should also be the thing to do in cases of bullying.

Bullying is also a big issue in today's "cyber environment". Even the drag racing internet has its minority of insecure blowhard bullies. My attorneys have a file folder, several inches thick of documented cyber-bully incidents over the years against yours truly. And much like the Sayreville High School fiasco, on the internet, bystanders are often hesitant to speak up against bullying. The people who will tell you in a private message, or on the telephone, or even at the racetrack, that an emotionally flawed cyber-bully they know is nothing more than a " low-life, insecure fool", will often be the same people, who much like droves of innocent Sayreville High School teens, choose to remain "publicly silent"... It's my opinion that whether we're discussing the bullying issue in a sweaty High School locker room, or at the workplace, or on the worldwide web, the key to putting the brakes on bullying requires witnesses and bystanders to speak up. I do realize the notion is often something that's easier said than done, but it's time that courage and good character trumps the flawed character, low self esteem and deep insecurities of bullies.

Please share this blog installment with anyone you may know who is dealing with bullying issues. I'll be re-running this particular blog every month or so as a public service to the drag racing community. Together we can reduce bullying and expose those who bully as what they really are... Thanks to all of you who wrote me about this matter, some of you were extremely persistent and practically demanded that I dedicate a day's blog to this sensitive subject-- You're the kind of parents and people who are already making a difference-- You spoke up about bullying, that's what all good people need to do.

 


Today is "FEEDBACK FRIDAY", meaning I deal with emails that my assistant Stephanie and I receive from readers regarding our most recent blogs... Let's get right to your feedback... Yesterday's blog about how protestors who block major traffic arteries are putting a deadly chokehold on innocent citizens who need to reach hospitals, and other critical health related destinations in a timely fashion caused an absolute uproar of emails. Here's a couple condensed comments from my readers. Mark from Petersberg, VA said, "I'm glad Doc had the courage to say what none of the other spineless wimps in the media have the balls to say. Blocking highways puts the general public at risk."-- On the other side of the coin, Darin from Wilsonville, OR wrote, "Who does the Doc think she is? No woman is going to tell me the right or wrong way to protest. The point of protesting is to cause a disruption!"-- I get the whole disruption thing, Darin, and I believe in everyone's right to express their grievances publicly. However, I stick to my stance that putting the health and welfare of the innocent in jeopardy is just plain wrong. You must realize that not everyone on the road is taking a leisurely joy ride. That's my point... Wednesday's 41th chapter of our TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER serial series resulted in lots of you writing in. Nita from all the way in Menorca, Spain said, "I imagine what The Phantom's 'White Tornado' dragster looks like in my dreams at night!"-- That's neat, Nita!-- Once again Gary from Wellington, OH wrote in, this time saying, "Whenever there's a metaphysical disaster Maria Conrad is always complaining. I never thought I'd say this, but that chick needs to toughen up!"-- Chad from Myerstown, PA said, "How cool was it when Hal's biphasic crankshaft experimentation opened a dangerous wormhole?!? Keep up the good work! The Phantom Racer serial series is the best thing on the net!" -- Thanks to all of you Phantom Racer fans who wrote in this week... Teen drag racing psychic sensation Zagar's special guest 'ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS' blog generated an onslaught of emails. Linda from Phillips, NE said, "The moment Erica Enders won the P/S championship, the first thing I thought of was how ******* happy Zagar must be! LOL!"--  Wesley from Reynold, GA wrote, "Figures that the cocky kid jumped so high that he smashed his fat head through a ceiling tile. His puppy love obsession with Erica Enders makes me barf!"...  My blog offering up wise advice to racers, encouraging them to make use of a practice tree during the off-season resulted in Greg from Buckley, WA writing, "I just placed an order for a practice tree. Nobody's going to call me a fish on the tree next summer!"... My blog thanking trusty assistant Stephanie for the help she's giving me, helping pick and pack all our Drag Racing Underground dvds for Christmas orders, got her hubby Sean to shoot me off an email saying, "My wife loves you Doc. She spends hours telling me what an incredible person you've been to her. She's more than happy to help you whenever she can."-- That's so sweet, Sean... Keep those emails comin' (by using the "Contact Us" link atop the page), whether you agree or disagree with mine, or any of our substitute guest bloggers' opinions, we're genuinely interested in your feedback... We just ask that you please keep your emails short and to the point, no rambling please, and please also include where you're from, we often find the location of where folks are writing us from to be sort of interesting. If you want to remain anonymous you can do that too (just write that you want to remain anonymous in the body of your email, and we won't disclose your identity in the event we choose to make a reference to your particular opinion)... Thanks...

 

 

It's "FEEDBACK FRIDAY" here at DRAG RACING UNDERGROUND. That means I print excerpts from some of the emails that you readers write in with. I always appreciate you folks who sit down at your keyboard and type me your thoughts and opinions.

Illustration courtesy of Drag Racing Underground's own John Gill. Copyright 2014.


I feel compelled to speak up about a dangerous trend that I'm seeing way too much of. I'm talking about when activists are now taking their protests to the major roads and highways, and blocking those same roads and highways from innocent motorists reaching their intended destinations. The main reason why this trend is so disturbing, is because some motorists that are having their travels disrupted are not just folks out for a "joy ride", there's people on the roads who are going places that are critical to their health and welfare, or the health and welfare of a loved one. Some people need to get to their scheduled doctor appointments and other important health-related treatments in a timely manner. I recently encountered a traffic-stopping protest while driving on Route 18, on the border of East Brunswick and New Brunswick, NJ, a busy highway that is a major artery en route to a couple of the area's largest hospitals, this particular protest was reported to have caused an innocent citizen to suffer serious health consequences due to having to take a longer detour in reaching a hospital. I am all for protestors having the right to exercise their right to assemble and express their liberty of free speech. Heck, it's no secret among those who know me that you won't find a stronger advocate of free speech than yours truly. However, I am also of the strong belief that protesting is no longer peaceful when it puts the lives of innocent people in jeopardy. If you want to protest, please do so in a way that doesn't put the lives of the innocent in danger. We all have to look out for one another and resolve grievances without bringing harm to the innocent.

 


Break the conventional chains which bind you to the belief that the only things in this world that exist are those we're able to touch and see in daylight. Ever heard of quantum physics?-- Many credible physicists and scientists from the world's most prestigious of learning institutions now believe that parallel universes exist all around us-- We are likely surrounded by spectacular space, time, energy, and matter anomalies that boggle the brain, proving that what was once thought to be fantasy and fiction, can now be believed as truth and fathomable fact ... We offer you a slice of hard science, combined with sporadic sprinklings of paranormal phenomena, as we here at Drag Racing Underground, proudly present to you... TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER... Step out of the narrow-minded mist that encircles those who wear their stagnate skepticism like an outdated peach-colored leisure suit, and allow yourself the freedom to follow the adventures of drag racing's infinite and most indestructible spirit... Pull up a chair, toss your inhibitions aside, and ride along with one Sebastian Conrad, strong spirited eternal speed freak extraordinaire.

 

Last week's episode told of how our favorite metaphysical/afterlife drag racing dream team were racing their 'White Tornado' dragster at Hawaii Raceway Park (circa 1965). They've been hoodwinked into a matchrace against a driver who was calling himself 'Hawaiian Hal', but after our do-gooders accepted his racing challenge, he gruesomely exposed himself as the ancient spirit from the darkside known as 'Hawaiian Hal From Hades', with his infamously fierce, black, flamed digger. It's our team's first assignment with Maria functioning as Sebastian's drag strip back-up girl. Maria is dressed in a groovy, Hawaiian themed, grass-skirt-bottom & halved-coconut-shell-top customized back-up girl outfit. Maria shrieked in terror when her and the team witnessed Hal and his cohorts' metaphysical skills, summoning the fiery powers from the Hawaiian islands' most volatile of volcanoes. Hal and his boys made for a startling sight when demonstrating their ability to activate boiling, red, molten lava to ooze out of their eye sockets. The lava's so hot that it burnt Hal's driving goggles right off his own face! The two opposing matchracers, Sebastian Conrad and Hawaiian Hal From Hades were storming the strip, completing their burnouts, engaging in a lengthy burndown to the staging beams, and then...

 

GREEN LIGHT!!!!!.... The dragsters ROCK THE FOUNDATION  as they  AGGRESSIVELY LAUNCH... Both of 'em with FRONT WHEELS IN THE AIR!!!!... And then... HOLY COWWWWWWW!!!!!.... THE CROWD IS COMPLETELY FLABBERGASTED BY WHAT HAPPENS NEXT!!!!!!.... The announcer yells at the top of his lungs, "THIS IS ABSOLUTELY UNBELIEVABLE, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!!!!!!!-- CAN THIS REALLY BE HAPPENING?!?!?!?!?--- WE'VE NEVER SEEN ANYTHING LIKE THIS EVER HAPPEN BEFORE HERE AT HAWAII RACEWAY PARK!!!!!!!!!--- GET OUTTA DA WAAAAAAAY!!!!!!!--- GET OUTTA DA WAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!!!-- YIKES!!!!!!!!!!"... It appears that some of the molten lava that was oozing from Hawaiian Hal From Hades' eyes dripped onto one of his dragster's rear slicks, burning a hole in the slick's rubber... This results in Hal's wicked black digger's left slick collapsing at the very moment the car was just getting up to full power. The dragster violently twisted at 100ft, crossing into Sebastian's lane, making contact, and causing Sebastian's 'White Tornado' dragster to roll and twist at warped speed... The afterlife fans located in the grandstands are on their feet, and hypnotized by all the creepy calamity!!!... Hal and his ghoulish oozing lava out the eyes schtick has backfired bigtime, with the dripping lava burning through his slick, and putting his and Sebastian's rails on a twisted journey down the pavement!! Both dragsters are swept up in a paranormal commotion the universe has never seen before!! Leader Larry Lamb suspects that Hal's team built some sort of biphasic wave-induced, wormhole crankshaft technology into their dragster, and that's why both diggers are acting as volatile as the terrifying temper of the darkest of underworlds, the paranormal phenom is also sucking in the souls of random innocent spectators.

 

"WE GOTTA GET OUT OF HERE!!!" shouts out Fred The Wrench... "YES, I CONCUR, FRED--  THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENS WHEN BIPHASIC WAVE-INDUCED WORMHOLE CRANKSHAFT TECHNOLOGY GOES HORRIBLY WRONG!!!" yells Larry Lamb, at an ample volume, far more stressed than his usual reserved, gentlemanly lamb-of-a-man vocal delivery. It is indeed necessary to shout out loud, that's the only way to possibly be heard over all the current ear-splitting, metaphysical drag racing ruckus!!... "I'M SCARED!!!" yells Maria... Larry Lamb then announces an order of authority to his associates, "FRED, MARIA, PETER!!!-- I WANT YOU ALL TO GRAB HOLD OF MY WOOLY HANDS!!! RIGHT NOW!!! RUN WITH ME TO THE PAGODA-STYLED TIMING TOWER!!!!"... Both dragsters are teeter-tottering in-and-out of the much-feared '15th Dimension'. The '15th Dimension' is where all matter twists itself into a potentially agonizing compression of atoms and energy... "LARRY, YOU'VE GOT TO GET SEBASTIAN OUT OF THAT DRAGSTER!!!! HURRY!!! HE CAN'T SURVIVE MUCH MORE OF THAT CAR'S CONTINUOUS, VIOLENT, ROLLING AND TWISTING MOTION!!!" insists a nervous and shaking Maria Conrad... "Yes, I'll work my magic right now, and get Sebastian out of that mess and here with us!" Larry assures Maria... Our do-gooder gang run together and reach the Hawaiian timing tower, climbing to the pagoda-styled structure's upper level... Then in a blink, everything at the exotic Hawaiian drag strip turns a bright and blinding hue of violet white. There's no more visible island, people, race cars--  everything's vanished, broken down in a morphed, mystical, metaphysical mish-mosh of corrupted atomic particles!!... "HEY, WHERE IS EVERYONE?!?" squawks an invisible Peter The Parrot..."Unfortunately we've all been rendered completely invisible, and confined in an elevated level of limbo, most likely generated by an experimental, biphasic-waved, tooled, crankshaft gone haywire in Hal's dragster!!" says Larry Lamb...

 

 

Sebastian miraculously materializes in spirit form near Larry, Maria, Fred, and Peter, although like everyone else, Sebastian is also now completely invisible...  "HEY!! THANKS FOR GETTING ME OUT OF THE CAR!! YOU PROBABLY SAVED MY AFTERLIFE!!" says a briefly relieved Sebastian,  "BUT WHAT HAPPENED?!? WHY CAN'T WE SEE OUR OWN SPIRITUAL MASS?!?  I CAN'T SEE ANY OF YOU-- I CAN'T SEE ANYTHING!!!!"... "We've been wiped into a wormhole" Larry says, "This current state of limbo was generated by Hawaiian Hal's crankshaft. The darkside racers are doing a lot of biphasic, wave-induced crankshaft experimentation. When it works, it results in an incredible boost in torque. HOWEVER, when it doesn't work, it causes severely twisting, major, metaphysical mayhem!!!"... "How did you get Sebastian metaphysically transported out of the car, boss?!?" asks Fred The Wrench... "There's no time to explain that now, maybe later, right now it is imperative that I get all of us, and all the innocent afterlife racers and spectators, out of this strange 15th dimensional state of supernatural suspension." mutters Larry with a slightly detectable, uncertain undertone, "We've all been sucked into a strange paranormal place due to Hawaiian Hal From Hades' crankshaft cracking metaphysically into this dangerous dimension."... "I don't understand how my spirit could have possibly survived all that intense spinning and twisting motion inside my dragster?!?" says Sebastian... "The only reason you survived all that twisting and turmoil, good boy, is because you were driving the 'WHITE TORNADO'!!" states Larry Lamb... "Yeah," adds Fred The Wrench, "The 'White Tornado's' chassis features technology that I personally engineered in a tornado-generating wind tunnel. You were lucky to be driving the PERFECT car to survive all that metaphysically twisting mayhem!!!"... "UH, YA KNOW, GUYS, UH, I'M REALLY AMAZED AND IMPRESSED WITH ALL THIS FANCY, METAPHYSICAL DRAG RACING TECHNICAL TALK, UH, BUT CAN WE PLEASE SPLIT THIS SCARY SCENE?!? UH, YA KNOW, THE WAY WE CAN HEAR EACH OTHER TALK, BUT WE CAN'T SEE EACH OTHER IS FREAKIN' ME OUT!!!!!" Maria shouts with eerily upset emotion ... "YEAH, THIS IS CREEPY!!! I CAN'T EVEN SEE MY OWN BEAK!!!" squawks Peter The Parrot... "Alright, alright," says Larry Lamb, "I'll try to figure out a supernatural strategy to free us from this strange dimension, but first, I must conjure up a spell to restore the spiritual beings of all the innocent Hawaiian racers and spectators of the afterlife, who've also been sinisterly sucked into this wickedly, worrisome wormhole!!"... "I CAN'T FIND MY HAIR BRUSH!!!! I CAN'T SEE ANYTHING!!!! EVERYTHING IS INVISIBLE!!!!!! I'M HAVING AN ANXIETY ATTACK!!!!!" frantically shouts Maria Conrad....

 

 

 

Yes, my dear friends, this is the mysterious mind-bending-hereafter rebirth, and puzzling parallel universe relocation of the bewildering being, energy, and entity we call THE PHANTOM RACER... Larry Lamb's suspicions were correct. Accepting a dragster challenge from the racer calling himself  'Hawaiian Hal' was a risky idea, because as we can now all clearly see, the crusty character is really a sinister, ancient spirit known among metaphysical racing circles as none other than 'HAWAIIAN HAL FROM HADES'!!!... And it's now obvious that the ghastly ghoul and his crew are the most gruesome of competitors... Hal's ability to make molten lava ooze from his eye sockets resulted in some of the lava leaking onto one of his dragster's slicks, and burning a hole in it, causing the tire to collapse, just as Hal's digger was shifting into full power against Sebastian-- Then that triggered a malfunction of Hal's dragster's experimental biphasic-waved crankshaft, which in turn, caused Hal to hit Sebastian's digger, sending both teams' dragsters twisting and rolling violently-- This horrific incident opened a portal to the so-called '15th Dimension', sucking in our do-gooders, and  all of the Hawaiian strip's afterlife racers and spectators, making everyone and everything at the track completely invisible and void of physical mass!!... What's going to happen next?!?... What's in store for our drag racing paranormal dream team as they continue to embark on unpredictable drag racing adventures throughout the parallel universes??... Can they all hold it together and successfully champion the powers of good??... Or will they fall victim to evil entities they cannot control???... These are just a few of the mind-twisting questions to be answered in future action-packed episodes of TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER!!... There's more paranormal mystical and maniacal drag race mayhem coming your way!!... You definitely do not want to miss it...

 

Stay tuned next Wednesday for a new chapter of the serial paranormal drama series we call TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER... Be sure that YOU follow the story of Sebastian Conrad... Bookmark this page and BE HERE every Wednesday!!... You can read prior episodes of TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER by simply clicking on the 'DOC'S BLOG' link that's conveniently located atop this page, and then scrolling to her Wednesday blog installments (because this series is published here each and every Wednesday). TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER story and imagery are copyright 2014 DRAG RACING UNDERGROUND.


Drag Racing Underground has asked some of their guest bloggers to do a special "ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS" kind of essay. I'm not really what most people would consider to be a regular blogger, I'm more of a special teen drag racing psychic, but I still have been asked by management to share my take on the Christmas issue. My sister Juniper and I have a popular NHRA racing predictions and tipster feature that's run regularly here on Doc's blog page. I am honored that I've been assigned to kick off the "ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS" holiday-season-guest-blogger series! I am one psyched-up psychic to have been allowed to participate in this big Christmas Cyber-Journalistic Jubilee! My sister was also asked to do one of these things, but she's busy with a school science project, so she'll probably be telling you what she wants for Christmas sometime next week... Actually, I have ALREADY received THE ONE MOST IMPORTANT THING THAT I WANTED FOR CHRISTMAS!! You've probably already guessed exactly what it is!!! LOL... My Christmas present arrived back in November, when Erica Enders-Stevens clinched the 2014 NHRA Pro Stock Championship!!... When it was officially announced during the NHRA broadcast that Erica took the 2014 crown, I started jumping up and down on the couch. While jumping for joy, I propelled myself so high that my head went straight through one of the lowered ceiling tiles in my family's TV room. Fortunately I didn't sustain any serious injuries as a result of the dramatic incident. My mom, dad, and sister then collectively got me down from the couch, I then grabbed a few cans of Mello Yello, and crushed them with my bare hands in an emotional and festive celebration of Erica's triumphant NHRA Pro Stock supremacy. Her reaction times during the finals at Pomona blew me away!! For all you haters who have sent me so much hate mail about my admiration of Erica Enders-Stevens, and my persistent predictions of her being victorious, it appears like it's now been positively proved that I WAS RIGHT. I was right about Erica's dominating abilities all along. So you haters can go eat some soap with a peperoni artichoke! (that's a hip expression we often use at meetings of my local psychic youth support group). For all you people who've sent me emails of encouragement, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. A lot of racers, owners and crew members from the top professional teams have swamped me with messages of love over this past season. You're all the coolest to me. Erica Enders-Stevens taking the 2014 NHRA Pro Stock Championship is ALL I WANTED FOR CHRISTMAS!! I'm the luckiest teen in all of Toledo for receiving my treasured Christmas present back in November!!

 

 

Drag Racing Underground's teen psychic sensation Zagar kicks off our special "ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS" guest blogger series. Evidently he received his biggest Christmas wish back in November when Eric Enders-Stevens won the 2014 NHRA Pro Stock Championship! Look for psychic siblings Zagar and his sister Juniper to return with their predictions next season!


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