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Doc's Blog

Welcome to Diana 'The Doc' Thomas' official Blog ... A radio interviewer once referred to Diana as being a 'Celebrity Drag Racing Authority & Visionary'... Diana has indeed filled the shoes (or fire boots) as truly being America's foremost 'Celebrity Drag Racing Authority & Visionary'... Diana is known for being somewhat controversial at times... She writes the truth... Diana tells it like it is about drag racing and other topical issues-- You've seen Diana 'The Doc' Thomas on our DVDs, with Bret Kepner on ESPN, and in all the major media... Don't miss your opportunity to read her daily blog right here at DRAG RACING UNDERGROUND... Diana's blog gives you a daily dose of truth and reality with heart... Diana's unique and refreshing perspective is unlike anything else on the drag racing web... We strongly recommend that you bookmark this page now... Be sure you check in daily to experience & enjoy Diana's unique insight, worldly wisdom and perspective...

Today is "FEEDBACK FRIDAY", meaning I deal with emails that my assistant Stephanie and I receive from readers regarding our most recent blogs... Let's get right to your feedback... Yesterday's blog indicating that drag racing's most popular sibling psychic tipsters are still suspended from their duties, and unable to provide their predictions for this weekend's NHRA 4-Wide Nationals sparked Danny from Fargo, OK to write, "Did those two crazy kids murder someone? Why are they being suspended for so long?"-- I'm afraid the specific reasons for their prolonged suspensions is confidential, Danny... Wednesday's 'FRED'S 3RD WISH SURE IS MORE SIGNIFICANT THAN HIS FIRST TWO!' chapter of our TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER serial series resulted in lots of you writing in. Lily from all the way in Chippenham, England said, "This week's episode proved that Fred The Wrench is the drag racing afterlife's most interesting man!"-- Once again Gary from Wellington, OH wrote in, "When Fred wished that history's evilest tyrants would have never be born I almost fell out of my chair! What a surprise from Fred!'"-- Thanks to all of you Phantom Racer fans who wrote in this week... My blog reminding folks that the NHRA Summernationals happen at E'Town on June 4-7 caused Samantha from Brick, NJ to say, "I'm ordering my tickets so that my family can look forward to a good time this Summer!"-- Great idea, Samantha. I'm sure Summer will EVENTUALLY come! LOL!... My blog written in tribute to WE DID IT FOR LOVE website founder John Ewald inspired some of you to write in. Andy from La Mirada, CA said, "Thanks for your tribute to John Ewald. There will never be another one like him."-- Bob from Mina, NV typed, "I agree with Doc that John Ewald really did do it for love."... My blog filling in readers on the fact that E'Town's OLD TIME DRAGS event takes place on Sunday July 26th caused Jose from Bronx, NY to say, "I never miss the OLD TIME DRAGS because the old school is my school of drag racing."... Stephanie's substitution blog advising readers of the 2015 dates for THE DIGS AT E'TOWN series resulted in Claudine from Scotch Plains, NJ chiming in, "Thanks for the dates. I plan to check it out with my new boyfriend!"-- Good for you, Claudine!... Thanks to all of you who wrote in with comments. Even though there's no way we have room to print all your emails, we want you to know that all your comments and suggestions are taken into consideration... Keep those emails comin' (by using the "Contact Us" link atop the page), whether you agree or disagree with mine, or any of our substitute guest bloggers' opinions, we're genuinely interested in your feedback... We just ask that you please keep your emails short and to the point, no rambling please, and please also include where you're from, we often find the location of where folks are writing us from to be sort of interesting. If you want to remain anonymous you can do that too (just write that you want to remain anonymous in the body of your email, and we won't disclose your identity in the event we choose to make a reference to your particular opinion)... Thanks...

 

 

It's "FEEDBACK FRIDAY" here at DRAG RACING UNDERGROUND. That means I print excerpts from some of the emails that you readers write in with. I always appreciate you folks who sit down at your keyboard and type me your thoughts and opinions.

Illustration courtesy of Drag Racing Underground's own John Gill. Copyright 2015.

Evidently NBC news anchor Brian Williams isn't the only media personality still suspended from duties. I've been advised by the parents of Drag Racing Underground's popular teen psychic-hipster-sibling-duo tipsters Juniper and Zagar, that their two kids have also been ordered to remain on the "suspended list" until further notice. We originally scheduled today's blog to feature their picks for this weekend's NHRA 4-Wide Nationals at zMAX Dragway in Charlotte, North Carolina... Unfortunately Zagar has been behaving in a manner that's prompted his parents to order that he take a "time out" from his psychic tipster drag racing duties. And evidently Zagar's inappropriate behavior rubbed off on sister Juniper, and she too has been ordered by their parents to take a "time out" as well. This is the first time we've seen the "usually calm" sister Juniper also get sidelined for "acting out"... The bottom line is that until further notice, Zagar and Juniper are now suspended from their Drag Racing Underground psychic tipster duties... We apologize to all of you who were anticipating the teens' picks today, but the matter is simply out of our hands. We are hoping that their parents will lift their "time outs" soon, so that both Zagar and Juniper can be back here in time to give us their psychic predictions for the upcoming Summit Racing Nationals at Las Vegas in April. Once again, we apologize for the "hip kids" not being able to make their NHRA 4-Wide Nationals' predictions today. Let's all cross our fingers and hope they'll be back soon.

 

P.S.... The kids appreciate all of you who've been sending them supportive emails. We are forwarding all your good wishes and positive thoughts to the two children and their loving parents. We sure hope to have celebrity drag racing psychics Zagar and Juniper return to their duties long before Brian Williams is allowed to return to his. We know many of you miss these darlings.

 


 

Break the conventional chains which bind you to the belief that the only things in this world that exist are those we're able to touch and see in daylight. Ever heard of quantum physics?-- Many credible physicists and scientists from the world's most prestigious of learning institutions now believe that parallel universes exist all around us-- We are likely surrounded by spectacular space, time, energy, and matter anomalies that boggle the brain, proving that what was once thought to be fantasy and fiction, can now be believed as truth and fathomable fact ... We offer you a slice of hard science, combined with sporadic sprinklings of paranormal phenomena, as we here at Drag Racing Underground, proudly present to you... TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER... Step out of the narrow-minded mist that encircles those who wear their stagnate skepticism like an outdated peach-colored leisure suit, and allow yourself the freedom to follow the adventures of drag racing's infinite and most indestructible spirit... Pull up a chair, toss your inhibitions aside, and ride along with one Sebastian Conrad, strong spirited eternal speed freak extraordinaire.

 

Last week's episode told of how our favorite metaphysical/afterlife drag racing dream team were back home at their heavenly headquarters, after attending the inaugural HEAVENLY PARANORMAL DRAG RACING ASSOCIATION'S AWARDS BANQUET. The crew were seated at the kitchen table, unwinding after their big night out. Fred The Wrench is full of joy from being named the first spirit ever to be inducted into the H.P.D.R.A.'s Hall of Fame. An award plaque Fred received for his induction emanated a mystical mist, much like a genie from a bottle, and then took the shape of a bodily form!! A life-size vivacious apparition materialized resembling Jayne Mansfield!! The apparition looked Fred over and spoke,"I'm an apparition that the heavenly higher-ups created because they knew of your crush on Jayne Mansfield. I'm as close of a facsimile as they could muster. You can call me Jayne if you like."... "Is YOU what I gets for being inducted in the H.P.D.R.A. Hall of Fame, J-J-Jayne?!?" Fred asked... "Uh," Jayne the apparition replied, while placing a hand on her hip, "I'm not here to be your wife, Fred. BUT I am here to grant you three wishes."... Leader Larry Lamb interjected, "The H.P.D.R.A. sent this apparition to produce three wishes for you, Fred, sort of a bonus prize for your induction into the Hall of Fame... The apparition got up on the kitchen table and proceeded to dance for our crew while Fred retreated to his room to concentrate on what his three wishes will be...

 

Several minutes passed, and Fred comes from the confines of his room and back into the kitchen. Everyone looks at Fred, including the attractive apparition on the kitchen table who is still moving her hips to an Engelbert Humperdinck album that Peter The Parrot played... Peter The Parrot then takes the needle off the record... "So, what's your three wishes, Fred??" asks the apparition as she now stands motionless on the table... "Well, uh, first thing I want is a box of Mallomars, the marshmallow cookies coated in chocolate, I used to love them when I was a little kid." says Fred... "Okay", replies the apparition with a somewhat dumbfounded look on her face, "I can make that happen."... "Uh, and my second wish," says Fred, "is I wants one of those Bit-O-Honey candy bars, the one with the almond bits nestled in honey flavored taffy. My moms used to pack one in my school lunch for kindergarten."... "HOLD ON!!" interjects Larry Lamb, "THIS SUPERNATURAL FEMININE SPIRIT IS OFFERING YOU THREE WISHES OF ANYTHING-- ANYTHING YOU'D WANT FROM ALL THE INFINITE UNIVERSES, AND ALL YOU'VE ASKED FOR SO FAR IS A BOX OF COOKIES AND A CANDY BAR?!?!"... "Don't you think you're wasting your wishes, Fred?!?" adds Sebastian... "FRED MUST BE DRUNK!!" squawks Peter The Parrot, "HE'S JUST WASTING HIS WISHES ON JUNK FOOD!!!"... "I aints drunk!!" insists Fred, "That's what I wants!!"... "The boys are making a valid point, Fred." intervenes a concerned Maria, "You should consider something more substantial for your third and final wish!!!"... The Jayne Mansfield appearing apparition then stares Fred in the eyes and says, "Okay, bud, you've got just one more wish. What's it gonna be??"... Larry Lamb abruptly gets out of his chair and grabs hold of Fred and says, "I DO HOPE THAT YOUR THIRD WISH IS FOR MORE THAN JUST A SWEET TREAT FROM YOUR CHILDHOOD, FRED!!!"... "Yes, boss," Fred replies, "My third wish ain'ts for candy or sweets."... "I'm glad to hear that." says Larry... "So, tell me your third wish, Fred!!" says the slightly anxious apparition...

 

 

Everyone pensively looks at Fred, waiting on the edge of their seats to hear him state his final wish... Fred pauses for a brief moment, pulls out a bottle of apricot schnapps from his overall's pocket, takes a long swig, then clears his throat and says, "WHAT I REALLY WANTS FOR MY THIRD AND FINAL WISH IS TO CHANGE THE TIDES OF TIME SO THAT ADOLF HITLER, JOSEF STALIN AND BENITO MUSSOLINI WOULD HAVE NEVER BE BORN."... Everyone's jaws dropped... "Let me get this straight, Fred," says the supernatural apparition as she now taps her foot in a somewhat snippily fashion, "You've gone from wishing for a simple box of marshmallow cookies and a taffy candy bar, to wishing that I conjure up the immense metaphysical power necessary to go back in time and stop three of history's most notoriously heinous human beings from ever being born?!?!"... "TALK ABOUT SWITCHING GEARS!!!" blurts Sebastian... "Oh my," chimes in a nervous sounding Larry Lamb, "As much as that's a most admirable and well thought-out wish, and far more substantial of a wish than your other two previous wishes, it really is a rather tall, tall order, even for this powerful apparition who's been sent by the Heavenly Paranormal Drag Racing Association!!!"... "I THOUGHT YOU WERE GONNA WISH FOR A '64 'VETTE, OR MAYBE A CLASSIC MOPAR MUSCLE CAR, OR ONE OF THEM 4-BANGER DRAGSTERS YOU'RE ALWAYS YAKKING ABOUT, FRED!!!" squawks Peter The Parrot... "Well," interjects Maria, "We did in fact ask Fred to come up with something really good for his third wish, and he sure delivered, can't his wish be granted?!"... "It sure is something that would benefit mankind, and would avoid lots grief for millions of people throughout the mortal world's history." adds Sebastian... "Alright, hold on," says the apparition as she pulls out her phone with a frustrated look on her face, and then proceeds to put in a special call to the top bosses at the Heavenly Paranormal Drag Racing Association. She then steps down from the kitchen table and walks into an adjacent room for some privacy... Fred crosses his arms and stubbornly says with a slight slur in his inebriated speech, "THAT'S WHAT'S I WANTS FOR MY THIRD WISH!!!"... "I must tell you, Fred," says Larry Lamb with deep sincerity in his voice, "Changing earth's history to such an extreme degree is no easy task, especially because it's history that's already happened, even the most skilled of heavenly spirits have their limits of power."... "THAT'S MY WISH AND I'M STICKINS TO IT!!" Fred insists... Everyone can overhear the apparition in the other room hanging up from her phone call with the heavenly higher-ups and now making her way back into the kitchen... All are awaiting with bated breath to hear what she has to say...

 

 

Yes, my dear friends, this is the mysterious mind-bending-hereafter rebirth, and puzzling parallel universe relocation of the bewildering being, energy, and entity we call THE PHANTOM RACER... So far Fred The Wrench used two of his three wishes on trivial sweet treats he longed for from his distant youth. HOWEVER, Fred's third and final wish proves to be far more significant in scope than anyone, including the apparition, could have ever imagined coming from him!!!... We all expected Fred to wish for a classic Mopar or maybe a rare dragster from his past, but gee whiz, wishing that Hitler, Stalin and Mussolini were never born?!? Does the genie-like apparition sent by the Heavenly Paranormal Drag Racing Association have THAT MUCH MAJOR METAPHYSICAL MOJO?!?... Can she possibly muster the supernatural strength to make Fred's third wish come true?!?!... What's going to happen next?!?... What's in store for our drag racing paranormal dream team as they continue to embark on unpredictable drag racing adventures throughout the parallel universes??... Can they all hold it together and successfully champion the powers of good??... Or will they fall victim to evil entities they cannot control???... These are just a few of the mind-twisting questions to be answered in future action-packed episodes of TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER!!... There's more paranormal mystical and maniacal drag race mayhem coming your way!!... You definitely do not want to miss it...

 

Stay tuned next Wednesday for a new chapter of the serial paranormal drama series we call TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER... Be sure that YOU follow the story of Sebastian Conrad... Bookmark this page and BE HERE every Wednesday!!... You can read prior episodes of TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER by simply clicking on the 'DOC'S BLOG' link that's conveniently located atop this page, and then scrolling to her Wednesday blog installments (because this series is published here each and every Wednesday). All characters appearing in this series are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely coincidental. TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER story and imagery are copyright 2015 DRAG RACING UNDERGROUND.


I'd like to inform racers and fans who may not be already aware, that the dates for the 2015 running of the 46th annual Toyota NHRA Summernationals at Old Bridge Township Raceway Park in Englishtown, New Jersey, are June 4-7.  The star-studded drag racing spectacular is a world-class motorsports affair featuring the best in the pro and sportsman racing ranks. This is one event that I highly recommend as wholesome "fast family fun" and entertainment for all my regular readers in the northeast. It's a yearly race that I always make an effort to attend. I believe it to be "NHRA Championship Drag Racing" at its very best! Lot's of hardcore drag racing fans make it a tradition to "BE THERE" every year for this most gala of gearhead gatherings. It's never too cold outside or early in the season to start thinking about getting yourself a reserved seat at the NHRA Summernationals! I'll BE THERE, SO SHOULD YOU!!... DON'T PROCRASTINATE, PARTNER!!... GET YOUR TICKETS NOW!!... FOR MORE INFORMATION  VISIT RACEWAYPARK.COM...

 


IN TRIBUTE TO JOHN EWALD... HE REALLY DID "DO IT FOR LOVE"...

Posted by: lovely

Tagged in: Untagged 

Over the last few days I've been wanting to post something in remembrance of the recently departed John Ewald, but I decided to wait until today (Monday) instead of the weekend, because I've been told by my techies that a lot more people read this page during the 'work week' than on the weekends... I believe it's important to recognize the life and accomplishments of John Ewald, because he was the kind of person who served the sport of drag racing in such an extraordinarily generous and selfless way. The title of John Ewald's "We Did It For Love" web site really says it all, and best exemplifies in five words, the heartfelt approach, agenda and motivation he subscribed to in his service to the drag racing community (especially the old school front engined dragster scene). For those not familiar with John's "We Did It For Love" web site, it's the most comprehensive image archives in all cyberspace for front motored dragsters... Many moons ago John Ewald was the track photographer for the now defunct Lions Drag Strip in the Wilmington district of Los Angeles. That's when he started his long journey of documenting drag racing history with a camera. Then John and his brother Don went on to campaign the "BankAmericar" fuel dragster in California during the 60s and early 70s. The "BankAmericar" digger was cleverly named in tongue-in-cheek fashion, to suggest that due to lack of readily available cash, the brothers funded the building and maintenance of the race car with a credit card... In later years, the brothers played an instrumental role in the restoration of their original "BankAmericar" dragster, as well as creating the "MasterCar" digger, both proving to be spectacular staples of the west coast cackle contingent... Every year John Ewald would be at the big west coast nostalgia races with camera in hand, putting in long hours, snapping infinite numbers of colorful and breathtaking photos, tirelessly documenting drag racing history for posterity, and subsequently sharing his images with droves of drag fans on the worldwide web...  And yes, I truly believe that John Ewald was always "Doing It For Love", a passion that not many people these days seem to bring to the work they do... John Ewald was 65 years old when he recently passed, and there's lots of people who are going to miss seeing him at the strip, however, there's no denying that all the thousands of images he's captured over the years will insure that he's a man who has left this sport with an invaluable legacy that will remain for the ages. Rest In Peace John Ewald and know that we're all mighty thankful for all you've given of yourself to the drag racing community. Our sincere condolences to John's family.

 

John Ewald in the "basket" high above the track readying for one of many days at the drags, where he'd photograph the action for posterity and for love. Photo courtesy of Dan Kaplan.


E'TOWN OLD TIME DRAGS & FUNNY CAR REUNION SUN JULY 26TH!!...

Posted by: lovely

Tagged in: Untagged 

Even though many of us in the northeast are still dealing with the remnants of a recent snowstorm , it is a fact, at least according to the calendar, that we are now at the very start of the Spring season... That said, it's currently a reasonable time to begin planning for you and your family's Summer drag racing itinerary... One event that I thoroughly enjoy and recommend for the entire family is Old Bridge Township Raceway Park's OLD TIME DRAGS event. The race is also combined with a FUNNY CAR REUNION. If you'd like to "time travel" back to drag racing's colorful past, this is one spectacular shindig you definitely don't want to miss. The date to mark on your calendar is Sunday, July 26th. All kinds of wild nostalgia themed drag racing machinery will be on display in the pits and storming the strip... There's Dragsters, Funny Cars, Gassers, Altereds, Stockers, the whole spectrum of old school speedsters... For more details and information you can visit racewaypark.com 

 

George Reidnauer's incredible '78 "EXCALIBUR" 'Vette Funny Car at last season's E'Town OLD TIME DRAGS & FUNNY CAR REUNION. The date for the event this season (2015) is Sunday, July 26th. I highly recommend it for the whole family.


Today we have the trusty Stephanie substituting for The Doc. At this time Doc is occupied with her Big Stick related recording responsibilities. We believe Doc will hopefully be back on the clock for tomorrow's or Monday's blog. Please enjoy Stephanie's Snapshot of the Day... This installment features a photo Doc snapped of the legendary "BIG THUNDER" 1962 Pontiac Catalina at Old Bridge Township Raceway Park's DIGS AT E'TOWN old skool and traditional drag racing series. This is one for the Pontiac enthusiast populous. The capacity crowd that showed up for the 2014 DIGS season finale were sure chuffed about the spectacular racing series . THE DIGS provides a chance to see authentic vintage drag machinery. It's a real treat for hardcore hot rod history buffs. The dates for THE DIGS 2015 season include Sunday April 26, Sunday June 21 and Sunday October 25.  9am is when the doors open. Use the gate 4 (the airport entrance) to get into the track's 1/8th mile strip. For rules and more details visit racewaypark.com...  If old skool drag racing turns you on, check out Drag Racing Underground's "NOSTALGIA RAW" dvd. Simply click on the "VIDEO CATALOG" link at the top center of this page, and you'll be right where you should be to see our extensive catalog of full-length, digital-quality drag racing dvds.

 

 

Here's a snapshot that Doc took of the legendary "BIG THUNDER" 1962 Pontiac Catalina at Old Bridge Township Raceway Park's DIGS AT E'TOWN old skool & traditional drag racing series. THE DIGS AT E'TOWN nostalgia & traditional drag racing series' 2015 schedule is included in today's blog! Doc says that THE DIGS is the grooviest old skool drag series in the world!

From the Drag Racing Underground video and image archives. Now the largest in the world


Today is "FEEDBACK FRIDAY", meaning I deal with emails that my assistant Stephanie and I receive from readers regarding our most recent blogs... Let's get right to your feedback... Yesterday's blog titled 'THE DRAG RACING INTERNET SHOULD EMBRACE YOUTH, NOT CREEP THEM OUT AND SCARE THEM AWAY' caused quite a stir. Adrianna from Sunnyside WA said, "Old farts should leave the kids alone!". On the other side of the opinion scale, Randy from Tryeburg, ME wrote, "The kids have their own things like video games and s*** like that, they don't need to be sticking their noses in our drag racing world!"-- That's stinkin' thinkin', Randy... Wednesday's 'WILL FRED'S 3RD WISH BE SMARTER THAN HIS FIRST TWO?' chapter of our TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER serial series resulted in lots of you writing in. Zuleibis from all the way in Puerto Ordaz, Venezuela said, "Fred The Wrench is a good mechanic, but I'm starting to believe he's a dummy."-- Once again Gary from Wellington, OH wrote in, "Fred should be wishing for a new Mustang instead of a box of Mallomars!"-- Charlie from Gulfport, FL said, "Fred is a hoot!'"-- Thanks to all of you Phantom Racer fans who wrote in this week... Our special St. Patty's Day tale caused Karen from Gustine, TX to say, "I can relate to Mary O'Malley's problem, my first husband was the same way."... My blog telling folks that the FRANTIC FORD & SUPER CAMARO N/FCs will be at Cecil County and Bowling Green resulted in Ted from Millard, NE writing, "I prefer the nostalgia floppers over the new cookie cutters!"... 'THE FUNNIES' featuring Moronic Marvin prompted Ellen from Tewksbury, MA to say, "Please keep the Marvin feature. He reminds me so much of the jerks on the internet!"... My blog advising readers of the 2015 dates for THE DIGS AT E'TOWN resulted in Warren from Lyndhurst, NJ chiming in, "Muchas gracias for the DIGS dates. I'll be there!"... Thanks to all of you who wrote in with comments. Even though there's no way we have room to print all your emails, we want you to know that all your comments and suggestions are taken into consideration... Keep those emails comin' (by using the "Contact Us" link atop the page), whether you agree or disagree with mine, or any of our substitute guest bloggers' opinions, we're genuinely interested in your feedback... We just ask that you please keep your emails short and to the point, no rambling please, and please also include where you're from, we often find the location of where folks are writing us from to be sort of interesting. If you want to remain anonymous you can do that too (just write that you want to remain anonymous in the body of your email, and we won't disclose your identity in the event we choose to make a reference to your particular opinion)... Thanks...

 

 

It's "FEEDBACK FRIDAY" here at DRAG RACING UNDERGROUND. That means I print excerpts from some of the emails that you readers write in with. I always appreciate you folks who sit down at your keyboard and type me your thoughts and opinions.

Illustration courtesy of Drag Racing Underground's own John Gill. Copyright 2015.


We often see geezers complaining on the drag racing  internet about how they believe there isn't enough "new blood" showing an interest in drag racing... Well, today I just want to bring up the fact that if the geezers on the drag racing internet truly want to see more of the younger generations take an interest in this sport, it'd be most advisable to make the youngins feel a lot more welcome...  Instead of belittling a young person on the internet because they got Jungle Jim's or Gene Snow's shoe size wrong in a chat room, try showing a little more tolerance for younger people. Just 'cause the youngins weren't born early enough to be "know-it-alls" of 1960s drag racing history, doesn't mean you should get on their case and make them feel not welcome-- Unfortunately, that's what we usually see happen on much of today's drag racing internet... There's hardly any young people participating at all on the drag racing internet!!... Give the kids a break!!... Instead of discouraging them and causing 'em to walk away from drag racing, take the high road and be more understanding, compassionate and encouraging... The children truly are the future of drag racing... Try embracing them, not creeping them out so they leave drag racing and go elsewhere for kicks...

 


Break the conventional chains which bind you to the belief that the only things in this world that exist are those we're able to touch and see in daylight. Ever heard of quantum physics?-- Many credible physicists and scientists from the world's most prestigious of learning institutions now believe that parallel universes exist all around us-- We are likely surrounded by spectacular space, time, energy, and matter anomalies that boggle the brain, proving that what was once thought to be fantasy and fiction, can now be believed as truth and fathomable fact ... We offer you a slice of hard science, combined with sporadic sprinklings of paranormal phenomena, as we here at Drag Racing Underground, proudly present to you... TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER... Step out of the narrow-minded mist that encircles those who wear their stagnate skepticism like an outdated peach-colored leisure suit, and allow yourself the freedom to follow the adventures of drag racing's infinite and most indestructible spirit... Pull up a chair, toss your inhibitions aside, and ride along with one Sebastian Conrad, strong spirited eternal speed freak extraordinaire.

 

Last week's episode told of how our favorite metaphysical/afterlife drag racing dream team were back home at their heavenly headquarters, after attending the inaugural HEAVENLY PARANORMAL DRAG RACING ASSOCIATION'S AWARDS BANQUET. The crew are all seated together at the kitchen table, trying to unwind after their big night out. Despite Fred The Wrench aching from superficial injuries sustained during a drunken brawl at the banquet, he's full of joy from being named the first spirit ever to be inducted into the H.P.D.R.A.'s Hall of Fame. Everyone was admiring the shiny award plaque Fred received for making it into the Hall of Fame. All of a sudden, the plaque emanated a bright light and a mist that took the shape of a bodily form!! All the crew were amazed as they then saw a life-size apparition materialize before them. It's a vivacious, brown-eyed female with blonde hair and sultry red lips... "VAA-VAA-VOOM!!" exclaims Fred The Wrench, "It looks like Jayne Mansfield!! The womans of my dreams!!!"... Then the apparition looks Fred over and speaks, "Look, bud. I'm NOT Jayne Mansfield. I'm an apparition that the heavenly higher-ups created because they knew of your crush on Jayne Mansfield. I'm as close of a facsimile as they could muster. You can call me Jayne if you like." the apparition says... "Are you here to be my wife?!?" Fred blurts out, "Is YOU what I gets for being inducted in the H.P.D.R.A. Hall of Fame?!?"... "Uh," Jayne the apparition replies, while placing a hand on her hip, "I'm not here to be your wife, Fred. BUT I am here to grant you three wishes."...

 

Leader Larry Lamb interjects, "She's sort of the H.P.D.R.A.'s version of a genie in a bottle, she's an apparition generated from your award plaque, Fred."... "Yeah," says the attractive apparition, "Your boss is right. I'm here to grant you three wishes as an added prize to your induction into the organization's Hall of Fame, Freddy boy."... "Wow," Fred blurts, "You is one beautiful doll!!"...  "Alright," the apparition then snippily says as she anxiously taps her foot on the kitchen floor, "enough with the small talk, give me your three wishes, Fred. 'Cause I have another metaphysical appearance booked in less than a half an hour at a children's paranormal petting zoo."... Feeling a bit rushed, Fred says, "Gee whiz, I don't know, I-I-I-I never really thoughts much about what I'd wish for if a genie, or a hot broad of an apparition like you ever appeared and offered me three wishes?!?!."...  "Calm down, take a deep breath and try to think of three things you'd like this sweet supernatural lady to conjure up for you." says Larry Lamb... "Three wishes sure is a nice bonus prize for gettin' inducted into the Hall of Fame, but I needs a little time to thinks this over." says a perplexed Fred The Wrench... "Okay," says the Jayne Mansfield looking apparition, "Put on some music, I'll do a little dance for you all, and that will give Fred some time to decide his three wishes."... "If you start dancing, then I know I definitely won't be able to concentrate and think of my three wishes!!!" Fred says... "Alright, alright," says Larry Lamb with authority in his voice, "Go to your room, Fred, and spend some alone time with your thoughts, and try to come up with  three wishes."... "I thinks that's what I'll do, boss." Fred responds, and he proceeds to get up, and walk out of the kitchen towards his room... Peter The Parrot puts on an Engelbert Humperdinck record, and the Jayne Mansfield appearing apparition steps up onto the kitchen table and starts dancing... Sebastian, Peter The Parrot and Larry Lamb are fixated, watching the apparition dance... Maria rolls her eyes, but then soon finds herself being just as mesmerized as the guys are by the apparition's groovy dance moves... Fred The Wrench is now all alone, secluded in his room trying hard to think of his three wishes...

 

Several minutes pass, and Fred comes from the confines of his room and back into the kitchen. Everyone looks at Fred, including the attractive apparition on the kitchen table who is still moving her hips to the music... Peter The Parrot then takes the needle off the record... "So what's your three wishes??" asks the apparition as she stand motionless on the table... "Well, uh, first thing I want is a box of Mallomars, the marshmallow cookies coated in chocolate, I used to love them when I was a little kid." says Fred... "Okay", replies the apparition with a somewhat dumbfounded look on her face "I can make that happen."... "Uh, and my second wish," says Fred, "is I wants one of those Bit-O-Honey candy bars, the one with the almond bits nestled in honey flavored taffy. My moms used to pack one in my school lunch for kindergarten."... "HOLD ON!!" interjects Larry Lamb, "THIS SUPERNATURAL FEMININE SPIRIT IS OFFERING YOU THREE WISHES OF ANYTHING, ANYTHING YOU'D WANT FROM ALL THE INFINITE UNIVERSES, AND ALL YOU'VE ASKED FOR SO FAR IS A BOX OF COOKIES AND A CANDY BAR?!?!"... "Geez, Fred, you can have ANYTHING you want, and THAT'S what you're wishing for?!?" adds Sebastian... "FRED MUST BE DRUNK!!" squawks Peter The Parrot, "HE'S REVERTING TO CHILDHOOD AND IS WASTING HIS WISHES ON JUNK FOOD!!!"... "I aints drunk!!" insists Fred, "That's what I wants!!"... "I believe that Larry, Sebastian and Peter are making a valid point, Fred." intervenes a genuinely concerned Maria, "You should consider focusing, and coming up with something more substantial for your third and final wish, maybe a special dream car that you've always wanted or something more like that?!?"... The Jayne Mansfield appearing apparition then stares Fred in the eyes and says, "Okay, bud, you've got just one more wish. What's it gonna be??"... Larry Lamb then abruptly gets up out of his chair and grabs hold of Fred and says, "I DO HOPE THAT YOUR THIRD WISH IS FOR MORE THAN JUST A SWEET TREAT FROM YOUR CHILDHOOD, FRED!!!"... "Yes, boss," Fred replies, "My third wish ain'ts for candy or sweets."... "I'm glad to hear that." says Larry... "So, tell me your third wish, Fred!" huffs the now slightly anxious apparition, "Lay it on me, pal. I don't have all night, ya know."... Everyone pensively looks at Fred, waiting on the edge of their seats to hear him state his final wish... Fred pauses for a brief moment, pulls out a pint of apricot schnapps from his overall's pocket, takes a swig, then clears his throat and says, "WHAT I REALLY WANTS FOR MY THIRD AND FINAL WISH IS..."

 

 

 Yes, my dear friends, this is the mysterious mind-bending-hereafter rebirth, and puzzling parallel universe relocation of the bewildering being, energy, and entity we call THE PHANTOM RACER... So far Fred The Wrench has used two of his three wishes on trivial sweet treats he longs for from his distant youth. One could certainly make the argument that he's WASTED his first two wishes!! So, with only one more wish remaining, what will it be?!? Fred has told Larry that unlike the first two, the third wish won't be for cookies or candy-- BUT WHAT WILL IT BE FOR??? WILL IT BE FOR SOMETHING MORE SIGNIFICANT AND SUBSTANTIAL??? OR WILL IT BE FOR SOMETHING EQUALLY AS SILLY AND TRIVIAL AS HIS FIRST TWO WISHES WERE?!? THE SUSPENSE IS OVERWHELMING!!!... What's going to happen next?!?... What's in store for our drag racing paranormal dream team as they continue to embark on unpredictable drag racing adventures throughout the parallel universes??... Can they all hold it together and successfully champion the powers of good??... Or will they fall victim to evil entities they cannot control???... These are just a few of the mind-twisting questions to be answered in future action-packed episodes of TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER!!... There's more paranormal mystical and maniacal drag race mayhem coming your way!!... You definitely do not want to miss it...

 

Stay tuned next Wednesday for a new chapter of the serial paranormal drama series we call TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER... Be sure that YOU follow the story of Sebastian Conrad... Bookmark this page and BE HERE every Wednesday!!... You can read prior episodes of TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER by simply clicking on the 'DOC'S BLOG' link that's conveniently located atop this page, and then scrolling to her Wednesday blog installments (because this series is published here each and every Wednesday). All characters appearing in this series are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely coincidental. TALES OF THE PHANTOM RACER story and imagery are copyright 2015 DRAG RACING UNDERGROUND.


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