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Doc's Blog

Welcome to Diana 'The Doc' Thomas' official Blog ... A radio interviewer once referred to Diana as being a 'Celebrity Drag Racing Authority & Visionary'... Diana has indeed filled the shoes (or fire boots) as truly being America's foremost 'Celebrity Drag Racing Authority & Visionary'... Diana is known for being somewhat controversial at times... She writes the truth... Diana tells it like it is about drag racing and other topical issues-- You've seen Diana 'The Doc' Thomas on our DVDs, with Bret Kepner on ESPN, and in all the major media... Don't miss your opportunity to read her daily blog right here at DRAG RACING UNDERGROUND... Diana's blog gives you a daily dose of truth and reality with heart... Diana's unique and refreshing perspective is unlike anything else on the drag racing web... We strongly recommend that you bookmark this page now... Be sure you check in daily to experience & enjoy Diana's unique insight, worldly wisdom and perspective...

Today is "FEEDBACK FRIDAY", meaning I deal with emails that my assistant Stephanie and I receive from readers regarding our most recent blogs... Let's get right to your feedback... Yesterday's blog featuring Drag Racing Underground's psychic sibling tipsters Juniper's and Zagar's NHRA Seattle predictions resulted in tons of emails, here's condensed versions of a couple we received. Cathy from Alanson, MI wrote, "I agree with Juniper's prediction that Courtney Force is going to make it two Funny Car  wins in a row at Seattle!"-- On the other side of the coin, Adam from Fargo, OK said, "When whacked out Zagar the psychic wonderboy said that Alexis DeJoria looks like a "Cool Grunge Rocker Chick", and that's one of the reasons why she's going to win Funny Car in Seattle, I thought that was the stupidest thing I've EVER read in my entire friggin' life!"... Wednesday's 31st chapter of our TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER serial series resulted in lots of you writing in. Albinka from all the way in Krakow, Poland said, "It was so cute when Sebastian and Maria reunited in each others arms. I cried with joy!"-- Once again Gary from Wellington, OH wrote in, this time saying, "Fred The Wrench's birthday party was going good until he disappeared into thin air. I can't wait until next week to find out what's up with Fred!."-- Loma from Paola, KS said, "That was intense when Fred vanished and Larry Lamb started yelling for his wooly metaphysical mittens!"-- Thanks to all of you Phantom Racer fans who wrote in this week... My blogs singing the praises of last weekend's old school drag activities at Raceway Park and the Wick Plaza Mall prompted lots of emails. Rick from Cypress, CA wrote, "I love the Doc photo with the Monkey Business Gasser. Next year I'm going to fly out to Jersey for E'Town's OLD TIME DRAGS!"-- Stan from Paramus, NJ said, "Congratulation to Dave Sano on winning the Blown Alcohol Funny Car class. His Challenger is hot!"-- Julie from Hazlet, NJ wrote, "It was such an honor to finally meet The Doc at Raceway Park on Sunday. Me and my girls read the blog every morning. You are an inspiration for all women who want to be part of drag racing."-- That's so sweet of you to say, Julie. It was a pleasure meeting you too.-- Brian from Edison, NJ said, "It was so cool to meet you Doc at the Wick Mall by Willie Johnson's "NO MONEY NO FUNNY" Funny Car. You're just as nice in person as you are on the internet!"-- It was cool meeting you and your family too, Brian... Keep those emails comin' (by using the "Contact Us" link atop the page), whether you agree or disagree with mine, or any of our substitute guest bloggers' opinions, we're genuinely interested in your feedback... We just ask that you please keep your emails short and to the point, no rambling please, and please also include where you're from, we often find the location of where folks are writing us from to be sort of interesting. If you want to remain anonymous you can do that too (just write that you want to remain anonymous in the body of your email, and we won't disclose your identity in the event we choose to make a reference to your particular opinion)... Thanks...

 

 

It's "FEEDBACK FRIDAY" here at DRAG RACING UNDERGROUND. That means I print excerpts from some of the emails that you readers write in with. I always appreciate you folks who sit down at your keyboard and type me your thoughts and opinions.

Illustration courtesy of Drag Racing Underground's own John Gill. Copyright 2014.

 


 

Doc used to do drag racing picks. She was unbelievably great at picking winners, confirming her so-called "visionary" talents. It was like Doc had a crystal ball giving her advance notice of who was going be in the winner's circle. Over the years we've been getting requests for Doc to once again put her tipster talents to work and write drag racing picks. However, with her current music and art related workload, that's just not possible... So we figured out another way to have an exciting and entertaining "tipster" feature here on the web site. We've recruited the psychic sibling team of Juniper and Zagar. This brother and sister psychic phenom both LOVE drag racing a whole heck of a lot!! They're young....They're fun.... And now they're DRAG RACING UNDERGROUND's very own exclusive psychic sibling tipsters... So without further ado, we present Juniper and Zagar... 


Juniper: Hi everybody. My brother and I are so psyched that Drag Racing Underground has given us this opportunity to exercise our psychic abilities and do our picks on this popular cyber page!

 

Zagar: Yeah! This is soooooooo awesome!


Juniper: This coming weekend is the 27th annual O'Reilly Auto Parts Nationals presented by Super Start Batteries at Pacific Raceways in Kent, WA, near Seattle. We're going to give you the names of the drivers who will be winning "Wallys" at this stop on NHRA's "Western Swing".

 

Zagar: Today my little sister and I are both going to psychically tune-in to what's gonna happen at the place where our dad tells me that "Grunge Rock" music was born!


Juniper: Let's get right to our predictions. In the Top Fuel class I'm feeling that Doug Kalitta  is going to get down to business at this Northwestern NHRA drag meet. He is a strong Leo astrology sign competitor. Saturn is the planet that speaks into my left ear at night, whispering to me that Doug Kalitta will be holding a nice, shiny "Wally" trophy come Sunday afternoon. My visions are clear and positive for Doug Kalitta and his mighty Mac Tools dragster. I admit that J.R. Todd was coming up a slight bit on my psychic radar, but then I visioned Kalitta blowing J.R. Todd off the radar during my final psychic analysis session after this morning's inspiring yoga class. I believe I saw Doug Kalitta beating J.R. Todd in the 2nd round of racing. What do you think about that, brother Zagar??


Zagar: Not so fast, sis! Before I get to giving you any of my highly anticipated expert predictions, I must say that I'm a little surprised that once again you didn't say anything about the fact that due to my temporary suspension from my Drag Racing Underground prediction duties, we were recently absent from this popular blog page for a short period, just returning back here two weeks ago. I've been the sibling reprimanded by our parents for spraying soda all over the house when I got excited while watching drag racing on TV. I think it's real cool how a certain Funny Car driver pours soda on his "Wally" trophies when he wins, so I thought it'd be cool for me to use soda as a celebratory liquid when I get riled up. Our parents have sent me for special counseling, to curb my overly excitable enthusiasm. I'm still here, although I'm still here strictly on a probationary basis. I wanna keep myself calm enough to keep this great gig. Now that I've gotten that off my chest, I'm going to tell you that I DO NOT see Doug Kalitta getting anywhere near the winner's circle this coming weekend. I'm once again casting my psychic vote for the beautifully bold Brittany Force. Some readers write in accusing me of frequently picking Brittany because of her looks! I get angered when people judge my prediction picks that way. When I select Brittany Force to win Top Fuel it's for reasons that come to me from the stars in the sky. People need to understand that. The stars are shining bright for Brittany's weekend performance. I'm also getting a vibe that Brittany is going to clock another No#1 qualifying spot. She's your winner in Seattle at the wheel of her cool Castrol Edge digger, and you can tell all your friends and relatives that "Zagar The Great Wonderboy Psychic" told you so!

 

Juniper:  I didn't say anything about our temporary suspension due to your behavior, or anything regarding your current probation period because I figured it'd be best that you should be the only one permitted to bring up the sensitive subject. Being your little sister, you know that I tell you many times a day that I love you more than life itself, and that I'll always have your back. Just like mom and dad, I want to see you get through this difficult period, my dearest brother Zagar... Okay, moving on to the Nitro Funny Car class. I'm choosing Courtney Force to win two races in a row by being victorious in Seattle. Once again she will go all the rounds of Funny Car racing. Courtney is going to completely dominate the flopper field with the TRAXXAS Ford Nitro Mustang. She was the women to score the historic 100th NHRA win by a female, she's the driver who beat her fierce father last weekend in Sonoma with an emotional victory, Courtney's also become a "top-qualifying" kind of competitor, she's definitely drag racing's current "Go-To Girl"!! And it's also worth noting that Courtney's Gemini  astrology charts all point to her scoring another win on the NHRA tour. All other competitors be warned that the esteemed "Courageous Courtney" is going to pound down the rest of the Funny Car drivers. Stay out of "Courageous Courtney's" way on Sunday! She's going to outperform everybody else!


Zagar: Look, sis, I'm really touched that you're supporting my efforts to calm down a little. You know more than anybody else that my hyper behavior lands me in lots of hot water. Yes, I'm "drag racing's most excitable boy", but I've got to channel my hyper exciting feelings in a more civilized manner. I'm really going to try hard to make that happen-- I really am... You know, I'm getting a whole different vibe from my astrology research with the list of Funny Car drivers. My charts indicate that we will see Courtney Force smoke the tires in the first round and get put back on the trailer... I predict it's going to be the awesome Alexis DeJoria delivering a brutal blow to the Funny Car field! There's a Toyota Camry going to the winner's circle on Sunday with Alexis strapped into the cockpit. I also see her shaving the clocks pretty good at this installment of NHRA's "Western Swing". Her Libra astrology sign also clearly positions her ultra-positively for this weekend's racing. I think Alexis sort of looks like some kind of really cool "Grunge Rocker" chick, so maybe that too is factoring into me seeing success for her in Seattle. After all, our dad did tell me that Seattle's where "Grunge Rock" was first born! You should all see me dance to our dad's NIRVANA records! I go absolutely nuts!!

 

Juniper: Let's talk about Pro Stock. I did my homework and checked most of the Pro Stock racers' astrology charts. I have come to the conclusion that Greg Anderson is the doorslammer driver on a victory mission for this weekend's NHRA "Big Show" at Pacific Raceways. Greg Anderson and his strong Summit Racing Equipment Camaro are going to take top honors at this meet. That's right, he's definitely a Pisces ready to pounce the rest of the "Factory Hot Rod" field! The respectable and reputable racing personality from Mooresville, North Carolina, is always major threat when he gets his ride properly dialed-in. And I personally guarantee you all right now that he'll be "dialed in" to the max when he hits the quick Seattle strip. I'm all about Greg Anderson being the Pro Stock winner in Seattle!!

 

Zagar: As many of my fans, as well as many of my growing numbers of naysayers are already well aware, I'm arguably Erica Enders Stevens' biggest fan among all the current crop of drag racing media hipsters. Erica is one of the very few racers who gets my blood boiling with intensity and extreme emotion. When Erica performs exceptionally on the strip I go completely bonkers. If I'm in my parent's house, sometimes I get so excited when Erica wins that my precious little sister has to keep a watchful eye on me.  Another thing I'm sure lots of people reading this are also aware of, is the fact that Erica Enders Stevens is currently NOT on the Seattle Pro Stock entries list!! She didn't compete last weekend in Sonoma, and evidently she's also NOT entered in this weekend's Seattle event!! I've been told all sorts of reasons why Erica isn't competing at these NHRA "Western Swing" races. And to be honest, I don't really want to discuss this much further, because I can feel myself getting emotionally stirred up.... What I'm about to say will shock the drag racing world, but I'm going to say it anyway... I am announcing that I will NOT participate in picking a Pro Stock winner in any NHRA national event that's absent of Erica Enders Stevens!! When she gets back to the track, then, and only then, will I continue to make Pro Stock predictions. I know this is probably upsetting my loyal fans, but I ask that you please try to understand where I'm coming from... Thanks... I sincerely hope that Erica returns to the NHRA tour sooner than later... You know, we take our psychic duties very seriously, and we never let our personal feelings cloud our psychic judgement. Sure, we joke and kid around for fun, but we do take our work very seriously, right sis??


Juniper: Yes we do, big brother!! We've got the gift...  It's a very special gift that enables us to clearly look into the future, and then share our findings with the world. I am so grateful for this amazing ability that we are so very fortunate to possess!

 



Juniper and Zagar are the adorable sibling teen psychics who are the new darlings of the drag racing world. They're what all the big buzz is about! Everybody is talking about this loveable brother and sister psychic duo's uncanny ability to predict winners. If you have a question for Juniper & Zagar you can write them by using the "CONTACT US" link at the top of this page. Please be sure to write their names in the subject matter and include your date of birth. Juniper & Zagar are the exclusive property of Drag Racing Underground. Juniper's & Zagar's installments are for entertainment purposes only. All rights reserved. Copyright 2014.


Break the conventional chains which bind you to the belief that the only things in this world that exist are those we're able to touch and see in daylight. Ever heard of quantum physics?-- Many credible physicists and scientists from the world's most prestigious of learning institutions now believe that parallel universes exist all around us-- We are likely surrounded by spectacular space, time, energy, and matter anomalies that boggle the brain, proving that what was once thought to be fantasy and fiction, can now be believed as truth and fathomable fact ... We offer you a slice of hard science, combined with sporadic sprinklings of paranormal phenomena, as we here at Drag Racing Underground, proudly present to you... TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER... Step out of the narrow-minded mist that encircles those who wear their stagnate skepticism like an outdated peach-colored leisure suit, and allow yourself the freedom to follow the adventures of drag racing's infinite and most indestructible spirit... Pull up a chair, toss your inhibitions aside, and ride along with one Sebastian Conrad, strong spirited eternal speed freak extraordinaire.

 

Last week's episode told of how our favorite metaphysical/afterlife drag racing dream team were assembled for an A/FX meet at a dusty Kansas strip circa 1963. Our team were instructed by the heavenly higher-ups to modify new acquaintance JoJo's "Sugar Booger" Dodge Polara, and do everything in their power to aid JoJo in winning the event. Fred The Wrench swapped out JoJo's Dodge Polara's ailing engine for the fresher Hemi from our do-gooder team's Polara. JoJo had a serious gambling problem and needed the winner's purse to pay his thug bookie "Bugsy" Bullheimer. Besides all the mechanical help he received, JoJo was also planning on using the services of Peter The Parrot-- Since JoJo has a severe vision problem, impairing his ability to cut a good light, Peter The Parrot was going to sit shotgun on JoJo's shoulder and peck on JoJo's helmet at the precise moment to launch for a blazing holeshot! Unfortunately track boss Mr. Brody Butts wouldn't permit Peter to ride along with JoJo on the drag strip. JoJo's chances of any success were then bleak. JoJo felt he could no longer save his own life and his family's from his thug bookie, who he knew would hunt him down for his gambling debt. Just when all the weight of the world fell on JoJo's shoulders, it got even worse... "Bugsy" Bullheimer actually showed up at the track to collect JoJo's outstanding debt. And yes, "Bugsy" was armed! When JoJo revealed that he couldn't pay "Bugsy" the money he owed, "Bugsy" aimed his gun directly at JoJo and was preparing to fire! At that moment, leader Larry Lamb broke into a morphed metaphysical state more spectacular than anything we've ever seen before! Larry twisted his body. His voice no longer had its "sophisticated human" sound. Instead, he grunted like a highly agitated n' aggressive lamb of the old British Royal Army's top secret Hellion Lamb Brigade, storming the flaming hills of Brackensburry! (what many believe to be Larry Lamb's true origin)... A swelling gust of wind blew from Larry's wooly chest and created a powerful portal that "Bugsy" swiftly flew into! All the onlookers at the strip were in complete awe of what they were witnessing! Track boss Mr. Butts then ordered our do-gooders gone from the strip! Butts said they'd probably now be receiving a "visit" from the local Military base down the road. He feared that Larry Lamb's "metaphysical incident" may have been detected on radar at the base, and they'd be sending a slew of soldiers to investigate. Our paranormal dream team obliged Mr. Butts' demand and dematerialized in seconds... The crowd vocally protested Mr. Butts chasing our heroes away. Butts then begrudgingly settled the crowd down by announcing that our do-gooders could eventually return sometime in the future... HOWEVER...  Mr. Butts made it VERY CLEAR that nobody in the crowd better say one word about the witnessing of the paranormal event they saw today to anyone else! Mr. Butts shouted, "Y'ALL BETTER KEEP YOUR FAT FLAPPING BACKWOODS MOUTHS SHUT ABOUT THIS. I HAVE ENOUGH DAMN TROUBLE KEEPING THIS DAMN PLACE OPEN EVERY SEASON. I SURE DON'T NEED ANY BUSYBODY TOWN FOLKS THINKIN' US DRAG RACING PEOPLE ARE EVEN CRAZIER THAN THEY ALREADY THINKS WE ARE!!!"... The crowd then all reluctantly looked at Mr. Butts, nodding in unison that they'd agree to Mr. Butts' forceful command... Then the crowd all looked up to the heavens in hopes that they'll one day see our courageous team again...

 

"Holly crackers," squawks Peter The Parrot as he and the rest of the gang materialized back at their heavenly headquarters, "Let me tell you! THAT WAS INTENSE!!"... "I'm just glad to be back," says Sebastian as he wipes his brow and sighs with relief, "You should have seen the paranormal spectacle that Larry Lamb performed at that dusty Kansas drag strip!!"... Maria Conrad stands up from behind her desk and runs right into Sebastian's arms... "I'm so glad you're all back," blurts a glowing (literally) Maria Conrad, "I was so worried. That was a suspenseful mission! I DID see it all from the metaphysical monitors here at the office!!"... "I'm beat," grunts Fred The Wrench, "I swapped engines, adjusted the suspension, and had that JoJo kid's car all dialed in perfectly... Then all heck broke loose!!!"... "Yes," says a now composed Larry Lamb, "I haven't used that degree of metaphysical brute force in ages! I even surprised myself when I created a paranormal portal to take "Bugsy" away!"... "You really spooked those folks at the track," interjects Sebastian, "To be honest, you even spooked me, Larry. I never thought I'd see the day when you would generate SO MUCH POWER!! You're a LETHAL LAMB when you have to be!!!"... "Well, yes," Larry replies, "I too did not think I'd ever see another day when I'd let loose THAT MUCH metaphysical mayhem."... "I was watching pensively on the metaphysical monitors," says Maria, "I saw every stage of your mission. When I saw Larry doing his thing I fell out of my chair! I thought I was watching one of them supernatural thriller movies on the late night television back home in Tennessee!!"... "LARRY WAS AMAZING," squawks Peter The Parrot, "I'M ONE HONORED BIRD TO BE PART OF THIS TERRIFIC TEAM!"...  "That's nice to hear," says Larry Lamb, "And I'm glad that you and Fred aren't bickering with each other nearly as much as you two used to!"... "Yeah," says Fred, "I'm glad our little parrot buddy has wised up and stopped bombarding me all the time with his lowdown scorching insults."... "Insults??" squawks Peter, "I'd NEVER insult you, Fred, because a walking wobbly like you deserves every feather of my respect!!"... "HEY," shouts Fred, "THAT sounds like you just sneaked some INSULTS in your blabbing!!"... "ENOUGH," insists an authoritative Larry Lamb, "You two cut it out right this instance!!... "Alright," says Peter The Parrot with a subdued squawk, "I'm sorry... sort of... hee hee..."

 

"Hey," blurts an upbeat Maria Conrad, "I was looking on the file room calendar, and I discovered that TODAY is SOMEBODY'S  BIRTHDAY!!!"... "Uh," Fred says, "Yeah, Maria... Today's my birthday. I think I'm sumpthin' like 2070 metaphysical years old according to my assigned paranormal directory adviser."... "This place has paranormal directory advisers?!?" asked a surprised Maria Conrad... "Well, of course," states the stately Larry Lamb,"We try to keep everyone in our organization relatively comfortable with their paranormal skills. We want you to be able to direct your metaphysical attributes with maximum efficiency. "... "Yeah," chuckles Fred The Wrench, "I have to see my adviser for direction more than the others here usually do!"... "Ahem," Larry clears his throat and gets everyone's undivided attention, "It IS indeed Fred The Wrench's birthday today, therefore I see no reason why we can't have a celebration."... "Do I get some grown-up beverages for my birthday??" asks Fred The Wrench... "Oh, very well," agrees Larry Lamb, "But don't go overboard!"... Everyone chuckles... "Hey, boss," says Sebastian to Larry Lamb, "Don't forget that when we were in Kansas, you kept insisting that Maria needs to learn how to telepathically communicate!!"... "Of course, my dear boy," replies Larry, "Her using the phone instead of telepathy was a security risk during our assignment. She must learn telepathic communication, and quickly!!"... "I can teach her, boss," Sebastian says, "I'll teach her the same way you taught me when I first came aboard."... Maria briefly walks away to go get Fred's birthday cake from the office kitchen... "Hey," squawks Peter The Parrot to Sebastian in Maria's brief absence, "I don't think I'd want any wife of mine to be TELEPATHIC! She's gonna be able to READ YOUR MIND, Sebastian! Isn't that every husband's WORSE NIGHTMARE?!?!"... Peter, Fred, and Larry all burst out in laughter!!...  "HEY," says a returning Maria carrying Fred's birthday cake, "WHAT'S SO FUNNY?!?... "Uh, nothin'" replies Sebastian... A glowing (literally) Maria lights the candles on a beautiful cake shaped like Jayne Mansfield's facial profile... "HEY," says a jovial Fred The Wrench, "HOW'D YOU KNOW I GOTS A LIKING FOR JAYNE MANSFIELD?!?"... "I pulled one of your girlie 'zines from the back pocket of your overall's," squawks Peter The Parrot, "I seen that you draw little cartoon hearts by all of Jayne Mansfield's pictures... So I told Maria to make you a cake the shape of her pretty head.".... "See," says a smiling Maria, "Peter REALLY IS your friend, Fred!!"... "Awww, I guess the little guy, er, birdie boy is alright with me" says Fred as he happily kicks up his dirty work shoes and grins, "I guess all of us here are alright. I'm glad we're a team able to help people."... "I'll gladly toast to that," says Larry Lamb as he raises his glass, "Here's to hundreds, no, make that thousands, make it ZILLIONS... Yes, ZILLIONS OF YEARS that we'll all have together to help humanity!"... THEN SUDDENLY A DARK PURPLE FLASH OF LIGHT APPEARED IN THE OFFICE..."OH NO, FRED DISAPPEARED!!!", loudly squawks Peter The Parrot, "WHERE DID MY BUDDY GO?!?"... "Oh, no," Maria gasps, "What just happened?? Where is he??? WHERE'S FRED GONE TO?!?!"... "HAND ME MY METAPHYSICAL MITTENS!!!" shouts Larry Lamb, "I SAID HAND ME MY WOOLY METAPHYSICAL MITTENS BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE!!!!!"...

 

 

Yes, my dear friends, this is the mysterious mind-bending-hereafter rebirth, and puzzling parallel universe relocation of the bewildering being, energy, and entity we call THE PHANTOM RACER... Our heroes return to the heavenly office after a brutal mission... Sebastian aka THE PHANTOM RACER will be teaching wife Maria how to tap into telepathic powers, although Peter The Parrot jokingly implied that no hubby wants a wife who can read minds... And speaking of Maria, she brings out a beautiful birthday cake shaped in the likeness of Jayne Mansfield's face for Fred's birthday... Everyone is ready to enjoy a relaxing birthday party for good ol' Fred The Wrench... BUT THEN-- A FLASH OF MYSTERIOUS PURPLE LIGHT!!!-- FRED THE WRENCH DISAPPEARS!!!-- HE VANISHES INTO THIN AIR BEFORE EVERYONE'S EYES!!!... Larry Lamb then immediately cries out for someone to get him his "metaphysical wooly mittens"!!... Where did our dear Fred The Wrench go?!?... Will Larry Lamb's wooly metaphysical mittens enable and empower our leader to somehow get Fred back???... Back from WHERE?!?...What's going to happen next??... What's in store for our drag racing paranormal dream team as they continue to embark on unpredictable drag racing adventures throughout the parallel universes??... Can they all hold it together and successfully champion the powers of good??... Or will they fall victim to evil entities they cannot control???... These are just a few of the mind-twisting questions to be answered in future action-packed episodes of TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER!!... There's more paranormal mystical and maniacal drag race mayhem coming your way!!... You definitely do not want to miss it...

 

 

 

Stayed tuned next Wednesday for the next chapter of the serial paranormal drama series we call TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER... Be sure that YOU follow the story of Sebastian Conrad... Bookmark this page and BE HERE every Wednesday!!... You can read prior episodes of TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER by simply clicking on the 'DOC'S BLOG' link that's conveniently located atop this page, and then scrolling to her Wednesday blog installments (because this series is published here each and every Wednesday).  TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER story and imagery are copyright 2014 DRAG RACING UNDERGROUND


Think I'll spend today rambling on a little more about this past weekend at Old Bridge Township Raceway Park. Saturday was the LONG ISLAND HOT ROD REUNION and Sunday was the OLD TIME DRAGS & FUNNY CAR REUNION. Both days were about celebrating drag racing's so-called "glory days" and seeing lots of cars (and people) possessing an "old school" mindset towards the sport. It really was a "time-traveling" experience. I have to give so much credit to the folks who go through all the trouble to find, build, restore, and recreate the race cars of years gone by. I realize that it's tiring, time consuming and often expensive to take on a project involving bringing a nostalgia car to full fruition. When I was at E'Town this past weekend, it was overwhelming to see sooo many different cars, all fabricated with such care and consideration in the details necessary to produce "period correctness"... I know that a good number of you folks who read this blog page with regularity were at the track this past weekend, 'cause I made the effort to speak personally with quite a few of you. And I certainly appreciate all the kind words that many of you shared with me. I'm humbled that so many great racers and fans check in here daily for their fix of facts and worldly insight delivered straight from my heart... I was blown away by how many of you are following our TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER paranormal drag racing serial series. I had no idea that Sebastian Conrad, Larry Lamb, Fred The Wrench, Peter The Parrot and new star Maria Conrad were so darn popular! (TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER is featured on this page EVERY WEDNESDAY, including tomorrow)... Of course some folks also brought up the somewhat sensitive subject of Juniper and Zagar, our teen sibling hipster tipsters. Your reaction to those kids is a mixed bag. Some of you spoke of them like they're the best thing since sliced bread, while others expressed a far less flattering opinion of our psychic drag racing prediction team, most of your hostility seems to be targeted towards "cocky" Zagar. He's a good kid, ya just have to give him a chance... I'd also like to remind everyone looking for more nostalgia and traditional drag racing fun, that THE DIGS AT E'TOWN series returns to Raceway's 1/8th mile track on Sunday August 24th and Sunday October 26th! "THE DIGS" isn't quite as big of an old school shindig as this past weekend's events, but it's still quite a spectacle for nostalgia inclined drag racing enthusiasts. I love hangin' out at THE DIGS... In closing, I would once again like to thank ALL the racers, team members, fans, E'Town staff, and EVERYONE who helped make the LONG ISLAND HOT ROD REUNION, and the OLD TIME DRAGS & FUNNY CAR REUNION such a memorable blast!! You folks are the best friends a gal could ever ask for...


Yours truly from E'Town this past weekend. I was enjoying the old school drag racing vibe of the LONG ISLAND HOT ROD REUNION and the OLD TIME DRAGS & FUNNY CAR REUNION. There was plenty to see and "Go Ape" over! This "Monkey Business" Gasser was one of the many rides at Raceway Park that captured my attention and imagination.

We (Big Stick) were gathering footage to accompany our upcoming "DRAGUMENTARY" release. Some of you have already heard the song previewed on NPR's "Hearing Voices" radio program. It's been tweaked a bit and is being mastered for release as we speak. I'm genuinely excited about the new drag racing oriented music track! I can't wait to share it with the world.


A GREAT WEEKEND OF NOSTALGIA FUN AT E'TOWN!!...

Posted by: lovely

Tagged in: Untagged 

I want to express just how much fun I had this past weekend. Old Bridge Township Raceway Park was a hotbed of nostalgia drag activity. Saturday was the LONG ISLAND HOT ROD REUNION, an event to celebrate the old days of drag racing on the island. Then on Saturday night there was a gathering at the Wick Mall in Edison, NJ of some of the cars and teams that were appearing at E'Town during the weekend. The show was packed and I got the chance to connect with lots of folks there.... Then on Sunday was the OLD TIME DRAGS & FUNNY CAR REUNION at Raceway Park. The East Coast Gassers. N.E.T.O., Nostalgia Funny Cars and ALL the participants put on a great show. Many racers ran their best career performances. The car count was pretty darn high considering that the regional weather forecasters were painting a sad n' stormy picture for Sunday-- Lots of folks came out to the track anyway, and were glad they did, because all the nasty weather the "experts" were predicting did not come to Englishtown!... Was so good to see Jim "Fireball" Shores posthumously recognized as the event's Grand Marshal. I finally had the opportunity to meet Jim's daughter Jamie who accepted a plague in her dad's honor. Many people appreciated seeing Jim "Fireball" Shore receive some well-deserved respect... Drag Racing Underground's John Gill and I had some fun talking it up in the announcers booth with E'Town veteran announcer Andrew Hinckley and others. All the guys with us in the booth were saying that the experience made them feel as if they they were metaphysically transported into one of our Drag Racing Underground videos! I thought that was a clever and funny way of describing our time spent together on the microphone with the E'Town team... Raceway Park's Walter Frey and the entire E'Town crew did a great job of creating and running an enjoyable weekend of nostalgia drag racing fun. The racers, fans, press, and everyone there had a blast. It was a weekend that will stay cherished within my memory banks for many years to come. HUGE THANKS to EVERYONE who helped make it happen!!...




Hard work and consistency sure paid off for Dave Sano and his posse. They won the Blown Alcohol Funny Car class at Raceway Park's OLD TIME DRAGS & FUNNY CAR REUNION this past weekend! It was a spectacular fast n' fun family oriented event featuring racers and fans celebrating old school styled drag racing! Congratulations go out to ALL the different class winners!

From the Drag Racing Underground video and image archives. Now the largest in the world.

E'TOWN OLD TIME DRAGS & FUNNY CAR REUNION TODAY SUN JULY 27TH!!...

Posted by: lovely

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Today is a most significant day for those desiring to step into drag racing's proverbial "time tunnel" and travel back in time to experience the best in old school flavored drag racing... Today, Sunday, July 27th is Raceway Park's OLD TIME DRAGS & FUNNY CAR REUNION!! Gates open 8am, Time Trials 10am and the big show kicks off at 1pm. This event is the longest running nostalgia themed drag racing happening in the entire nation... Scheduled to appear are the East Coast Gassers, N.E.T.O., Nostalgia Funny Cars, Front Engined Dragsters, Stock & Super Stockers, Altereds, Muscle Cars, Legendary Display Cars, Street Rods, the Regional Fairlane Club Car Show, Hot Rod Legend Bob Ida picking his "IDA'S TOP 10" from the event's massive Car Show, Rat Rods, Memorabilia & Vendors and much more. Jim "Fireball" Shores is going to be posthumously honored as Grand Marshal of the event.... This is a spectacular shindig that ALL generations can enjoy!!... No matter who you are, I can assure you that TODAY Sunday July 27th, Old Bridge Township Raceway Park is THE PLACE to be!!... If you haven't done so already, make your plans NOW to be at E'Town TODAY!!... For more info visit www.racewaypark.com



 

 

Today Sunday July 27th is the OLD TIME DRAGS & FUNNY CAR REUNION. Blow your mind with a truly intense time-traveling drag racing experience!! Come see the "FIREBALL MONZA" and much more!!

From the Drag Racing Underground video and image archives. Now the largest in the world.


LONG ISLAND HOT ROD REUNION @ E'TOWN TODAY!!...

Posted by: lovely

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I want to get the word out about Raceway Park's LONG ISLAND HOT ROD REUNION that's happening THIS AFTERNOON Saturday July 26th, 2014... Yes, the LONG ISLAND HOT ROD REUNION is TODAY (gates open 3pm), and then of course TOMORROW Sunday, July 27th, is the OLD TIME DRAGS & FUNNY CAR REUNION event (gates 8am, time trials 10am, show starts 1pm)... So basically, TODAY SAT JULY 26 and TOMORROW SUN JULY 27 are TWO BIG DAYS in a row of nostalgia themed drag racing bliss at Old Bridge Township Raceway Park... Englishtown, New Jersey, is definitely THE PLACE to be THIS WEEKEND to experience terrific drag racing time-tunnel-traveling fun!!... The LONG ISLAND HOT ROD REUNION is dedicated to celebrating the cherished days gone by of Long Island, New York's drag racing history. This year there's going to be special emphasis on paying tribute to the glory days of the now defunct West Hampton Dragway aka Long Island Motorsports Park. I had the opportunity to visit that track several times while working with Drag Racing Underground-- It was the hot spot on the scenic Long Island shoreline where many New York area racers used to run regularly. The LONG ISLAND HOT ROD REUNION will feature: Memorabilia Displays and Videos, a Long Island Hot Rod & Racer Car Show, Long Island All Star Drag Racing, Bracket Racing, Special Guests, and much more!!... Gates open TODAY at 3pm...




Here's the official artwork for the LONG ISLAND HOT ROD REUNION done by artist extraordinaire Steve Bell. This is an event definitely well worth attending for all fans of drag racing's years gone by. I strongly recommend this event for fast family fun.

Gates open today Sat July 26 at 3pm not 12 noon as originally stated in this graphic.


Today is "FEEDBACK FRIDAY", meaning I deal with emails that my assistant Stephanie and I receive from readers regarding our most recent blogs... Let's get right to your feedback... Yesterday's blog featuring Drag Racing Underground's psychic sibling tipsters Juniper's and Zagar's NHRA Sonoma Nationals predictions resulted in tons of emails, here's condensed versions of a couple we received. Francesca from Twisp, WA wrote, "My husband and I agree completely with Juniper's Sonoma Nationals predictions. Especially when it comes to Cruz Pedregon winning the Funny Car class!"-- On the other side of the coin, Tanner from Chesterfield, MS said, "Zagar's refusal to make Pro Stock predictions because Erica Enders isn't racing in Sonoma is the most asinine thing that cocky jerk has done yet. That kid drives me and my drinking buddies out of our minds!"... Wednesday's 30th chapter of our TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER serial series resulted in lots of you writing in. Catja from all the way in Lahti, Finland said, "This was the most paranormal PHANTOM RACER chapter EVER! I loved it!"-- Once again Gary from Wellington, OH wrote in, this time saying, "Larry Lamb proved his leadership and metaphysical skills when he summoned a portal for Bugsy the bookie to disappear into. I hope the team keeps their promise and returns to the Kansas strip to put on a show for those race fans."--  Kenny from Biggs, CA said, "I'm thankful that boss Mr. Butts finally agreed to have the greatest paranormal drag racing dream team in the universe come back to his track. "-- Thanks to all of you Phantom Racer fans who wrote in this week... Substitute Stephanie's Snapshot of the Day blog, featuring a photo of Team Lagana warming up their Top Fueler caused Sidney from Broome County, NY to write, "Thanks so much for giving the Lagana family some ink. They deserve it!"... My blog promoting Drag Racing Underground's "Month of Jungle" to bring attention to E'Town's two days of nostalgia drag racing THIS WEEKEND prompted Jerry from Howell, NJ to write, "I used to know Jungle Jim Liberman, and I also know that if he was still alive today, he'd be at Raceway Park this weekend with the Doc! She's the kind of woman Jungle loved!"-- That's so nice of you to say, Jerry... I want to use the remaining space of today's blog to remind my readers that THIS WEEKEND really is a DARN GOOD TIME to come out to Old Bridge Township Raceway Park. Saturday (tomorrow) July 26th is the LONG ISLAND HOT ROD REUNION (gates open 3pm), and then on Sunday July 27th is the OLD TIME DRAGS & FUNNY CAR REUNION (gates open 8am, time trials 10am, and the big show starts at 1pm). Come and celebrate drag racing's colorful history at  Raceway Park. Bring your whole family and all your friends to Englishtown this weekend!!... Keep those emails comin' (by using the "Contact Us" link atop the page), whether you agree or disagree with mine, or any of our substitute guest bloggers' opinions, we're genuinely interested in your feedback... We just ask that you please keep your emails short and to the point, no rambling please, and please also include where you're from, we often find the location of where folks are writing us from to be sort of interesting. If you want to remain anonymous you can do that too (just write that you want to remain anonymous in the body of your email, and we won't disclose your identity in the event we choose to make a reference to your particular opinion)... Thanks...

 

 

It's "FEEDBACK FRIDAY" here at DRAG RACING UNDERGROUND. That means I print excerpts from some of the emails that you readers write in with. I always appreciate you folks who sit down at your keyboard and type me your thoughts and opinions.

Illustration courtesy of Drag Racing Underground's own John Gill. Copyright 2014.

 


 

 

Doc used to do drag racing picks. She was unbelievably great at picking winners, confirming her so-called "visionary" talents. It was like Doc had a crystal ball giving her advance notice of who was going be in the winner's circle. Over the years we've been getting requests for Doc to once again put her tipster talents to work and write drag racing picks. However, with her current music and art related workload, that's just not possible... So we figured out another way to have an exciting and entertaining "tipster" feature here on the web site. We've recruited the psychic sibling team of Juniper and Zagar. This brother and sister psychic phenom both LOVE drag racing a whole heck of a lot!! They're young....They're fun.... And now they're DRAG RACING UNDERGROUND's very own exclusive psychic sibling tipsters... So without further ado, we present Juniper and Zagar... 


Juniper: Hi everybody. My brother and I are so psyched that Drag Racing Underground has given us this opportunity to exercise our psychic abilities and do our picks on this popular cyber page!

 

Zagar: Yeah! This is soooooooo awesome!


Juniper: This coming weekend is the NHRA Sonoma Nationals in Northern California. We're going to give you the upcoming Wine Country winners while trying not to whine with our predictions. LOL

 

Zagar: Today my little sister and I are both going to psychically tune-in to what's gonna happen at this wild west coast drag strip battle.


Juniper: Let's get right to our predictions. In the Top Fuel class I'm feeling that J.R. Todd is going to be the rabbit out of a hat honcho in Sonoma, California. He is a Sagittarius based star and astrology sign competitor. Pluto is the planet that speaks into my left ear at night, whispering to me that J.R. Todd will be holding a nice, shiny "Wally" trophy come Sunday afternoon. My visions are clear and positive for J.R. Todd. I admit that Tony Schumacher was coming up a slight bit on my psychic radar, but then J.R. Todd blew Schumacher off the radar during my final psychic analysis session after this morning's inspiring yoga class. What do you think about that, brother Zagar??


Zagar: Not so fast, sis! Before I get to giving you any of my highly anticipated expert predictions, I must say that I'm a little surprised that you didn't say anything about the fact that due to my temporary suspension from my Drag Racing Underground prediction duties, we've both been absent from this popular blog page for a couple weeks, just returning back here last week. I've been the sibling reprimanded by our parents for spraying soda all over the house when I got excited while watching drag racing on TV. I think it's real cool how a certain Funny Car driver pours soda on his "Wally" trophies when he wins, so I thought it'd be cool for me to use soda as a celebratory liquid when I get riled up. Our parents have sent me for special counseling, to curb my overly excitable enthusiasm. I'm still here for the second week in a row, although I'm still here strictly on a probationary basis. I wanna keep myself calm enough to keep this great gig. Now that I've gotten that off my chest, I'm going to tell you that I DO NOT see J.R. Todd getting anywhere near the winner's circle this coming weekend. I'm casting my psychic vote for the beautifully bold Brittany Force. Some readers write in accusing me of frequently picking Brittany because of her looks! I get angered when people judge my prediction picks that way. When I select Brittany Force to win Top Fuel it's for reasons that come to me from the stars in the sky. People need to understand that. The stars are shining bright for Brittany's weekend performance. She's your winner in Sonoma and you can tell all your friends and relatives that " Zagar The Great Wonderboy Psychic" told you so!

 

Juniper:  I didn't say anything about our temporary suspension due to your behavior, or anything regarding your current probation period because I figured it'd be best that you should be the only one permitted to bring up the sensitive subject. Being your little sister, you know that I tell you several times a day that I love you more than life itself, and that I'll always have your back. Just like mom and dad, I want to see you get through this difficult period, my dearest brother Zagar... Okay, moving on to the Nitro Funny Car class. I'm choosing Cruz Pedregon to get wild in Wine Country and go all the rounds of Funny Car racing.  He's going to completely dominate the flopper field with the SNAP-ON entry. Cruz's Virgo  astrology charts all point to him scoring another win on the NHRA tour. All other competitors be warned that the esteemed "Captain Cruz" is going to cause the rest of the competition to lose. Stay out of "Captain Cruz's" way on Sunday! He's going to outperform everybody else!


Zagar: Look, sis, I'm really touched that you're supporting my efforts to calm down a little. You know more than anybody else that my hyper behavior lands me in lots of hot water. Yes, I'm "drag racing's most excitable boy", but I've got to channel my hyper exciting feelings in a more civilized manner. I'm really going to try hard to make that happen-- I really am... You know, I'm getting a whole different vibe from my astrology research with the list of Funny Car drivers. My charts indicate that we will see Cruz Pedregon win two rounds and fall out of the program... I predict it's going to be Del Worsham delivering a potent DHL package to the rest of the competition. There's a Toyota going to the winner's circle on Sunday with Del Worsham strapped into the cockpit. I also see Del Worsham shaving the clocks pretty good in Sonoma. Look for the racer of the Aquarius star sign to run his very best of 2014 season elapsed times.

 

Juniper: Let's talk about Pro Stock. I did my homework and checked most of the Pro Stock racers' astrology charts. I have come to the conclusion that young lion Vincent Nobile is the doorslammer driver on a victory mission for this weekend's NHRA "Big Show" in picturesque Northern California. Vincent Nobile and his mighty MOUNTAINVIEW TIRE Camaro are going to take top honors at this meet. That's right, he's definitely a Scorpio who will be gettin' his claws into the "Factory Hot Rod" competition! The dashing racing personality from Dix Hills, NY is a major threat when he gets dialed in. And I personally guarantee that he'll be "dialed in" to the max when he hits the quick Sonoma strip.

 

Zagar: As many of my fans, as well as many of my growing numbers of naysayers are already well aware, I'm arguably Erica Enders Stevens' biggest fan among all the current crop of drag racing media hipsters. Erica is one of the very few racers who gets my blood boiling with intensity and extreme emotion. When Erica performs exceptionally on the strip I go completely bonkers. If I'm in my parent's house, sometimes I get so excited when Erica wins that my precious little sister has to keep a watchful eye on me.  Another thing I'm sure lots of people reading this are also aware of, is the fact that Erica Enders Stevens is currently NOT on the Sonoma Pro Stock entries list!! Evidently she's NOT entered in this weekend's race!! I've been told all sorts of reasons why Erica won't be competing at the upcoming NHRA sanctioned national event. I don't want to really discuss this much further, because I can feel myself getting emotionally stirred.... What I'm about to say will shock the drag racing world, but I'm going to say it anyway... I am announcing that I will NOT participate in picking a Pro Stock winner in any NHRA national event that's absent of Erica Enders Stevens!! When she gets back to the track, then, and only then, will I continue to make Pro Stock predictions. I know this is probably upsetting some of my loyal fans, but I ask that you please try to understand where I'm coming from... Thanks... I sincerely hope that Erica returns to the NHRA tour sooner than later... You know, we take our psychic duties very seriously, and we never let our personal feelings cloud our psychic judgement. Sure, we joke and kid around for fun, but we do take our work very seriously, right sis??


Juniper: Yes we do, big brother!! We've got the gift...  It's a very special gift that enables us to clearly look into the future, and then share our findings with the world. I am so grateful for this amazing ability that we are so very fortunate to possess!

 



Juniper and Zagar are the adorable sibling teen psychics who are the new darlings of the drag racing world. They're what all the big buzz is about! Everybody is talking about this loveable brother and sister psychic duo's uncanny ability to predict winners. If you have a question for Juniper & Zagar you can write them by using the "CONTACT US" link at the top of this page. Please be sure to write their names in the subject matter and include your date of birth. Juniper & Zagar are the exclusive property of Drag Racing Underground. Juniper's & Zagar's installments are for entertainment purposes only. All rights reserved. Copyright 2014.


Break the conventional chains which bind you to the belief that the only things in this world that exist are those we're able to touch and see in daylight. Ever heard of quantum physics?-- Many credible physicists and scientists from the world's most prestigious of learning institutions now believe that parallel universes exist all around us-- We are likely surrounded by spectacular space, time, energy, and matter anomalies that boggle the brain, proving that what was once thought to be fantasy and fiction, can now be believed as truth and fathomable fact ... We offer you a slice of hard science, combined with sporadic sprinklings of paranormal phenomena, as we here at Drag Racing Underground, proudly present to you... TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER... Step out of the narrow-minded mist that encircles those who wear their stagnate skepticism like an outdated peach-colored leisure suit, and allow yourself the freedom to follow the adventures of drag racing's infinite and most indestructible spirit... Pull up a chair, toss your inhibitions aside, and ride along with one Sebastian Conrad, strong spirited eternal speed freak extraordinaire.

 

Last week's episode told of how our favorite metaphysical/afterlife drag racing dream team featuring top-honcho Larry Lamb, Sebastian Conrad aka The Phantom Racer, Fred The Wrench, and Peter The Parrot are assembled for an A/FX meet at a dusty Kansas strip circa 1963. Our team has been instructed by the heavenly higher-ups to modify new acquaintance JoJo's "Sugar Booger" Dodge Polara, and do everything in their power to help JoJo win the event. Fred The Wrench swapped out JoJo's Dodge Polara's ailing engine for the fresher Hemi from our do-gooder team's Polara. Instructions were even phoned in from Maria Conrad back at the office that hubby Sebastian is to take a "dive" if it's going to be necessary to facilitate JoJo and his "Sugar Booger" Dodge to win. JoJo has revealed to our boys that he has a serious gambling problem, and that if he doesn't get the winner's purse to pay off his outstanding gambling debts, his dirtbag bookie is going to kill him and his entire family! So now we all know why the heavenly higher-ups insisted that our team does everything paranormally possible to make JoJo the event's victorious driver so that he receives the winner's purse. We have also learned that JoJo isn't the most gifted of racers when it comes to cutting a good light on the christmas tree, due to a nagging Nystagmus eye condition. JoJo's vision is bad, so even with a competitive car, he still needs a miracle to be a winner... That miracle was supposed to come in the form of Peter The Parrot. Larry Lamb devised a plan to have Peter The Parrot stand on JoJo's shoulder in the race car, and give JoJo a quick peck on the helmet at the precise time he's to leave the line in a blazing holeshot... Unfortunately pesky tech director Mr. Brody Butts made a big stink when he saw JoJo driving through the staging lanes to the starting line with Peter The Parrot (complete with small scale helmet and goggles) riding shotgun on his shoulder. An infuriated Mr. Butts put the kibosh on any hopes of JoJo being competitive by ordering Peter The Parrot out of the car!... And to make things worse, JoJo's brash bookie Bugsy Bullheimer showed up at the strip to collect (OR ELSE!) on JoJo's gambling debt!... AND Bugsy brought a loaded gun with him!!... He's pointing the menacing gangster grade gun at a hysterical, fearful and penniless JoJo!! This is a terrifying thick of a pickle for a broke and desperate JoJo!!...

 

P-P-PLEASE SOMEBODY DO SOMETHING!!!" yells a hysterical JoJo as he appears to be only mere milliseconds from Bugsy Bullheimer unloading a shower of bullets on him!!... The rotund, stubble-face Bugsy The Bookie was readying to pull the trigger in JoJo's direction... Everyone on our paranormal dream team, along with all the strangers watching on at the strip were scared and stunned!... Then leader Larry Lamb departed from his usual soft spoken "human like" voice and quickly grunted like a distressed lamb on a flaming pasture!! Larry even broke into a "wheels up" bucking sort of motion with his front legs, while twisting his body in a quick fit of rambunctious rage!! We've NEVER seen THIS side of the consistently suave Larry Lamb before!! Larry then spoke an ancient sounding chant with reverberating authority at a decibel level on par with that of a dozen nitro dragsters!! A powerful shock-wave emanated from Larry's wooly chest that created a great gust of metaphysical energy!! And then a potent and powerful portal opened up near the track's concession stand!! A brisk whip of wind picked Bugsy Bullhiemer up from the pavement and thrust him straight for a massive whirlpooling, electrically-charged hole!!... An eerie hole that leads to parts unknown in the interdimensional physics of the countless universes!!... All the people witnessing this paranormal performance of the otherwise cool, calm and collected Larry Lamb were paralyzed in a state of sheer awe!! The whole mammoth metaphysical event took no more than 20-30 seconds, and when it was over, all the onlooking people at the track reacted differently. Some fell to their knees and thought Larry Lamb must be some kind of god or angelic aberration!! Others screamed in fear believing they were witnessing the first stages of the popularly preached apocalypse!! Bugsy Bullheimer, the bullying bookie who had nothing but murder on his mind was now GONE FOR GOOD. The place looked like a small tornado swept a path through about 200 feet of the pits, but fortunately no race machinery was any worse for the wear. JoJo stood up from his former cowardly crouch, and slowly moved his head in a panoramic viewing motion, to see the new found clarity surrounding him. For the first time in too long, JoJo feels free and liberated from the grief of his gambling debts... He no longer has to look over is shoulder and worry whether or not there's money in his pocket to pay a threatening bookie... He wipes some grit from his face and sighs with relief, possessing a more hopeful enthusiasm for life...

 

 

"Good Golly Gee! I'm going to start a new life," says the emotionally rejuvenated  JoJo, "I'm NEVER going to gamble again... I-I-I think, and even if I do, I swear I'll NEVER bet over my head. Heck, I'll just bet with my old soda-pop bottle caps if I hafta! I'm going to be a BETTER husband, father, human being... I-I-I'm gonna be the man I'm SUPPOSED TO BE!!"... Larry Lamb then morphed back to his usual suave self, although looking a little drained from his recent drastic disbursement of mammoth metaphysical energy... "Oh my, dear friends,"Larry says to all the startled onlookers, "I didn't WANT to have to do that. I haven't done something THAT DRAMATIC and THAT TAXING of my metaphysical powers in many years... I want to sincerely  apologize to each and every one of you who had to witness that while having ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA of what you were seeing transpire!! I must tell you right now that I am NOT a God-- I am NOT a sign of the apocalypse... Although I am sort of like an angel. All my three buddies here are also sort of like angels-- gearhead angels, I guess, on a mission... Sebastian, Fred and little Peter The Parrot all work in concert with me. We all time-traveled here to save JoJo's life and the lives of his family members... JoJo owed that deranged Bugsy character a gambling debt-- Not even THAT substantial of a debt, BUT Bugsy was still THREATENING the lives of JoJo and his family... I had no choice-- I absolutely had to send Bugsy through a portal and rid him of this earth before he laid lots of deadly lead into poor JoJo!!"... "What the hell is a portal?!?," yelled out befuddled track tech director Mr. Brody Butts, "I told you that I suspected your crew is from OUTER SPACE of sumpthin'!!!"... "Uh, we're not really from "outer space", Mr. Butts," says Larry Lamb,"We're from a heavenly kind of place where gearheads of a metaphysical nature time travel to different parallel universes in order to help people."... "Well, I strongly suggest y'all GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE," Mr. Butts shouts out, "I'm sure that little incident you stirred up over here got picked up on radar or sumpthin' by the local military base just down the road!!"... Sebastian aka THE PHANTOM RACER then addressed the weary crowd, "I have been a part of this paranormal team of do-gooders for a few months. My wife has also recently joined our crew. Both her and I had to lose our mortal lives to be a part of this metaphysical dream team. She works back at the office, but hopefully she'll be joining us soon on our racing adventures as my official back-up girl. We'll have to all come back here and put on a nice show for you good folks sometime."... "OH NO YOU WON'T," belligerently blurts out track boss Mr. Butts, "NO WAY DO I WANT YOUR KIND 'ROUND HERE EVER AGAIN!!"

 

 

An awkward silence followed Mr. Butt's brash statement... Then all a sudden the hundred or so surrounding racers and spectators collectively cried out, "WE WANT THEM BACK!! WE WANT THEM BACK!! WE WANT THEM BACK!!"..."Well, I guess we'll have to come back here someday and put on a show for you all.", says a worn out but still standing Fred The Wrench... "YEAH," squawks  Peter The Parrot, "WE'LL COME BACK HERE ONE DAY TO RUN WHAT WE BRUNG-- AND YOU'RE DARN STRAIGHT TOOTIN' THAT WE'LL BRUNG ENOUGH TO SET THE TRACK RECORDS, AND EVEN HELP SELL SOME POPCORN FOR CRUSTY N' CRANKY OL' MR. BUTTS' CONCESSION STAND!!"... "And since I won't be a gambling fool anymore," says an upbeat JoJo, "When you come back to these parts, I'll treat all you mystical heroes to deluxe strawberry fudge pancakes at the highway diner where my sweet old lady works!!"... "Alright, alright, alright" concedes an acquiescing Mr. Butts, "You guys are welcome back anytime-- But you all better clear out of here RIGHT NOW before the sheriff or military get here to investigate this radical metaphysical, or whatever you call it, kind of ruckus you stirred up!!"... Then our crew dematerialized along with their Dodge Polara and vanished in a matter of seconds... "Y'ALL BETTER KEEP YOUR FAT FLAPPING BACKWOOD MOUTHS SHUT ABOUT THIS," Mr. Butts yells to the crowd after our paranormal dream team disappeared from the Kansas drag strip," I HAVE ENOUGH DAMN TROUBLE KEEPING THIS PLACE OPEN EVERY SEASON-- I SURE DON'T NEED ANY BUSYBODY TOWN FOLKS THINKIN' US DRAG RACING PEOPLE ARE EVEN CRAZIER THAN THEY ALREADY THINKS WE ARE!!!!!-- NOT ONE SINGLE WORD OF THIS NEEDS TO  BE LEAKED ABOUT TODAY'S COCKEYED EXPERIENCE. Y'ALL UNDERSTANDS WHATS I'M SAYIN' TO YA?!?"... The crowd then all reluctantly looked at Mr. Butts and nodded in unison that they'd agree to Mr. Butts' forceful command... Then they all looked up to the heavens in hopes that they'll one day see our courageous team again...

 

 

 

Yes, my dear friends, this is the mysterious mind-bending-hereafter rebirth, and puzzling parallel universe relocation of the bewildering being, energy, and entity we call THE PHANTOM RACER... What an incredible conclusion to this chapter!!... Who ever thought we'd see leader Larry Lamb take on such an aggressive proactive metaphysical role as what we've seen today at this dusty Kansas strip?!?... When Larry Lamb sent bully bookie Bugsy into a paranormal portal it was a huge shock to everyone!!... Now JoJo can start a new and far more productive life... Will all the people who witnessed this monumental metaphysical incident be able to keep it a secret like track boss Mr. Butts demanded??... Will our team ever really return to that lonesome Kansas drag strip again?!?...What's going to happen next??... What's in store for our drag racing paranormal dream team as they continue to embark on unpredictable drag racing adventures throughout the parallel universes??... Can they all hold it together and successfully champion the powers of good??... Or will they fall victim to evil entities they cannot control???... These are just a few of the mind-twisting questions to be answered in future action packed episodes of TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER!!... There's more paranormal mystical and maniacal drag race mayhem coming your way!!... You definitely do not want to miss it...

 

 

 

Stayed tuned next Wednesday for the next chapter of the serial paranormal drama series we call TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER... Be sure that YOU follow the story of Sebastian Conrad... Bookmark this page and BE HERE every Wednesday!!... You can read prior episodes of TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER by simply clicking on the 'DOC'S BLOG' link that's conveniently located atop this page, and then scrolling to her Wednesday blog installments (because this series is published here each and every Wednesday).  TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER story and imagery are copyright 2014 DRAG RACING UNDERGROUND


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