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Doc's Blog

Welcome to Diana 'The Doc' Thomas' official Blog ... A radio interviewer once referred to Diana as being a 'Celebrity Drag Racing Authority & Visionary'... Diana has indeed filled the shoes (or fire boots) as truly being America's foremost 'Celebrity Drag Racing Authority & Visionary'... Diana is known for being somewhat controversial at times... She writes the truth... Diana tells it like it is about drag racing and other topical issues-- You've seen Diana 'The Doc' Thomas on our DVDs, with Bret Kepner on ESPN, and in all the major media... Don't miss your opportunity to read her daily blog right here at DRAG RACING UNDERGROUND... Diana's blog gives you a daily dose of truth and reality with heart... Diana's unique and refreshing perspective is unlike anything else on the drag racing web... We strongly recommend that you bookmark this page now... Be sure you check in daily to experience & enjoy Diana's unique insight, worldly wisdom and perspective...

Today is "FEEDBACK FRIDAY", meaning I deal with emails that my assistant Stephanie and I receive from readers regarding our most recent blogs... Let's get right to your feedback... Yesterday's blog expressing concern for readers in Texas experiencing Mother Nature's torrential-raining wrath, caused lots of you peeps from troubled Texas to email us. Douglas from Martindale, TX said, "Thanks to Doc for dedicating a blog to us Texans. The flooding is the worst I've ever seen in my lifetime, but we're trying to stay strong. Once we get the house and yard cleaned up, the wife and I would like to invite Doc for a barbeque celebration!"-- Hang in there, Douglas!...  Wednesday's 'FRED THE WRENCH & GREESY GABOR ABOUT TO SQUARE OFF!!' chapter of our TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER serial series resulted in lots of you writing in. Angelo from all the way in Padua, Italy said, "My great grandfather in England used to own a 4-banger dragster. That is why I am so very interested in your paranormal drag racing story!"--- Once again Gary from Wellington, OH wrote in, "Greesy Gabor's sinister team should have been disqualified for the death-ray incident!"-- Thanks to all of you Phantom Racer fans who wrote in this week... My blog about my visit to E'Town's FOUNDERS' DAY event resulted in Margaret from East Amwell, NJ writing, "Thanks to Doc for bringing Drag Racing Underground dvds to award the children. She's always been a supporter of our precious youth."-- You're welcome, Margaret. I love the FOUNDERS' DAY event because it celebrates the lives of the late Vincent & Richard Napp. Both of them were great men... My blog titled STRAIGHT TALK ABOUT MEMORIAL DAY caused quite a stir. Jeffrey from Concord, NC wrote, "Having served as a Marine in Vietnam, Doc's Memorial Day blog really meant a lot to to me. I agree that those who discourage free speech are spitting on the graves of all our soldiers who made the ultimate sacrifice."-- Thanks, Jeffrey. And thanks to the many veterans who wrote in with their appreciative words. I was especially blown away by the number of U.S. Marines we received emails from... My blog promoting Old Bridge Township Raceway Park's SUMMER BRACKET BONANZA scheduled for June 13-14 caused Oscar from Morganville, NJ to say, "Thanks for the heads up about the big bracket race. I'll be going with my three buddies."-- That's good to hear, Oscar. I know that the fierce competition is going to make for an exciting event!... Thanks to all of you who wrote in with comments. Even though there's no way we have room to print all your emails, we want you to know that all your comments and suggestions are taken into consideration... Keep those emails comin' (by using the "Contact Us" link atop the page), whether you agree or disagree with mine, or any of our substitute guest bloggers' opinions, we're genuinely interested in your feedback... We just ask that you please keep your emails short and to the point, no rambling please, and please also include where you're from, we often find the location of where folks are writing us from to be sort of interesting. If you want to remain anonymous you can do that too (just write that you want to remain anonymous in the body of your email, and we won't disclose your identity in the event we choose to make a reference to your particular opinion)... Thanks...

 

 

It's "FEEDBACK FRIDAY" here at DRAG RACING UNDERGROUND. That means I print excerpts from some of the emails that you readers write in with. I always appreciate you folks who sit down at your keyboard and type me your thoughts and opinions.

Illustration courtesy of Drag Racing Underground's own John Gill. Copyright 2015.

WORDS FOR OUR FRIENDS IN TEXAS...

Posted by: lovely

Tagged in: Untagged 

Today I want to send a message to all our Drag Racing Underground friends in Texas. I've spent time touring through Texas, and I know that there's plenty of great people there. Please be aware that you are in our thoughts and prayers. The disastrous weather you've been experiencing has us all worried. Those of you living in the range of severely swollen rivers are facing such an enormous challenge. The amount of water that's accumulated and flooded your region from torrential rains is practically beyond belief, but unfortunately, it is a painful reality. Folks have had their shops and race cars pummeled by the raging waters. It's hard to comprehend that over 20 people are reported to have lost their lives as a result of this terror... I also want to send thoughts and prayers to our friends in Oklahoma, it's been no picnic for you either. Let's hope that "Mother Nature" eases her wicked wrath, and that all you folks who are suffering can get back to some degree of normalcy soon...

 


Break the conventional chains which bind you to the belief that the only things in this world that exist are those we're able to touch and see in daylight. Ever heard of quantum physics?-- Many credible physicists and scientists from the world's most prestigious of learning institutions now believe that parallel universes exist all around us-- We are likely surrounded by spectacular space, time, energy, and matter anomalies that boggle the brain, proving that what was once thought to be fantasy and fiction, can now be believed as truth and fathomable fact ... We offer you a slice of hard science, combined with sporadic sprinklings of paranormal phenomena, as we here at Drag Racing Underground, proudly present to you... TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER... Step out of the narrow-minded mist that encircles those who wear their stagnate skepticism like an outdated peach-colored leisure suit, and allow yourself the freedom to follow the adventures of drag racing's infinite and most indestructible spirit... Pull up a chair, toss your inhibitions aside, and ride along with one Sebastian Conrad, strong spirited eternal speed freak extraordinaire.

 

Last week's episode told of how our favorite metaphysical/afterlife drag racing dream team were at an old timers race, sanctioned by the HEAVENLY PARANORMAL DRAG RACING ASSOCIATION, at a drag strip located in the distant Andromeda Nebula. Half of the sky is dark with multiple moons and zillions of stars, while the other half of the sky is bright blue with several suns. This race is to feature an old-school 4-banger dragster challenge between Fred The Wrench, and a sinister spirit from the darkside named Greesy Gabor. This challenge was brought on by the elderly Greesy Gabor, a green-meanie, gear-headed ghoul, severely angered by the fact that Fred The Wrench was recently named as the very first inductee into the H.P.D.R.A.'s Hall of Fame. Greesy Gabor is enraged over the fact that despite his superb wrenching AND driving skills, he wasn't even considered for induction into the Hall of Fame, due to his eternal affiliation with the darkside of afterlife drag racing. And although Fred's driving skills were previously less than stellar, the heavenly higher-ups divinely intervened, metaphysically anointing Fred with ultra-improved driving chops, as well as pulling him out of his usual drunken stupor, and into a far more sharp and focused frame of mind... With Fred's induction into the Hall of Fame, he was granted a golden 4-banger dragster that he'll be driving in the challenge. It features an extra-large cockpit to accommodate Fred's considerable girth. Greesy Gabor and his creepy crew approached our do-gooders' pit and were taken aback by Fred's newly strengthened disposition. Can "Fred The Wrench" actually step-up and make it as "Fred The Driver"??-- And send the evil Greesy Gabor packing on the trailer?? Will Fred The Wrench be able to heroically represent and defend his recently bestowed honor as the HEAVENLY PARANORMAL DRAG RACING ASSOCIATION'S very first inductee into their distinguished Hall of Fame??...

 

Fred The Wrench managed to run an extremely impressive test n' tune pass with his brand new dragster. So impressive that when the green Greesy Gabor witnessed it, he grew extra green with envy! Fred drives the car back to his team's pit where he enthusiastically reunites with his crew... "HEY!!" says Fred, "YA KNOW, I'M KINDA LIKING THIS DRIVING THING!!... Fred steps out of the car and hugs everyone with glee... Greesy Gabor and his hot rodding henchmen are watching from behind the concession stand. Foaming from the mouth with jealousy, Gabor's eyes turn even a more gruesome than usual shade of ghastly, putrid green, as he sinisterly stares at Fred's dragster, and then emanates a dastardly death-ray in Fred's direction from his pulsating eye sockets ... BANG!!! KABOOM!!!... A FURIOUS FIREBALL ENSUES!!!... "LOOK OUT!!!" shouts leader Larry Lamb... The dangerous death-ray misses Fred and his dragster by mere inches!!!... "HEY!!!" exclaims a distressed Fred The Wrench, "WHAT DA HECK IS DA MATTER WIT YOU, GREESY?!?"... "Oh, don't be such a big baby!!" Greesy replies, "That was just a playful gesture!! HA!!"... "That's not what I'd call a playful gesture!!" protests Maria... "Gee whiz!!" says Greesy, "Who brought the mouthy skirt along to the drags?? Don't you do-gooders know that you're supposed to leave the women at home?!?"... Sebastian gets frazzled and is poised to throw a punch at Greesy's hideous head... Fred grabs hold of Sebastian's arm and says, "Don't do that, Sebastian!! That's exactly what Greesy and his ghouls would want you to do, then they'd rally for us to get kicked out of here, and they'd win the challenge by default."... "THEY'RE THE ONES WHO SHOULD GET KICKED OUT OF HERE FOR GREESY'S DANGEROUS DEATH-RAY STUNT!!!" squawks Pete The Parrot...

 

Suddenly an announcement comes blaring over the track's public address system, "WE NEED FRED THE WRENCH'S AND GREESY GABOR'S TEAMS TO THE STAGING LANES IMMEDIATELY!!!... YOUR 4-BANGER  GRUDGE-RACE CHALLENGE IS SCHEDULED TO COMMENCE IN  FIFTEEN MINUTES!!!"... "Well, well, well, it looks like we'll be settling this feud on the drag strip!!" states Greesy Gabor in a sinister tone, "Me and my bad boys have to go fetch our digger, and we'll be meeting you lightweights on the starting line, so I can make mincemeat out of Fred The Wreck!!"... Fred's growing hostility towards Greesy Gabor is evident... "Alright," says Larry Lamb with authority, "let's get up to the staging lanes!!"... Fred hops in the cockpit... Sebastian grabs the dragster by the roll bar and starts pushing it to the lanes... Peter The Parrot flutters above the moving car, looking over the engine and other moving parts... Maria grabs her bottle of burnout bleach and walks beside the car... Larry Lamb briskly hooves it alongside Maria and puts on his best game face... Then our crew sees Greesy and his terrifying team about fifty feet away, also making their way to the staging lanes... Fred takes a glance from his dragster's driving compartment over at Greesy and his rail job... "Uh, I gots to admit, gang, uh, Greesy's dragster is one fierce looking ride." mutters Fred to his teammates... "You pay that no mind." replies Larry Lamb, "All's you have to do is run your own race, Fred, and you should be just fine."... Sebastian, Peter, and Maria all make quick comments concurring with Larry, so to keep Fred feeling secure... As both teams near the burnout box, Greesy fires up his 4-banger dragster first-- It's a sleek jet-black colored digger with a green, glowing skull affixed to the front end... "WHOOOOOMP!!!! WHOOOOMP!!!" goes Greesy's rail, as it sounds as if it has the power of a million nefarious nightmares!!!... Upon hearing Greesy's raucous rail fired-up and running, even Larry Lamb can't hide the nervous lump in his throat... Greesy performs a brazen burnout that has the crowd of spectator spirits up on their feet!!... Sebastian twirls a finger and signals for Fred to fire-up his dragster. Fred does so and his car sounds pretty darn healthy... Maria pours the bleach and directs Fred to do his burnout... YES, THIS IS IT, ALL YOU AFTERLIFE DRAG RACING FANS!!!... THIS IS THE 4-BANGER DRAGSTER DUEL THAT ALL SPEEDSTER SPIRITS OF THE MANY UNIVERSES AND INFINITE GALAXIES HAVE BEEN ANXIOUSLY WAITING FOR!!!...

 

 

Yes, my dear friends, this is the mysterious mind-bending-hereafter rebirth, and puzzling parallel universe relocation of the bewildering being, energy, and entity we call THE PHANTOM RACER... It's FINALLY about to happen!!!... The 4-Banger dragster grudge race of all grudge races, between the extreme forces of good and evil!!!... Will Fred The Wrench be able to beat Greesy Gabor?!?  Will Fred be able to show the ghastly Greesy that his recent induction into the H.P.D.R.A.'s Hall of Fame is both a righteous and well-deserved accomplishment?!?... OR will Gressy Gabor demonstrate how a dastardly demon like himself can whip a goody-two-shoes, hall-of-famer like Fred The Wrench into fragments of fleeing fluffernutter?!?... What's going to happen next?!?... What's in store for our drag racing paranormal dream team as they continue to embark on unpredictable drag racing adventures throughout the parallel universes??... Can they all hold it together and successfully champion the powers of good??... Or will they fall victim to evil entities they cannot control???... These are just a few of the mind-twisting questions to be answered in future action-packed episodes of TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER!!... There's more paranormal mystical and maniacal drag race mayhem coming your way!!... You definitely do not want to miss it...

 

Stay tuned next Wednesday for a new chapter of the serial paranormal drama series we call TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER... Be sure that YOU follow the story of Sebastian Conrad... Bookmark this page and BE HERE every Wednesday!!... You can read prior episodes of TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER by simply clicking on the 'DOC'S BLOG' link that's conveniently located atop this page, and then scrolling to her Wednesday blog installments (because this series is published here each and every Wednesday). All characters appearing in this series are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely coincidental. TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER story and imagery are copyright 2015 DRAG RACING UNDERGROUND.

FOUNDERS' DAY AT RACEWAY PARK AN UPLIFTING EXPERIENCE...

Posted by: lovely

Tagged in: Untagged 

I had a pretty nice Memorial Day weekend. One of the best highlights of the weekend was stopping in at Old Bridge Township Raceway Park's 1/8th mile strip for a visit on Sunday. The track was holding their 15th annual FOUNDERS' DAY event, celebrating the lives of the late Vincent and Richard Napp. I was fortunate enough to have known both good men when they were alive. As many of you probably know, it was Vincent Napp who developed the Jr. Dragster program that's now so popular with thousands of kids all across the nation. Vincent's son David Napp served as the top R&D test pilot for the Jr. Dragster program back in the day. And you may also be aware that many of today's top drivers in the pro and sportsman ranks got their start behind the wheel of a Jr. Dragster. That said, it was really neat to see all the kids and their Jr. Dragsters competing at this past Sunday's FOUNDERS' DAY event. I'm sure that Vincent Napp would be mighty proud to see how even to this day, the Jr. Dragster class has worked as a positive-attitude, motivating catalyst for encouraging and nurturing children to get involved with drag racing. It provides a safe and organized environment for kids to learn the basics of the sport and become competent competitors. The Jr. Digger revolution has certainly developed in a positive manner over the decades. I brought some Drag Racing Underground dvds with me to the event, to donate as prizes for the day's Jr. Dragster winners in memory of Vincent Napp... For parents looking for a way introduce their children to drag racing, I strongly recommend looking into the Jr. Dragster scene. It's a smart way to start a child's lifelong love and appreciation for drag racing. Kids really do need to be nurtured and encouraged in order to be set on the right path in this life-- I  believe the Jr. Dragster scene provides an excellent platform for that to happen...

 

 


STRAIGHT TALK ABOUT MEMORIAL DAY...

Posted by: lovely

Tagged in: Untagged 

Just like Memorial Day blogs of the past, I'm also going to use today's blog to talk sense and try to inject some much needed truth into the drag racing community. First of all, let me be frank by saying that Memorial Day is NOT about saving 40% on a "down comforter" at "Bed Bath & Beyond"-- It's also NOT about playing "Twister" on the backyard deck while burgers burn on the grill... What Memorial Day is REALLY about, is having respect and remembering the fallen, the many men and women who've made the ultimate sacrifice while fighting for the rights and liberties you enjoy daily in this democracy... Please take a moment today to remember those who've died in combat, fighting for the right of free speech and all the other rights that make this America... And speaking of freedom of speech, it's no secret that when it comes to that right, there are segments of the drag racing community who still think that free speech is a joke, so I guess they also think that those who've died or got their legs blown off defending it are also a joke... Let's not forget on this day that the drag racing community should have more respect for the right of free speech, and have folks be able to speak their mind and say the truth even if some people don't necessarily feel, ahem, "comfortable" hearing it. There's hypocritical people on the drag racing internet, they "pretend" to be patriotic, flag-waving folk, but when it comes to protecting the right that so many died for, they don't think that it's important at all-- I got news for you fake, phony, frauds, uh, IT IS... Respect the memory of all those who've died... And respect the principles that they died for-- That's what Memorial Day is about, my friends... Oh, and do try to stay safe out there today if you're on the roads. There's a lot of lousy drivers on the highways and byways of America. Stay alert and focused if you're behind the wheel. Please be smart and drive defensively, to better the chances of you and your family arriving alive to all your destinations. I know that I will... Thanks...

 

 


As this Memorial Day weekend kicks into full swing, I want to remind my readers traveling across the highways and byways of this nation, that it's wise to exercise caution and drive defensively. There's a lot of lousy drivers on the road, and you've really got to stay focused and be aware behind the wheel. Many of you are transporting precious cargo (your family), and you want to arrive alive at your intended destinations. The folks at AAA tell us that there's a massive number of people on the roads this weekend, so please keep in mind that there's quite a few of them who fall miserably short of being competent drivers, and they're just plain downright dangerous to be sharing the road with... Please be careful... Don't get distracted while you're driving... Keep your eyes on the road... Oh, and please remember what this weekend is REALLY about, it's about remembering those who've died defending our rights to the liberties of this democracy-- Make an effort to keep you and your family alive in their honor... Thanks...



E'TOWN "SUMMER BRACKET BONANZA" SCHEDULED FOR JUNE 13-14!!...

Posted by: lovely

Tagged in: Untagged 

When it comes to grass roots bracket racing, it is definitely a genre of drag racing that forever holds a special place in my heart. After all, Drag Racing Underground is known as being the only video production outfit in the universe to produce a series titled "BRACKETS OR BUST!"... That said, I want to inform all my bracket racing friends that on Saturday and Sunday June 13-14, 2015, Old Bridge Township will be presenting a super "SUMMER BRACKET BONANZA"!! A two-day E.T. racing extravaganza that's paying big bucks to winners. Super E.T pays a whopping $5000 each day to the winner and Pro E.T. pays $3000 each day to the winner!! I posted a flyer for the event below for you to check out. If you want more details you can visit racewaypark.com


Today is "FEEDBACK FRIDAY", meaning I deal with emails that my assistant Stephanie and I receive from readers regarding our most recent blogs... Let's get right to your feedback... Yesterday's blog where I paid respect to the recently deceased Jim Kelly caused Gary from Topaz Lake, NV to write, "Jim Kelly was one of the best photographers in the drag racing business. He was a role model for me. Thanks to Doc for paying tribute to him."...  Wednesday's 'GREESY GABOR UNLEASHES A DEATH-RAY TOWARDS FRED'S RAIL' chapter of our TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER serial series resulted in lots of you writing in. Amelia from all the way in Mugla, Turkey said, "I am so scared for Fred The Wrench. I'm waiting nervously for the next episode to learn the outcome!"-- Once again Gary from Wellington, OH wrote in, "It's uber weird to me for Fred The Wrench to be driving the dragster instead of Sebastian!"-- Thanks to all of you Phantom Racer fans who wrote in this week... My blog chiming in on my take of the deadly biker brawl in Waco, Texas, caused quite a stir. Paul from Seminole, FL wrote, "Thanks for telling your readers that most of us bikers don't behave like those guys did in Texas. I've been a biker for forty years and would never do anything that stupid."-- On the other side of the opinion fence, Stretch from Herculaneum, MO said, "Us bikers have our own rules and customs. We don't need no Doc lady sticking her nose in our affairs. Tell Doc to **** off!"-- Well, Stretch. Evidently you're the kind of thug who gives upstanding bikers a bad name... My blog asking that older folks be more welcoming of youngins on the drag racing internet had Linda from Chicasaw, AL saying, "The old grumps should be nicer to the kids!"-- On the other side of the opinion spectrum, Roscoe from Eton, GA wrote, "I hate kids and I hate their stupid comments on the internet. Call me a bigot or whatever you want. I don't care."-- It's really a shame that people like you, Roscoe, constantly creep out the young folks interested in drag racing... Guest blogger Mary Murray's piece on Brittany Force's MONSTER ENERGY drink deal caused more emails than we would have ever imagined. Olivia from Claymont, DE said, "I agree with Mary. I think Brittany is going to start winning with her new financial backing."--- With a much different opinion, Randy from Westport, CT says, "Tell Mary Murray and her cats that they're screwed in the head. Anyone who sucks down energy drinks so they can watch Matlock reruns all night needs to see a shrink!"... My blog promoting the E'Town Summernationals coming up June 4-7 resulted in Otto from Yonkers, NY to write, "I'll be looking for Doc at the Summernationals. I met her there last year and she signed my shirt for me!"-- I'll be looking for you too, Otto!... Thanks to all of you who wrote in with comments. Even though there's no way we have room to print all your emails, we want you to know that all your comments and suggestions are taken into consideration... Keep those emails comin' (by using the "Contact Us" link atop the page), whether you agree or disagree with mine, or any of our substitute guest bloggers' opinions, we're genuinely interested in your feedback... We just ask that you please keep your emails short and to the point, no rambling please, and please also include where you're from, we often find the location of where folks are writing us from to be sort of interesting. If you want to remain anonymous you can do that too (just write that you want to remain anonymous in the body of your email, and we won't disclose your identity in the event we choose to make a reference to your particular opinion)... Thanks...

 

 

It's "FEEDBACK FRIDAY" here at DRAG RACING UNDERGROUND. That means I print excerpts from some of the emails that you readers write in with. I always appreciate you folks who sit down at your keyboard and type me your thoughts and opinions.

Illustration courtesy of Drag Racing Underground's own John Gill. Copyright 2015.

WORDS OF RESPECT FOR JIM KELLY...

Posted by: lovely

Tagged in: Untagged 

Today I want to recognize the life of one of drag racing's most talented photographers who just recently passed away. Jim Kelly also known as "Diamond Jim" Kelly or simply "Kelly" died this past Monday. His history in the sport is a long and well respected one, starting way back in Southern California in the late '50s. Kelly's photo coverage became a staple of many notable motorsport publications. The quality of his work was beyond reproach. And he covered all the different drag racing scenes, from the big NHRA national events, to the more obscure independent happenings, and everything in-between. I certainly admire him for spreading himself so diversely in his appreciation for the different facets of the sport, especially 'cause that's the kind of approach we take here at Drag Racing Underground. I've always said that you can tell a TRUE drag fan (and not just a poser) by their ability to have some appreciation for ALL the different genres and scenes this sport has to offer. In the early '60s Kelly established his own newspaper called Drag Sport Illustrated. Kelly was also a major player in covering the sprouting AHRA scene in the late '60s. In '73 he handled editorial duties for the AHRA's Drag World publication. In '77 Kelly moved to an editor's desk at Super Stock & Drag Illustrated magazine... One of drag racing's most notable historians, and a man I genuinely respect, Bret Kepner, wrote in a Drag Racing Online piece paying homage to Kelly, about how he was an editor with an eye for new talent, and made the effort to nurture new talent, and even serve as a "father figure" to many... In 2003 Jim Kelly was inducted into Don Garlits' International Drag Racing Hall of Fame... It would be cancer that's taken Jim Kelly away from us in the physical, however, in the spiritual sense, Jim Kelly, a man who has touched so many different people in this community over such a long span of decades, eternally lives on through the extensive historical documentation and countless memories he's left behind. Thanks to Jim Kelly for all he gave of himself to the sport of drag racing and its people. My sincere condolences to Jim Kelly's family and close friends.

 

Jim Kelly photo courtesy of Steve Kruml


Break the conventional chains which bind you to the belief that the only things in this world that exist are those we're able to touch and see in daylight. Ever heard of quantum physics?-- Many credible physicists and scientists from the world's most prestigious of learning institutions now believe that parallel universes exist all around us-- We are likely surrounded by spectacular space, time, energy, and matter anomalies that boggle the brain, proving that what was once thought to be fantasy and fiction, can now be believed as truth and fathomable fact ... We offer you a slice of hard science, combined with sporadic sprinklings of paranormal phenomena, as we here at Drag Racing Underground, proudly present to you... TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER... Step out of the narrow-minded mist that encircles those who wear their stagnate skepticism like an outdated peach-colored leisure suit, and allow yourself the freedom to follow the adventures of drag racing's infinite and most indestructible spirit... Pull up a chair, toss your inhibitions aside, and ride along with one Sebastian Conrad, strong spirited eternal speed freak extraordinaire.

 

Last week's episode told of how our favorite metaphysical/afterlife drag racing dream team were teleporting to a special old timers race, sanctioned by the HEAVENLY PARANORMAL DRAG RACING ASSOCIATION, at a drag strip located in the very distant Andromeda Nebula. This race is set to feature an old-school 4-banger dragster challenge between Fred The Wrench, and a sinister spirit from the darkside named Greesy Gabor. This challenge was brought on by the elderly Greesy Gabor, a green-meanie, gearheaded ghoul, severely angered by the fact that Fred The Wrench was recently named as the very first inductee into the H.P.D.R.A.'s Hall of Fame. Evidently Greesy Gabor is extremely upset over the fact that despite his superb wrenching AND driving skills, he wasn't even considered for induction into the Hall of Fame, due to his long affiliation with the darkside team of racers. And although Fred's driving skills were previously less than stellar, the heavenly higher-ups somehow divinely intervened, metaphysically anointing Fred with amply-improved driving chops, as well as pulling him out of his usual foggy, drunken stupor, and into an ultra-sharp and well-focused frame of mind... As an added bonus to Fred's induction into the Hall of Fame, he was also granted three wishes. One of Fred's wishes was for the pristine, golden 4-banger dragster that he'll be driving in the challenge. The digger features an extra-large sized cockpit to accommodate Fred's considerable girth. Can our good friend Fred The Wrench also become "Fred The Driver", and send the evil Greesy Gabor packing on the trailer?? Will Fred The Wrench be able to heroically represent and defend his recently bestowed honor as the HEAVENLY PARANORMAL DRAG RACING ASSOCIATION'S very first inductee into their esteemed Hall of Fame??...

 

Our crew materialize at the Andromeda Nebula drag strip. They're now in the pits with Fred's new 4-banger dragster at the H.P.D.R.A.'s special old timers race... "Oh my!!" exclaims leader Larry Lamb as he looks around, "I didn't expect such a huge turnout for this event!!"... "Yeah, boss" concurs Fred The Wrench, "I better get out on that track for some test n' tune passes, so I can get accustom to driving this new digger!!"... "Don't you worry, Fred!!" squawks Peter The Parrot, "I got the tune-up just right on this beauty!!"... "It's kind of weird to be at a drag race where I WON'T be driving!" says Sebastian, "I guess I'll have to settle for being a spectator for this one!"... Maria hands Fred the new helmet and firesuit that the heavenly wardrobe department put together for him, and she gleefully says, "Here you go, Fred. Everything should fit perfectly!"... "Aww, thanks, Maria." Fred replies, "I best suit up so I can gets out on the drag strip."... Then, seemingly out of nowhere, Greesy Gabor and his creepy appearing crew approach our do-gooders' pit... "Well, well," says the green and ghoulish Greesy, "I see that the stoooopid sunshine team have arrived-- I thought you'd all chicken out and stay home, over at that sterile cloud of yours, that cloud you call your heavenly racing headquarters!!"... "Not a chance!!" says Fred with his new brand of divinely induced confidence, "We wouldn't miss this opportunity to teach you and your lowlife leaches a lesson!!"... Greesy is taken aback by Fred's strengthened disposition and responds, "Wait a minute! Fred, you don't even look drunk! You look as sharp as a tack?!? What happened?!? Is this the same Fred I challenged to a race only a day ago?!?"... "Don't you worry 'bouts me, Greesy!!" comes back Fred, "You just worry 'bout yourself!! You better be prepared for a grudge race that's gonna show you that us good guys can come out on top!!"... Greesy then shakes his perplexed hideous head, and retreats back to his pit... "Okay, people!!" shouts Larry Lamb with authority, "Let's get this dragster out to the track so Fred can make his first pass in the car!!"....

 

Fred suits up and hops in the cockpit. Sebastian pushes the car into the staging lanes. Peter The Parrot flutters and hovers directly over the dragster, giving it a thorough last-minute look-over. Maria grabs a bottle of burnout bleach and walks alongside with her teammates. Larry Lamb briskly hooves it to the timing tower to sign the crew in for the event... This is certainly a peculiar drag strip. Half the sky is black with zillions of visible stars, while the other half of the sky is light blue with multiple suns shining brightly... The track starter orders our crew to fire-up the digger. Fred then fires the 4-banger up-- "WHOOMP!! WHOOMP!! WHOOMP!!... A pensive Larry Lamb returns from the timing tower. Maria walks out on the track with her bottle of bleach to assist Fred with his burnout and staging the car... Maria pours the bleach and Fred proceeds to smoke the tires in spectacular fashion!!... "I CAN'T BELIEVE FRED DID SUCH A BLAZING BURNOUT FOR HIS FIRST TIME OUT!!" shouts out Sebastian... "OH YES!!" shouts back Larry Lamb, "THE DIVINE DRIVING SKILLS INTERVENTION HAS GOT FRED DIALED-IN PERFECTLY WITH THIS NEW CAR!!"... Fred backs up from his burnout as Maria signals with her hands to him, directing him into the track's groove... About a thousand feet down track, Greesy Gabor runs to the fence to watch Fred's trial run... Fred pulls slowly into the beams... The tree goes GREEN!!... Fred launches the dragster off the starting line like a seasoned pro!! The front wheels reach up high for the skies!! Fred storms down the strip, and then lifts off the gas several feet before the finish line, so not to let Greesy and his team know the full potential of the car... Larry, Sebastian, Peter and Maria all look mighty pleased with Fred's first pass in the brand new dragster!!-- Greesy Gabor not so much. The infuriated ghoul runs back to his pit and snappily says to his crew, "We're gonna hafta cheat, boys!! That Fred ain't the same Fred we used to know. He's got some kind of new heavenly goody-two-shoes advantage or something like that!! He's no slouch!!"... Fred pulls his helmet off his head, and is sporting an ear-to-ear grin, as he decelerates through the shutdown area... He drives the car back to the team's pit where he is enthusiastically reunited with his crew... "HEY!!" says Fred, "YA KNOW, I'M KINDA LIKING THIS DRIVING THING!!"... "Uh, oh," squawks Peter The Parrot, "Maybe Sebastian will be out of a job?!"... "Oh, I don't think so," replies Larry Lamb, "But I certainly am very impressed by Fred's ability to handle this car so well!!"... Fred steps out of the car and hugs everyone with glee... Greesy Gabor and his hot rodding henchmen are watching from behind the concession stand. Green with envy, Gabor's eyes turn even a more gruesome than usual shade of ghastly, putrid green, as he sinisterly stares at Fred's dragster, and then emanates a dastardly death-ray in Fred's direction from his rapidly pulsating eye sockets ... BANG!!! KABOOM!!!... A FURIOUS FIREBALL ENSUES!!!...

 

 

Yes, my dear friends, this is the mysterious mind-bending-hereafter rebirth, and puzzling parallel universe relocation of the bewildering being, energy, and entity we call THE PHANTOM RACER... Thanks to the heavenly higher-ups divinely intervening, it certainly appears that Fred The Wrench is a renewed spirit, with the kind of driving chops and focus necessary to give the ghastly Greesy Gabor a run for his money. However, it seems that Greesy is having trouble accepting the fact that Fred is now capable of making this 4-banger digger challenge a lot tougher for him than he originally anticipated it would be... And Greesy Gabor's humiliation has resulted in him beaming some kind of darkside death-ray in Fred's direction!!... There was a loud KABOOM and a FIREBALL!!!--- Was Fred hit by the death-ray??? Were any of our do-gooder team members zapped by it??? Did the death-ray hit Fred's new dragster???... What's going to happen next?!?... What's in store for our drag racing paranormal dream team as they continue to embark on unpredictable drag racing adventures throughout the parallel universes??... Can they all hold it together and successfully champion the powers of good??... Or will they fall victim to evil entities they cannot control???... These are just a few of the mind-twisting questions to be answered in future action-packed episodes of TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER!!... There's more paranormal mystical and maniacal drag race mayhem coming your way!!... You definitely do not want to miss it...

 

Stay tuned next Wednesday for a new chapter of the serial paranormal drama series we call TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER... Be sure that YOU follow the story of Sebastian Conrad... Bookmark this page and BE HERE every Wednesday!!... You can read prior episodes of TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER by simply clicking on the 'DOC'S BLOG' link that's conveniently located atop this page, and then scrolling to her Wednesday blog installments (because this series is published here each and every Wednesday). All characters appearing in this series are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely coincidental. TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER story and imagery are copyright 2015 DRAG RACING UNDERGROUND.


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